


Love Doesn't Discriminate (It Takes and it Takes)

by FancifulFollies



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other, Pining, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Trans Character, eventually, it'll be awhile, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:20:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 117,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5667526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulFollies/pseuds/FancifulFollies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone had told Aaron Burr that a scrawny, short-tempered, orphan, immigrant, non-stop freshman named Alexander Hamilton was going change his life, he would have laughed in their face. </p><p>College A/U where Alexander is Burr's roommate and adventures ensue that test Burr's patience. Or in other words, Alexander Hamilton slowly breaks down Burr's walls and Aaron Burr slowly pieces Hamilton together.</p><p>(EDIT: As my first fic ever, published over a year ago, there is a lot that I would change in this, so be gentle. Maybe go and read some of my other ones which I think are leaps and bounds better and not quite as tropey. I still love this one since it got me into fic writing, but as I said, there are many things I would change)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alexander Hamilton

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY here is a fair warning: this is my first published fanfic ever so please hang with me. I plan to make this a pretty long one, and I promise it'll get better as I go on, beginnings are hard. ALSO I plan to use almost every song from Miranda's musical as a chapter title, with obviously a few changes and probably cutting out a few to fit with my story. The timeline will also be different, only covering 2 years of college. I'm sure a lot of my history is wrong but most of it will most likely be on purpose. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, comments/kudos/your undying devotion are all welcome and greatly appreciated

Orientation day was Aaron Burr’s least favorite day at Princeton. He hated it. All the freshmen scampering around the campus while their parents asked a million questions or walked into places they weren’t supposed to walk into, it was always a frustrating experience. And this year, Burr wasn’t just an observer, he had to participate. There were many times when he second-guessed his decision to become an RA. He was always busy, and now as a junior he was bound to be ten times busier. Now, as an RA, he was obligated to help with housing, settle any disagreements between the freshmen on his hall, and plan activities throughout the year. Aaron was usually a calm person, but this year was definitely going to be a test. 

“Yo, Burr!”

Aaron looked up from his desk to see Charles Lee making his way towards him. He tried not to roll his eyes, but Lee was a person Aaron was not particularly fond of, not that he was fond of many people, but Lee was definitely low on the list. As he got closer, Aaron forced a smile on his face and nodded at Lee. 

“The freshmen are starting to roll in. You read to go meet them?”

“Already?” Aaron glanced at his watch, then swore under his breath. He had lost track of time. “Yeah, let me just grab my coat.” He stood up and shrugged on his dark jean jacket, made sure he had on his RA badge, and followed Lee outside.

“Should be interesting to see the new bunch. I swear they get shrimpier every year.” Lee drawled. “Still, it’s always fun to mess around with them. They’re always so gullible the first few days.”

Aaron made a small noise of agreement as he looked around at the newly arrived freshmen clamoring out of their various cars looking around with expressions of excitement mixed with stomach churning anxiety. Aaron remembered having that same look on his face two years ago when he first came to Princeton. He had been barely 17, and without the company of his parents.

He and Lee made their way to the front of their dorm in preparation of welcoming all the new students. The freshmen were making their way slowly towards them, slowed down by their large suitcases. As they gathered closer and started to form a half circle around Aaron and Lee, Lee leaned in close to Aaron and whispered.

“Quite the assortment. Wonder how many of them got in on affirmative action?”

Aaron narrowed his eyes at Lee and bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from responding. Sometimes he forgot how much of an asshole Lee was. A rather scrawny freshman in an overly large sweater that made him look even scrawnier seemed to have overheard Lee’s comment, because he opened his mouth furiously with an intent look on his face, apparently getting ready to respond to Lee. Aaron took a quick step forward, slightly in front of Lee, blocking him from the freshman’s eyesight. It would not be good for an argument to break out in front of all the students and their parents.

“Welcome to Princeton!” Aaron said loudly, putting on his best smile. “I’m sure you all have a lot of questions, but we’ll be answering those later tonight at our dorm meeting. For now, all you need to know is your room number, which should be on the form you picked up from admissions.” 

Aaron paused as parents either pulled out the paper or had a small moment of panic before their son or daughter procured the paper themselves.

“Alright, everyone good? My name is Aaron, and I’m the 2nd floor RA.”

“And I’m Charles, the other 2nd floor RA.”

“Ok, everyone with last names A-L go to Charles to get your room key, and last names M-Z come see me.”

The next 15 minutes or so was a continuous cycle of Aaron smiling at the parents, asking the student’s name, shaking their hands and sending them off with their key. Finally, he had shaken the last hand and turned to Lee, who had finished a few minutes before him.

“Well these are definitely a rowdy bunch. One kid started off by asking me a million questions about my position here, then ended by giving me a death glare as he walked off, all in the span of 10 seconds.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow in response, willing to bet money it had been the kid in the sweater. 

“Anyway, did you meet your roomie?” Lee asked with a snicker.

Aaron scowled, remembering how housing had begged him to take in a freshman. As usual, there were too many incoming students and not enough rooms. RA’s were usually given the luxury of having a single, something Aaron had been hoping for one ever since he came to Princeton. However, he hated confrontation and gave into housing’s begging after their first meeting, and was now stuck with having a freshman as a roommate.

“No, I don’t think I met him yet. Must have been one of the ones you talked to.”

“Well, you’ll have to let me know how that goes, Burr. It’ll be like having a personal slave, maybe I’ll get one.”

Aaron smiled at Lee while loudly cursing him in his mind. He made an excuse about having stuff to do in order to get as far away from Lee as possible and walked to the back patio of the dorm for a quick smoke. He leaned on the side of the building and blew out a puff of smoke with a sigh. The day wasn’t even half over and Aaron was ready to collapse onto his bed. People were exhausting. He closed his eyes and let his head fall against the wall as he took another drag from his cigarette. His short moment of peace was interrupted by footsteps approaching. Thinking it was a parent, Aaron quickly stepped on his cigarette, extinguishing it. When he looked up, he found himself staring at the face of the scrawny freshman who had almost accosted Lee. This was going to be interesting.


	2. Aaron Burr, Sir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron Burr meets Alexander Hamilton. He buys him a drink. Alexander meets Charles Lee. He almost punches him in the face.

“Excuse me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?”

Aaron raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the brick wall.

“Depends, who’s asking?”

“Sir, my name is Alexander Hamilton. I’ve been looking for you.”

“I’m getting nervous.” Aaron said with a small smile. Alexander Hamilton. A big name for such a small kid. There was no way he was actually 18. He seemed to have gotten smaller under his sweater, and his long hair was messily tied up in a knot against his neck. 

“Sir, I heard your name before getting into Princeton. I was seeking an accelerated course of study, trying to get into the college sooner, when I got sort of out of sorts with an acquaintance of yours.” He stopped and fidgeted with his sweater. “I may have punched him, it’s a blur, sir.”

Aaron can’t help the snort that escaped his as Hamilton says the last words in a rush.

“I think he handles the financials?”

“You punched the bursar?” Aaron asks in disbelief.

Hamilton shuffled closer to him, looking up at Aaron with wide eyes.

“I wanted to do what you did, get in at 17 and then climb higher. He looked at me like I was stupid, I’m not stupid! So how’d you do it? How’d you get in so fast? How’d you get to be a 3rd year so fast?”

Aaron looked Hamilton up and down. Who was this kid? Aaron opened his mouth to tell Hamilton he was busy and to go back to unpacking his things, but something in Hamilton’s eyes made him pause. He was looking at Aaron with a mixture of respect, jealousy and expectation. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at him like that. Aaron wasn’t sure if he liked it. He hesitated a moment longer before responding,

“It was my parents’ dying wish before they passed.”

“You’re an orphan!” Hamilton exclaimed, and then continued to say something Aaron was not expecting. “Of course! I’m an orphan. God, I wish there was a way that we could prove that we’re worth more than anyone bargained for...”

Aaron watched as Hamilton began to fidget more and shift back and forth on his feet. He seemed to be lost in thought. Aaron couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped his mouth as Hamilton began mumbling to himself and running his hands through his hair. This kid was going to be a handful.

“Can I buy you a drink?” The words are out of Aaron’s mouth before he’s aware of what he’s saying. 

Hamilton looked up at him, his eyes slowly coming back into focus. “What?”

“A drink.” Aaron repeated. There was no backing out of it now. He still wasn’t entirely sure why he asked. Hamilton was now looking at him with a smile on his face. 

“That would be nice.”  
Aaron nodded and motioned for Hamilton to follow him. 

“There’s place just over here. It'll be a non-alcoholic drink of course, can’t be seen giving a freshman beer on the first day.”

“Maybe another time then.” 

Aaron glanced over at Hamilton who was peering at him with a teasing light in his eyes. Aaron cleared his throat and kept walking. He could feel Hamilton staring at him the whole way, but kept he kept his own eyes in front of him. He had a feeling if he talked to Hamilton, the kid would never stop.

He ushered Hamilton into the coffee shop and went up to the counter. 

“Two coffees please.” He looked over at Hamilton who was hovering near a table, attempting to roll up the sleeves of his sweater so it wasn’t hanging off of him as much. “And a muffin.” Burr added to the barista. 

He walked over to Hamilton, handed him his coffee, and sat down.

“How much?” Hamilton asked. Burr raised an eyebrow in question. “How much was the coffee?”

Aaron waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. It’s on me.”

“I can pay. I don’t need handouts.” Hamilton was rummaging around in his pockets. “I know I don’t look like it but I can handle myself. That Lee guy might think I’m a charity case or a waste of space but I got here on my own I don’t need anyone’s pity I can get by-“

“Hamilton.” Aaron held up a hand as Hamilton stopped to take a breath. “Hey, it’s just coffee. If anything, you’re doing me a favor. I was dead on my feet, so just calm down and drink your coffee.”

Hamilton hesitated a second before nodding and taking a sip of his coffee.

“While we’re talking, can I offer you some free advice? Talk less.”

“What?” Hamilton was looking at Aaron as if he had just told him to eat his own shoe.

“Smile more. Don’t let people know what you’re against or what you’re for.”

“You can’t be serious?”

“Hey, you want to get ahead?”

Hamilton nodded slowly, still looking at Aaron in surprise.

“Fools who run their mouths off usually find themselves at a dead end.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Aaron paused before responding. A good question Why was he?

“Well,” he started slowly.,“you asked me how I got into Princeton so fast and did so well. I worked hard, but I also kept my mouth shut. People are going to judge you and question you at every turn. There are guys like Lee everywhere. But if you just keep your head down and work hard you’ll zoom past them and show them what you’re made of without making enemies.”

Hamilton listened to him with rapt attention, and leaned in over the table after Aaron finished speaking. 

“But if someone insults me how can I just let it slide? They don’t know me and I can’t just let someone make assumptions. Or what if I hear someone say something wrong? I’m supposed to just stand to the side instead of speaking my mind? I don’t know if I can do that, or if I want to do that.”

“Have you ever tried?”

Hamilton was a quiet for a moment before laughing and leaning back in his seat. 

“No, no I’ve never tried.”

Aaron chuckled as he took a sip of his coffee. They sat in a comfortable silence that was interrupted by a buzz from Aaron’s cell phone. He took out his phone and read a text from Lee

Lee: Where are you? We’re supposed to be helping the freshies with their rooms. If I have to loft one more bed alone I’m just gonna let it fall on me and crush me.

Aaron rolled his eyes. He was tempted to stay in the coffee shop and let Lee meet his fate, but he typed out a quick reply and put his phone back in his pocket with a sigh.

“Well, duty calls.” He stood up and pushed the muffin he had bought towards Hamilton. “Take it, you look like you need it.”

Hamilton opened his mouth to argue but Aaron cut him off.

“Hamilton, just eat it. Consider it repayment for my great advice.”

Hamilton laughed at that, and nodded. “Deal.”

“I’m heading back to the dorm. You need to finish unpacking?”

“Already finished, I didn’t have a lot. I think I’ll just stay here. Keep my head down and eat my muffin.” He smiled at Aaron who rolled his eyes in response. 

“Alright. Well I’ll see you at the hall meeting. 9 o’clock in the lounge.”

Hamilton nodded and raised his cup. “See you then, Mister Burr, sir. Thank you for the drink.”

Aaron said his goodbye and made his way back to the dorm. It wasn’t until he was making his way to the second floor that he realized he had been smiling the whole way back. 

-

It was during the hall meeting that it became very clear Hamilton was not going to follow Burr’s advice. 

Burr and Lee had just finished explaining the roommate agreement sheet and were waiting as the paired students were filling it out when Hamilton walked over to Aaron with an angry look, accompanied by a nervous looking girl. 

“Burr, sir, can we talk to you for a second?”

Aaron nodded and moved off to the side of the room with the two freshmen.

“What can I help you with?”

Hamilton opened his mouth but the girl put a hand on his shoulder and spoke first.

“My name is Peggy Schuyler, and, well….”

Aaron waited for her to continue with raised eyebrows, and when she continued to be at a loss for words, Hamilton couldn’t help but speak on her behalf. 

“She’s been put on this floor, the wrong floor, sir.”

“You mean you were assigned a room on the boys floor? How did that happen?” 

“Well, it’s complicated, I thought I had sorted the paperwork out but I don’t know I got here and suddenly I had a new room assignment and-“

“What’s going on?”

Lee had wandered over to the three of them.

“Somehow she got put on our floor.” Aaron said quietly, trying to make sure no one else overheard. It wouldn’t look good for all the freshmen to hear about a screw up this big. He turned back to Peggy. “Were you here when everyone was moving their things into the dorm, I don’t remember seeing your name on the list or meeting you then.”

“No I wasn’t there, I was at housing trying to get things sorted out.”

“What’s your name?” Lee asked.

When she repeated it for Lee, his eyebrows went up and he smirked. “One of the Schuylers huh? I know what happened here, Burr, there’s no mistake.”  
Aaron looked at Lee in disbelief. 

“Lee what are you talking about, she can’t live on this floor.”

“No, she can’t, but he can.” 

Peggy’s face flushed and Hamilton clenched his fists in anger.

“Shut the hell up, man!”

A few students looked over at Hamilton’s outburst in interest.

“Hamilton, calm down.” Aaron said calmly. He looked back to Lee. “What’s going on?”

“This is Peter Schuyler.”

Aaron looked from Lee’s smirking face, to Hamilton’s furious face and finally to Peggy’s embarrassed face and then it clicked in his mind.

“Let’s take this to another room, alright?” Aaron said but Hamilton cut him off.

“This shouldn’t have to go to another room! She isn’t supposed to be on this floor, so move her to the right one, it’s not hard!” 

“Hamilton, we can’t move her right now! Believe it or not it’s not that easy. We have to look for a room to put her in and do paperwork.”

“Bullshit!” Hamilton practically shouted, and now even more heads were turning towards them. 

“You’re right, this is bullshit.” Lee said crossing his arms. “He is on the right floor, so we aren’t gonna move him. I saw the mistake and fixed it so that’s that.”

Silence followed Lee’s words for a few moments.

“What-what do you mean?” Peggy asked.

“I saw your name on the list,” Lee said. “I knew there was no Peggy Schuyler so I figured out who you really were and made sure you were on the right floor.”

“But I’m, I’m a girl so-“

“What the fuck is wrong with you Lee?” Hamilton said, getting in Lee’s face. “You went through her personal information? Invaded her privacy? She says she’s a girl so she’s a girl, why is that so hard for you to get into your fat head?”

A couple of boys “oooed” at Hamilton’s declaration and Aaron heard one of them say “Who is this guy?” in an impressed voice.  
So much for keeping his head down. Aaron put a hand on Hamilton’s shoulder and gave him a soft push back, keeping him away from Lee. 

“Everyone just take it easy. It was a mistake, and we’ll fix it.”

“Mistake my ass.” Hamilton mumbled.

“Burr, there’s nothing to fix what are-“

“Lee,” Aaron hissed, managing to sound rather calm through gritted teeth. “Just go see if the other freshman have any questions.”

Lee glared at Aaron, who stared back with a face of forced calm, and he eventually sulked off to the other students.Aaron turned back to Hamilton and Peggy, pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathed out.

“Burr, sir, you can’t just let Lee get away with this! He shouldn’t be an RA when he abuses his power like this he needs to step down or better yet be fired and kicked out of-“

“Hamilton, please,” Aaron held up a hand and turned to Peggy. “We will get you a room on one of the girls floors, and I am sorry for the…mistake. I’ll personally make sure it’s sorted out as quickly as possible. Who is your current roommate?”

Peggy leaned behind Hamilton and called out to the small group of students who had been watching their conversation with interest. One of them, tall and lean with long, curly hair, stood up and walked over to them.

“This is John,” Peggy said, “John Laurens.”

Aaron nodded at him and then sighed heavily. “John, are you aware of the situation?” When John nodded, Aaron went on. “If it is alright with you, and with Peggy, it would be easiest if she could still be your roommate for a few days until we figure this out.”

Peggy hesitated, and in her silence, John spoke first.

“It’s not that I mind, in fact I don’t mind at all and would let Peggy live with me for a few days or as long as it takes, but, I’m not sure if she would be comfortable with it and I don’t think she should have to stay on this floor for another second.”

Aaron couldn’t help but notice how Hamilton snapped his head up to look at John with admiration on his face. He considered John’s words before responding.

“Of course. Peggy, is there anywhere else you could stay while we try to find you a new room?”

“I’m sure I could move in with one of my sisters for the time being. I’m small and can crash on the floor.”

“Give them a call then and see what they say.”

Peggy went out into the hall to call her sisters, and John turned to Hamilton, who was still looking at him.

“I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“No, we haven’t. Alexander Hamilton.”

They shook hands and smiled at each other.

“John Laurens, room 260.” John said with a small wink. Aaron could have sworn Hamilton blushed at that. He cleared his throat, and the two freshmen turned to look at him in surprise, apparently forgetting that he was still there. 

“You guys should finish your roommate agreements and then either turn in for the night or go out and enjoy any of the planned activities.”

John nodded and turned to go get his form but Hamilton walked closer to Aaron.

“Sir, you have to report Lee.”

Aaron wiped a hand over his eyes. Any kind feelings he had had towards Hamilton were starting to fade. This kid was already bringing about too much drama for Aaron’s liking. 

“Hamilton, none of this is your concern. I’m going to fix the problem, isn’t that enough?”

“You know it’s not.”

Hamilton’s blunt statement made Burr look at him with a mixture of exasperation and guilt. Of course he knew it wasn’t enough. Lee had been an ass, as usual, and this was certainly grounds enough to get him removed as an RA, but then Lee would know it had been Burr who reported him….

As Aaron stood there contemplating his options with Hamilton watching him with a curious look on his face, Laurens had come back up to give Aaron his form. 

“Don’t know how much use this is since I don’t have a roommate anymore, but here you go.” Aaron took the form and John turned to Hamilton.

“Alex, me and some of the other guys on the floor are going to help Peggy move her stuff to her sister’s dorm and then go out after, wanna come?”

Hamilton perked up at the invitation and ran a hand excitedly through his hair.

“Yeah, definitely! Let me just turn in my form and I’ll meet you guys outside.”

John walked off with a small group of guys and Hamilton turned back to Aaron holding out his form.

“You need to sign it.”

Burr raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean? You only need your roommate’s signature.”

Hamilton stared at Burr for a moment, before smiling, his eyes crinkling.

“You are my roommate Mister Burr, sir. “

Aaron felt something drop in his stomach and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Hamilton thrust the form into Burr’s hand and started to walk towards the door. 

“See you later, roomie!” and with a rather wicked laugh, he was out the door.

Aaron groaned and sank into a chair, his head in his hands. He had temporarily forgotten about having a roommate. Of course it would turn out to be Alexander fucking Hamilton. It hadn’t even been 24 hours and this kid was already turning into Aaron’s bad luck charm. 

Aaron angrily signed his name on the form and added it to the pile on Lee’s clipboard before leaving the basement and making his way back to the room. RA’s were technically supposed to go to the activities and make sure the freshmen didn’t kill anyone or set anything on fire, but Aaron figured he deserved the night off after all the events of today.

He unlocked his door and stepped into his room. When Hamilton said he didn’t have much stuff to unpack, he hadn’t been kidding. He had made his bed, set up his desk and hung up his clothes and that had seemed to be everything. 

Aaron quickly changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt before grabbing a book at random and falling onto his bed. He tried to read, but the words blurred against his eyes, so he sighed and flipped onto his stomach, letting the book fall to the floor. When he finally drifted off into sleep, his dreams were frequented by a figure with intelligent eyes and a hunger pang frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo! The roomie plot has been revealed! I enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you all enjoyed it too :) Charles Lee is such a little shit isn't he? Burr needs to grow a pair and take action, but, this is Aaron Burr we're talking about ;) JK you guys know I love Aaron Burr. 
> 
> Anyway, hoping to get the next chapter up in the next few days!


	3. My Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron just wants Hamilton to stay out of trouble, but Hamilton has other plans.

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, it’s to his phone buzzing on the floor. He blindly reaches a hand down until he finds it and brings it to his ear.

“Hello?” He mumbles, throwing his other arm across his face.

“BURR!”

“Shit, Lee! Turn it down man.”

“Did you just wake up?” Lee said, still practically shouting. “Dude we have to be at the Rec Center in like, 15 minutes for those stupid ass trust building exercises.”

Aaron groaned and mumbled out some sort of response before hanging up on Lee. This was another moment where Aaron was quickly regretting his decision to be an RA. He swore repeatedly under his breath as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed. He swore again, loudly this time, when he saw Hamilton sitting cross-legged on his own bed, staring at Aaron. 

“What the hell Hamilton?” Aaron said weakly, a hand clutching his heart.

“You swear a lot in the morning,” was his simple reply.

“Yeah, well, you almost gave me a heart attack. Who just stares at someone until they wake up?”

“Sorry,” Hamilton replied, not sounding in the least bit sorry. “But you were asleep when I got back last night so I didn’t get a chance to tell you about my night!”

Aaron just groaned in response and rubbed his eyes.

“Don’t you want to hear about it?”

“No.” Aaron said firmly as he stood up and grabbed his clothes from his closet. He closed the bathroom and leaned against the door. What had he done in a past life to have to deal with Hamilton as a roommate? He quickly changed into jeans and a new t-shirt, splashed some cold water on his face, and then walked back out into the room.

Hamilton stood up from his bed as soon as Aaron walked out. “You know it’s not fair that you can talk to me whenever you want but I only get to talk to you on your terms,” he said with a stubborn frown.

“Hamilton, we’ve only known each other for a day, I don’t think you can argue that.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Hamilton started running his hands through his hair, a sure sign that he was getting ready to argue. The fact that he knew that about Hamilton made Aaron pause. How did he already know Hamilton’s body language?

“Well let’s look at the evidence,” Hamilton began, “before we had officially met, you cut me off from talking to Lee when he-“

“That had nothing to do with me not wanting you to talk! I mean it did, but not in the way you think. I didn’t want a full on fight to break out in front of all the parents.”

“Second,” Hamilton continued not listening to Aaron, “I asked if you were Aaron Burr and you responded ‘that depends.’”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Aaron asked, throwing his hands in the air.

“Unless I was someone important or had something interesting to say, you weren’t going to take the time to talk to me, am I right?” Aaron spluttered but Hamilton kept going before he could respond. “Then, you offer to buy me a drink, don’t let me pay for it, you give me advice which you think I need which includes the statement ‘talk less’, and then force me to eat a muffin.”

“Enough about the muffin!” Aaron half shouted. “You asked me how I got ahead, and I told you. That doesn’t count.”

“And finally, the second incident with Lee, you shut me down again and-“

“Not fair. I was doing my job Hamilton, you can’t judge me for that. You were trying to undermine both me and Lee, and while he may have deserved I did not. Now I’m sorry if I’m not up to your standards, but believe it or not, me cutting you off from Lee and buying you a drink was my way of attempting to be welcoming and making sure you don’t make an enemy before classes even start, but I won’t do it again so just calm down. If you want to talk I don’t think anyone can stop you, certainly not me.”

Hamilton seemed surprised at Aaron’s speech, because he stared at him in silence for a few moments, biting his lip and shifting on his feet. Aaron, feeling slightly awkward in the silence, walked over to his bed and slipped his phone into his pocket.

“Are you supervising the activity at the Rec Center?”

Aaron reluctantly says yes, and Hamilton rocks back and forth on his feet before smiling at him.

“Can we walk there together?”

Aaron is about to say no, but one look at Hamilton’s crooked smile and wide eyes, he ends about saying the opposite, and before he knows it he and Hamilton are walking side by side across campus.  
“  
How are you always wearing sweaters and not dying from heat?” Aaron asked as Hamilton was once again attempting to role up his sleeves.

“Believe it or not, it’s a lot colder here than the Caribbean. That’s where I’m from you know, Nevis. It was way hotter there.”

“When did you move to New York?” Aaron asked, slightly annoyed that he was genuinely interested.

“When I was 14!” Hamilton said, the pride of his voice unmistakable. “I wrote my way out and people helped raise funds to get me here.”  
Aaron couldn’t help but stare at Hamilton. How was it that this scrawny, orphan, loud-mouthed kid had done more by 14 than Aaron felt like he had done in his whole life? 

They walked on in silence, but Aaron could tell Hamilton wanted to say more because he kept looking sideways at Aaron and biting his lip. Aaron did his best to ignore him. He may have said Hamilton could talk whenever he wanted, but Aaron wasn't going to initiate anything.

“John introduced to some people last night.” Hamilton finally blurted out as he trotted beside Aaron, trying to keep up with his long strides. “Lafayette, he moved here from France, and Hercules Mulligan, he’s a junior.”

Aaron nodded, he had met Hercules before, he was loud like Hamilton, but a tad calmer.

“They’re all really cool,” Hamilton continued, “and they hate Lee so that’s a bonus.”

Aaron laughed at that, “I guarantee you’ll meet quite a few people here who hate Lee.”

“Do you?” 

Aaron shrugged and Hamilton scoffed. “Come on Burr, you can’t like the guy.”

"We work together, I see him all the time, it’s easier if I don’t hate him.”

“You could just report what he did to Peggy and he’d get fired, then you wouldn’t have to work with him.”

Aaron ignored this and took out a cigarette and lit it. Hamilton looked at him and frowned.

“Smoking is bad for you.”

“So is stress.” Aaron replied as he breathed out.

Hamilton was quiet for a beat before saying, “If you didn’t have to work with Lee I bet you’d be less stressed.” 

“Has anyone ever told you you’re annoying?”

“Yes.” Hamilton smiled widely at Aaron, who almost dropped his cigarette and quickly looked away from Hamilton’s gleaming eyes. 

They walked into the Rec Center and Hamilton was immediately accosted by Laurens, who pulled him by the arm to join him and another student whom Aaron figured must be Lafayette. Aaron spotted Lee standing off to the side and walked over to him. 

“Alright, you ready?” He asked once Aaron was next to him. “The first exercise is some stupid thing where we make all the freshmen get into a circle and they…” Lee squinted at the paper he was holding, “sit on each other’s laps without falling over. This is the gayest shit I’ve ever heard of.”

Aaron clenched his teeth but ignored Lee’s last comment. He moved in front of the gathering of freshmen and waited for them to quiet down.

“Ok guys, hope your first night at Princeton was a good one. Now it’s time for the very exciting trust exercise portion of every orientation. The first thing we’re going to do requires you guys to make one big circle.” Aaron paused as they all scrambled off the floor and made a wide circle across the gym.  
“Ok good,” Aaron continued, “now face the person’s back that is in front of you. Ok, the next thing you’re going to do is squat and sit on the person’s lap behind you while simultaneously staying balanced while the person in front of you sits on your lap. Don’t ask me how this is supposed to build trust, cause I don’t know.”

The gym was soon filled with laughter as all the freshmen tried and mostly failed to do the exercise. Hamilton was attempting to balance his weight on Lafayette’s lap as Laurens was laughing wildly as he sat on Hamilton’s laugh. Aaron felt a weird feeling build up in his chest. Hamilton turned to see Aaron staring and gave him a wink, which made Aaron roll his eyes. He heard Hamilton laugh and this caused him, Laurens and Lafayette all to fall onto the floor in a tangle of limbs. 

“What a bunch of fags.”

Aaron snapped his head towards Lee so fast he thought he heard his neck crack. “What did you just say?”

Lee was staring at the three freshmen with a sour face.“Look at them all over each other, it’s disgusting. Maybe we should consider putting them all on different floors? We don’t want them molesting the other students.”

“What the fuck are you talking about Lee?” There was a strange ringing sound in Aaron’s ears, and he found himself getting into Lee’s face. Lee was staring at him now with an eyebrow raised.

“What? You into that kind of thing, Burr? You want to roll around with a bunch of freshmen boys? Never would have picked you for a fag.”

Aaron moved to grab Lee by the collar when he suddenly felt a hand grab his elbow and tug.He looked around to see Hamilton’s wide eyes looking back up at him.

“Burr, sir, I need you for a second. I have a question about my schedule.” Hamilton practically dragged Aaron away from Lee.Once they were a safe distance away, Hamilton let go of Aaron’s arm and stared at him.

“What was that about?”

“What was what about?” Aaron said calmly, his anger still bubbling beneath the surface.

“You looked like you were about to punch Lee in the face. Not that that’s not a normal reaction to have when talking to Lee, I’ve just never seen you that mad.” 

“Like I said, you haven’t known me that long.” Hamilton continued to stare at him until Aaron finally sighed. “It’s nothing Hamilton, just drop it ok? Lee was being his usual self and I’m just not in the mood to deal with him, that’s all.”

He could feel Hamilton giving him a skeptical look but he ignored him and focused on the freshmen that were still attempting to do the exercise. Laurens and Lafayette kept glancing over at him and Hamilton.

“We’re going out again tonight.” Hamilton said, noticing Aaron looking at them. “You want to come?”

“What?” Aaron looked at Hamilton, not sure if he heard him right.

“Do you want to come get dinner with us? Me, Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette?”

“Why?”

Hamilton stared at Aaron curiously, his head tilted to the side. "Uhm, because I want you to? Hercules likes you, and John thinks you’re pretty cool. I’m sure Lafayette will too.”

Aaron couldn’t think of a reply to that, so he simply stared at Hamilton, considering the offer. He was surprised Hamilton wanted to spend time with him, but he was even more surprised that the rest of his gang would as well. He had never been exceptionally friendly towards Mulligan, and Laurens barely knew him. 

“Besides,” Hamilton said with a small smile, “it’ll be a better way to spend your night than stress smoking until you pass out on your bed.”

Aaron laughed loudly at that. This kid was such a shit, but a persuasive one.“Well, when you put it that way.”

Hamilton practically bounced up and down which made Aaron laugh even more.

“7 o’ clock, at that small restaurant next to the coffee shop you took me to. Meet us there, and don’t be late cause we won’t wait for you to order and-“

“Alright, alright Hamilton. I’ll be there at 6:59 ok, now get back over to your friends before I change my mind.”

Hamilton gave Aaron one last big smile before running back over to Laurens and Lafayette. Aaron watched him talking excitedly to the two of them and shook his head. He could tell Hamilton was going to constantly be surprising him.

-

When Aaron made it to the restaurant and found Hamilton at a table, the freshman tapped his phone and shook his head.

“7:01 Burr, I expected better.”

“Can’t you hold off on being an ass for at least a minute, Hamilton?” Aaron said as he sat down at the table. “Where is the rest of your gang?”  
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, loud shouts rang out as Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette walked into the restaurant.

“SHOWTIME!” Laurens yelled when he saw Hamilton and Aaron already sitting. “Alex, my man! What’s up Burr?”

Burr nodded at Laurens and Mulligan, and shook hands with Lafayette. There was a small moment of chaos as Laurens and Lafayette fought over who got to sit next to Hamilton, which was won by Laurens when he physically pushed Lafayette out of the chair. 

“Well now that John has proved he’s the alpha male, how about we order?” Mulligan said and cheers of agreement followed his statement. The waitress came and went without much difficulty, not counting Hamilton annoyingly insisting that he wanted a muffin even though they were no longer serving breakfast.

Hey, Burr,” Laurens said leaning across the table, “what do you say about buying us a few drinks?”

Burr raised an eyebrow “You do know I’m not 21 right?”  
“Mister Burr here got into Princeton at 17 John, remember?” Hamilton said, and him and Laurens laughed at this, as if they were sharing some private joke on the matter.

“What a tragedy this is!” Lafayette said, clutching at his heart. “And dear Herc refused to buy us some last time, saying we were already too excited it was as if we were already drunk.”

“I stand by that.” Mulligan said. “But, you knuckleheads seem slightly calmer tonight so I don’t see why we can’t celebrate a little.” He waved down their waitress and ordered a round of shots for everyone. 

Everyone fell into a comfortable flow of conversation as they ate, and Aaron was surprised to find that he was enjoying himself. Seeing Laurens and Hamilton talk together was like trying to keep up with a tornado, they seemed to speak their own language together, but Lafayette and Mulligan were easy to talk to. Lafayette had moved to America when he was 10, and wanted to major in History and Communications, and Mulligan was a Fashion and Design major, which Aaron had never known. He found himself genuinely interested in everything they were saying. Of course it couldn’t last.

“So,” Laurens said with a mischievous smile at Hamilton, “have you told him yet?”

Aaron looked over to Hamilton, who was suddenly avoiding eye contact. “Told me what?”  
“Uh oh,” Lafayette whispered with a smirk at Mulligan, who chuckled.

Hamilton peered at Aaron through his lashes.

“It’s nothing really. I just decided that I’m joining the Diversity Inclusion Council here, and I’ll probably run for President.”

Considering all the horrible things Hamilton could have decided to do, Aaron wasn’t too shocked by this.

“Okay,” he said slowly, “I mean, that’s a little hasty, seeing as classes haven’t even started, but if that’s what you want then go for it.”

“I will.” Hamilton said, looking at Aaron straight on now. “And once I’m president, my first action is going to be to get Lee removed as an RA for his actions.”

Aaron closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Hamilton’s ridiculous, determined, stupid face.

“You can’t be serious?” he managed to say after a few moments of silence.

“I’m perfectly serious. And that’s not the only thing I’m going to do. Apparently the current president, George, is completely against getting more inclusive spaces for students of color and LGBTQ students so he needs to go too. Or at least be brought down a few notches so we can start making a real difference at this school.”

“RAISE A GLASS!” Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette all shouted in unison, lifting their shot glasses into the air.

“Come on Burr!” Laurens said when Aaron continued to have a frown on his face. “You can’t act like Lee isn’t a complete asshole who needs some sense knocked into his head.”

“He is certainly not a pleasant man.” Lafayette agreed.

“And you know George has been spouting shit from his mouth for the past two years.” Mulligan added.

Aaron couldn’t deny any of these things, but he still couldn’t believe Hamilton was pompous enough to waltz in and think he could knock everyone down and change the whole college in one year, and do all of this without making a ton of enemies.

“Listen,” Aaron started, “if you stay out of trouble, then you double your choices! I’m with you guys, but the situation is difficult. You’ve got to be careful.”

“Burr, look who we’ve got!” Hamilton exclaimed, motioning around the table. “Lafayette is incredibly smart, Mulligan is popular with the masses and level headed, and Laurens is fantastic!” Laurens beamed at Hamilton’s praise. “What are the odds that we would all be in one spot? We have a chance to make a change, and I am not throwing away my shot.” 

Hamilton’s voice had been steadily getting louder throughout his speech, and several other tables were now looking in their direction, and their waitress came over to ask Hamilton to keep it down.

“Sorry,” Hamilton said with an embarrassed smile, “sometimes I get overexcited, shoot off at the mouth.” The waitress, falling under Hamilton’s charm, smiled back and told him it wasn’t a problem.Once she had left, Hamilton looked back at them all, running a hand through his hair.

“Listen guys, I know I’m intense and I know I can take too things too seriously, but I’m not going to let you down.” He looked over at Aaron. “I can keep myself out of trouble too, but I won’t just let people walk over me. I’ve never had a group of friends before, but I promise that I’ll make you all proud.”

Lafayette clapped loudly and Laurens clapped Hamilton on his back, his hand lingering on the small of his back. Aaron felt suddenly very tight in the chest. Mulligan raised his glass in the air.  
“To not throwing away our shots!”

All four of them seconded Mulligan’s toast and downed their drinks. Aaron left his untouched.

“Sorry to cut the fun short,” Aaron said as he stood up, “but I think I’ve got to go. It was nice to see you all, and nice to meet you.” He nodded at Lafayette. He was barely out of the door before Hamilton was right at his heels.

“Why are you leaving?” Hamilton asked breathlessly as he caught up with Aaron.

“Well if I remember correctly, you told me this was going to be a better way to spend my night than stress smoking, but a cigarette is the one thing I need right now.”

“I don’t understand you!” Hamilton blurted out loudly. “You clearly dislike Lee, you clearly think things could change for the better here, but you don’t want to do anything to change things! If you stand for nothing Burr, what will you fall for?”

A heavy silence hung in the air. Aaron stared at Hamilton, who stared back at him with a determined set to his jaw. Aaron felt like screaming, but he smiled instead.

“Go back inside Hamilton, enjoy the rest of the night with your friends.”

Hamilton looked like he was going to argue, but Aaron put a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t let me ruin your night, ok? I just….” Aaron searched for the words he wanted to say. He wanted to say that he did have beliefs, he did have things he would fight for, it was just more complicated than that. But nothing seemed to be working right in Aaron’s head at the moment. He suddenly became away that his hand was still on Hamilton’s shoulder, and he remembered how Laurens had touched Hamilton in a similar way, and he quickly removed his hand and took a few steps back.

“I’ll see you later Hamilton.” He turned around and determinedly walked back in the direction of the dorm, and for once, Hamilton seemed to decide to let him go without an argument.

When he unlocked his door and was finally alone in the room, he realized how much his head was pounding. He had only known Hamilton for two days, but it felt like he had been trying to keep the kid out of trouble for a lifetime.

He lay down on his bed, too exhausted to change his clothes. He tried to sleep, but he couldn’t stop seeing Hamilton’s face when had asked Aaron what he would fall for. Why was it bothering him so much that he couldn’t come up with an answer? He was passionate about things, he had morals, but still nothing was coming to mind.

Sighing, he rolled over onto his back at stared at the door. He kept expecting Hamilton to rush in at any second and demand Aaron to explain why he had acted the way he did, but the door stayed closed.

The room felt strangely empty without Hamilton, but eventually Aaron drifted off to sleep in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex sure is a handful, isn't he? I know I'm making him a little over intense, but that's just how I see him. He is only 18, he'll learn....maybe. And poor Burr, he just wants to avoid confrontation, but he'll soon learn that's impossible when you're roommate is Alexander Hamilton
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it's definitely my favorite so far
> 
> Also FUN FACT: I had to this trust building activity during my freshman year orientation and it was so awkward. I was just sitting on this random dudes lap while another random dude was sitting on mine


	4. The Story of Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander freaks out, Aaron calms him down.They fall asleep watching Gilmore Girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait to update this until tomorrow, but then I realized it's A. Ham's birthday today, so here is a short chapter in celebration! We get a little more insight into why Hamilton acts the way he does in this chapter, and get a tiny insight into how Aaron isn't always as calm as he pretends to be.

The next day passed without incident. The other upperclassmen were moving in, and there were no activities Aaron had to run which was a relief, and it gave him an excuse to stay in his room. Hamilton had already been gone when Aaron had woken up, and he hadn’t been back to the room all day. This allowed Aaron to have some peace and quiet, which he was thankful for because it let him organize all of the things he needed to get in order. He ignored how his hands were starting to shake, panic starting to settle in as he realized that classes started tomorrow. Aaron double-checked his schedule five times before he started gathering all of his textbooks. 

After a smoke break cut short when he saw Lee walking near him, Aaron reluctantly headed back to his room. Once back, Aaron double-checked and then triple-checked that he had all the materials he needed in his bag. Aaron hated the first day of classes. There was too much to keep track of, too many introductions, too many good first impressions he had to make. He felt like so much depended on how his first day went.

In order to keep from stressing, Aaron kept himself busy. He tidied up his side of the room, he even swiffered the floor. Afterwards, he made himself a fabulous dinner consisting of macaroni and cheese and yogurt, and watched TV. Finally, it was late enough for Aaron to justify going to bed. He just wanted to sleep, wake up, and get the next day over with. 

He was lying on his stomach, eyes squeezed shut, attempting to count sheep, when he heard the door open. There was a moment of silence, and then the door slammed shut. Aaron silently cursed Hamilton in his head. Couldn’t he at least try to be quiet?

“Burr?” Alexander whispered.

Aaron, annoyed, pretend to be asleep. 

“Burr, I know you aren’t sleeping.”

Aaron determinedly kept his eyes shut, somehow knowing that if he looked at Hamilton, then he was going to talk to Aaron for hours on end, which was not going to happen the night before classes. He felt rather than heard Hamilton move closer to his bed.

“Wanna know how I know you aren’t asleep? You snore when you sleep.”

“I do NOT snore.” Aaron couldn’t help but blurt out. Swearing, he rolled over reluctantly and stared over at a smirking Hamilton. 

“I knew you were faking, and you do snore. Very loudly. I’m thinking of buying earplugs.”

Aaron moaned and wiped his hands over his face before sitting up.

“What do you want Hamilton?”

Hamilton looked down at Burr but didn’t say anything. It was during the silence that Aaron noticed how disheveled Hamilton looked. He looked queasy and his hair was standing up as if he had been running his hands through it constantly.

“Hamilton,” Aaron said more firmly, “what is it?”

“I’m sorry!” He practically shouted, only making Aaron more confused. “I’m sorry about running my mouth off and annoying you, I don’t mean to, it’s just that I don’t realize when I’m doing it, you know? Things come into my head so fast and I just feel like I have to say them and sometimes they come out in the wrong way and I don’t really have a filter and I know it doesn’t seem like it but I did try to follow your advice it’s just that-“

“Hamilton,” Aaron interjected in a calm voice, “slow down, ok? Just take a breath.”

“But that’s just it,” Hamilton yelled, throwing his hands up into the air and starting to pace around the room, “I don’t know how to calm down! If someone says something stupid, I don’t know how to just ignore it like you do. It gets under my skin and I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t say something so I end up saying so much, too much! Don’t you get it, Burr? I don’t know how!”

Hamilton was practically hyperventilating at this point. Aaron stood up from the bed and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Alexander, listen to me, hey!” He made Hamilton look him in the face before continuing. “Breathe. Here, sit down.” 

Aaron led him over to the couch and half pushed him down onto it before grabbing a water bottle from the their mini fridge. He set it down on the table near Hamilton and then sat on the couch next to him.

Hamilton took a drink of the water and took in a long breath through his nose. His breathing was steadier, but he looked paler than usual. 

“So,” Aaron said slowly, “do you want to tell me what this is all about?”

Hamilton shrugged one shoulder, and stared fixedly at the couch while he picked at the sweater he was wearing. Hamilton not sure whether or not he wanted to talk was a sure sign that something was seriously wrong.

“Hey, you woke me up from my pretend sleep, so now you need to talk,” Aaron said lightly, feeling somewhat less worried when his comment brought a small smile to Hamilton’s face. 

Hamilton picked at his sweater a moment longer, sighed heavily, and then swung his legs up onto the couch, sitting cross-legged so he could face Aaron.

“I was hanging out with Laurens and Lafayette…”

“Ok…” Aaron said. So far nothing seemed too out of the ordinary.

“And we started talking about classes, and everything was fine, we were all excited, you know? But then I just started thinking more and more about classes starting tomorrow and I just…I don’t know...”

“Freaked?”

“Yeah.” Hamilton ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up even more. “All of a sudden I just got so nervous and panicked, but I didn’t want to ruin John and Lafayette’s night so I walked back here but I still couldn’t calm down so when I saw you weren’t asleep I just thought that you could…” he trailed off, but Aaron didn’t say anything, which caused Hamilton to look down at his hands. “Never mind, I’m just overreacting. It’s fine. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

Aaron looked at Hamilton for a brief moment before taking a deep breath,

“I threw up two times the night before my freshman year classes started. And then again in the morning.”

Hamilton’s head popped up, and he stared at Aaron in surprise.

“You can’t be serious?”

“Oh, I am 100% serious. That’s not something you make up, or forget easily. And I expect it to stay between us or I’ll make sure I snore so loud that earplugs won’t help you.”

Hamilton laughed and shook his head.

“Don’t worry, I value sleep too much to put it in jeopardy. I just…” Hamilton shook his head again, “how are you the way you are now?” He gestured at Aaron, who raised an eyebrow.

“I’m going to need you to be a little more specific.”

“You’re so calm! Even though you work with people like Lee all the time you keep your temper, and you solve arguments so easily, and without pissing people off. I mean, people generally like you for the most part, and while I don’t always agree with you, you have a system and stick to it even if it is a little-“

“If you’re trying to work on not pissing people off, you may want to stop there.” Aaron said with a hand raised, and Hamilton closed his mouth, embarrassed.

“See!” He said, eyes wide. “I can’t even go 10 seconds without saying something wrong!”

“Hamilton, why do you care?”

“What?”

“Why do you suddenly care about not pissing people off?”

Hamilton bit his lip and rocked back and forth slightly while Aaron simply stared.

“I want to get ahead!” Hamilton said, his eyes shining. “I didn’t get into Princeton early like I wanted, so now I have to work even harder to make up for lost time. You said you got ahead so fast by not making enemies, and I just, I need to work on that.” Hamilton mumbled the last part, looking annoyed, which made Aaron laugh.

“I promise it’s not as hard as you think. But,” Aaron paused, “are you sure? I mean, I know that I prefer to keep my head down, but-“

“Burr,” Hamilton said, leaning forward with a wild look, “I’ve got to get ahead, I’m willing to try anything. So how do you do it, how do you stay so calm?”

“Self-preservation.”

Hamilton looked at him questioningly.

“The way I look at, by not throwing punches at every person who says something stupid, I’m keeping myself out of trouble in order that I can continue to work hard.”

“So,” Hamilton said slowly, “by keeping your temper, you’re giving yourself more time?”

“That, and people don’t hate me.”

“But do people like you?”

Hamilton’s question made Aaron hesitate. He honestly had no idea, and it bothered him that he couldn’t give an answer. Hamilton was staring at him, and Aaron fidgeted slightly.

“People tolerate me. “

“And that’s enough for you?”

The conversation was veering in a direction that Aaron was in no way prepared for. He did not want to talk about this with anyone, especially not Hamilton.

“This is about you, not me.” He said in an attempt to turn the conversation back to Hamilton.

“Nothing is ever about you,” Hamilton mumbled. Aaron just smiled, which made Hamilton sigh. “This such s big deal for me, being here, and I can’t mess it up.”

“You won’t mess it up.”

“How do you know? You’ve only known me three days or whatever, right?”

“Stop taking my words and twisting them around, Hamilton.” Aaron sharply, and then taking a deep breath. “Listen, yes I’ve only known you three days, but in those three days you have set your mind to things and didn’t let anyone stop you, so you will be fine. You’re…stubborn, for lack of a better word.”

Hamilton chuckled, and Aaron could have sworn he was blushing. They sat together in a comfortable quiet for a few minutes. Hamilton was staring blankly in front of him, clearly lost in thought. Aaron continued to sit in silence, peering over at Hamilton occasionally, sure that he still had more to say.

“My mom always told me I was going to do great things.” Hamilton said softly, staring down at his hands again. “My dad wasn’t around, it was just me and her. We didn’t have much in terms of money, we struggled to stay afloat. I worked so hard to make her happy and comfortable but no one took me seriously because I was poor and I had to work so hard to show my worth. But my mom was always my biggest fan, you know? And now she’s….well, I just don’t want to let her down.”

Aaron nodded, understanding how Hamilton was feeling. He hesitated a moment before putting a hand gently on Hamilton’s knee. 

“You’re not going to let her down.”

Hamilton had started slightly at Aaron’s touch, but now a smile was spreading slowly across his face.

“Thanks Burr, really. I appreciate it. And….can we keep this whole thing between us? I haven’t really told anyone about my past, I mean, John knows a little of course, but I don’t like people to know.”

“No problem.” Aaron felt strangely honored that Hamilton had shared his story with him. “And you can talk to me anytime you need to, preferably not this late at night again though.” He smiled at Hamilton and removed his hand.

“Of course. I’ll try to schedule my next freak out at a more agreeable hour.”  
Aaron was about to stand up when Hamilton made a movement like he was about to stop him.

“Wait! Can-can we watch TV?”

Aaron groaned.

“Just for a little bit! I won’t be able to sleep, please?”

Aaron looked over at Hamilton, which was a mistake. He was looking at Aaron imploringly; eyes bigger and brighter than Aaron had ever seen them. He looked over at his clock. It was already two in the morning.

“Well,” he said sighing, picking up the remote and changing into a more comfortable position on the couch, “I’m already not getting any sleep, so what the hell!” 

Hamilton smiled appreciatively as he also settled back into the couch. Aaron flipped through the channels as he simultaneously tried not to get lost in his own thoughts. He kept going back to how Hamilton had said they had only known each other three days. It was true, but it didn’t feel true. It seemed like he had known Hamilton for years, their stories were so similar, and they just felt so...connected.  
Aaron was brought back out of his thoughts when Hamilton asked him a question.

“Why did you call me Alexander?”

“What?

“Before, you called me Alexander, you’d never done that before.”

“Uhm,” Aaron looked over at Hamilton questioningly, “cause it’s your name?”

Hamilton laughed, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I just didn’t know you knew that.”

“Shut up, Hamilton.” Aaron chucked a pillow in his direction, feeling satisfied when it hit him with a rather loud thud.Hamilton continued to laugh into the pillow as Aaron finally chose a channel and grabbed another pillow to clutch to his own chest. 

“What show is this?” Hamilton asked, as a montage of faces appeared on screen accompanied by the theme song.

“You’ve never seen Gilmore Girls? Not gonna lie Hamilton, you just went down in my respects.”

“Come on,” Hamilton scoffed, “I have trouble seeing you watching this.”

“I used to watch it all the time with my sister.”

“Well what’s it about?”

Aaron stretched his legs and closed his eyes.

“Why don’t you watch it and find out.”

He must have drifted off for a little while, because when he opened his eyes, a new episode was on and Hamilton’s eyes were glued to the screen. Aaron smiled and found himself shaking his head fondly. He shifted on the couch, finding a more comfortable position.

“Hey Burr?”

“Mmm?” Was his reply, as he closed his eyes again.

“I want you to know, that I more than just tolerate you.”

Aaron let Hamilton’s words wash over him, a strange feeling blooming in his chest. When he opened his eyes, Hamilton was in the same position as before; eyes looking at the TV, but there was also a small smile playing at his lips, illuminated by the TV screen.  
Aaron let his eyes close again, glad that Hamilton couldn’t see the smile he was hiding behind his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Hamilton, so concerned with how others perceive him. And Burr, so unwillingly to face his fears. I love them both so much.
> 
> Also, I know I'm getting these out rather fast, but I go back to college in a week, and I know the chapters will slow down after that so I'm trying to give you guys as much as possible before then. I'm very slowly plotting out how this whole story is going to go down (you guys are in for a wild ride). I'm probably going to be cutting out some songs from the musical as chapters(since they don't really fit into my narrative), or combining a couple songs into one chapter.
> 
> As always, kudos/feedback/comments are greatly appreciated! Thank you! :)


	5. The Schuyler Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Classes begin, and of course Hamilton shows up in more than one of Aaron's classes.

When Aaron’s alarm wakes him up the next morning, Hamilton is nowhere to be seen, but a blanket had been thrown over him and a post-it note was stuck to his forehead. He grumbled as he took the note and read Hamilton’s tiny scrawl,

_“Burr, I made you coffee in thanks for last night, and also because you are always super grumpy in the morning, which probably isn’t good for your first day of classes. I also attempted to make you breakfast, but all we had was poptarts.”_

Aaron looked over at the table next to him and snorted when he saw two poptarts assembled on a plate.

_“This is probably a good thing though, because I don’t know how to cook. Anyway, you’re snoring really loudly right now, but that’s ok, it syncs up pretty well with the Gilmore Girls theme song (I’m on my 4 th episode). Hope your first day goes well._

_\- A. Ham x_

Aaron stared at the little ‘x’ next to Hamilton’s signature before tossing the note aside and standing up. He has an hour before his first class. He took a sip of his coffee while he went over his schedule a few more times. He had a public speaking course at 9, a 300 level business class at 10:30, and then he was a TA for an intro to politics class at 12. He liked to schedule all of his classes right after each other; it left less time for him to stress out.

He finished his coffee and ate one of the poptarts, his stomach feeling too queasy to eat the second one. He showered quickly, letting the hot water wash some of his stress away. When he had about 20 minutes before the start of his class, Aaron grabbed his bag and started walking over; he liked to be early the first few days.

His first two classes went very well. He had always been good at public speaking, so he wasn’t concerned about that class. His professor for business seemed tough, but Aaron was determined to do well. Hercules Mulligan was also in his business class, he told Aaron that he was minoring in business in hopes of opening his own store one day. The only downside to the class was that Angelica Schuyler was also in it.

Angelica was the oldest Schuyler sister, and had always been somewhat of a mystery to Aaron. She was charming, witty, and intelligent, always staying up to date with political affairs, but she also had a fiery temper and no problem voicing her opinions. Additionally, she was well known for disliking Aaron. They had been in the same debate class their freshman year, and had gotten into a legendary verbal sparring match. After that, Angelica had made it her mission to go against Aaron at every opportunity. However, despite all this, Aaron had a grudging respect for her.

When he walked into Professor Montgomery’s Intro to Politics class, Aaron was in high spirits, feeling rather excited to try out being a TA. He started placing a syllabus on each desk, when he heard the door open.

“Mister Burr, sir!”

Oh no. Aaron turned around to see a smiling Hamilton striding towards him.

“Hamilton. What are you doing here?”

Hamilton looked at him questioningly.

“Uhm, I’m in this class? Why are you here?”

“I’m the TA.”

Hamilton smiled wider.

“Great!”

The door opened again, and much to Aaron’s growing horror, Laurens and Lafayette both walked in. Yeah, great.

Laurens walked over to Hamilton and slung an arm around his shoulder. He winked at Aaron, who rolled his eyes in response and continued to pass out all the syllabi. Of course the one class Aaron agreed to TA would have Hamilton and his gang in it. This was definitely going to be interesting. The rest of the class filtered in during the next five minutes, most of them looking fidgety and anxious. Professor Montgomery was notorious for being brutally honest and a tough grader.

Aaron was pleasantly surprised when a nervous looking Peggy Schuyler walked in, giving him a warm smile as she took a seat. Aaron was about to walk over her, hoping to ask her how her new living situation was going, when Professor Montgomery walked in. The class fell silent, a nervous energy filling the room.The professor walked over to Aaron, shook his hand, and then turned to the class.

“Welcome to Intro to Politics. Don’t let the name put you into a false sense of calm. Despite this being an intro class, it will be challenging, and there will be a lot of work. If you aren’t prepared for it, I suggest you drop it instead of wasting your time and mine.” He paused and looked around the room. Aaron looked over to where Hamilton was sitting next to Laurens. He was listening to Professor Montgomery with rapt attention.

“Now, for those of you who don’t already know, I am Professor Montgomery. This is Aaron Burr, my TA, and the only freshman in his year to earn an A in my class. If you have any questions or deep set fears about the class, go speak to him before coming to me, I’m a busy man.”

Aaron nodded at the class and couldn’t help but feel pleased when a majority of them, including Hamilton, were looking back at him with respect.

“To keep with tradition of the first day of classes, we will now go around the class and you will introduce yourselves. Your name, your home state, your intended major, and let’s see, your favorite color will suffice.”

For the next ten minutes or so, each person in the class stood up and introduced themselves. Aaron was surprised when Hamilton kept his introduction short, shorter, in fact, than most peoples. He stated his name, his major, and hesitated a moment before saying his favorite color was blue and then sitting back down. Aaron thought he was the only person who noticed that Hamilton had left out where he was from.

For the rest of class, Professor Montgomery gave a lecture as the class did their best to scribble down everything he was saying. Aaron continued to be surprised when Hamilton didn’t say one word for the remainder of the period. Once the class was over, Aaron talked shortly with Professor Montgomery on what the plan was for the rest of the week before gathering his things and heading out the door. As soon as he was outside, Hamilton was there waiting.

“Hey!” He said breathlessly. “That was a really good class. How come you never told me you were the only one to get an A in it? That’s awesome Anyway, my classes have been great so far, how were yours?” Hamilton barely paused before he kept talking without letting Aaron respond. “Hey, why don’t you come get lunch with us? Us as in me, Laurens and Lafayette. We were gonna head to the dining hall now. Do you have any more classes?”

When Hamilton finally paused long enough for Aaron to get a word in, he smiled and nodded.

“I don’t have any more classes, lunch sounds fine.”

Hamilton beamed up at him, and they both made their way over to the dining hall, Hamilton rambling amiably about all of his classes on the way. Aaron shook his head with a smile as Hamilton outlined his plan about what clubs he was going to join. From what it sounded like, he was planning to join almost every club on campus.

When they reached the dining hall, Hamilton bounded over to Laurens, who was already seated at a table. Aaron grabbed a plate and when through the lines, piling food on top of it. When he made his way over to the table, Hamilton was eating off of Laurens’ plate, the two already deep in conversation. Aaron took a seat next to Lafayette, and they fell into a conversation about classes. Lafayette hadn’t had such a good day, he had overslept and missed his first class. Aaron looked up when he heard a soft voice interrupt them.

“Is it ok if we sit?” Peggy Schuyler was smiling down at him, with an unsmiling Angelica next to her.

“Of course.” Aaron made room for the two of them. Once they were sitting, Peggy turned back to Aaron.

“I never got a chance to say thank you for helping me with the whole housing situation, I really appreciate it.”

Aaron opened his mouth to say it was no problem, but Angelica cut him off.

“Of course, it shouldn’t have even been a problem in the first place.”

Aaron looked over to Angelica, who was staring back at him with one eyebrow raised.

“Well it’s true,” she continued as Aaron and Peggy stared at her. “I really don’t understand why it was an issue that need to be solved at all. It shouldn’t have happened.” Aaron could feel Hamilton staring at them from across the table.

“As I’m sure your sister explained,” Aaron said calmly, “I wasn’t aware of the situation until Peggy brought it to my attention. I had no part in the problem being created.”

Angelica and Aaron continued to stare at each other until Peggy broke the tension by gesturing over at Hamilton and Laurens.

“Angelica, have you met Alexander and John yet?”

John nodded at Angelica, and Hamilton reached across to table to shake Angelica’s hand.

“Alexander Hamilton.” He said with a charming smile.

“Angelica Shuyler.”

“Schuyler?”

“Yes, she's my sister,” Peggy explained to Hamilton. “I have another one, Eliza, but she’s still in class.”

“Hamilton,” Angelica repeats, a smile playing on her lips. “Peggy has told me about you, thank you for helping her out.”

“Don’t mention it, honestly. I think you’re right by the way, it shouldn’t have been a problem in the first place, but don’t worry, I’m hoping to make sure nothing like that happens again. The first Diversity Inclusion Council meeting is this Thursday so I’ll be able to join and then talk to someone about Lee and what he did.”

Aaron can’t help but notice the way Angelica was looking at Hamilton, a mixture of amusement and intrigue playing on her face. Suddenly not feeling very hungry, Aaron stands up.

“Library. I’ve got work to do.” He said in response to Hamilton’s questioning look.

“But it’s only the first day!” Hamilton cried out in response. “Should I be doing work? Wait, I’ll come with you!”

“No, stay!”

“But I want to come!”

“No.” Aaron said firmly.

“Yes.” Hamilton shot back, just as firmly.

“Hamilton, no, sit back down.” Aaron said, rather sharply, uncomfortable with the way both Angelica and Laurens were looking back and forth between the two of them. Aaron cleared his throat before continuing in a calmer voice. “I need to work alone for awhile, I’ll see you later, ok?” Hamilton stared at home for a long moment, before smiling crookedly at him and holding up a muffin.

“Do you want a snack while you study? I know how you feel about muffins, very important nutrients in these things.”

Aaron glared at him, picking up his bag and walking away without another word. He works in the library for the rest of the day, returning to the dorm after he has a quiet dinner by himself. When he walks in the room, Hamilton bounds of his bed where he was reading.

“Burr!”

“Hamilton.” He responds, not able to keep the smile off his face. He couldn’t help it, Hamilton’s energy was infectious.

“How was your studying?”

“It was fine.” He drops his bag next to his desk and sits down. Hamilton walks back over to his bed and sits down too, facing Aaron.

“And your classes?”

“Also fine.”

“Wow, Burr, could you slow down, stop being so descriptive?” Hamilton says as he rolls his eyes.

Aaron chuckles and takes out a book from his bag.

“I’m sorry, but my classes were fine, that’s all I have to say.”

“Is that how you met Angelica?” Hamilton sounds interested, which irks Aaron for some reason.

“I met her freshman year.” That’s all he says, not wanting to continue the discussion, but of course Hamilton doesn’t let it drop.

“Do you like her?”

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek before responding.

“I like her fine,” he says curtly.

“I like her.”

When Aaron turned sharply to stare at Hamilton, he blushes slightly before continuing.

“I mean, she seems really smart, and she speaks her mind. Do you know Peggy’s other sister?”

“Eliza? No I don’t, I think she’s a sophomore. I have work to do, Hamilton.”

For once Hamilton heeds his words and falls silent, taking out his laptop. Aaron usually finds any noise distracting while he works, but the steady rhythm of Hamilton’s typing is strangely soothing.

It’s a few hours later when Aaron suddenly notices how quiet the room is. He turns around to see Hamilton asleep, still sitting up with his laptop resting on his legs. Aaron shakes his head and walks quietly over to him. He takes the laptop gently from his grip, Hamilton’s hands twitching as he opens a tired eye.

“What are you doin, ‘m not done…”

“Go to sleep, Hamilton.” Aaron shushes him, placing the laptop on the ground. Hamilton mumbles incoherently before turning over, and falling back asleep almost instantly. Aaron smiled, remembering how exhausted he had been his first day of classes as a freshman.

He quietly returns to his desk and continues to work.

-

When Aaron walks into his first class the next day, a 300 level debate class, there is only one other person there ahead of him, and when he sees who it is, he can’t help the words that come out of his mouth.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Hamilton looks up at his exclamation and smiles his obnoxious smile.

“Burr, sir! Are you in this class too? Wow, what a coincidence!”

Aaron mouths wordlessly at Hamilton.

“But, but how? This is a junior level class, how did you-“

The door opens, and Aaron turns around.

It’s Professor Washington. Aaron had only had him as a professor once; he was a tall man with a smart brow. He was known as one of the best professors at Princeton.

“Ah, Mister Burr, good to see you.” He says in a deep voice. He sees Hamilton already seated at a desk. “And Mr. Hamilton. Do you know Burr?”

“Yes, sir!”

“We keep meeting.” Both Aaron and Hamilton say these words at the same time, making Aaron blush slightly as he takes a seat on the opposite side of the room. Washington raises an eyebrow at his awkward seating choice and then starts to unpack his briefcase. An uncomfortable silence follows, but soon more and more students start walking into the class, chatting away happily with their friends.

Aaron honestly can’t say why he’s so bothered that Hamilton is in his class, but he is. It bothers him that their paths keep crossing. Hamilton is a loose cannon, something Aaron wasn’t prepared for. Sure, they get along, but Aaron couldn’t shake the feeling that eventually Hamilton was going to be a lot more trouble than he was worth, and Aaron wasn’t prepared for that, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to try to be prepared.

He realized that while he had been lost in thought, Professor Washington had been talking. He gave himself a small shake and gave the professor his full attention.

“There will be no tests in this class, just projects. Each student will participate in four debates throughout the semester. Two will be individual, the midterm and final, and three will be with a partner against another team of partners. Each one will be 25% of your grade, so make sure you prepare appropriately.” He pauses a moment before continuing. “This will be a tough class, but nothing any of you can’t handle. My door is always open, so please don’t hesitate to talk to me about anything. Now, introductions!” He smiles at the class. “I know you’re all probably tired of this, but it’s a necessity. So, who wants to start?”

One by one, students stand up and introduce themselves. Aaron, once again, is surprised by Hamilton’s short introduction; even Aaron’s introduction was longer. Much to everyone’s surprise and delight, Professor Washington dismisses the class after introductions, a whole half hour early.

“Enjoy your free time while it lasts,” he says with another smile, “because I promise you, it will be fleeting.”

As everyone else is packing up, Hamilton bounds to the front of the classroom, engaging Professor Washington in conversation. Washington is smiling down at him, an amused look in his eyes as Hamilton rambles on. Aaron shakes his head as he packs up his bag, feeling annoyed that Hamilton felt like he could just ambush Professor Washington on the first day of classes. He does his best to avoid Hamilton’s eyesight as he leaves the room, hoping to escape to work in the library the rest of the day. Of course it doesn’t work.

Hamilton is finishing shaking hands with Washington when he spots Aaron, and in three long strides he is walking out of the room with him.

“That was a great class, huh? Professor Washington seems awesome, and-“

“How did you get in the class?”

Hamilton’s smile falters.

“What?”

“The class, Hamilton, how did you get in?”

“Oh, I just asked Professor Washington if I could be in it.”

“You just….asked?” Aaron couldn’t believe it. A person couldn’t just ask to be put into a 300 level class, especially not a freshman.

“Yeah,” Hamilton said with a small shrug. “I met with Washington the day after I moved in and explained to him that I needed to be put in this class so I could get ahead. At first he was skeptical, but then I showed him the powerpoint I made about why it was a good idea and how I would be more than willing to handle the workload. By the end of the meeting he had agreed to let me into the class.”

Aaron was in shock. Hamilton had made a powerpoin? Who the fuck does that? His thoughts must have shown on his face, because Hamilton was staring at him with a frown.

“Why are you mad?”

“I’m not mad.”

“Oh so that look on your face is just your normal face, my bad.”

“Oh my god,” Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose. “Hamilton, I’m not mad at you, ok? I’m…frustrated.”

“Ok, then why are you ‘frustrated’? I’m sorry I’m in your class, sorry if you hate me so much that-“

“I don’t hate you! You just….surprise me. You mess up my flow.”

“Your…flow?” Hamilton says slowly, before laughing loudly. “Well, I apologize. I didn’t mean to mess up your flow, Mister Burr. By all means, keep flowing, I’ll do my best to not get in the way.”

“You are the worst Hamilton, I swear.”

Hamilton laughed again, shifting his bag higher on his shoulder.

“Well, I’m meeting John to study, I’ll see you later. Happy flowing.”

Aaron mutters under his breath as Hamilton walks away, an annoying smile still on his face. He was about to open the door to the library, when he was accosted by Angelica, who was just leaving.

“Burr!”

“What?”

“You know, it would be nice if we could at least pretend to like each other.” Angelica said with a frown.

“And here I was thinking that’s what I was doing.” When Angelica continued to glare at him, he rolled his eyes. “Ok, ok, I’m sorry. What can I help you with?”

He had never seen Angelica Schuyler look nervous or embarrassed, but she was blushing and avoided his eye contact for a moment.

“Well, I just wanted to know, how do you know Hamilton?”

Why did everyone always want to talk to him about Hamilton?

“He’s my roommate.”

“So you know him pretty well?” She sounded eager.

“I mean, I guess so. Angelica, what is this-“

“Is he single?”

Her question surprises him. He knew Angelica was the dream girl for many people on campus, but he had not expected her to be a fan of the scrawny Hamilton.

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“Exactly what I said,” Aaron replied, starting to get annoyed, “I’ve never asked him.”

“So he isn’t dating John Laurens?”

Aaron was about to say no, but then he closed his mouth. He had never considered that. He always thought Laurens and Hamilton were just close, but now that he thought about it, they were always together, and always sharing looks. He thought back on the last time he had seen them together, Hamilton eating off of Laurens’ plate as Laurens looked at him fondly.

“I can’t confirm or deny that.” He said after a long moment of deliberation.

Angelica nodded, and stared absent-mindedly at a spot on the floor, lost in thought.

“Can I ask why you wanted to know?”

“Yeah, you can ask.” Was Angelica’s response, but all she did was stare at Aaron with a smirk.

“Fine. If you are going to act like a child, then get out of my way, I have work to do.” Aaron moved to walk past Angelica, but stopped when she spoke up.

“I was going to ask him out.”

Aaron freezes where he stands, trying to ignore the sour taste that was forming in his mouth. He turns back slowly to look at Angelica.

“You can’t be serious?”

“What? You think he would say no?”

Aaron continued to stare at her in disbelief. What was it about Hamilton that drew all these people to him? He wasn’t that great, he wasn’t even that attractive, Aaron thought to himself. Sure, he had an average face, and his mouth was a nice shape, his skin was smooth, and his eyes….

Aaron gave himself a small shake and blinked his eyes a few times. What was wrong with him?

“Angelica,” he said shortly, “I don’t know Hamilton that well, or his taste in people, so I’m afraid I can’t give you my advice on the matter.”

“Yeah, sure, you don’t know him that well.”

Aaron fidgeted under her knowing gaze, and promptly turned on his heel and walked into the library without another word.

-

The next few weeks pass in a haze of homework, projects and tests. Aaron finds himself spending more and more time with Hamilton and his gang, which now seems to also consist of both Peggy and, much to his annoyance, Angelica Schuyler.

If Angelica had been a mystery to Aaron before, she was even more confusing now. She flirted shamelessly with Hamilton, who seemed immensely pleased with her attention. But neither of them went any further. From what Aaron could tell, it seemed like Angelica had no intention of actually asking Hamilton out, and Hamilton continued to spend more and more time with Laurens.

Even though he still doesn’t like Angelica, and most of the time he finds himself getting annoyed with Hamilton and his friends, Aaron is surprised that he’s enjoying this semester perhaps more than any other, but he unwilling to admit it’s because of Hamilton. Deep down though, he knows it is.

He and Hamilton fall into a relaxed friendship and somewhat of a routine. They don’t talk much in their classes, but they work together in the library between classes, get most meals together, and work together more back in their room when Hamilton isn’t busy hanging out with Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette. Though, if Aaron is honest, they usually end up debating some political issue instead of doing actual homework, and then watch an episode of Gilmore Girls, which Hamilton had become an avid fan of.

“Luke and Lorelai are just so blind, ya know?” He says as they’re watching it one night. “It’s so clear they’re gonna end up together but they’re both so stubborn.”

Aaron, who already knows how the series ends, says nothing.

Hamilton jumps as his phone buzzes on the table. Aaron glances at it; it’s a text from Laurens. Hamilton is already smiling as he picks up his phone, smile growing wider as he reads whatever Laurens has sent him. Aaron considers asking if they’re dating, but remains silent. He tells himself it’s because it’s none of his business, but he knows it’s really because he doesn’t want to know the answer.

-

It’s the end of October, and the leaves are starting to change, the air getting crisper. Midterms are just around the corner, and Aaron finds himself buried in work. He’s been spending more time alone in order to get his work done, and the fact that Hamilton was perhaps the busiest person at Princeton had resulted in them spending less time together.

From what Aaron could gather, Hamilton was so far maintaining all A’s in his classes, had joined the Diversity Inclusion Club, the Writing Club, the Campus Activities Committee, the LGBTQ Club, the French club at Lafayette’s request, and about five other clubs Aaron hadn’t even heard of before.

If that was surprising to Aaron, he was even more surprised at how Hamilton had been keeping his head down successfully for almost two months now. He spoke often in class, but had avoided verbally, or physically, attacking other students. There had been one close call when a student had made a comment about immigrants, but Aaron hastily created a distraction by dropping his coffee on the ground.

Quickly muttering a hasty apology to Professor Montgomery, Aaron glances up at Hamilton, who was staring back at him with a small smile. Aaron smiled back before ducking his head down and mopping up the coffee with tissues.

-

After a particularly rough week of classes, Aaron is walking back to his dorm after spending the night with Hamilton, Laurens and Lafayette at Mulligan’s room. They had spent a majority of the night playing various board games that had included Monopoly, Life, and Clue, which Hamilton was annoyingly good at. Aaron had drawn the line at twister, and had left amidst a chorus of boos.

As he was walking back to the room, he couldn’t help but smile. He thought back to what Hamilton had said back when he had first met him, how he had never had a group of friends before. Aaron had never thought about it much before, but he was beginning to realize he had never had a group of friends either. Sure, he had had acquaintances, and was friendly with people, but this was different. He found himself immensely enjoying spending time with these people, and was glad that things had calmed down between all of them since the beginning of the semester.

Of course things couldn’t stay this good for long. Hamilton had to open his mouth and ruin it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter done! Sorry there's no Eliza in this chapter, but I'm saving her entrance for later ;) Oh Burr, I just want him to be a part of the gang, but, as he says, it's only a matter of time before Hamilton opens his mouth and flies off the handle (next chapter will be interesting).
> 
> I've been kind of flying through these, I think I'm going to slow down on the releases and take more time to edit. Thank you to everyone who keeps reading, I really appreciate it!


	6. Farmer Refuted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander writes an article, and in the process, ruins everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick heads up; for some reason I struggled to write this chapter, and it's definitely not my favorite, but I hope you guys still enjoy it! Better ones are to come (seriously, I have some good ones lined up for you guys, things are gonna get gooooood)

It’s after Thanksgiving break that things start to go downhill. Hamilton had gone to stay at Mulligan’s house with Laurens and Lafayette. He had tried to convince Aaron to come along, but Aaron firmly refused. A few days away from everyone sounded too good to pass up, and he needed the time to study for finals in peace. The peace, however, didn’t last long.

It was only the second day of break when Aaron woke up to his phone ringing. When he sees it’s an unknown number, he lets it go to voicemail. He curses loudly when it rings again. Immensely annoyed, he answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Burr!”

He swears again.

“Hamilton? How the hell did you get my number?”

“Aw, you recognized my voice.”

“Of course I did, you never fucking stop talking how would I not know your voice?”

Hamilton laughs loudly on the other end, which was not Aaron’s intended goal.

“How’s your break going?”

“Well,” Aaron says, sitting up, “it was pretty great until about a minute ago.”

“Pshhh,” Hamilton scoffs, “don’t be ridiculous Burr, you know you miss me.”

Aaron doesn’t gratify that with a response, which seems to annoy Hamilton to a great end because he is suddenly shouting very loudly into the phone.

“BURR, ARE YOU IGNORING ME?”

“SHIT! Hamilton, what the fuck is wrong with you? Oh my god, you are so annoying sometimes I swear, jesus…” Aaron mutters another chain of curses under his breath. He thinks he hears laughter from the other end, but not just Hamilton’s.

“Hamilton,” Aaron says, suddenly deadly calm, “am I on speaker?”

“Uhm, no.” Hamilton says unconvincingly, and his lying is further emphasized when more laughter erupts in the background. Aaron hangs up. If he thought that would put an end to Hamilton’s antics, he was wrong once again.

His phone buzzes again, this time from a text. Aaron considers just ignoring it, but somehow even in text form, Hamilton is unavoidable.

            Unknown: Hey why did you hang up?

            Unknown: Come on Buuurrrrr

            Unknown: None of the other guys believed how much you swear when you first wake up so I had to prove it

            Unknown: Burr don’t be maaaddd :(((

Aaron rolls his eyes and puts his phone on his desk as he gets dressed. Why couldn’t Hamilton leave him alone for just a few days? Or just one day? Aaron would even take an hour. He packs his bag and heads to the library, ignoring his phone as it buzzes in his pocket

-

Aaron spends most of the next two days working in the library. He organizes his notes, re-reads his textbooks, and starts typing up study guides. Finals week is right around the corner, and Aaron was regretting not starting to study earlier, he usually got started near the end of October, but he had gotten too distracted.

Unfortunately, studying was almost impossible since Hamilton seemed to have made it his goal to annoy Aaron as much as possible over break, despite him not actually being present. He had been texting Aaron almost every hour, and what was worse, the texts weren’t even interesting; most of them were pictures of cats that Hamilton believed looked like Aaron.

Aaron hadn’t responded to one text, which he applauded himself for. He briefly considered blocking Hamilton, but he figured that could lead to Hamilton actually coming back early to continue annoying him. Instead he somehow found himself saving Hamilton’s number to his contacts.

It was almost midnight when his phone starts buzzing. It buzzes again and again. Knowing who it is, Aaron simply puts it on silent and attempts to continue working, but he can see his phone screen lighting up every few seconds. Sighing, he picks it up.

There are around ten texts from Hamilton, all saying basically the same thing;

            Hamilton: Burr why are you ignoring me???

            Hamilton: I know you miss me

            Hamilton: You do right?

            Hamilton: Burr, do you miss me?

            Hamilton: Buuuurrrrrrrr

            Hamilton: Are you alive?

            Hamilton: I hope you are, that would be a downer if you died.

            Hamilton: Just in case you do die you should probably tell me if you miss me or not just in case you die before I get to know.

            Hamilton:…..

            Hamilton: Do you miss meeeeeeeee?

Aaron rolls his eyes. Why did this kid insist on being the bane of his existence at all times? He texts back a simple ‘no’ trying to not feel amused when he immediately sees Hamilton is typing a response.

            Hamilton: You responded so I think in your own kind of way that means you miss me. Aw, thanks Burr.

Aaron stares at his phone a moment before determinedly turning it off, hoping it will annoy Hamilton as much as he thinks it will.

After his phone was off, Aaron was still distracted. He was pondering Hamilton’s question. Did he miss him? He was certainly enjoying having some peace and quiet, but there were also points during the day that Aaron couldn’t shake a feeling of how bored he was. If he was being honest, that was one of the reasons he was keeping himself so busy. He spends a few more hours in the library before returning to the room.

-

When he wakes up the next morning, feeling strangely refreshed, he turns on his phone, preparing himself to see an onslaught of texts from Hamilton. What he isn’t expecting however, is an angry text from Charles Lee.

Lee: “I guarantee you’ll meet quite a few people here who hate Lee.” What a glowing review from you in that article. Too bad I didn’t ask for it. But I think you’ll find it’ll turn out worse for you than for me. Just wait.

Article? Thoroughly confused, Aaron goes to his other messages, growing more confused when there is just one message from Hamilton.

            Hamilton: Don’t be mad

Aaron feels panic starting to well up inside him. What had Hamilton done? He takes out his laptop, hoping that something or someone will give him some answers. Sure enough, when he opens up Princeton’s homepage, all his questions are answered. In big letters across the page, the title FRESHMAN ANONYMOUSLY SLAMS HOUSING DEPARTMENT are staring Aaron in the face. He knows Hamilton wrote it. His horror only grows as he reads the article.

_“As an incoming freshman who had been working to get into Princeton for the past 10 or so years of my life, you can only imagine how excited I was to arrive on my first day. The buildings were daunting but impressive, the other freshman looking around with awe-struck faces that I’m sure mirrored my own. However, the awe-inspiring feeling I held in my chest quickly evaporated within 15 minutes of arriving on campus when I overheard a passing comment an RA made to another RA._

_“How many of these kids do you think got in on affirmative action?”_

_This comment, being both incredibly rude and unfounded, enraged me to great lengths. Imagine my shock at hearing an RA, a figure of authority and respect, say these words about their new classmates. Unfortunately, my shock did not end there. It was only furthered when I attended my dorm meeting later that night._

_The same RA came forward and admitted, with an inappropriate amount of glee, that he had placed a student who identifies as a girl on the boys floor of the dorm, on purpose. The RA I am discussing is Charles Lee._

_Despite only being on campus not even for a whole semester, it has been made very clear to me, from several sources, that this is not the only example of Charles Lee abusing the position of power he holds at Princeton. The first source I will mention is someone who has had the unlucky task of working closely with Charles Lee, Aaron Burr.”_

When he sees his own name, Aaron’s eyes widen. Hamilton wouldn’t dare bring him into this. Anger welling in his stomach, Aaron forces himself to read on.

_“I also had the good fortune of meeting Aaron Burr on my first day, as he is the other RA for my dorm. While Charles Lee acted with insincerity and rudeness, Burr was the complete opposite. He welcomed me to Princeton warmly, and played an optimal role in helping the student I mentioned before find a rooming situation that would please her. I tell you this so that you will appreciate more Aaron Burr’s comments later said to me concerning Charles Lee. Upon asking Mr. Burr what his opinion was about Lee, he said to me with complete honesty,_ _“I guarantee you’ll meet quite a few people here who hate Lee.” This is just one example of how people on campus feel about Charles Lee._

_It has also recently come to my attention that some students on the housing staff, including Charles Lee, have dedicated themselves to ensuring that students of color feel as isolated as possible on campus._

_As I’m sure many of you know, a coed fraternity on campus, known for being a fraternity for students of color specifically, has begun a battle to keep their housing spot off campus. Some members of the housing staff, naming no names (though I’m sure it can be inferred who I am talking about) believe that this fraternity does not deserve their own house because they exclude white students from joining the fraternity, hence making it a form of discrimination, which as I will discuss further, is completely ridiculous. Members of the housing staff are taking this even further by attempting to disband this fraternity._

_Throughout the rest of this article, I hope to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a change needs to be made at Princeton, a change that must start with the removal of Charles Lee as an RA and housing staff member. The second change is to ensure that students of color feel safe on this campus and are able to have safe spaces to interact with one another.“_

The essay went on for another five pages, but Aaron closed his laptop with a slam. What was Hamilton thinking, putting that quote in there? Aaron had said that in confidence, he never would have said it if he had known Hamilton was going to do this. God, why did Hamilton have to do this? Aaron quickly got dressed before heading outside; he needed a cigarette.

It was bitter cold outside, but the cold air felt good against Aaron’s skin; it was numbing. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this angry. It wasn’t just the quote, it was also the fact that Hamilton was the one who had wrote it. Aaron couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed.

He was about to light his third cigarette when he heard loud shouts of laughter. He turned to see Hamilton, Laurens, Lafayette and Mulligan all walking up to the dorm. Fresh anger coursed through Aaron, and his feet seemed to move of their own accord.

“Hamilton!” The four boys turned at his yell, and the smile slid off of Hamilton’s face as soon as he saw Aaron coming towards him. Once Aaron reached them, Hamilton smiled nervously up at him.

“Burr! How are y-“

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“Uh oh, someone’s upset,” Mulligan whispered loudly. Aaron glared at him.

“Hm yes, perhaps we shall let Monsieur Hamilton and Monsieur Burr talk alone?” Lafayette also whispered, as he grabbed Laurens and Mulligan by the arms and led them towards the dorm. John blew Hamilton a kiss from behind Lafayette’s shoulder, making Hamilton smile briefly before turning back to Aaron.

“Listen, Burr, I know you’re upset but-“

“Upset? I’m past upset Hamilton, you had no right to put that quote in there!”

“I had every right!” Hamilton said, starting to get upset himself. “Actually, Peggy had every right, that article was for her, for her and every other person Lee has messed with. Putting your quote in added legitimacy to the whole article! You work with Lee and have seen first hand how he abuses his power, I had to!”

“Bullshit!” Aaron spat out. “You ‘had’ to? That is such bullshit, you didn’t have to do anything! You didn’t care how it would affect me. It was your own choice, and you didn’t even ask me if it was ok or-“

“I didn’t ask because I knew you’d say no!” Hamilton blurts out, and then seems to realize his mistake.

“Exactly my point.” Aaron said coldly. “You didn’t ask me because I would say no, and for a good reason. Know what I woke up to this morning? A text from Lee, no, not a text, a threat.” Hamilton looks somewhat guilty at that, but Aaron keeps going. “Don’t you see the position you’ve put me in? My name is basically the only one to pop up in that article, besides Lee’s. Now I’ll be called in to confirm all that you’ve said. They’ll ask me to tell them who wrote the article, they’ll –“

“You can’t tell them I wrote it!” Hamilton interrupts. “Not yet, I need more time to get more information before talking about the situation! I just need a few days, then I can come forward.”

“You’re seriously asking me to cover your ass after you threw me into this mess?”

“Burr, look, I’m sorry Lee is taking it out on you, that wasn’t my intention. But I’m not sorry for writing the article. Also, I didn’t think it would make you this upset.”

“That’s cause you never take the time to think!” Aaron spits out. “You admitted to knowing I would say no, but you did it anyway, proving that you didn’t care how this would affect me and-“

“Oh come on, that’s not fair!”

“And,” Aaron continued, “now I have to waste time I could be spending on studying on fixing your mess.”

“You know what,” Hamilton is suddenly up in Aaron’s space, “I’ve never asked you to fix any of my ‘messes’ so if you choose to do that, then fine, but that’s on you, not me. You spend every day acting like I’m such a burden but you never stop to consider how much of a burden you are to me!”

Aaron takes a quick step back, as if slapped. Hamilton’s words sting. They stand in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at each other in silence, until Aaron puts a smile on his face and takes another step back.

“Well,” Aaron says in his usual calm manner, “consider my meddling done with. I won’t get in your way anymore Hamilton. Do what you want.”

“Burr, wait.” Hamilton is trying to reach out to stop him, but Aaron evades his grasp. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, please, can we talk?”

But Aaron was done talking with Hamilton. He turns on his heel and walks off, no clear intention of where was going. He just wanted to put distance between him and Hamilton.

Aaron’s mind is racing, and he reaches into his pocket for another cigarette, removing a shaky hand when he finds his pocket is empty. He opts for sitting down on a nearby bench and resting his head in his hands. However he had expected the conversation between him and Hamilton to go, it had not been like that. Now he knew the truth about how Hamilton thought of him, and he was hugely annoyed at how hurt he felt. He had been open with Hamilton, more open than he had ever been with someone, and it turned out that he was only burdening Hamilton. This only proved to Aaron that he never should have gotten involved with Hamilton and his gang, that he had made a mistake in trying to be friends with them. Aaron functioned better alone.

He jumped slightly when his phone alarm went off. Shit, he had forgotten that he had a meeting with Professor Montgomery; they needed to discuss how they would handle the week before finals. Aaron took a deep breath and made his way over to Montgomery’s office, doing his best to push Hamilton from his mind.

-

The next few days pass slowly for Aaron. Classes resumed and everyone is starting to realize how close finals are, leading to an air of desperation in every class.

Aaron has been successfully avoiding Hamilton, not making eye contact in classes, extending his office hours as a TA, spending every free hour in the library, and even resorting to falling asleep at one of the tables one night.

Likewise, Hamilton wasn’t doing anything to reach out to Aaron. The only difference in his behavior was that he was more vocal in classes, snapping at people and doing his best to get a rise out of his other classmates. Aaron would have been concerned, except that he was doing his best to ignore Hamilton, and that included his outbursts in class.

To make things even more complicated, there was an obligatory RA meeting being held today. The email had been brief and vague, but Aaron knew it was in order to discuss Hamilton’s article, which was the last thing he wanted to talk about. He was on his way to the meeting when he suddenly found himself face to face with Charles Lee.

Lee looked pissed, which wasn’t all that unusual, but his anger wasn’t usually pointed at Aaron.

“Well, if it isn’t Mister Burr, on his way to protect the downtrodden.”

“What are you talking about, Lee?” Aaron was not in the mood for this.

“What? Acting like you aren’t on your way to a meeting that will be focusing on me? You gonna tell them how much everyone apparently hates me?” Lee smirked and looked Aaron up and down. “How did they get you to agree to put that quote in the article? I know it wasn’t your idea; you haven’t got the balls to do that. Or is that Hamilton kid so far up your ass that you agreed to do it? Yeah, I know he wrote it, didn’t exactly do a good job concealing is identity. Just wait till I get my hands on him.”

Aaron slowly counted down from ten in his head, hoping that would prevent him from punching Lee in the face. When he felt relatively non-hostile, he smiled at Lee.

“What I do with my ass is none of your business Lee, and I sincerely hope it stays that way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend, which I certainly do hope is about you, because as of right now, I have a lot to say on that subject.” Aaron steps past a scowling Lee and continues his way to the meeting.

When he walks into the room, he sees every RA on campus, and most members of the housing staff. Mr. Knox, the head of housing, was seated at the front of the room. Aaron takes a seat as Mr. Knox stands.

“Thank you all for coming, “ he says, looking around at everyone, “now, I hope to keep this meeting brief and civil. As I’m sure most of you know, this is a meeting concerning the allegations made against our RA and housing department, mainly about Charles Lee. We will discuss the matter and come to a conclusion on how to handle it.” Mr. Knox pulls up Hamilton’s article before continuing. “Getting straight to the point, the author points two particular instances where Mr. Lee acted inappropriately, and both times, you, Mr. Burr, were present.”

Aaron swallows and nods. He hated this.

“Do you care to comment on the first situation, where Mr. Lee is quoted on making an insensitive comment about affirmative action?”

Aaron swallows one more time before speaking.

“Yes. Lee did make a comment, he leaned over to me and asked me how many of the students I thought got in on affirmative action.”

“And was it maliciously meant?”

Aaron hesitates. He knows the answer, but still, he hesitates.

“Mr. Burr, did Mr. Lee make this comment in seriousness, knowing that it was malicious comment?”

“I can’t say for certain if Lee meant the comment as more than a mean joke, but it was interpreted as something more cruel, which is understandable.”

Professor Knox nods, and scrolls to another section of Hamilton’s article, the part Aaron really did not want to get to, because he knew what he was going to have to do.

“Now,” Mr. Knox says, “to the more serious accusation. The author accuses Mr. Lee of purposefully meddling with a housing arrangement of a student that had been previously approved by housing. Even more serious, Mr. Lee is accused of going into personal information that he was not welcome to, concerning this student. And again, Mr. Burr, you are cited as a witness.” Mr. Knox looks at Aaron expectantly.

He feels like he’s going to be sick. He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to throw Lee under the bus, doesn’t want Lee as an enemy, but deep down, he knows he has to do it. It’s the right thing to do.

“To be completely honest,” Aaron says after a deep breath, “Lee fully admitted to going through the personal information of the student and admitted to changing the rooming assignment., and he didn’t seem to regret his actions.”

“Please, Mr. Knox,” another student interrupts. All heads turn towards the voice. A tall but lanky boy has arisen from his seat. “My name is Samuel Seabury, and I can assure you that Charles Lee did not change the rooming assignment, at least not on purpose. I was in charge of overseeing that dorm’s rooms and can attest that Lee never touched any of the paperwork.”

“Do you have any proof of this?”

“Nothing other than that I did not see anything out of the ordinary, and that before these ridiculous accusations, Charles has never done anything to deserve being fired from his RA position. And I think it is unfair for Burr to say that Charles, if he did make this unfortunate mistake, did not regret it. He has never tried to hurt someone or-”

“Then what do you call his position in making sure students of color don’t have a safe space on our campus?” The words are out of Aaron’s mouth before he can stop them, letting his anger get the better of him. Seabury turns towards him.

“I wasn’t aware that topic was up for discussion, but if it is, I have plenty to say on the matter.”

“That will not be necessary.” Mr. Knox interjects. “The other allegation against housing will be discussed at another time. I’m afraid that your information is not enough Mr. Seabury. Mr. Burr has presented a first hand account of what Mr. Lee admitted to doing, and we have already had two other students come to us with confirmations of what Mr. Burr has already told us. As of now, until we can investigate further, Mr. Lee will be taken down from his position as RA. That is all for now, you may all leave.”

Aaron can’t help the smirk that rises on his face at Seabury’s angry face, who gets up and leaves the room as quickly as possible.

“Mr. Burr,” Mr. Knox says before Aaron can leave, “can a quick word with you?”

“Of course, sir, what is it?”

“I have to ask, do you know who the author of this article is?”

Aaron opened his mouth, but then he hesitated again. He should tell Knox, but something is holding him back. Hamilton’s face keeps popping into his mind. He takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t say for sure who the author is. There’s a number of students who could have written it, and I don’t want to give a name if I am not 100% certain it was them.”

Mr. Knox looks at Aaron, and then gives him a small nod.

“Very well. Thank you for your time.”

Aaron walks out, heading for the library. Why did he feel so protective of Hamilton? They weren’t even friends, at least at the moment, so why had he covered for him? This whole situation was beyond frustrating. Honestly though, Aaron was glad Lee was no longer an RA, and he hoped that this would put an end to all the drama and things would calm down.

But Hamilton wasn’t done yet.

-

Aaron was eating lunch in the dining hall, minding his own business, when John Laurens plopped into the seat next to him. Aaron was so surprised that he forgot momentarily that he was supposed to be ignoring anyone associated with Hamilton.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean? I’m sitting. And people say you’re smart.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. Talking to Laurens was basically the same as talking to Hamilton, just as annoying.

“What do you want, Laurens?”

“We need to talk.”

“Sure, as long as it isn’t about Hamilton, I’m more than happy to talk to you.” Aaron smiled when Laurens fidgets slightly.

“Well,” he says, “now that you mention it, it is actually about Alex. He feels bad about everything that happened, he wants to make up with you.”

“Not interested.” Aaron responds instantly.

“Oh come on, Burr, hear a desperate man out.”

“No.”

Laurens stares at him, and then smiles.

“Man, you and him are so similar.”

Aaron is opening his mouth to respond when suddenly there is a voice overpowering everyone else’s. Him and Laurens both turn to see Samuel Seabury standing on top of one of the dining hall tables.

“Attention, please, can I have your attention?” Seabury waits for all the conversations in the dining hall to come to a halt before continuing. “My name is Samuel Seabury, and I have something very important to discuss with all of you. As I’m sure you’ve all heard, due to a poorly written article that holds no truth, the housing department at Princeton is currently facing many unfair charges. On behalf of George Hanover, the head student of housing, I hope to prove to all of you that these charges are false.”

By this point, everyone in the dining hall is listening attentively to Seabury. Some people look interested, others angry, and others just look amused.

“I first must ask you to pay no attention to the reckless students who made these insinuations. Most of them are freshman, who haven’t even spent a semester at Princeton and are already acting as if they know what is best for the student body. They believe that the housing at Princeton is unfair towards students of color, but do not put enough research into their claims and don’t care how their actions affect others. They do not have the student body’s true interest at heart.”

From the crowd of students, there is a sudden exasperated shout,

“Oh my god, tear this dude apart!”

Aaron turns to a table near his to see Mulligan, Lafayette and Hamilton watching Seabury with varying degrees of anger playing across their faces. Aaron sinks into his chair, this was going to bad.

“The chaos that they are inflicting upon the campus is not a solution to whatever ‘problems’ they are saying exist here at Princeton. And they aren’t even brave enough to admit who they are.” Seabury continues, ignoring Mulligan’s outburst. “Do not let them lead you astray.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Aaron sees Hamilton stand up. Let him be, just let him be, he pleads silently in his head.

“Hey!”

Aaron groans. Why couldn’t Hamilton ever just let anyone be? He looks over to see Hamilton climbing on top of his table.

“Listen to me,” he says loudly, looking around fiercely, “this man would have you all back down in the fear of confrontation and at a mention of chaos, but change is going to come to Princeton; minorities will not stand to be treated the way we have been previously. I’m sorry to interrupt,” Hamilton does not sound sorry at all, “but it was getting hard to listen to you with a straight face. The chaos you talk about already exists in our daily lives, you don’t even deserve to talk about this situation.”

When Hamilton paused briefly to take a breath, Seabury takes the opportunity to continue his speech.

“This is exactly what I mean. Boys like him are trying to play a dangerous game without understanding the consequences or the-“

“Oh my god, if you repeat yourself I’m gonna scream!” Hamilton, much to the amusement of all the students watching with open mouths, is now stepping from table to table while Seabury attempts to continue once again.

“People like him don’t have your interests at heart or-“

“Hey! Don’t talk about the issue and then refuse to debate with me.” Hamilton is one table away from where Aaron is sitting. “Why should a tiny portion of the campus determine where students of color should live?” He’s standing on the table right in front of Aaron. “Please, tell me why you or this George you spoke about before have any right to make that decision?”

Aaron tries to resist, but he finds himself looking up at Hamilton, who is staring heatedly at Seabury, his shoulders squared, his cheeks flushed. Aaron hasn’t been this close to Hamilton for days, and he feels a tug in chest, an urge to stop Hamilton before he goes too far. He doesn’t realize how serious this is.

“Alexander, please!” Aaron is surprised at how loud his voice rings out in the dining hall, not realizing how quiet it had been before.

Hamilton’s eyes snap down to where Aaron is sitting, his lips parting in surprise. Aaron isn’t sure if it’s because he didn’t know he had been there, or if it was because of the accidental slip of Aaron calling him Alexander again.

The silence continues, and for a second Aaron thinks Hamilton is going to heed his warning, but then Hamilton is smirking down at him.

“Unlike you, Burr, I’d rather be divisive than indecisive.” He looks back up at Seabury. “It’s time to drop the niceties. If you or any other housing member has the balls to debate this matter seriously, then I’m sure you’ll be able to find me. The name is Alexander Hamilton, the author of the article that has seemed to upset you so much.” And with that, he jumps off of the table and walks away, as many students cheer him on.

Aaron sits there for a moment before turning to Laurens with a raised eyebrow.

“He regrets his actions, huh?”

Laurens stares at him sheepishly with a shrug. Aaron sighs as he stands up and then also walks out of the dining hall. He spends another night in the library.

-

It’s the Friday before finals and Aaron is in a horrible mood. It’s probably because he’s spent three consecutive nights in the library. Things were still tense between him and Hamilton, only made worse after the incident in the dining hall. Aaron hadn’t even seen Hamilton in the past few days except for in classes. If Hamilton was determined to continue being difficult, then Aaron wasn’t going to stop him.

He was sitting in the office Professor Montgomery was letting him use to run his office hours when there was a knock at the door. Aaron looked up to see Laurens walking in.

“If you don’t have a question about the class then I can’t talk.”

Laurens sits down without responding, and up close, Aaron is able to see how tired he looks.

“Burr, if you don’t talk to Alex, I’m going to murder him, which I would really like to avoid.”

Aaron furrows his brow in confusion. This was not what he was expecting.

“What are you talking about?”

“He won’t sleep!” Laurens whines, “He won’t take a break, he won’t slow down! Normally I can handle Alex when he’s feeling high strung, but this has lasted over week now and….”

“Yes?”

“It’s more than him just being high strung and stressed out. He’s upset.”

“Ok,” Aaron says slowly, “and that’s my problem how?”

“For gods sake, do I really need to spell it out for you? He misses you, Burr!”

Aaron snorts.

“He does not miss me. If he missed me, he’d apologize.”

“He did apologize.” Laurens points out. “Just not for what you wanted. He apologized for upsetting you, right? He apologized for hurting your feelings. Isn’t that enough?”

“No.”

Laurens rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Aaron couldn’t help but think how similar he and Hamilton were.

“Burr, listen to me,” Laurens leans forward, “you just need to talk to him. You know how Alex gets when he’s passionate about something, sometimes he goes a little too far, but he doesn’t mean anything by it. The thing with Seabury, he felt personally attacked, and he gets even more passionate when that happens, he can’t help it.”

“Well he should learn to,” Aaron snaps back, making Laurens raise an eyebrow before continuing.

“Ever since your fight, Alex has been off the walls. If you don’t care about him, if you really don’t care about him, which I know isn’t true…”

Aaron makes no comment.

“…then at least consider that if Alex keeps going the way he’s going then things are only gonna get worse. Next he might climb on top of one of the academic buildings with a megaphone, spouting every word you’ve ever told him about anyone.”

Aaron knows Laurens is exaggerating, or at least he hopes so. He sits there, considering what Laurens is saying. Aaron would be lying if he said he didn’t care what Hamilton did. He did care, for two reasons.

The first reason is that Aaron can’t handle his name being pulled into another campus wide debate. He has always preferred keeping to the sidelines, and this semester had already tested his patience to its limit. The second reason, and Aaron would deny it if Laurens tried to say it again, was that he did care about Hamilton. God knows why, but he did.

“Fine,” he finally breathed out, “fine. I’ll talk to him, or I’ll at least think about it.”

Laurens breathes a sigh of relief at Aaron’s words.

“Oh thank god. Really, thank you, you have no idea. I would totally prefer to keep living a life where I don’t have to murder Alexander Hamilton and be haunted by his ghost and-“

“Ok,” Aaron interrupts, “I get it. Now please get out before I change my mind.”

Laurens jumps up and grabs his bag, apparently taking Aaron’s words seriously, because he walks out of the door without another word.

Aaron leans back in his chair, too distracted to continue studying. After a few minutes, he realizes he’s smiling. He can’t help but go over the words Laurens had said. Hamilton missed him.

-

Aaron promised Laurens that he would think about talking to Hamilton, and he kept that promise. He spent all of Saturday and so far most of Sunday thinking about it, but still hadn’t actually done anything. Despite being open to talking to Hamilton, Aaron couldn’t help but hesitate. It had been over a week since he had spoken more than a few words to Hamilton, and Aaron felt like trying to talk to him again was going to be incredibly awkward, and not something he looked forward to.

However, there came a point where he couldn’t avoid the situation any longer. This point was brought about when he got a text from an unknown number that said.

            Unkown: MURDER, BURR, I AM DEBATING MURDER. DON’T LET IT HAPPEN.

            Unkown: Alex is back in the room. Go now.

            Unkown: Please, the fate of my future rests in your hands.

Aaron sighs, and puts his phone in his pocket. Ok, Burr, he thinks to himself, you can do this. He repeats that to himself as he walks across campus back to his dorm. He reaches his door, takes a deep breath, and unlocks it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Burr, deep down he just wants to protect Hamilton, but the kid is making it pretty difficult. Hopefully they make up next chapter ;)
> 
> Unfortunately, today marks the day I return to college, so updates might be a little slower than usual. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story, I really appreciate it!


	7. Right Hand Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Alexander make up, but there are conditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! I know I said I was going to slow down the additions, but I moved back into my dorm last night and had 8 hours to myself before my roomie got back so I pulled this quick chapter out. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> (ALSO yeah I skipped You'll Be Back, King George will come in later, it just didn't feel right to bring him in right now).

When Aaron walks into the room, Hamilton is pacing up and down mumbling to himself. If he notices Aaron walk in, he doesn’t show it, and just continues pacing, running his hand occasionally through his hair. Aaron drops his bag and leans against the door, his arms crossed. He watches Hamilton pace, wondering how best to handle the situation. When it looks like Hamilton isn’t going to stop any time soon, Aaron clears his throat loudly.

“You know, if you keep that up, you’re going to burrow straight through the floor.”

Hamilton jumps and turns wild eyes towards Aaron, who remains against the door.

“When did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago and I’ve gotta say, your focus is very impressive.”

“Well I’ve gotten used to having the room to myself.” Hamilton responds coldly. “What do you want, Burr?”

“I want to talk.”

“Really?” Hamilton snorts. “That’s funny, coming from you. Talk less, smile more, remember? I’m not interested in talking to you right now. “

“Hamilton, come on, we need to talk.”

Hamilton just smirks at Aaron and then starts pacing again.

“Seriously?” Aaron asks. “You’re really gonna ignore me?”

In response, Hamilton looks down at the floor and starts mumbling to himself again as he walks up and down the room.

Aaron breathes out through his nose. Hamilton, as always, was being ridiculous. He should have known if Hamilton chose to hold a grudge, he would stick to it like no one else. When minutes go by and Hamilton shows no sign of stopping his persistent pacing, Aaron sighs. If Hamilton was going to act like a child, then Aaron had no choice but to stoop down to his level. When Hamilton walks in front of his bed, Aaron launches himself forward.

Hamilton yelps in surprise when Aaron collides with him, knocking him onto the bed.

“Burr, what the hell are you doing?”

“WE NEED TO TALK!” Aaron yells as he does his best to pin down a squirming Hamilton, who seems even more surprised by Aaron’s exclamation.

“I told you I don’t want to talk!” Hamilton tries to knock Aaron off, but Aaron is much stronger. “Burr! Get off me!”

“Not until you agree to talk to me. Hamilton, seriously, just let me-“

His words are cut off when Hamilton presses a hand over his mouth. Aaron glares down at him. Really?

“I.Don’t.Want.To.Talk.”

Aaron hesitates a moment before licking Hamilton’s hand.

“OH MY GOD!” Hamilton yells, pulling his hand back. “Did you just lick me? I can’t believe you licked me!” He squirms harder under Aaron, momentarily throwing him off balance, which causes them both to tumble to the ground.

Aaron lands hard on his elbow, but Hamilton’s head hits the floor with a loud thump. When he remains motionless on the floor, Aaron sits up and quickly shuffles over to him.

“Hamilton? Hey, Hamilton? Are you ok?” Hamilton still doesn’t move, and Aaron is starting to panic. “Shit, shit shit shit shit, Hamilton? Come on, _shit!_ ” Was he seriously unconscious? Oh my god, what did he do? What should he do? What-

Hamilton is suddenly laughing, and he rolls over onto his back to look up at Aaron with a grin.

“Gotcha!”

Aaron slaps Hamilton hard on the arm, which just makes him laugh harder.

“That wasn’t funny.”

“Well you started it,” Hamilton argues as he sits up, “I mean, you _licked_ me, who does that?”

“To be fair, you didn’t leave me any other choice.” Aaron smiles at Hamilton, who smiles back.

“So….” Hamilton looks at him sideways, “you wanted to talk?”

Aaron sighs and leans back against the bed.

“I think it’s time for us to call a truce.”

“Hmmm. I’ll have to think about it.”

“What?”

“I’ll think about it.” Hamilton repeats with a shrug.

“You have to think about it?” Aaron asks in disbelief. He honestly had thought Hamilton would agree right on the spot.

“Well, you were a pretty big jerk, Burr, I don’t know if I can just forget about that.”

“I was a jerk? You were a jerk!” Aaron can’t believe this.

“You interrupted my speech!”

“And for a good reason!” Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose before continuing. “Hamilton, listen, I was trying to warn you ok?”

“Well I didn’t ask you to!”

“I know you didn’t! But as I’m sure you know, I don’t wait for your permission! You were about to say something that was going to get you into some serious shit. That George kid you were about to slam is the son of the President of Princeton.”

Hamilton seems genuinely surprised at that.

“Oh.” He says dumbly, running a hand through his hair.

"Exactly. His nickname on campus is 'King George.' Seriously, he has free reign to do whatever he wants."

“Well, that changes some things.”

“You think?” Aaron snorts.

“I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still going to try to bring him down, I’ll just have to be a little more careful.”

Aaron shakes his head but doesn’t say anything. Of course Hamilton would still go full steam ahead. He wanted to talk about this situation further, warn Hamilton against continuing, but he lets it drop. For now.

“Can we agree on a truce now? Come on, Hamilton,” Aaron says when Hamilton says nothing and just bites his lip, “I know you missed me. Laurens told me, so don’t act like a brat.” 

Hamilton huffs and crosses his arms, but still doesn’t say anything. 

“Listen, I still think my anger was valid, and I still think what you did was wrong-“

“It was not!” Hamilton snaps.

“But!” Aaron held up a hand to stop Hamilton from continuing, “I might have overreacted just a little bit.” Silence falls between them, and Hamilton looks at him through narrowed eyes.

“Burr,” he says finally, “that might have been the worst apology ever.”

“Well, take it or leave it, that’s all you’re getting.”

“I’ll take it, on two conditions.”

Aaron groans. He had been so close.

“The first condition is, that next time I do something you think is annoying, you talk to me about it like a sensible person.” Aaron opens his mouth to argue but Hamilton ignores him. “Also, I want you to stop protecting me from things. Seriously Burr, I can handle myself. The next time you get angry about something, I want you to stand against it or stand up for it because you care about the situation, not just because you are trying to protect me.” He holds out a hand. “Deal?”

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek as he considers the offer. The first condition was easy; Aaron was always sensible. The second condition was a little more complicated. Aaron honestly didn’t believe that Hamilton could handle himself. The kid was too reckless, got riled up far too easily for his own good. And Aaron only felt spurred to stand for something when Hamilton was involved because it usually meant that Aaron was going to be dragged into it anyway. However, Aaron was willing to give it a try.

“Deal.” He shakes Hamilton’s hand, and then suddenly Hamilton pulls his hand up to his face and licks it.

“HAMILTON!” He stands up quickly, wiping his hand on his jeans. “What the hell?”

Hamilton cackles wildly on the ground.

“You are such a child!”

“You started it!” Hamilton stands up, still smiling. “Hey, now that we’re friends again, will you help me study for Montgomery’s final?”

“Wow,” Aaron laughs, “so you just wanted me back for my brains?”

“Oh I’m interested in much more than just your brains, Burr.” Hamilton winks at him, making Aaron splutter much to Hamilton’s amusement. Why had he agreed to be friends with him again?

“Go to sleep, Hamilton.” Aaron manages to say shortly after he regains his composure.

“What! Burr, come on, the final is tomorrow, and I need to study more and-“

“Hamilton, from what I’ve heard, you’ve been up for days straight. You don’t need to study anymore, you need to sleep.”

Hamilton actually sticks his bottom lip out in a pout, but Aaron just raises his eyebrows and grabs his pajamas from his dresser.

“I’m going to sleep, so you can either study alone or-“

“Join you?” Hamilton says with another wink.

Aaron rolls his eyes and steps past Hamilton to the bathroom to change. When he comes back out, Hamilton has changed and is sitting sulkily in, thankfully, his own bed. He looks up at Aaron when he walks past him.

“Burr, I’m going to fail.”

“Fail what?”

“Everything!” Hamilton gestures wildly around him, as if that makes things any clearer.

Aaron sighs as he crawls under his covers and lies on his back. He can feel Hamilton staring at him.

“Hamilton, listen,” he says turning his head to look over at him, “you are not going to fail everything, or even one thing. You kick everyone’s ass in Washington’s class, except mine of course, and, even though I shouldn’t be telling you this, you have the highest grade in Montgomery’s class, so, based off of that, I’d say you’re going to do just fine.”

Hamilton bites his lips for a moment before getting under his own covers. Aaron leans over and turns off his light.

“I’m still nervous.” Hamilton whispers.

“I know.” Aaron says, remembering how nervous he had been his first finals week. “But, you just need to….believe in yourself, or whatever.” He hears Hamilton snort.

“Gee, thanks for the great pep talk, Burr.”

“Shut up, Hamilton.”

Aaron rolls onto his side and closes his eyes. After a few minutes of silence, he thinks Hamilton has fallen asleep, but he’s wrong.

“Hey, Burr?”

“Hmmm?”

“Did you miss me?”

“Just go to sleep, Hamilton.”

There’s another beat of silence.

“You missed me.” Aaron can hear the smile in Hamilton’s voice.

-

Finals week goes by in a blur of last minute studying and narrowly avoided breakdowns. Aaron thinks he does well enough on all of his finals, and he’s proud of himself for how calm he’s managed to be throughout the week. He’s turning in a reflection paper on their final debate to Professor Washington when the older man stops Aaron from leaving.

“Mr. Burr, I’d like a quick word if you can spare the time.”

“Of course, sir, what is it?”

“You’re friends with Hamilton, right?”

Aaron raises his eyebrows, asking himself silently a question he seems to be asking himself more and more often; why did everyone want to talk to him about Alexander Hamilton?

“Yes, sir, I am.”

“And you were involved with the whole Charles Lee incident?”

“Yes.” This conversation is not going in a good direction.

“Burr,” Washington says, suddenly looking very serious, “I’d like to recruit you for something, if you are willing.”

“Recruit me.” Aaron repeats, genuinely surprised “For what, sir?”

“I’m putting together a group of students to discuss the matter further, and hopefully to come up with some courses of action.”

“Courses of action.” Aaron repeats Washington’s words again. “May I ask in regards to what?”

“To the accusations Hamilton made against the housing staff in his article.” Washington says. “I’m sure you’ve heard that housing is still attempting to remove the coed fraternity for students of color from their house off campus. I’m hoping to find a way to change this, and would appreciate your assistance. I’m also going to ask Hamilton.”

“You haven’t asked him yet?”

“No,” Washington chuckles, “I didn’t want to distract him from his studying. Plus, I wanted to get you on board first. Hamilton has a great mind, but he needs a guiding hand, something I think you can give him. So what do you say?”

Aaron considers the situation. He’s hesitating for multiple reasons, one of which being that he’s honestly not sure if he wants to join Washington’s group. It sounded like a dangerous game to play. Washington hadn’t outright said it, but he knew a professor secretly gathering a group of students to rally against a campus issue was not exactly a good thing to do. Another reason was the promise he had made to Hamilton only a few nights ago. He had promised to not stand for or against something just because he felt like he had to protect or guide Hamilton, and that’s exactly what Washington was asking him to do. But, on the other hand, Washington was right; Hamilton needed someone to keep him grounded, to not go too far, and somehow, Aaron always seemed to be the person who helped him.

“I appreciate the offer, sir,” Aaron says slowly, “but I will have to think about it, if that is ok.”

“Think about it….” Washington responds, looking at Aaron with something close to disappointment, which makes him fidget uncomfortably. “Sure, Mr. Burr, you can think about it. We won’t have any meetings until after winter break, so please try to have an answer by then.”

Aaron nods, and without another word, walks out of the room. He felt slightly embarrassed that Washington had seemed disappointed in his reluctance to join up right away, but it was a complicated choice. Aaron didn’t like just jumping head first into things; he needed time to mull it over.

His phone buzzes, and he takes it out from his pocket.

            Hamilton: I NEED SUSTENANCE! Lunch?

Aaron texts back a quick yes and makes his way to the dining hall.

While Aaron had been relatively calm throughout finals week, Hamilton had been a frantic mess for most of it. Aaron had no idea how the kid made it through all of his tests without having a complete breakdown, but miraculously, he did. He does, however, have something very near a breakdown when Aaron tells him during lunch that he is staying on campus for winter break.

“You’re WHAT?”

“Hamilton,” Aaron hisses, looking around the dining hall, “please calm down, we’re in public.”

“But you can’t stay on campus over winter break!”

“Why not?”

“Why not? WHY NOT?” Hamilton looks half mad. “Because of Christmas! You can’t spend Christmas alone!”

“Well, actually, I can and I am, so drop it.”

“Come stay at Mulligan’s house with me, Lafayette, and John!” Hamilton pleads, leaning forward.

“I can’t, I already paid the money to stay on camps.”

“What? When?”

“When we were fighting.”

Hamilton deflates slightly and his words, mumbling something under his breath that sounds vaguely like ‘but Christmas.’ Aaron just laughs and shakes his head.

“Hamilton, don’t worry, I do this every year ok? I’m a big boy.” If he thought that would pacify Hamilton, he was mistaken.

“Every-EVERY YEAR? YOU SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE EVERY YEAR?” Aaron groans as some people around them overhear Hamilton and snicker. “Burr, that is not ok! Come on, at least drive down to stay with us for Christmas! Yeah, and then you can stay through New Year’s, and then we come back to Princeton on the 5th so you might as well just stay with us until then and-“

“Woah woah woah I don’t think so. I am not staying with you guys for almost two weeks.”

“Why not?” Hamilton asks at him stubbornly.

“Because even I don’t have enough patience for that. So drop it. Please?”

“Fine.” Hamilton mumbles as he continues to eat his food. He mopes for the rest of their meal and keeps mumbling ‘Christmas’ and ‘can’t believe this’ under his breath. Aaron can’t help but smile.

-

If Aaron thought that Hamilton was going to completely drop the winter break situation, he was once again mistaken.

He was sitting on his bed reading while Hamilton packed up his things, when Hamilton turned to look over at him.

“So.” He pauses. “Are you sure you don’t-“

“Yes.”

“Burr!”

“Hamilton,” Aaron says firmly, “I don’t want to go.” When Hamilton’s shoulders slump in disappointment and he looks at Aaron with sad eyes, Aaron cracks. “Maybe I’ll think about coming down for New Year’s Eve. But that’s it!” He says quickly when Hamilton starts to beam at him. “If you talk to me anymore about it though I’m definitely not coming.”

Hamilton continues to pack up his stuff and lets Aaron read in peace for a while. For once, Aaron breaks the silence.

“Has Washington talked to you lately?”

“Washington?” Hamilton asks, abandoning his packing and sitting on his bed. “Yeah, actually, he talked to me earlier this afternoon. Why?”

“Was it about the group he’s planning on forming?

“How do you-wait! Did he ask you too?” Hamilton is practically bouncing up and down on his bed. “This is great! He asked me to be his right hand man for the whole thing, so of course I said yes, how could I turn that down? We can work together!

“Well,” Aaron starts, “I told him I’d think about it.”

“Think about it? Why do you need to think about it?”

“He asked me to join so I could keep an eye on you and-“

“CONDITION NUMBER TWO!” Hamilton shouts, making Aaron jump in surprise. “I don’t need your protection.”

“Hamilton, calm down, I know! That’s why I told him I’d have to think about it.”

“Well, good! Then think about it,” he pauses briefly, “cause you should do it.”

“What?”

“I mean, not the looking after me part,” Hamilton explains, “but you should still join the group. It’s for a good cause.

Aaron just hums in response.

“And,” Hamilton continues, picking up speed, “and me and you would actually be a pretty good team! We could make a huge difference at Princeton and-“

“Hamilton.”

“- we could recruit more people for Washington, cause I can be really convincing and you’re actually pretty charming when you try and-

“Hamilton!”

“- plus you’re an RA and probably know a ton of people on the housing staff so you can get the inside scoop while I write about everything and-“

“HAMILTON! Slow down, please, my ears are bleeding.”

“But don’t you see how great this could be?”

“I said I’d think about it! Now please stop talking.”

“And if I don’t?” Hamilton asks, smirking at Aaron. “What? Are you gonna lick me again? Cause let me tell you I’m totally down with-”

Aaron throws a pillow at Hamilton’s face.

-

Aaron heaves a bag into the trunk of Mulligan’s car. He still didn’t know how, but somehow Hamilton had convinced him to wake up early and help him carry all his things to the car before he and all his friends left for Mulligan’s house.

When he turns around, Hamilton is standing a few feet away, looking ridiculous in all the layers he’d somehow managed to fit over his body.

“It’s cold.” He mutters stubbornly when Aaron looks him up and down with one eyebrow raised.

Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette walk out of the dorm, weighed down by all the bags they’re carrying. Somehow they are able to cram all of it in the back of Mulligan’s car.

“There aren’t enough seats for all of you with all this crap, so you’ll have to squeeze in.” Mulligan says as he closes the back door.

“No problem, Alex likes to sit on my lap anyway.” Laurens winks as he bumps his hip against Hamilton.

“And none of that in my car!” Mulligan says sternly. He turns to Aaron and clasps him on the shoulder. “See you around, Burr, and seriously, you’re welcome to come down whenever you want.”

Aaron thanks him and says goodbye as Mulligan gets into the drivers seat. Lafayette nods at Aaron before quickly claiming the passenger seat, and Laurens surprises Aaron by pulling him into a tight hug.

“Thanks for talking to Alex,” he whispers in his ear before pulling back and shouting, “Burr! Oh my god, don’t grab my ass!”

Aaron rolls his eyes as they all “oooooo” at him while Laurens climbs into the backseat. He turns back to Hamilton, who is staring at him with a strange look in his eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

“You heard Mulligan, there’s no room.”

Hamilton grumbles and then shuffles forward, and before Aaron can react, Hamilton throws his arms around his neck in an embrace. Aaron hesitates before he slowly brings his arms up and wraps them around Hamilton.

A sudden honk from the car makes them jump apart.

“Come on lovebirds!” Mulligan yells out the window. “I want to get home at a reasonable hour.”

Aaron coughs awkwardly and takes a step back.

“See you around Hamilton.”

Hamilton grins at him crookedly before stepping forward and pressing a quick kiss to Aaron’s cheek.

“See you around Mister Burr, sir!” He squeezes into the backseat next to Laurens.

Aaron stands there for a moment, watching them drive off. He brings a hand up to touch the spot where Hamilton’s lips had just been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I smiled a lot while writing this one, and I hope it made you all smile too! I am super pumped to get the next two chapters out cause things are gonna get a little ~~steamy~~ and Eliza will be making her appearance in the next one woo! I hope to get the next chapter in the next few days (as long as my schoolwork doesn't pile up)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading this, and any kudos/comments/feedback is greatly appreciated!


	8. A Winter's Ball/Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron struggles with his feelings for Hamilton, and when he finally decides to just be friends, Hamilton apparently has other ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!EDIT!!!!: I'm reading through this again today and will make very small changes, one of which will be at the end scene 
> 
> WOW ok so I wrote and rewrote this chapter so many times and I'm still not 100% satisfied with it, but if I look at it for another second I'm going to explode.
> 
> I'll probably read through it again tomorrow after my classes and make some small edits (so if it's popping up as newly updated, don't listen to the liiieesss)

Aaron knew it was weird of him to want to spend winter break alone, but he had always found the holidays to be stressful. While others saw them as a time of happiness and a time to be around family, for Aaron they were a constant reminder of how alone he was.

He had been just two years old when both of his parents died, within months of each other, leaving him and his sister, Sally, orphans. Then their grandparents had taken them in, only to pass away the very next year. Aaron didn’t remember his parents well, just had fleeting images of kind eyes and warm smiles, he didn’t even know if those were real memories or simply ones he had made up in his mind.

He and Sally ended up being raised by their uncle, who, while a decent person, never understood Aaron. Aaron had been a strange child, reckless at one moment and then reserved the next. He had been so unhappy at one point that he had tried to run away from his uncle’s house, which added great tension to their relationship. Aaron never had anyone to guide him, so he had to learn how to guide himself and how to make his own decisions. Talk less, smile more, don't let anyone know what he was against or what he was for, those were the words Aaron had lived by for so long. He learned that keeping his head down and not taking sides was a way to survive and please everyone. It was a way of life, a way of survival.

And now Alexander Hamilton was making him question everything he had ever taught himself.

For the first week of break, Aaron spent a lot of time just walking around campus, thinking. He liked the campus like this, empty, quiet; it was soothing. It gave him the environment he needed in order to contemplate the whirlwind that had been occupying his mind ever since Hamilton had kissed him on the cheek. That one, simple action had made Aaron question everything. Why couldn’t Hamilton have just said goodbye like a normal person? At least then Aaron wouldn’t be stressing out over what was probably a meaningless interaction. But no, Hamilton couldn’t just keep things simple; he had to continue to torment him.

Aaron couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way.Hamilton had always been a source of confusion for him, but now things were even worse. He was going over every interaction he and Hamilton had ever had, questioning if their had been hints of Hamilton having feelings for him that passed beyond friendship, and even more, whether Aaron returned those feelings. Hamilton certainly made Aaron feel things he hadn’t felt for anyone else, but most of those feelings were anger and frustration. But Aaron would be lying if there weren’t other feelings Hamilton evoked from him; protectiveness, fondness, and something much worse, a desperation to prove himself to Hamilton. Aaron had spent his whole life working in the shadows, not letting people know what he stood for or who he was, but then Hamilton walked into his life and he was suddenly overwhelmed by a desire for Hamilton to admire him, and Aaron didn’t like that. Hamilton made Aaron a threat to himself.

Surprisingly, and a little to Aaron’s annoyance, Hamilton hadn’t bothered him much over break. He had sent Aaron pictures of him, Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette out at restaurants, the movies, even a bowling alley, with captions like ‘wish you were here’ and ‘miss you already’ attached. Hamilton had also texted him the day before trying to convince him to come down for Christmas, but Aaron still refused, he just didn’t feel like being around people, he was too much inside his own head to socialize with others.

However, and Aaron would deny it if anyone asked, but if he was being honest, he missed Hamilton. Sure, he was a constant source of stress in Aaron’s life, but he was also a constant presence, something which Aaron felt like he had never had before. God, what was Hamilton doing to him? The fact that Aaron missed Hamilton concerned him; he didn’t like getting attached to people, it made him vulnerable. But then at the same time, he didn’t want to lose Hamilton. Everything was so confusing, and Aaron didn’t know what to do.

 -

To continue his trend of not knowing what he was doing, on New Year’s Eve, Aaron somehow finds himself standing on Mulligan’s porch. He still wasn’t sure how Hamilton had managed to convince him to come, but here he was, about to attend a party with all of Hamilton’s friends, plus the Schuylers. And to make things worse, he was in no way prepared to face Hamilton. He knew he was being ridiculous, and that Hamilton probably had no idea how one kiss on the cheek had affected Aaron, but Aaron could not push down the nerves that were rising in the pit of his stomach. He takes a deep breath before knocking on the door.

It’s flung open almost immediately and Aaron finds himself face to face with a smiling Hamilton. Before coming down, Aaron had determinedly decided to act normally around Hamilton, and that he wouldn't talk to Hamilton about the kiss. Things would just be easier that way, so when Hamilton opens the door, Aaron opens his mouth to say hi, but the words get caught in his throat.

Hamilton looks different. He’s wearing skinny jeans, a black v-neck and a cardigan that actually fits him. His hair, usually a mess, is pulled into a bun at the back of his neck, and for once, he looks well rested. He looks….good.

Aaron isn’t sure how long he just stands there staring, but after awhile Hamilton laughs. Aaron tears his eyes away from where they had been following a stray hair fall from Hamilton’s bun and trail down his neck.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes.” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat hurriedly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

Hamilton is looking at him curiously, and is about to say something else but Aaron steps forward and pushes past him to walk into the house. He’s careful not to brush up against Hamilton as he enters. Hamilton closes the door behind them and then looks up at Aaron.

“Doesn’t it look great?” He gestures around the room. There are streamers everywhere and balloons are scattered around the floor. Aaron is about to respond when he is suddenly being swept up into the arms of Mulligan.

“BURR! Thank God, another sensible person. These guys have been driving me crazy.”

Once he was set safely back on the ground, he looked over Mulligan’s shoulder to where Hamilton had sat down near Lafayette and Laurens, and was able to infer that the latter two were on their way to being pretty drunk.  Laurens was sitting on Hamilton’s lap, which wasn’t exactly unusual, but he also kept tapping Hamilton’s nose and saying, “Where’d it gooooooooooo?” and then proceeding to pretend to put his nose back on his face. Lafayette was talking rapidly in French to a bewildered looking Peggy, while Angelica and another girl, whom Aaron presumed was Eliza, laughed at her from the side of the room.

Aaron takes another deep breath before walking over to Angelica nodding at Peggy on the way.

“Hello Aaron,” Angelica said, not exactly warmly.

“Angelica.” Aaron replies, just as warm. “And you must be Eliza?”

“Yes, it’s very nice to meet you, Aaron.” She says, sounding genuinely happy to see him. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Aaron feels slightly embarrassed at that; sure that Angelica hasn’t exactly been glowing in her reviews of him. Eliza seems to know what he’s thinking, because she smiles kindly at him.

“Don’t worry, I know to take whatever Angelica says about people with a grain of salt. Peggy speaks of you very highly, and so does Alexander, he was very excited for you to come tonight.”

Aaron can’t help but think about the fact that Eliza and Hamilton can’t have met before this party, and in that small time span Hamilton had already brought him up. Aaron glances over at Hamilton, who is staring at him from behind Laurens giving him a crooked smile. Aaron turns back to the two sisters quickly.

“Well, I couldn’t miss it. If I did, I’d never hear the end of it from Hamilton. My coming was more for my own peace of mind than to please him.”

Eliza laughs, and then blushes slightly as Hamilton calls her name from across the room. She excuses herself quickly and walks over to Hamilton, who began talking to her earnestly, Laurens still on his lap.

“He is quite the charmer, isn’t he?” Angelica states, staring at Hamilton.

Aaron makes a small noise of an agreement while looking over at Hamilton, who is definitely using all of his charming capabilities while talking to Eliza. The kid really was relentless. Aaron clears his throat loudly, suddenly conscious that he had been staring at Hamilton for a while. He turns back to Angelica who was smiling at him knowingly.

“You too, huh?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t.” Angelica says with a smirk. “Wait here.” She walks into the kitchen, and comes back a moment later carrying two beers. “Trust me, you’re gonna need it to get through the night.”

Aaron was about to say no, but then he hears Hamilton laugh loudly, and he looks around to see Laurens pressing a kiss to his cheek. He turns back to Angelica and takes the drink, avoiding her all-knowing gaze.

“Thanks.”

“Have you told him?”

“Told him what?” Aaron shifts on his feet.

“Come on Burr,” Angelica smiles at him, “anyone with eyes can see you’ve got it bad.”

“What about you?” Aaron snaps back, feeling very self-conscious. “Why aren’t you the one sitting on his lap?”

Angelica makes no response as she look over at Hamilton. Aaron follows her gaze, and notices how Eliza is looking at Hamilton, as if he was the best thing in the world.

“You know, you can be a real ass sometimes Burr.” Angelica says instead of answering his question. Aaron takes a drink of his beer.

“I know.”

Luckily Aaron is saved from continuing the conversation when Hamilton loudly declares that he wants to play twister. His declaration is met with loud cheers, and soon Aaron is leaning against the wall, watching with great amusement as Hamilton, Laurens, Mulligan, Lafayette, Peggy and Eliza are all a laughing mess of twisted limbs.

“Left foot blue!” Angelica calls out, and within seconds, Mulligan is falling down, and he brings down Peggy and Lafayette with him.

Aaron tries to ignore the feeling in his stomach when he sees Hamilton and Eliza laughing breathlessly at each other as they carefully maneuver around each other. After the next call, Laurens is out, and it’s not long until Hamilton is flaunting his victory in everyone’s faces.

“Now, as twister champion,” he shouts out, “I declare a rematch, and I want Burr to play this time.” Hamilton looks over at Aaron with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Oh no.

“Sorry, Hamilton,” Aaron says, “I made a resolution to never play twister.”

“Well it’s not the new year yet so it doesn’t count yet.”

“I like to start enforcing my resolutions early.”

“Burr stop being such a grump and get over here and-“

“THE COUNTDOWN IS STARTING!” Mulligan shouts, ending the argument. “Positions everyone, positions! Make sure you’re standing by someone you wouldn’t mind making out with.”

At Mulligan’s words, there are shouts of laughter and then a wild scramble to secure a good spot in the room. Aaron opts for retreating into a corner that is far away from everyone else. He leans against the wall as the countdown begins.

_10…._

Aaron is suddenly struck by the feeling that someone staring at him.

_9…._

He looks up, and sure enough, Hamilton is staring at him from across the room. Aaron feels his heart jump.

_8…._

Hamilton gets up from where he is sitting on the floor next to Eliza and makes his way towards Aaron, who suddenly feels like all the oxygen has left the room.

_7…._

Aaron tries to look away, but he can’t, he never can, not when it comes to Hamilton.

_6…._

He feels nauseous again, his hands are sweating.

_5…._

Hamilton is getting closer, and Aaron knows he should move, but his feet are frozen to the floor.

_4…._

Something like panic and excitement is bubbling under his skin.

_3…._

Hamilton is mere feet away, and Aaron’s heart speeds up.

_2…._

Everything stands still.

_1…._

Laurens is suddenly in front of him, grabbing Alexander’s face as he places a kiss on his mouth. Hamilton makes a noise of surprise, but then he laughs against Lauren’s mouth.

Aaron is left standing there, feeling like the floor had just been ripped from under his feet. His stomach is churning, his head spinning. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s upset or relieved that Hamilton hadn’t reached him. When he makes eye contact with Hamilton from behind Laurens’ shoulder, he is struck by the sudden urge to run away as fast as possible.

Realizing that would look a little ridiculous to everyone else, Aaron forces his feet to move, and he walks around Hamilton and Laurens to sit down on the couch. He rests his head in his hands, and tries to take in steady breaths. Would Hamilton have kissed him? Was that what he was planning? Or was he just messing with Aaron? He wasn’t sure if he was more freaked out by the idea that Hamilton might have been trying to kiss him or by the fact that he didn’t exactly try to stop it. Just when Aaron had decided that things would be better if he and Hamilton were just friends, Hamilton of course had to complicate matters even further. All of this was just too much.

“Being infatuated really doesn’t suit you, Burr.”

Aaron snaps his head up to see Laurens sitting next to him. Everyone else has moved to the other side of the room, yelling excitedly about the new year.

“Sorry for jumping in front of you like that back there,” Laurens continues, “but I saw that the tom cat was on the prowl, and you looked like a cornered mouse.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow at the comparison, but doesn’t say anything, just stares at the floor.

“Are you gonna tell him?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Laurens.” Aaron says in what he hopes is a care free voice. From the way Laurens is looking at him skeptically, he knows he failed.

“Burr, come on. Look who you’re talking to,” he points to himself, “I am the expert on being in love with Alexander Hamilton. Trust me, I get it.”

“Well I’m not in love with him, so you’re wasting your breath.”

Laurens sighs, but allows a silence to fall between them. Aaron hopes that Laurens will just get up and leave him alone, but minutes pass and he stubbornly stays where he is.

“Are you and Hamilton dating?” The words are out of Aaron’s mouth before he really has time to process what he’s asking.

“Dating? No, I wouldn’t say we’re dating.” He pauses a second, looking over to where Hamilton is talking to both Eliza and Angelica, before turning to Aaron with a smile, “We have a lot of sex though.”

Aaron splutters.

“God, Laurens, I do not need the details.”

“You asked.” Laurens says with a shrug. “I don’t know if Hamilton would date anyone, to be honest, he doesn’t like to be held down. Well, I mean, he does in some instances if you know what I m-“

“Please don’t continue that sentence.” Aaron says quickly. Laurens winks at him, but then another silence falls between them. Aaron is going over the new information in his head, tying to make sense of it all; Laurens and Hamilton aren’t dating, but they clearly like each other.

“Does it bother you that you and Hamilton aren’t dating?”

Laurens takes a moment to consider the question.

“Well, he says slowly, “It did at first, I like him a lot, but then I decided that being with him in any way was enough. I’ll take what I can get, ya know?”

“And you’re ok with that?”

“When I don’t think about it too much I am,” Laurens smiles sadly before shaking his head. “Alexander and I have a bond, and that’s never going to go away, but I’d be fooling myself if I said that we were gonna end up together for ever. We fit together in so many ways, but I’m just too in love with him; I let him get away with too much, would let him do anything after just one look. He needs someone firmer, someone who questions him, someone to keep him grounded….” Laurens doesn’t finish his sentence, but the unspoken ‘someone like you’ hangs in the air between them. Aaron chooses to ignore it, not ready to accept the idea that Hamilton need him in that way.

“Why are you talking to me about this?” Aaron finally asks, genuinely interested, If you love him, why push him towards…towards someone else?”

“I want him to be happy, and I make him happy for the most part…but you should have seen him when you two were fighting; he was a mess. That’s when I knew I wasn’t enough. And I’m talking to you about this because even if you won’t admit it, I know how you’re feeling. And despite what you think, I like you, Burr, so if you ever want to talk about it I’m here.”

Aaron doesn’t know how to respond, so he doesn’t, just nods at Laurens and looks down at his feet.

“But I still think you should talk to Alexander.”

“No.” Aaron says firmly, knowing that was the last thing he should do. He would never admit it; he wouldn’t even admit to himself that there was something to admit. Things would just be easier if he pretended that nothing was going on.

“Fine. But fair warning, Alexander doesn’t wait around. He falls fast, but moves from one thing to the next with complete ease and no looking back. So, don’t wait too long, Burr.” And with that Laurens stands up. Before he walks away, he looks back to Aaron. “One more thing, you can’t just avoid Alexander. You live with him, and he likes you. So just….don’t ignore him, ok? You can continue to lie to yourself and to him about what you’re feeling, but don’t abandon him, or I’ll kick your ass.”

Once Laurens is gone Aaron remains on the couch, lost in thought. Why had everything become so complicated? He didn’t even know how he felt about Hamilton, but apparently everyone else did. He did know he wasn’t ready to talk to Hamilton about this, whatever this was, and he probably never would be. But Laurens was right about one thing; he couldn’t just ignore Hamilton. If anything, things could just go back to how they were before Hamilton had kissed him on the cheek. It would be best for the both of them; Aaron wouldn't try to hold Hamilton back, and Hamilton wouldn't force Aaron to take a stand. Yes, that’s what Aaron would do; just put things back to how they were, just remain friends with Hamilton, he could do that. That was his resolution.

When he finally got out of his own thoughts, there was quite a scene before him. Mulligan was supporting a drunken Lafayette, who was speaking rapidly in French. Laurens and Peggy were throwing balloons at each other, and Hamilton was leading Eliza around the room in an apparent attempt at a tango while Angelica watched them, a small smile on her lips.

“Alright, alright!” Mulligan shouts over everyone. “Time for all you fools to go to bed. Schuyler sisters, it’s been a pleasure, but I’m afraid I have to kick you out now.”

When Eliza hugs Hamilton goodbye, Aaron is almost able to convince himself that it doesn’t bother him. Almost. 

Once the Schuylers are gone, Mulligan comes up to Aaron.

“Hey man, you’re more than welcome to stay here the night, sober up before getting back on the road.”

“Yeah, Burr,” Laurens yells from across the room, “stay the night. I’ll crash on the couch, you can share a bed with Alexander. But be warned, he likes to cuddle.”

Aaron takes a deep breath through his nose. He wasn’t quite prepared to test his new resolution to that extent just yet.

“Thank you, but I think I’ll call a taxi. I can come back for my car another day.” Aaron says a hurried goodbye to everyone and walks out the door. He was barely on the porch before he heard footsteps following him. He moans, knowing who it is.

“Wait, Burr!”

Aaron turns around slowly to see a breathless Hamilton stepping towards him.

“You’re leaving already? Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer? I barely got to talk to you.”

“Luckily we have another whole semester to talk to each other.” Aaron replies, trying to quickly put his signature smile back on his face. It was hard with Hamilton’s face looking up at him, looking the way it did. Aaron wished he could just sink into the ground. He settles for looking at it, instead of at Hamilton.

“I’ve missed you!” Hamilton says, trying to get Aaron to look back at him.

“Yeah, uh, listen, I have to go so-“

‘Wait, Burr, please.” Hamilton pleads, grabbing him by the front of his coat. Aaron’s sense of panic starts rise. He did not want Hamilton any closer, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He needed to get away.

“What do you want, Hamilton?” He asks in what he hopes is a steady voice.

Hamilton shifts slightly, and licks his lips, which were slightly chapped from the cold.

“You can’t leave yet, because I have to give you something.” He moves even closer into Aaron’s space, who desperately tries to take a step back, but Hamilton follows, his grip tightening on Aaron’s coat.

“Hamilton, come on, let me go.” Aaron moves his hands to cover Hamilton’s, but thinks better of it at the last moment, and shoves them into his pockets instead.

“I made a resolution,” Hamilton says, “and it’s bad luck if I don’t go through with it. You wouldn’t want that, would you? Right?”

Aaron just laughs weakly. Of course Hamilton would make a resolution that would go directly against his own. He was losing it, and Hamilton was winning. He always won. He always got the better of Aaron, always pulled out of him what he was so desperately trying to hide.

Hamilton is so close, impossibly close. Aaron could see every eyelash, every speck of color in his eyes. He feels like he’s drowning.

“Hamilton,” Aaron wants to swear at how hoarse his voice sounds, “please, just, let me go.”

“Do you really want me to? Tell me to go away, and I will.”

“Hamilton…” Aaron is desperate. He doesn't know what to do. Hamilton doesn’t understand how dire the situation is. It will change everything. But he wants it. He wants Hamilton. 

“Aaron.” Hamilton whispers back, and Aaron feels like his heart stops.

Fuck. Fuck Hamilton and his damn success at always getting under Aaron’s skin, always saying things that make Aaron want to either punch him in the face or kiss him. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to decide to do this right when Aaron had decided to not act on what he was feeling, whatever it was he was feeling.

Hamilton is moving even closer, and Aaron quickly shuts his eyes, unable to watch any longer. He should go. He should leave. He can’t. He doesn’t.

Hamilton’s lips are so soft against his own. The kiss is gentle, their mouths barely touching, but Aaron feels like the whole world stops spinning. Time stands still. There is just him and Hamilton.

He doesn’t know who initiates it, but suddenly the kiss is deeper. Hamilton’s breath is so warm on his skin, he feels like he’s burning, but he leans into it. When their tongues meet, the world starts spinning again. It’s spinning so fast. Aaron feels like he’s falling. His hands are suddenly in Hamilton’s hair, trying to tether himself to the ground, which threatens to only spin faster and faster.

Hamilton moves his hands to Aaron’s waist, his fingers digging into his skin. Aaron tugs on his hair, causing Hamilton to moan into his mouth. He feels like he’s going to combust. Everything is so warm.

Hamilton is panting into his mouth, making small noises that are driving Aaron insane. Without warning, Hamilton bites down on his lip, and Aaron breathes in sharply. He feels Hamilton smile against his lips. He kisses him harder. God, he was falling apart.

He didn’t know what he thought kissing Hamilton would be like, but he never thought it would be like this. Hamilton’s hands are on his back now, pulling him even closer. Aaron thinks he’s going to black out when Hamilton presses their hips together. Sparks fly up Aaron’s spine and he practically whimpers. Hamilton’s mouth is persistent on his, his tongue swiping over Aaron’s bottom lip.

When Hamilton starts pressing his hips in small circles against Aaron’s, his heart is pounding so fast he thinks he’s going to die. Why did Hamilton do this? Why did he make Aaron feel like this? He made him feel he was drowning. He made him feel like was on fire. He made him want to conquer the world. He-

A loud honk makes Aaron flinch away from Hamilton. His taxi had arrived.

Aaron came crashing back into reality, realizing what he had just done. He had done the exact opposite of what he had planned to do, had showed an attachment he hadn't wanted to admit to. Doing his best not to panic on the spot, Aaron pulls Hamilton’s hands off of him and takes a shaky step backwards.

Hamilton is breathing heavily, and he looks like he’s going to step forward, so Aaron holds up a hand.

“Don’t, Alexa-“ He pauses, and bites his lip, “Hamilton, please, don’t. I can’t. I just, this isn’t, I’m not ready to…” God, he was rambling, he never rambled.

Hamilton is looking at Aaron, and it’s killing him, so he turns around without another word, and gets into the taxi. When he looks out the back window, Hamilton is still standing there.

Aaron runs a hand over his eyes.

Angelica was right; he was an asshole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo boy. I made myself a little sad by writing this. But hey, at least they kissed? Right? 
> 
> Poor Burr, he has no idea what he's doing, he just wants to survive.


	9. Satisfied/The Story of Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron made his choice, and now Hamilton will make his. Will either of them ever be satisfied?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOO another chapter! So I'm figuring with my college schedule I will be doing my best to update this fic twice a week, probably on Thursdays and Sundays.

As soon as the taxi is on the road, Aaron lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. God, everything was a mess.

Aaron shouldn’t have let things escalate so much. He was the sensible one, the one who was supposed to stop these sorts of things from happening. He still didn’t even know what this thing was. Yes, Hamilton had kissed him, and Aaron had kissed him back more than willingly. But what did it all mean? Aaron didn’t want to date Hamilton, couldn’t date him, and Hamilton had never said anything about wanting to be with him. Hamilton might not even be upset with him. The kiss might have just been some weird, spur of the moment thing Hamilton wanted to do that didn't even mean anything; Hamilton was weird like that. 

When he gets back to the dorm, Aaron immediately takes a shower. He lets the hot water run down his body and just leans his head against the wall. He was being a coward, and he knew it, but that’s just how he was; he didn’t like risks, and Alexander Hamilton was the biggest risk he could take.

Hamilton….

Aaron could still see his face so clearly in his mind it was like he was there with him, still staring at him with those eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose as he remembered how Hamilton’s mouth on his had felt. It had been everything, it had been too much. Why did things have to get so complicated?

Aaron was dreading seeing Hamilton again, but he knew he couldn’t avoid it, so he would just handle it as best as he could. He regretted hurting Hamilton by just running away, but he didn’t regret anything else. The more he thought about it, the more confident Aaron was that he had made the right choice. He could be friends with Hamilton, but anything else would be self-destructive. Feeling relatively more calm, Aaron does his best to fall asleep, going over in is head what he would say to Hamilton when he sees him tomorrow.

However, Hamilton doesn’t come back to the dorm the next day. All Aaron gets is a text that says he’s staying the night at a friend’s dorm and would move back in some time between classes on Monday.

Aaron sets his phone down on the desk, doing his best not to read anything into this. Was Hamilton really that upset with him that he was going to avoid him? Aaron swore lowly under his breath. He didn’t want Hamilton to be mad at him, that would complicate things even more. Hamilton always spent a lot of time with his friends; it didn’t necessarily mean he was upset with Aaron or purposefully avoiding him. Everything was fine…everything was fine.

Aaron tries to occupy himself by getting all his things together for classes tomorrow. When he’s done and trying to fall asleep, he can’t help but think about the day before fall classes started; how Hamilton had been so nervous, and had come to him for help. Hamilton always came to him.

Aaron falls asleep alone.

-

The first day of classes goes by slowly for Aaron. He tries to focus, but he still hasn’t seen Hamilton, and hasn’t gotten any more texts. He tries to push it down, but Aaron could feel a panic settling under his skin. Was Hamilton that angry with him? Aaron just needed to talk to him, then everything would go back to normal. Back before the first kiss, before the second kiss…

Determined to find Hamilton and not let this fight escalate like their last one, Aaron spends a large portion of the afternoon in the dining hall, waiting for Hamilton and his friends to walk in. Finally, he sees Hamilton walk through the doors.

Aaron springs up from his seat and rushes over to him.

“Hamilton!”

When Hamilton turns to see Aaron, a look passes over his face briefly, a look Aaron can’t decipher, but the next second, Hamilton is smiling his usual smile.

“Mister Burr, sir!”

Aaron thinks Hamilton’s voice sounds a little strained, but he ignores it.

“How were your classes?”

“Fine.”

“Professors are all good?”

“Yep!”

An awkward silence falls between them, and Hamilton shifts on his feet, eyes looking at everything except Aaron, who is experiencing a sinking feeling in his stomach. Hamilton is mad at him.

“Look,” Aaron says, “can we talk? I really need to-“

“Sorry, Burr. I can’t right now. I uhm, I have a meeting.”

“A meeting?”

“Yeah,” Hamilton nods, biting his lip, “a date actually. With Eliza.”

“With Eliza?” Aaron’s voice cracks, he quickly clears his throat. “Good! Good good good. Ok, well, I’ll let you go.”

Hamilton rushes past him, leaving Aaron standing there, feeling pretty stupid. He had thought Hamilton would be upset because of the kiss, but apparently he hadn’t even been thinking about it. Aaron was just overreacting, overanalyzing things. The kiss obviously hadn’t even meant anything to Hamilton. Everything was fine…so why did he still feel uneasy?

“Hey! Hey, Burr!”

Aaron turns to see Laurens waving at him from one of the tables. He hesitates for a second, trying to decide if he wants to talk to Laurens, knowing that the subject of Hamilton will come up. The choice is made for him when Laurens is suddenly standing up and walking over to him.

“Burr, my man,” he claps a hand on his shoulder, “come sit.”

Aaron reluctantly sits down at the table with Laurens, who drums his fingers on the table before looking Aaron in the eyes.

“So,” he says, “you’ve heard?”

“Heard what?”

“About Alex and Eliza?”

Aaron just hums in response, and tries to avoid Laurens’ gaze.

“What do you think about it?”

“What do you mean?” Aaron really doesn’t want to have this conversation.

“About them being _together_ , Burr."

“I think it’s great.”

“Really?” Laurens smirks at him, “You think it’s great? Huh, interesting.

“I already told you,” Aaron says rather sharply, “there is nothing between me and Hamilton, so I don’t care who he dates.”

“Sure you don’t, Burr.”

Aaron doesn’t respond, just sits there. Laurens is looking over his shoulder, and when he turns to see what he’s looking at, his eyes fall on Hamilton and Eliza eating together, chatting away happily.

“Do you think he’s satisfied?” Laurens asks him as he turns back around.

“Don’t see why he wouldn’t be. Eliza is nice, too nice for him in my opinion.”

“That’s quite a praise coming from you,” Aaron turns to see Angelica sliding into the seat next to him, “and Alexander better be happy with my sister, because for once I agree with Aaron, she is too nice for him, but they work together.”

Laurens just mumbles under his breath and continues to stare at the couple behind Aaron. Aaron picks a spot on the table and stares at it.

“Well,” Angelica says with a laugh, “aren’t we an interesting group?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Come on, Aaron,” she says with a smirk, “Don’t try to act like this is all fantastic. Hamilton may be satisfied, but we sure as hell never will be.”

-

Angelica’s words ring in Aaron’s ears the rest of the day. He didn’t want to be a part of Laurens and Angelica’s pity group. He was _not_ in love with Hamilton, and Hamilton was definitely not in love with him, today’s events had proven that. He had probably just been messing around with Aaron when he kissed him, maybe it had even been a prank. Either way, Aaron wasn’t hung up on it anymore; it was time to move past it. At least, that’s what Aaron tries to tell himself to do, but as always, things concerning Hamilton are never that simple.

He _is_ still hung up on the kiss, still feels a flutter in his stomach whenever he sees Hamilton. In all honesty, he doesn’t know if it’s because he has some sort of feelings for Hamilton or if he’s just nervous about why Hamilton is avoiding him. Whichever it is, Aaron is determined to not let it bother him. He would fix the problem, whatever it is, and as soon as possible. He just needs to talk to Hamilton again.

The rest of the week is no better than the first day in terms of Aaron attempting to talk to Hamilton. Aaron has one class with him, another debate class taught by Professor Washington, but Hamilton doesn’t sit by him, barely even acknowledges him. On Friday, Aaron finally enters their room and finds Hamilton there for the first time that week.

When he walks in, Hamilton stands up and grabs his bag.

“Library,” he mutters to Burr, “I was just about to go.”

“Hamilton, wait!” Aaron couldn’t handle the awkwardness anymore. “Can we just…are we…I mean, is everything ok?”

“What do you mean? Of course.” Hamilton says, but he’s still not looking at Aaron.

“I meant, are we ok?”

Silence follows his question, and Aaron opens his mouth to tell Hamilton to just forget about it, when Hamilton sighs and finally looks at Aaron.

“We’re fine, Burr, we’re always fine.”

Aaron looks at Hamilton for a moment, trying to decide if he really meant what he said. Aaron couldn’t tell, he could never read Hamilton.

“Ok,” he says finally, deciding to drop the matter, “well, I’ll see you around then.”

Hamilton turns to leave, but then stops in the doorway. With another sigh, he turns back around to look at Aaron.

“My birthday is this Saturday, we’re all getting together at a restaurant, if you want to come. Eliza is determined to throw me the best birthday party ever.”

“Oh, good. Good, that’s good,” Aaron bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from rambling further, “I’ll try to be there.”

Hamilton gives him a small smile, and then he’s gone.

Once alone, Aaron takes a deep breath through his nose before exhaling. Things still felt weird, but at least they were making progress. Aaron hesitates, but then takes out his phone and texts Laurens.

    _\- Are you going to Hamilton’s party Saturday?_

_Laurens: Uhm, duh? Alex would kill me if I wasn’t there. Are you?_

_\- Still deciding…_

There’s no response for a few minutes, but then,

      _Laurens: You should come. Angelica and I will both be struggling through the night together, you can join us. Strength in numbers._

Aaron sighs. Spending the night watching Hamilton and Eliza be together was already going to be hard, but spending it with Laurens and Angelica as they all pined over Hamilton might just make it worse. His phone buzzes again,

        _Laurens: BURR WE NEED YOU, DON’T ABANDON YOUR TROOP._

Aaron can’t help the laugh that escapes him.

    _\- I’ll be there._

Laurens responds with a string of emojis, making Aaron laugh again. Maybe the night wouldn’t be so bad; at least he wouldn’t be alone.

-

It’s only an hour before Hamilton’s party is about to start when Aaron realizes he doesn’t have a gift for him. That’s how he finds himself aimlessly browsing the shelves at target, having no idea what to buy.

“Can I help you find something? You’ve been intently staring at that shelf for the better of ten minutes now.”

Aaron jumps and turns to see an employee smiling at him.

“Oh, uhm,” he clears his throat, “well I’m looking for a gift for a friend. It’s his birthday.”

The woman smiles and moves a strand of her curly hair from her face.

“Any idea of what you want to get him?”

“Honestly, I’m at a complete loss.”

“Ok, well, is this person a close friend? Or more of an acquaintance?”

The question stumps Aaron. A few days ago Aaron would have said he and Hamilton were pretty close friends, but now….now things were different.

“We’re roommates.” He finally says, figuring that is the safest response.

“You’re in college?” The woman seems surprised.

“Yeah, I’m a junior at Princeton.”

“I see. You seem older.”

She is smiling at Aaron, and he suddenly feels self conscious, noticing how pretty she is.

“Well,” she continues, “sometimes finding gifts for people you’re closer to is more difficult, there’s more pressure. Usually it helps to think of shared experiences you have. Or think back on good times you have had with this person.”

Aaron once again, stands there in silence as he ponders the situation. Good times he had had with Hamilton? Most of their relationship had been them disagreeing about things, getting over them, and then fighting again. What had been some of their good times? Suddenly, it hits him.

“Muffins!” He shouts, not realizing how strange that might sound.

“Muffins?” The woman repeats slowly. “You want to get your friend muffins?”

“It’s a complicated story, but trust me.”

The woman just smiles at Aaron again and then leads him to the food section where he picks out a box of muffins. He knows Hamilton will find it a funny present, but he also hopes he'll realize what Aaron is trying to say with it. He wants it to show that everything is ok, that they were still friends.

“Anything else?”

“Do you know if you guys have a DVD set of Gilmore Girls?” Aaron asks her, another burst of inspiration hitting him.

“You like Gilmore Girls?” She says, smiling even wider at Aaron now, who can’t help but realize again that she is really very pretty. “That was my favorite show growing up. I believe we have it, let’s check.”

Aaron, now holding a box of muffins and a DVD set of season 4 of Gilmore Girls, can’t help but feel a little awkward as the woman checks him out at the register. He pays and starts to walk away when the woman stops him.

“Hey, I’m sorry if this is a little forward, but, could I give you my number?”

Aaron blinks a few times, genuinely stunned. He didn’t think he had done anything remarkably interesting or attractive while they had been interacting.

“Sorry if this is weird,” the woman says again, “but the muffin story is too intriguing, I’d love to here the rest of it sometime.”

Aaron laughs at that and then, what the hell, nods at her.

“Yeah, that would be nice, I’d love to tell you the rest.”

The woman smiles at him again and then quickly scribbles her number on a scrap of paper before handing it to Aaron. He smiles back and walks away, then turns back.

“Wait, what’s your name?”

“Theodosia,” she replies.

“I’m Aaron, Aaron Burr.”

“Well it was very nice to meet you, Aaron.”

Aaron smiles at Theodosia and then walks out the door, smiling all the way to his car.

-

When Aaron arrives at the restaurant, he follows the noise of shouts and laughter until he finds Hamilton and all his friends sitting at two tables that have been pushed together.

“BURR!”

Laurens pulls him into a hug. It isn’t until after Aaron pulls away that he sees the strain in Laurens’ smile.

“Everything good?” He asks.

“Oh you know,” Laurens waves a dismissive hand, “it’s just been a long night.”

“The party only started 10 minutes ago.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow and takes the time to look around at everyone else; Lafayette is attempting to fit as many party hats on his head as possible in order to amuse Peggy, Mulligan is taking shots with Angelica, and at the other end of the table, Hamilton is deep in conversation with Eliza. When Aaron looks closer, he sees that their hands are intertwined.

“They’ve been like that all night,” Laurens whines, “and Hercules refuses to buy me any drinks. I’m dying, Burr.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” Aaron replies. “You knew it was going to be like this when you came.”

They both sit down and when Laurens continues to look sulky, Aaron sighs.

“I thought you said you would take whatever you could get when it comes to Hamilton?”

“Yeah well, that was before he actually started dating someone else,” Laurens mumbles.

“You were totally fine with the idea of Hamilton getting with me, why is this any different?”

“Well I never thought you or Hamilton would ever actually have the guts to do anything.”

“Gee, thanks.” Aaron says sarcastically.

“I mean, not right away at least. I thought I’d have more time…”

Things were getting a little too emotional for Aaron, so he waves down a waitress and orders some food to keep from having to respond to Laurens.

“What about you?” Laurens asks him suddenly. “Why are you so ok with all of this?”

“I told you, I’m not in love with Hamilton.”

“Sure you’re not,” Laurens smirks at him, “that’s why Hamilton came back into Mulligan’s apartment after saying goodbye to you looking like he had had the best make out session of his life and-“

“Please stop talking.” Aaron says sharply. Laurens just continues to smirk at him, but lets him sit in silence. Aaron can’t help but stare over at Hamilton, who looked happier than Aaron had seen him in a while. He was happy for Hamilton, he was. Everything was fine. 

“So,” Laurens says after a few minutes, “you gonna tell me what happened?”

“You mean Hamilton didn’t tell you?”

“Nope. He just kind of walked around in a daze after you left, and then got super pissy for a while, and then next thing I know he’s dating Eliza.”

“Was he pissy about something I did? Or….” Aaron trails off, wanting to know the answer, but also not wanting to. Laurens shrugs.

“He seemed more mad at himself, but even I don’t know the true workings of Alexander’s mind.”

Aaron just nods, but Laurens isn’t done.

“Come on, Burr,” he pleads, “tell me what happened?”

“Nothing happened. I made my choice, and now he’s made his. That’s all.”

“Yeah ok,” Laurens says as he rolls his eyes, “that’s all, uh huh. So you’re telling me everything between you two is great? No lingering feelings, or resentment?”

“Nope.”

“You are so full of shit, Burr.”

Aaron looks at Laurens for a moment before digging into his pocket and putting the piece of paper Theodosia had written her number on down in front of Laurens.

“See, I’ve already got a date lined up. Everything is fine with Hamilton and me. No resentment, we’re both fine.”

Laurens seemed genuinely surprised when Aaron produced the piece of paper, and had returned to looking sulky.

“Great,” he says, “everyone is fine. Everyone except me.”

“Come on, Laurens. It’s not that bad.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“Just….” Aaron searches for the right words to say. “Just, be happy for him, right? That’s what you wanted, for him to be happy.”

Laurens grumbles under his breath but says nothing more. Suddenly, Hamilton himself is standing next to them.

“Burr! I didn’t think you would make it.”

“Well of course,” Aaron says with a smile, “happy birthday, Hamilton.”

“Why wouldn’t Aaron have made it? You guys aren't fighting again, are you?” Laurens jumps in, giving Aaron an innocent look that makes him want to punch Laurens in the face.

“Oh,” Hamilton says, looking at his feet, “No. There's no reason. I don’t know, he’s a busy person and all that.”

“He is, isn’t he? I heard that Burr’s got a new special someone.” Laurens croons, and it really takes all of Aaron’s self control to not hit him. “So he certainly will be busy.

“Really?” Hamilton asks, turning to look at him. “You’re dating someone?"

“Tell us about her.” Lauren says loudly, before Aaron can respond. “Come on, what are you trying to hide, Burr?”

“You can’t be serious?” Angelica says from across the table. “Aaron’s got a girlfriend?”

Everyone at the table ‘ooooo’s’ at him. God, This is his worst nightmare.

“It’s complicated,” Aaron says with as much dignity as he can muster.

“Complicated as in, not real?” Angelica smirks at him.

“Angelica,” Eliza says quietly, “I’m sure if Aaron wanted us to know he would tell us.”

“Well spoken!” Hamilton breaks in, turning away suddenly from Aaron. “As always, my lady is the voice of reason. Leave Burr alone, and let us instead turn to a more important matter; my presents!”

Everyone cheers and takes their seats again as Hamilton furiously begins to unwrap his presents. Aaron turns to glare at Laurens.

“Did you really have to do that?”

“Of course. You said everything was fine with you and Hamilton, so I don’t get why it matters if he knows.”

“It was personal.” Aaron mutters as Laurens just laughs at him. He turns his attention back to Hamilton, who is tying a scarf around his neck that had been a gift from Mulligan. Next he unwraps a leather bound journal that is from Eliza. Then, he’s opening Aaron’s gifts. When he opens the DVD, a small exclamation escapes his lips.

“I haven’t seen this one yet, thanks Burr!”

Aaron can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. When Hamilton unwraps the box of muffins, he looks up at Aaron, a strange mixture of emotions dancing across his face.

“Muffins?” Mulligan asks when he sees what Hamilton is holding. “No offense Burr, but what kind of present is that?”

Everyone at the table laughs at that, but Aaron continues to stare at Hamilton, hoping he will understand what the gift means; a peace offering. When Hamilton smiles crookedly at him, Aaron feels a wave of relief wash over him.

The rest of the night goes smoothly. They all sing an obnoxiously loud rendition of Happy Birthday for Hamilton, who then gives a speech about what being another year older means to him while he stands on a chair. The night looks like it’s going to go one much longer, but Aaron feels tired, and gets up to leave after yelling goodbye over everyone’s shouts.

Aaron makes his way to the door but turns when he hears someone call out his name. Hamilton is walking up to him.

“Burr, I just wanted to say thank you for the presents.”

“No problem, I mean, it’s your birthday, it’s sort of a tradition to bring presents.”

Hamilton laughs at that, and they look at each other in silence for a moment.

“I’m sorry!” They both blurt out at the same time. Aaron laughs, and Hamilton smiles and shakes his head.

“Really, Burr,” Hamilton starts again, “I’m sorry for…everything. I just-“

“Hey,” Aaron holds up a hand, “It’s fine, Hamilton. Everything is fine. Really.”

Hamilton stares down at his feet and nods. Aaron wonders if he should elaborate, talk more about everything that's happened, but ultimately decides against it. 

“Do you have any more plans for the night?”

“Not really. Just spending time with Eliza once everyone leaves, she has some other surprises set up.”

“Oh, good. Good. That’s g-“

“Good?” Hamilton interrupts him, a playful smile on his lips. Aaron laughs again, realizing how many times he had repeated that phrase in the past few days.

“Goodnight, Alexander, and happy birthday.”

He turns to leave, but Hamilton’s hand is suddenly wrapped around his arm. Aaron looks down at his arm, and then back up at Hamilton, who is staring at him with a strange look in his eyes. It’s then that Aaron realizes he called him Alexander again. He opens his mouth to, to what? Apologize? He doesn’t know, but it doesn’t matter, because Hamilton speaks first.

“Burr, listen. I just want you to be happy, you know that right?”

Aaron still doesn’t say anything, just looks at Hamilton with a confused look. Where was this coming from?

“This girl you talked about, do you like her?”

“I…I haven’t really gone out with her yet, I-“

“What are you waiting for? Go get her.”

“Hamilton,” Aaron doesn’t understand where this is going, “I don’t know wh-“

“I just want you to be happy.” Hamilton repeats, letting go of his arm and stepping back.

Aaron is confused, he wants to ask Hamilton more, but he notices how sad the other man is looking now. This was not how the night was supposed to end.

“Hey,” he says, stepping forward and placing a hand gently onto Hamilton’s shoulder, “Talk less.” 

Hamilton opens his mouth, starting to look angry, but Aaron shakes his head and squeezes his shoulder.

“Smile more. Happy birthday, Hamilton, go enjoy the rest of your night.”

Hamilton holds his gaze like he's searching for something, and Aaron wants to look away, but of course he doesn't, he never can. After a few moments, Hamilton smiles up at him before taking a small step back.

"Thanks, Burr. I'll see you tomorrow."

Aaron steps outside, breathing in the crisp air. He felt better. He felt like things were going back to how they were, and he was thankful for that. Suddenly, Angelica's words are in his head again,

_"Hamilton may be satisfied, but we sure as hell never will be"_

Aaron didn't want that to be true, wouldn't let it be true. He was glad Hamilton and him had made up, but he refused to depend on Hamilton to have too much control on his happiness. Aaron had made his choice, and Hamilton made his. It was time to move on.

After a moment of hesitation, Aaron pulls out his phone and dials Theodosia’s number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another awkward conflict between my two boys. Why can't they actually just talk to each other??? Sigh. Oh well, at least they aren't fighting anymore. 
> 
> Hope you guys liked this one! Your comments have been giving me LIFE, seriously keep 'em coming! I appreciate all kudos/comments/advice seriously thank you all so much!


	10. Wait For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has been waiting for something his whole life, he didn't know what it was, but he was willing to keep waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE here's a chapter a few days early. It's a pretty short one, just giving you more insight into the strange workings of Aaron Burr's brain.
> 
> Next chapter will be later this week!

Aaron has been dating Theodosia for almost a month now. She’s great, she’s beyond great. The more Aaron finds out about her, the more he likes her, the more time he wants to spend with her. She’s 23, and had actually been engaged before she broke it off and moved to New Jersey, where she had been living for the past year. She wants to be a teacher and was taking classes to get her degree. She was intelligent, kind, funny, sharp, and…and she had chosen Aaron.

He honestly couldn’t believe it, that he and Theodosia worked so well together. It made him wonder how he had functioned without her. She always knew when he was anxious about something, always knew how to calm him down, always called him out on his bullshit, always knew how to make him smile. And Aaron loved making her laugh, seeing her eyes light up. He couldn't remember ever being so in tune with another person.

Theodosia had an apartment about 20 minutes from campus, and Aaron found himself spending a lot of time there, especially since Hamilton has been spending all of his free time with Eliza; Aaron hated being in his empty dorm room.

“When will I actually get to meet this Hamilton you talk about with such frustration?” Theodosia asks him one day, as they are both curled on her couch reading.

“Hopefully never.”

“Aaron, come on,” Theodosia scoots next to him and rests her head on his shoulder, “I want to meet your friends.”

Aaron sighs and puts his arm around her.

“I’m just afraid that once you meet them, you won’t want to date me anymore.”

“That could never happen.” Theodosia smiles into his shoulder

“You say that now, but trust me, I question my own sanity when I’m with them.”

Theodosia climbs onto his lap and straddles his hips before leaning down and kissing him.

“Nothing could convince me to leave you.”

Aaron smiles against her lips before kissing her again.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve the happiness he experiences when he's with Theodosia, but he wasn’t going to question it. If anything, it just made him realize that he had made all the right decisions, had followed his beliefs and stayed true to himself. Everything with Hamilton had confused him so much, made him question what he was doing, even who he was. With Theodosia, everything felt clear. Everything felt right. It may have taken a long time for Aaron to meet Theodosia, to be with her, but it was more than worth the wait.

-

Aaron was excelling in all of his classes, and he finally felt like things were falling into place. His grades were good, his professors liked him, and was handling everything without too much stress. He spent any time he wasn't with Theodosia studying. Aaron had always been intense about classes, but there was a reason.

His mother had been a genius, his father a man who was always talked of with great respect. His uncle had told him countless stories about them, stories that Aaron craved. He would take anything that brought him a sense of closeness with his parents, a sense of knowing them and belonging to a family he couldn’t remember.

Aaron was mad with the world that he never got to meet his parents, didn’t remember their voices or faces. He had been determined as a child to live up to the legacy they had left behind, because it was the only thing they left. The only problem was that there were no instructions left for him on how to succeed in life or on how to make his parents proud. He had to figure it out on his own.

For so long growing up, Aaron had wondered why he was alive, when his parents and his grandparents had died. There had to be some reason why he was still alive, some goal that he was supposed to accomplish. He still didn’t know what it was, but he knew there was something. There _had_ to be something. So he worked hard to find it.

Aaron had met so many obstacles along the way; so many forces that had tried to push him down, but still he persisted. He had grown up without a mentor, without a hand to show him the way. So he figured it out on his own, taught himself how to survive. His teachers had doubted his intelligence, his worth. They knew his story, or what they thought was his story; a kid without his parents, a kid who didn’t speak in classes, who kept to himself. They thought he was messed up, that he wouldn’t amount to anything. But Aaron proved them wrong.

Every day at school he saw kids mouth off, saw kids get into fights, and saw how that ruined their chances. Instead of being taught different ways to act, instead of teachers asking if they were ok, the kids were punished. Sent to the office, sent home, or sent away from the school forever. He refused to let that be his life. While he couldn't control the actions of others, he could control himself, so that's what he learned to do.

Aaron learned that silence was better than words in certain instances. So he kept quiet, only spoke when he was spoken to, kept to himself, stayed inside when other kids went out for recess. He worked hard, and it paid off. He graduated high school a year early, was valedictorian, and got accepted into Princeton at 17. Princeton was just another stepping stone to his end goal, whatever that was. Great things were waiting for him, and he just had to be patient till they revealed themselves to him.

All the work he did made him tired. He was so tired, probably pushing himself too hard, but it was worth it, he knew it would pay off in the end. By working hard, by focusing on his studies, it was the only way Aaron felt a connection with his parents, so he held onto that connection as tight as possible. 

-

The only time Aaron doubted if he was doing the right thing was when he was with Hamilton.

Hamilton was relentless in all his pursuits. He did everything Aaron worked so hard not to do; spoke out, challenged others, never let anything pass him by. He seized everything that came across his path. Aaron didn’t understand Hamilton, didn’t understand how he kept pushing the limits on everything but somehow kept winning.

He finds out that Washington has gone ahead and recruited Hamilton to be a part of the group he was forming, but he doesn’t ask Aaron again. At first, Aaron is upset. Why hadn’t Washington approached him? But then, he realizes it’s for the best and that he probably wouldn’t have joined anyway. Things might be relatively calm now, but Aaron knew as soon as other students, students like Lee, Seabury and George got wind of what was happening, things would get ugly, and Aaron didn’t want to get in the middle of it. He would wait for another opportunity to arise.

“It’s just such a cool opportunity, ya know?” Hamilton says to him on one of the rare nights they are both in the dorm room at the same time. “Besides making sure students of color have safe spaces on campus, we’re also going to try to form a Minority Students Association.”

“We already have one of those don’t we?”

“No,” Hamilton says exasperatedly, “we have a BSA but not an association that is inclusive for all minorities.”

“And you really think that’s going to make a difference?” Aaron asks casually, looking up when Hamilton doesn’t answer right away.

“Of course!” He’s looking at Aaron with a mixture of surprise and annoyance. “How could it not make a difference? How do you not see it?”

“The world is the way it is, Hamilton. Minorities have always had it bad, and we probably always will.”

“You have got to be kidding? ‘The world is the way it is’ I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Well it’s true,” Aaron shrugs, “which is why it would be better for you to just keep your head down long enough until you’re in a real position of power to make a difference.”

“Oh, and that’s what you’re doing?”

“Yep.”

Hamilton opens his mouth in disbelief and shakes his head.

“Burr, sitting around and waiting for something to happen isn’t going to lead to change.”

“And neither is spouting my mouth off at every opportunity and putting myself in danger before I get a chance to make an actual difference. This is not the time to do it, Hamilton.”

“Not the time? It’s always the time! And how is what I’m doing dangerous? Nothing has happened.”

“Not yet, but just you wait,” Aaron warns, “soon enough word of what you guys are doing is gonna get around, and it’s gonna make people nervous, and it’s gonna make people mad. Then all the mad, nervous people get together to form a very large group of mad, nervous people who will resist what you’re trying to do and crush it.”

“Damn,” Hamilton says, looking at Burr, “you are the most pessimistic person I know.”

“Sorry, but it’s true.”

“We’ll see.” Hamilton mumbles, turning back to whatever it is he’s writing. “I just don’t get how you’re content to wait around and do nothing.”

Aaron considers answering, but decides he doesn’t have to explain anything to Hamilton. He knows why he does what he does, he knows it’s the right thing to do, and that’s all that matters.

It’s not that Aaron doesn’t understand what Hamilton is trying to do, he does. And it’s a noble effort, but Aaron truly believes it won't amount to anything. Sure, Washington and Hamilton might be able to make a few small changes on the campus, but what will that amount to? The world wasn't ready for change, hadn't been ready for it for years and years. Minorities were at the bottom of the totem poll, always had been. By being arrogant, pushy and intense about these issues, Hamilton would be pushing people away. It was better to be calm, understanding, and to stick to the sidelines until the time was right.

Aaron expects to see Hamilton fail.

-

Except Hamilton doesn’t fail, much to Aaron’s surprise and frustration. Hamilton is somehow more opinionated than ever in classes, and he starts writing columns for the campus newspaper, highlighting the need for inclusive spaces and documenting ideas to make Princeton a tool for change. Even more surprising, people are reading what Hamilton is writing, and are agreeing with it.

Aaron doesn’t know why it upsets him so much, seeing Hamilton succeed. Theodosia says it’s because he’s jealous, but that isn’t it. It’s something more than that.

It’s seeing someone so loud, so abrasive and aggressive, someone so unlike Aaron do all the things Aaron refuses to do, yet succeed at them. And not just succeed, but become respected for them.

Hamilton’s name is well known on campus now, and Aaron can’t help but think back to the first day he had met Hamilton. How Hamilton had already known whom Aaron was, had seen him as a role model to look up to and had come to seek his advice. Now things were different. Hamilton didn’t come to him for advice, didn’t ask his opinion on things anymore. He just took what he wanted, and kept winning, and winning, and winning, never hesitating.

Maybe Aaron was jealous.

“Why don’t you just ask Washington if you can be a part of the group?” Theodosia prompts him when he starts complaining about the topic again. “I’m sure he would love to have you.”

“If he wanted me to be a part of it, he would have approached me again.”

Theodosia just raises her eyebrows; a sign that she thinks Aaron is being ridiculous but won’t push him.

Maybe he was being ridiculous, but he refused to approach Washington. There was a reason the opportunity wasn’t presented to him again, and he was content to wait and see what that reason was, sure that it would become clear soon. There had to be a reason that Hamilton was thriving when no one else was, when Aaron wasn't. It just wasn't Aaron's time, so he would wait for it.

So Aaron waits. He waits and he waits. Keeps his head down, stays out of whatever plans and schemes Hamilton is forming.

But of course, Hamilton eventually goes too far, takes on something much bigger than him, and Aaron has no choice but to act. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I really love Aaron Burr and just want to give him a hug. He's just doing what he thinks is best.
> 
> Sorry for the lack of Hamilton/Burr interaction, the next chapter will have a lot, so just wait for it ;)  
> I'm really excited to get the next chapter out, so just ~~~stay alive~~~ till then ;)))
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/feedback are more than appreciated, and thank you to everyone who has kept reading this, it means the world to me!


	11. Stay Alive/Ten Duel Commandments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton wants to have a protest. Aaron tries to stay out of it, but when it comes to Hamilton, things are never quite that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayayayyy new chapter! This one combines elements from stay alive/ten duel commandments, obviously though there are changes.

It’s the end of the week when a poster on one of the walls in the dining hall catches Aaron’s eye. He walks up to it, his stomach dropping slightly as he reads it.

**_JOIN THE BLACK STUDENTS ASSOCIATION AND THE SOON TO BE FORMED MINORITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION AS WE HOLD A PEACEFUL PROTEST FOR THE INCLUSION OF MINORITIES IN COLLEGE SPACES. DO NOT LET OUR VOICES BE SILENCED!_ **

A time and date, 4 o’clock this Saturday, is scrawled at the bottom. Aaron rereads it a few more times, trying to decide if this would go badly or not. It was always hard to tell with Hamilton. When he was great, he was great, but when he took on too much, the result could be catastrophic.

“Your boyfriend sure likes to start trouble, doesn’t he?”

Aaron spins around to see a smirking Lee staring at him, with no other than King George himself next to him.

“Aaron Burr.” George says, extending a hand. “I don’t think we’ve officially met?”

Aaron hesitates a moment before shaking his hand, letting it go as quickly as he can. He turns back to Lee with a frown.

“First of all, Hamilton is not my boyfriend, and second, I don’t see how this is causing any trouble.”

“Don’t you?” George asks, ignoring the fact that Aaron had been addressing Lee. “Your…friend…is attempting to disrupt the status quo of this school and make my father, as president, look bad. Plus, everything is going just fine here, don’t you agree?”

Does he? Aaron honestly doesn’t know. Hamilton is definitely rash at times, and this protest might be a hasty approach to things, but disrupting the status quo might be going a little far, especially when Aaron wouldn’t define things as exactly ‘fine’ on campus. Aaron just smiles at the other two, and shrugs a shoulder.

“I’m sure he means no disrespect by the protest, he’s probably just taking a politics assignment a little too far is all.”

“An interesting comment, I didn’t know Professor Washington taught a politics class, did you Lee?”

Aaron feels an icy chill run down his spine as Lee smiles at George and shakes his head.

“Washington?” Aaron asks, hoping this doesn’t mean what he thinks it means. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb, Burr, it doesn’t suit you. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about Washington’s little group of misfits?” George laughs before continuing. “Honestly I thought Washington would have more brains than to pick someone like this Hamilton to play out his commands. Hamilton is a no one, has a mouth far bigger than his brain.”

Aaron feels something like rage build in his stomach, but he pushes it down, keeps a smile on his face.

“Well, if that’s the case,” he says smoothly, “I guess you have nothing to worry about in regards to the protest. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.”

He steps around them, and is almost out of sight when Lee calls over to him.

“Well let your boy Hamilton know that me and George can’t wait for the protest, and that we’ll definitely be there. We’d hate to miss the excitement.”

Aaron doesn’t respond, doesn’t even turn around, and just keeps placing one foot in front of the other until he is out of the dining hall.

He pulls out his phone and texts Hamilton.

_-Are you in the room? We need to talk._

_Hamilton: It depends on why you’re asking…._

_-Please don’t be difficult_

_Hamilton: I’m never difficult, you’re the difficult one_

Aaron rolls his eyes but looks back to his phone when it buzzes

_Hamilton: Fine, yes I’m in the room. Give me like ten minutes to finish my work before you come in to yell at me about the protest_

Slightly amused and annoyed that Hamilton already knows what he wants to talk about, Aaron patiently waits the ten minutes before walking into the room. When he enters, Hamilton is already in the middle of the room, pacing up and down.

“Now, before you argue with me, Burr,” he says running a hand through his hair, “take some time to consider how good this protest will be for everyone. Number one, it’s a _peaceful_ protest, nothing crazy is going to happen. We’re just gonna stand around with some posters, I’ll give a speech or two, answer questions and that’s it. Second, it’s a great way to bring attention to our cause and bring in community support without being too aggressive. It’s the perfect plan.”

When it looks like Hamilton is going to pause to take a breath, Aaron cuts in.

“Look, in a perfect world, this would be a good plan. But we don’t live in a perfect world. You might start the protest out peacefully, but it might not end that way. You think cops are just gonna see a group of minorities all in one spot and not try to break it up? Plus I already know that Lee and George are going to be there and you can bet they’ll do their best to make sure it doesn’t go well. George isn't just going to stand by and let you shit talk how his father is running the campus.”

Hamilton just waves away all of Aaron’s input, continuing to pace.

“It will be a peaceful protest, I’ll make sure of it. And now that you told me, I’ll be able to prepare for whatever Lee and George are trying to plot. Hey! Maybe you could see what they’re doing, Lee likes you and-“

“Lee used to like me,” Aaron interrupts, “but you made sure that ended, so I will not act as your spy.”

At his words, Hamilton looks like he wants to argue, but then just shakes his head.

“Will you at least come to the protest?”

“No.” Aaron says firmly. “Besides, I’m busy that day.”

“Sure you are.”

“I am! I’m helping Theodosia move some furniture into her apartment.”

“Uh huh,” Hamilton is still looking at him skeptically.

“I am. She needs more furniture if I’m going to move in next year.”

Aaron is surprised when Hamilton looks at him with wide eyes, suddenly speechless.

“You’re moving in with her?”

“Uhm, yes?” Aaron feels uncomfortable now, not sure why Hamilton is looking at him the way he is. “I mean, we’ve talked about it at least.”

“Well good. Good, good, good. Ok,” Hamilton moves across the room and grabs his backpack. “I have work to do. Have fun with Theodosia.”

Hamilton slams the door behind him, leaving Aaron standing in the room alone.

-

The first half of Saturday goes well enough. Aaron enjoys spending time with Theodosia, even if that time is spent lugging large pieces of furniture around her apartment.

4 o’clock comes and goes, and Aaron forces himself to push the protest out of his mind. Hamilton said he could handle it, so Aaron did his best to believe Hamilton and resist checking up on things. Once 5 o’clock comes around, however, Aaron is unable to resist and turns on the news.

He is in no way prepared for what shows up on the screen; a complete riot has broken out. There’s a shot of a group of students holding signs and yelling as cops walk towards them before the screen changes to show people fleeing. When a reporter states that over ten people have been injured and ambulances are on the way to the site, Aaron swears loudly. He pulls out his phone to see if anyone has contacted him, but no one has.

Theodosia had rushed into the room at his exclamation, and gasped when she saw the TV.

“Aaron what-“

He waves a hand at her, unable to even form words. He dials Hamilton’s number, heart pounding. It goes to voicemail. He tries calling Laurens, then Mulligan, then Lafayette. None of them answer.

“Shit!” He yells out. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“Aaron calm down, I’m sure they’re fine.” Theodosia crosses the room and wraps her arms around him. Aaron holds her a moment, tries to calm his racing thoughts. But he can't. 

“I have to go get them.”

“Go get them?” Theodosia pulls back to look at him. “You’re going to go? Aaron, you can’t!”

But Aaron is already grabbing his wallet and his keys.

“Aaron,” Theodosia steps in front of him, “You can’t go, it’s too dangerous!”

“I have to, Theodosia. I have to know that he-that they are ok.”

Theodosia stares up at him, and he can see the exact moment she decides she’s going with him.

“No,” he says firmly, “you have to stay here.”

“Why? If it’s safe enough for you to go, then it’s safe enough for me to go.”

Aaron opens his mouth to argue but Theodosia grabs the keys from his hands.

“And I’m driving, you’re too worked up.” With that, she turns around and walks out the door, leaving Aaron with no choice but to follow her.

Once they’re on the road, the nerves really start to hit Aaron. He knew the protest would end up like this; he should have stopped Hamilton and all his friends from going. They were all so reckless, so full of fire; they were bound to get themselves into trouble. What if they had gotten hurt?

Images of an injured Hamilton flash in his mind, and Aaron closes his eyes and tries to take a deep breath. He jumps slightly when Theodosia touches his knee lightly.

“Aaron, it’s going to be fine, we’re going to find them.”

He just nods, still unable to form words, and stares out the window.

They get there in about twenty minutes, many of the roads being blocked off by police cars. When Theodosia finally finds a place to park, Aaron quickly unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to her.

“Please stay in the car.”

“What? Aaron no, I’m not just going to let you go out there alone.”

“Theodosia, please, I can’t drag you out there, I can’t put you in danger. Just give me fifteen minutes. If I haven’t found them by then, I’ll come back ok?”

Theodosia looks like she wants to argue, but Aaron is already climbing out of the car, running towards the scene of the protest.

He keeps his head down, tries to skirt around the mobs of people that are still running around. He wants to turn around and go back to the car when he sees two cops tackle a boy to the ground, but he grits his teeth and keeps searching for the familiar face of Hamilton, Laurens, Mulligan or Lafayette in the crowd. After a few minutes of chaos, Aaron spots some familiar faces, but not the ones he’s hoping for.

Samuel Seabury and George are walking towards him. Aaron swears under his breath. He was hoping that he wouldn’t meet anyone who knew him besides Hamilton and his friends, and of course these were the two people he had to see

“Mr. Burr,” George drawls one he’s in front of him, “your face is certainly one I wasn’t expecting to see here, I didn’t think riots were your sort of thing.”

“I’m just here to pick someone up,” Aaron says tightly, trying to push down his nerves.

“Really? Well maybe your name won’t be one I give to my father or the police when I tell him about all the students who threatened my safety and everyone else’s around them. Or maybe it will, I’ll just have to see how I’m feeling.”

Aaron has a response on the tip of his tongue, but bites it down and just smiles.

“Surely everyone here is responsible for what happened.”

“Are they? I think it’s the fault of the students who were trying to get more than they deserved, and I’m sure my father will see it the same way.”

“Yes,” Seabury agrees, “you and your friends certainly know how to make things worse for yourselves.”

“Speaking of your friends,” George says with a mean smile, “I think I saw them in some alley throwing punches at Charles Lee. That certainly won’t help their cause will it?”

Without another word, Aaron pushes past them and breaks into a sprint, weaving in and out of people. Of course Hamilton would do something as stupid as picking a fight with Lee, God, he was such an idiot. Finally, Aaron turns a corner and swears loudly.

Hamilton is leaning against the wall, sporting a bloody cheek, a split lip, and he’s clutching his side. Laurens has Lee by his shirt collar and pushes him against roughly against the wall. Lee breaks free and throws a punch, landing it on the side of Laurens’ jaw, snapping his head to the side before he falls to the ground. Lee climbs over him and punches him again, slamming Laurens’ head onto the concrete.

Springing into action, Aaron leaps forward and pulls Lee back before he can get to Laurens again.

“Get the fuck out of my way, Burr!” Lee spits at him. He manages to clip Aaron on the side of his jaw, and Aaron feels his lip split. He pushes Lee back against the wall.

“Calm down Lee, before you make any more stupid mistakes.”

“The only mistakes made here were the mistakes of your shitty friends.”

“Really?” Aaron hisses. “Cause when I turned the corner all I saw was Laurens trying to keep you away from Hamilton, and then you slamming Laurens to the ground. Seems like you were the aggressor, not them.”

Lee laughs wildly and pushes against Aaron’s hands, but can’t shift them.

“Please, Burr, you think anyone is gonna believe that I beat up these guys? I think my story of how they pushed me into this alley and ambushed me will sound much more convincing.”

“The video I took on my phone will prove your story wrong,” Aaron lies, thinking fast.

“Video?” Lee looks at him with something like panic, before smiling again. “Bullshit, you didn’t take a video. Who wastes time taking a video of their friends getting beat up? Let me see your phone.”

“What, so you can take it and run? I don’t think so. And you know me, Lee, would I jump into a fight before making sure I have evidence it was justified for me to do so?”

Lee stares at him, and Aaron looks back, praying his face is giving nothing away. Finally, Lee snarls and then successfully pushes Aaron off of him.

“This isn’t the end of this, Burr. Just wait.”

Aaron rolls his eyes at the threat, but doesn’t stop Lee from running away. He turns and helps Laurens up from where he’s still lying on the ground.

“Are you ok?”

Laurens spits out a mouthful of blood but nods.

“I'm fine. Head hurts, think I twisted my ankle, but I’m fine.”

“Yeah,” Aaron says sarcastically, “you sound fine.”

He turns to Hamilton, who is still leaning against the wall, breathing heavily as he looks at him with wide eyes.

“Burr, I-“

“No. I don’t want to hear it right now, Hamilton. Can you walk?”

Hamilton stands up straight and takes a few steps towards Aaron, wincing and clutching his side tighter, but nods.

“Good. Now come on, we’re going.”

“What about Lafayette and Mulligan?” Hamilton asks quickly as they start walking. “We can’t leave them, what if they’re in trouble?”

“You should have thought about that before you decided to do this protest in the first place.” Aaron says coldly, not caring about how Hamilton flinches at his words and hangs his head.

He supports Laurens as the three of them carefully make their way through the crowds of people. When they pass a group of boys being handcuffed, Aaron feels more than sees Hamilton flinch. He considers turning to Hamilton, wanting to comfort him in some way, but he doesn't know what to say, so he just keeps walking.  They make it back to the car, and Aaron helps Laurens into the backseat before climbing back into the passenger seat. When he gets in, Theodosia immediately puts a hand to his lip.

“I’m fine.” He reassures her, giving her a small smile. “Let’s just go.”

“What about the others?” Theodosia asks, peering into the backseat. “I thought there were four of them?”

“Burr doesn’t care about Mulligan and Lafayette, as long as he’s safe then everything is fine.” Hamilton says loudly from the back.

“If I only cared about myself I wouldn’t have raced down here, putting myself and my girlfriend in danger, so shut up, Hamilton.” Aaron is not in the mood for this.

Hamilton, thankfully, stays silent after that. For a few minutes, the only sound is the occasional moan from Laurens, who’s looking paler than normal. When Aaron looks into the review mirror, he sees Hamilton glancing at Laurens, worry and concern clearly written on his face. Aaron considers saying something, but once again can’t think of anything to say.

“So you’re Theodosia?” Hamilton asks suddenly from the back. Aaron holds in a groan, this was going to be interesting.

“I am. And you’re Alexander Hamilton. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You shouldn’t trust everything Burr says.”

“Well so far, his version of you is living up to the real thing.”

Hamilton grumbles something under his breath, and Aaron turns to smile at Theodosia, who returns his smile with a wink.

“Why are you dating him?” Hamilton asks, apparently decided on being as annoying as possible.

“Hamilton, leave her alone.” Aaron begs.

“Come on, I’m really interested. What’s so great about Burr?”

“Well,” Theodosia says slowly, “he’s considerate, charming, sexy, intelligent, dependent, and,” she pauses before smiling, “and he’s amazing in bed.”

Aaron laughs loudly when Hamilton starts to splutter in the backseat.

“Please, keep the details to yourselves.” Hamilton mutters once he regains his composure.

The rest of the car ride, thankfully passes in silence. They get back to the apartment, and with the help of Theodosia, Aaron gets Laurens and Hamilton inside and sits them both down on the couch. Theodosia immediately kneels in front of Laurens and asks him a series of questions. Did he feel dazed? Did he feel nauseous? Was there a ringing in his ears? Had he experienced any loss of consciousness? When Laurens says no to each question, Theodosia stands up and nods.

“Not a concussion,” she murmurs, “so it’s fine for him to get some sleep. I’ll just get him some pain killers, clean him up, and then let him sleep for awhile.”

She pulls Laurens up and leads him to the backroom, leaving Aaron alone with Hamilton. Aaron sighs before holding out a hand. Hamilton just stares at it, not moving.

“Get up, Hamilton, I won’t let you just bleed all over Theodosia’s couch.”

Hamilton lets Aaron pull him up and they walk to the bathroom. Aaron instructs him to sit down on the step stool by the wall while he runs a washcloth under some water before walking over to Hamilton.

Hamilton is diligently avoiding eye contact, but Aaron tilts his head up so he can see the damage. He has dried blood near his ear and along his hairline, and fresh blood is still trickling from his split lip. Aaron brings the paper towel up to Hamilton’s face and starts to wipe away the blood.

“I can do it myself, Burr.” Hamilton snaps and he flinches back.

“Today’s events have proven that you are incapable of handling things yourself, so just stay still.”

Hamilton mumbles something under his mouth, but stays still and lets Aaron continue to wipe at his face. When the dried blood is gone, Aaron puts a hand under Hamilton’s chin and gently angles his head up so he can tend to his split lip. When he makes eye contact with Hamilton, the room suddenly feels much warmer. He clears his throat, moving his eyes back to the task at hand.

"Why are you helping me anyway?" Hamilton asks suddenly. 

"What do you mean?"

"You...we...we've still been kind of avoiding each other, ever since..." Hamilton waves a hand, but Aaron knows he's talking about the New Year's Eve incident.

"Just because we haven't been spending as much time together doesn't mean I want you to bleed out in an alley." Aaron says bluntly.

"Well, when you put it that way..."

Silence falls between them again, and Aaron dabs slowly at Hamilton's face, trying to be as gentle as possible when Hamilton continues to flinch every so often.

“What were you thinking?” Aaron asks softly, breaking the silence.

Hamilton lets out a shaky breath that tickles Aaron’s hand, before shaking his head.

“I don’t know. I…I thought this would make a difference. I thought I could make a difference, but then everything fell apart, I didn’t know what to do.”

Hamilton sounds close to tears, so Aaron doesn’t push him any further, just continues to dab at his lip. After a few more moments, Aaron steps back and puts the washcloth on the counter.

“Take off your shirt.”

Hamilton raises an eyebrow, a familiar smirk spreading across his face.

“Theodosia might think you’re great in bed, but I have no interest in going there with you Burr, I’m a taken man.”

Aaron groans, he had set himself up for that one.

“Hamilton,” he says firmly after recovering, “just let me see your side.”

Hamilton hesitates a moment longer before tugging his shirt over his head, wincing in the process. Aaron curses lowly when he can fully see Hamilton’s side. It's already starting to bruise; blue and purple spots coloring the skin across his ribs. Aaron kneels down on front of Hamilton and reaches out a hand, his fingers gently brushing over the skin. Hamilton breathes in sharply at his touch, and when Aaron looks up, tears are forming in his eyes.

“How did this happen?” Aaron murmurs.

“Lee.” Hamilton breathes out. “We started fighting, just verbally at first. But things escalated. He kicked me. Kept kicking me, but then Laurens…he was suddenly there, pulled Lee off me. Then you were there.”

Aaron is livid. What the hell had Lee been thinking? This was way over the line, even for him.

“I’m sorry.” Hamilton says suddenly. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean for Laurens to get hurt, or for you to get pulled into it. I was just trying to change things, but everything is worse now. Laurens is hurt and it’s all my fault, and I-“

Hamilton breaks off as he chokes down a sob. His whole body is shaking, and Aaron doesn’t know what to do. He hesitates before he moves forward, wrapping his arms gently around Hamilton.

“It’s not your fault, Alexander, ” he says softly, “and Laurens is going to be fine.”

Hamilton had stilled when Aaron embraced him, but at his words, he exhales a shaky breath and slumps into Aaron, his head tucked into the crook of his neck. He feels tears against his skin and grips Hamilton tighter, but quickly softens his grip when Hamilton squeaks in pain.

“Sorry.” Aaron starts to move back, but Hamilton quickly wraps his arms around Aaron’s waist, pulling him back to him. Aaron isn’t sure how long they stay like that, just listening to each other breathe.

“Aaron?” Theodosia’s soft voice breaks through the silence, and Aaron moves away from Hamilton quickly and turns to see Theodosia standing in the door way, small smile on her lips.

"Sorry, but I was thinking that John and Alexander could just stay here the night? They can take our room."

"What? No, no that isn't necessary." Hamilton breaks in, sounding very uncomfortable at the idea.

“She’s right.” Aaron says, turning back to Hamilton. “Just stay the night, I’ll drive you back to campus in the morning. Besides, you have no other way to get back there, and you both certainly aren't in any condition to walk.”

Hamilton sighs heavily before standing up slowly and nodding.

"I'll get you some ice for that." Theodosia says with a nod at his side before disappearing from the doorway. 

Aaron stands there for a moment, not looking Hamilton. When it seems like neither of them are going to say anything, Aaron walks out.

-

About an hour later, Hamilton and Laurens are both passed out and Aaron and Theodosia are putting sheets and pillows onto the pull out bed in the living room.

“I’ve never heard you call him Alexander before.” Theodosia says quietly from the other end of the bed.

Aaron drops the pillow he’s holding in surprise. He hadn’t even realized he’d called him Alexander this time.

“Well it is his name.” He says once he’s picked up the pillow. He climbs onto the bed and lies on his back with a sigh. Theodosia climbs in next to him, and turns to look at him.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

Aaron sighs. He doesn’t want to talk about this, about Hamilton. He had been doing so well at avoiding the whole topic, he didn’t want to fall back into the confusing cycle of trying to figure out what Hamilton meant to him. He hadn't expected to be so worked up at the idea of Hamilton being in danger at the protest, but it had sent him into a panic. And when he had seen how badly Hamilton had been hurt, he had felt an unexpected pull in his heart. He hated it. And when they had hugged, Aaron couldn't help the feeling of relief and comfort at being able to close to Hamilton again. He had been right, he and Aaron had still been avoiding each other, things were still tense. But Aaron didn't know what to do. Things were slightly easier when he wasn't being swept up into Hamilton's craziness, but Aaron would be lying if he said he didn't miss him. And did he care about him? Aaron sighs again, knowing the answer.

He turns to answer Theodosia, but he sees that she had already fallen asleep as he had been pondering her question. As he looks at her, Aaron feels another pull at his heart. He cared about her too.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really enjoyed writing this chapter. The interactions between Burr and Hamilton made me smile and also cry because they suck at communicating UGH and poor Burr! Poor Hamilton! Poor Laurens! POOR EVERYONE! Why am I doing this???
> 
> I debated giving a better introduction to George, but I hate him so much I just couldn't write it lol so sorry if that was bad. 
> 
> Next chapter should be up by this Sunday, probably a shorter one, but still, there will be one! I hope you are all doing fabulous, and as always, any kudos/comments/feedback is more than welcome (seriously i love your guys's comments keep em comin).


	12. Meet Me Inside/That Would Be Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron doesn't know what to do about Hamilton, how to feel about him. So he tries to figure it out. But is his solution enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter. Enjoy! x

Aaron is making coffee the next morning when Theodosia walks in, smiling sleepily at him. Aaron leans on the counter and watches her yawn as she gets a glass of water. She’s so cute in the morning. She’s always cute. He walks out from behind the counter and wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. Theodosia hums happily and put her arms around his waist.

“Did I ever thank you for being so amazing yesterday?” Aaron asks as he pulls away slightly so he can look down at Theodosia.

“You know, I don’t think you did.”

Aaron smiles and then cups Theodosia’s face before leaning in. Theodosia hums again and opens her mouth against his, deepening the kiss. Aaron lets his hands trail down till they are around her waist, and Theodosia’s move to wrap around his neck. She pulls him even closer, and Aaron can’t help the small moan that escapes his lips. They break apart suddenly when a wolf whistle echoes through the room.

Aaron turns to see Laurens standing in the living room smirking, with Hamilton next to him, who is looking uncomfortable. He looks down at the ground when Aaron makes eye contact.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Laurens says with wink, “but I smelled coffee.” He walks over into the kitchen and opens every cupboard until he finds a mug, and pours himself some coffee, still smirking when he looks back up at Aaron.

Aaron situates himself so he’s still standing next to Theodosia, his one arm still around her waist. He turns to look at Hamilton again, but is surprised to see he is no longer standing in the living room. Where did he go? Aaron can feel Laurens watching him, so he turns back.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“Absolutely fabulous. Theodosia’s ministrations worked wonders.” Laurens winks at Theodosia, who just snorts.

“Yeah, the wonders of aspirin. How is Alexander?”

Laurens bites his lip at her question and shrugs a shoulder. His eyes flick over to Aaron.

“I think I’ll go take a shower.” Theodosia says after a moment, pressing a quick kiss to Aaron’s cheek before leaving the room.

Aaron can feel Laurens still staring at him, but he refuses to be the one to start whatever conversation Laurens wanted to have.

“Burr,” Laurens says, forcing Aaron to look at him, “what happened?”

“Happened?” Aaron is genuinely confused. What was Laurens talking about? “You mean besides the whole riot thing?”

“Obviously, I was there for that part. What happened later? After I went to sleep.”

“Uhm,” Aaron racks his brains, “I cleaned Hamilton up and we talked about what went wrong at the protest, that’s all.”

Laurens raises his eyebrows waiting for Aaron to go on, but Aaron just shrugs a shoulder.

“Ok, so you talked, Hamilton got upset. Now you need fix it.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” Aaron almost yells, losing his temper. “I didn’t do anything, so I am not going to fix anything. I don’t know why Hamilton is upset, but whatever it is, it’s nothing I did.”

“He always gets upset after you talk to him.” Laurens points out.

“Then why do you want me to go talk to him now?”

“It’s what you guys do. You talk, one of you gets upset, then you talk again and everything is somehow better.”

Aaron opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it again, realizing Laurens is right. Still, Aaron doesn’t feel like anything went wrong with their last conversation.

“If he wants to talk to me then he can come talk to me instead of pouting like a child.” Aaron says coldly, annoyed that it was somehow all his responsibility to talk to Hamilton when he didn’t know what was wrong with him.

“Burr, come on, you know he gets,” Laurens says with a groan. “He just mopes around and gets too much inside his head. You need to make him talk.”

“No.”

Laurens sighs and puts his mug down on the counter.

“You both are ridiculous.”

“Go get ready to go back to campus.” Aaron says, ignoring Laurens’ last comment and making his way out of the kitchen.

When he walks into the backroom, the last things he expects to see is Theodosia and Hamilton sitting on the bed talking and laughing loudly. When they see Aaron, they start laughing even louder. Aaron stands there in shock for a few seconds, taking in the scene before him.

“What are you two doing?” He finally manages to ask.

“Talking about you.” Theodosia says with a big smile.

“Yeah,” Hamilton says after he manages to stop laughing, “I wanted to see if Theodosia has experienced your fascinating and rather loud waking up ritual. She told me one day you swore under your breath for almost a minute straight.”

They both break into fresh peals of laughter, which makes Aaron fidget awkwardly. He had never expected this to happen. Theodosia and Hamilton getting along was not something he could have ever predicted. It made him uncomfortable.

"We need to get back to campus." Aaron states, hoping to bring an end to the teasing. Alexander rolls his eyes and gets off the bed, brushing against Aaron slightly as he makes his way back to the living room. Theodosia stands up and takes Aaron's hands in hers.

"You'll call when you get back to campus?"

"Of course." He smiles and presses a quick kiss to her mouth.

He somehow manages to get Laurens and Hamilton into the car within the next few minutes without too much struggle. The two fight over who gets shotgun, Hamilton winning the seat when he physically pushed Laurens into the back seat before climbing into the passenger seat himself. Aaron drives in silence until a sudden thought pops into his head.

“Did either of you hear from Mulligan or Lafayette?”

“Yeah,” Hamilton pipes up, “They called last night, they’re both fine. They're already back at campus.”

“What and you just kept that to yourself? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you ask?”

“I shouldn’t have had to you should have just told me.”

“I can’t read your mind Burr I can’t just-“

“Oh my god!” Laurens shouts from the back. “You guys have to be the most annoying people in the world, please save the rest of this argument for your room.”

Aaron rolls his eyes but turns his attention back to the road. Hamilton was so frustrating. Beyond frustrating. 

"Anyway," Hamilton says, breaking the silence, "Theodosia is really nice. I don't know how you lucked out Burr, she is way too good for you. She was telling me a story about your birthday and how she got you trick candles and you got so mad when you couldn't blow them out and-WAIT!"

Aaron slams on the breaks, cursing loudly.

"What the hell, Hamilton? Don't yell like that when I'm driving!"

"When is your birthday?"

"It was a few weeks ago."

"Why didn't you tell me? Did you have a party? I didn't get you anything!"

Aaron rolls his eyes again. Obviously Hamilton was feeling fine based on how much talking he was doing. 

"I didn't have a party, I just got dinner with Theodosia, calm down Hamilton. I don't like making a big deal about my birthday."

"That's so boring! I'm gonna throw you a party."

"No you aren't."

"I totally am, it's gonna be great."

"Hamilton, no you are-"

"OH MY GOD!" Laurens yells loudly. "Can you guys _please_ chill out for like ten seconds. I swear you act like a married couple."

Hamilton snickers, but Aaron grips the steering wheel tighter. They did _not_ act like a married couple. 

They finally make it back to campus, and Hamilton swears loudly when he gets out of the car, complaining about how cold it is before he races to their building. Laurens says goodbye to them at his door and Aaron and Hamilton continue to their room, Hamilton still cursing loudly from the cold. Aaron unlocks their door and steps in, Hamilton quickly pushing past him into their heated room. He jumps up and down trying to warm himself up, which makes Aaron laugh.

“Calm down, Hamilton, it is not that cold.”

Aaron shrugs off his jacket and walks over to the fridge to get a drink. He hears Hamilton walk towards him and is about to turn around when suddenly Hamilton’s hands touch his back, before moving to his sides, and then they're slipping under his shirt to lie flat against Aaron's stomach. Aaron freezes for a moment, mind blank.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Aaron half shouts once his mind starts working again. He flinches away from Hamilton and runs ungracefully into the fridge. Hamilton smiles mischievously  at him and brings his hands back to his sides.

“Just showing you how cold my hands are.”

Aaron tries to say something back, but he’s still in shock. Even though Hamilton’s hands are no longer on him, he still feels them on his skin, burning him.

“Don’t forget to breathe Burr,” Hamilton jokes, “I don’t think I could pick you up if you passed out.”

Aaron scowls and turns on his heel to go into the bathroom. What the hell did Hamilton think he was doing? Aaron leans against the bathroom door and breathes slowly through his nose. Why did Hamilton always do this to him? God, his hands were shaking. What was wrong with him?

Aaron takes another steadying breath through his nose before going back out into the room. When he enters, Hamilton is talking on the phone.

“Yes, sir. Of course. No I can be there. Sure. See you soon, sir.”

Hamilton hangs up his phone and tosses it angrily onto his bed before grabbing his jacket and putting it back on.

“Everything ok?” Aaron asks, noticing how frustrated Hamilton is acting.

“Oh yeah, everything is fantastic. Super great!”

Super great? Aaron just raises his eyebrows and watches in silence as Hamilton gathers things from around the room, grumbling to himself the whole time.

“I’ll be back later.” Hamilton says, heading for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To start another riot.”

“What? Hamilton!” Aaron steps forward and grabs Hamilton’s arm.

“Calm down, Burr, it was a joke. I have to go see Washington, he wants to talk to me about the protest.”

“Oh, well ok. Good.”

They stand there in silence until Hamilton raises his eyebrows at him. Aaron looks back at him questioningly. 

"Uhm, Burr? I need my arm?"

Oh. Right. Aaron lets go of Hamilton, who smiles at him again before closing the door behind him. 

-

Aaron had gone to get something for dinner after Hamilton left, and was making his way back to his room. The whole time while eating, Aaron couldn't help but keep touching his stomach where Hamilton's hands had touched him. Why did he keep thinking about it? About Hamilton? That was all over, whatever that had been. Aaron was with Theodosia, Hamilton was with Eliza. Aaron shakes his head, trying to clear it. He was just overanalyzing things, that was all. When he walks back into the room, he finds Hamilton curled on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, a large blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Aaron sighs and closes the door before walking over to the where Hamilton is sitting.

“What did Washington say?” He asks tentatively before sitting down.

“Nothing.”

Aaron glances at Hamilton, but he avoids looking back at Aaron and just stares determinedly at the TV.

“Hamilton,” Aaron says, “come on. It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Really?” Hamilton snorts. “Well since you say so it must be true. Cause you’re always right.”

“Can you not be such an asshole? You don’t exactly look happy, so excuse me for wondering what happened.”

Aaron moves to stand up, but Hamilton reaches out a hand and pulls him back down quickly. Aaron raises his eyebrows, and Hamilton lets him go but is now staring at him with a pained expression.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t mean what I said, I mean I kind of did, cause you are right a lot of the time, I mean not all the time you know, but, I’m just…”

“Still being an asshole?”

Hamilton laughs and shakes his head. He sighs before slumping back into the couch.

“Washington told me to take time off from the group. He said it’s more important for me to focus on my studies and on myself.”

“And you’re mad at him for that?” Aaron didn’t see a problem.

“Of course I am!” Hamilton scoffs. “He doesn’t care about my studies or well being, he’s punishing me. I messed up big and he doesn’t trust me anymore.”

“Hamilton, I’m sure Washington trusts you. He probably just wants you to slow down a little.”

“But I don’t need to slow down! I’m doing fine, I can handle whatever he needs me to do and I’m more than ready to prove myself.”

“Are you?” Aaron turns on the couch so he’s looking directly at Hamilton. “Just…look at yourself. You have a split lip, bruised ribs and from the shadows under your eyes I’m sure you haven’t been sleeping. Maybe time off isn’t such a bad idea.”

"Oh so you think I'm failing too? You think I can't handle this?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Hamilton. That's not what I said. You just need to slow down, that's all. Don't tackle so much at once."

"Slowing down means I'm failing. Washington doesn't think I'm good enough."

“You aren’t failing." Aaron says firmly. "Look around, Hamilton, look at where you are. You’re at Princeton, you’re doing great in your classes, you’re a part of like every club on campus, you have a girlfriend, a great group of friends, and while your latest attempt at change didn’t go very well, you’re still trying. So just…look at the small things. You don’t need to conquer the world your freshman year of college. Leave it to your junior year at least.”

Hamilton stares at him with wide eyes, making Aaron fidget under his gaze.

“How do you always do that?” Hamilton asks quietly.

“Do what?”

“You just….I’m always freaking out and my brain is going so fast but then you always say something that's so...right...and everything gets quiet in my head and, and I just feel…” Hamilton trails off, which Aaron is silently thankful for because his heart had jumped slightly at the way Hamilton was gazing at him.

“Well," Aaron says after clearing his throat, "as you said, I’m always right, it’s what I do.”

“And then you always go and say something like that, ruining the moment.” Hamilton laughs.

“Well, it’s kind of a tradition with us.”

Hamilton hums happily and picks up the remote to rewind the episode.

“You’re going all the way back to the beginning!”

“Uhm, yeah?” Hamilton says, “You were giving your big inspiring speech and I missed everything. Now just sit there and watch this with me.”

Aaron rolls his eyes but turns to the TV and tries to get comfortable on the couch. After the first episode, Hamilton is starting to nod off, his head snapping up whenever he notices he’s falling asleep. They’re on their second episode when Hamilton suddenly leans his head on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron tenses, but Hamilton just scoots closer and nuzzles into his side.

“Hamilton…”

Hamilton just hums sleepily and doesn’t move. Aaron doesn’t know what to do, so he just sits as still as possible. He considers getting up, but Hamilton feels so warm against him, so he stays.

Hamilton sighs in his sleep, breathing out against his neck, his cool breath sending shivers down Aaron’s spine. When he sighs again, Aaron tentatively puts an arm around Hamilton’s shoulders, pulling him even closer, trying not to smile when Hamilton hums contentedly.

Aaron knows that Hamilton is upset with what Washington did, but Aaron is grateful. He had been experiencing so much anxiety and stress ever since he had seen Hamilton bleeding in that alley. It had never really hit Aaron that what Hamilton was doing was dangerous, at least not to such an extent. But seeing him after Lee had beat him up...Aaron hated it. Hated seeing Hamilton like that. 

When he glances down at Hamilton, Aaron notices how peaceful he looks. It strikes him that that’s all he wants, to see that look on Hamilton always. Aaron just wants Hamilton to be happy, and to be safe. That would be enough.

After a few more moments of just sitting there and listening to Hamilton breathe, Aaron can’t help but think about…them. Him and Hamilton. They're relationship still confused Aaron. He always tried not to think about it, tried to keep in the back of his mind. But it always came creeping up on him. When he wasn't with Hamilton, Aaron missed him. But when they were together, it was a frustrating relationship. Hamilton drove Aaron crazy, and he knew he drove Hamilton crazy, but they were always pushed together, drawn to each other for some unknown reason. Aaron doesn't know what to do, still doesn't know how he feels about Hamilton. He thinks back to what Laurens had told him at the New Years party.

_“I like him a lot, but then I decided that being with him in any way was enough. I’ll take what I can get, ya know?”_

Maybe that was the solution. To just be with Hamilton in whatever way possible, even if that maybe wasn’t what he…what Hamilton…what they both really wanted. God, he didn't even know what he wanted.

Hamilton moves in even closer to Aaron, one of his hands resting softly on his stomach. Aaron can't help the smile that forms on his face. He couldn't deny that he liked Hamilton. He meant something to Aaron. But what he meant, Aaron wasn't sure. He might not ever know. So this would have to be enough. Aaron would take what he could get. To just be Hamilton's roommate, his friend. That would be enough.

It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing chapters where Burr and Hamilton actually talk to each other. Even if they still don't say what's really on their minds, silly boys. Also can we all agree that John Laurens is a beautiful butterfly that is too good for this world? Same with Theodosia. I love them both so much.
> 
> Next chapter will be out sometime in the middle of the week. Let me warn you, then next one will be pretty uplifting and happy, but the one after....well....buckle your seat belts and grab some tissues. It's gotta go downhill at some point.
> 
> Thank you to each and every one of you who has read this and kept with it, it means so much!


	13. History Has it's Eyes on You/The World Turned Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a strange turn of events, Aaron wants Hamilton to write another article. The results are interesting to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH LORD. Ok. Here is another chapter. I wanted to add more but GEEZ things have gotten so busy in my life there is no time (I really am writing like I'm running out of time cause I HAVE NONE) Anyway, hope you all enjoy it!

Spring Break is right around the corner, and a whole week of break is sounding more than amazing to Aaron. Schoolwork has been piling up quickly, and the usual anxiety and stress has accompanied it. Compared with Hamilton, however, Aaron was handling things exceptionally.

Ever since his discussion with Washington, Hamilton had been on edge. Aaron’s talk had comforted him for a few days, but now he was back to being upset and frustrated over what Washington had told him. Aaron had lost count how many times he had walked into the room to see Hamilton pacing relentlessly and talking to himself. The only thing was, he wasn’t actually doing anything. Hamilton would pace and pace and pace, but he wasn’t doing any work. Aaron couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Hamilton actually doing homework or studying, and he was starting to get concerned.

When he wakes up the next morning, Aaron is determined to get Hamilton to start working again, even if that means going behind his back. He starts with Professor Washington. After their class, Aaron stays behind and then approaches his professor.

“Sir, I was wondering if you had a moment to talk?”

“Only if it’s quick, Mr. Burr. I have a meeting.”

“It’s about Hamilton, sir.”

“So it won’t be quick, then.” Washington sighs and then sits down at his desk before glancing up at Aaron. “What’s worrying you?”

“Well, sir, ever since the protest, he’s been…different. I know you told him to take time to himself so he can focus on his work, but, well…he isn’t exactly doing that.”

“What do you mean, Burr?”

“He’s not doing any work!” Aaron blurts out. “To put it bluntly, sir, he’s a mess.”

“And what would you have me do about it?”

“Well, sir, I believe that it would be best for Hamilton to start doing work for your group again. I realize he made a mistake with the protest and put him and others in danger, but I think he can do great work in other areas.”

Washington doesn’t respond, just peers up at Aaron with a curious look in his eye. Worried that he overstepped a boundary, Aaron fidgets uncomfortably and is about to apologize when Washington leans forward in his chair.

“I’ll make you a deal, Burr. If you join the MSA, then I will give Hamilton work to do. As you know, we’re still struggling to get the MSA recognized as an official club, and we need all the help we can get.”

Aaron bites his lip. This was not how this meeting was supposed to go. He just wanted Hamilton to get back into it, not join it himself. However, it was almost the end of the semester. Maybe he could handle being a part of the group for just a few months? But was it worth it? Did Aaron really need to concern himself with Hamilton again? He can’t help but think back on the night where Hamilton had confided in him that he was so worried about messing up his chance and failing his mother, how he needed to get ahead and succeed. It was a feeling Aaron had had many times himself.

“Fine, “ Aaron hears himself saying, “I’ll join.”

“Great!” Washington stands up with a smile, not giving Aaron any time to second-guess himself. “Welcome aboard, Mr. Burr. I’ll let Hamilton know the good news as soon as possible.”

“Sir, one more thing, could you not tell him we had this conversation? It would only upset him.”

Washington raises his eyebrows, but nods his assent, not questioning Aaron any further on the subject. Aaron mutters a quick thank you before heading out of the classroom, making his way to the library, trying to convince himself that his choice had been a good one.

-

Aaron doesn’t need to wait long to see that he did make the right choice.

The change in Hamilton once he’s back in the MSA is astounding. He’s back to running full force, and almost seems to be putting more work into his studies than before. Aaron doesn’t know the details, but he knows for a fact that Hamilton is already working on another article for the campus newspaper, though from what Laurens tells him, it’s more of a novel-length essay on why the protest went wrong and how it had to do with how white students had felt threatened and started the violence, which only furthered the need for students of color to have their own safe space on campus, and for the need of an MSA.

So far, Aaron had been able to stay out of most of whatever Hamilton was doing, and everything was too busy for Washington to hold any actually MSA meetings, but one night while he was eating dinner, Hamilton sidles in next to him, a pen and paper in his hands.

“Burr, it’s time.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Hamilton. Time for what?”

“I need to interview you for my essay.”

Aaron stops eating and sighs. He knew this was coming, but he was still tentative about giving any more quotes to Hamilton.

“Come on, Burr,” Hamilton pleads, sensing Aaron’s hesitation, “it won’t be as bad as you think. I interviewed a ton of people, it’s not like you’ll be the only voice in this. And Washington told me that you approached him and asked to be in the MSA, so it's not like you don't want to help.”

So Washington had kept his promise to lie to Hamilton about Aaron's real reasons for joining. At least that was good news. 

“What exactly do you need me to do?” Aaron asks cautiously

“Just tell me about your experience with the protest!”

“Hamilton, I was only there for like ten minutes, I didn’t even participate in it. I can’t give my opinion on it.”

“Burr,” Hamilton is looking at him straight in the eyes, which is something Aaron always tries to avoid when talking to Hamilton. “You can give your opinion. You saw the aftermath, you saw George and Seabury, and you saw what Lee did. We need you to talk about it.”

“Laurens saw Lee, just ask him. I don’t see how what I saw will do anything for your article.”

“Burr,” Hamilton is looking at him with exasperation all over his face, and he runs a hand through is already messy hair, which Aaron can’t help but smile at. “How can you not see it? You saw George and Seabury there acting all calm and pretentious, which is proof that they weren’t worried for themselves, and then you saw Lee kicking the crap out of me and Laurens. And you were the one that they talked to before the protest even happened, didn’t they threaten that something would go wrong? You have to stand for something eventually, Burr.”

Aaron sighs again, his restraint slowly crumbling, as it always did when he talked to Hamilton for too long.

“Ok. Fine.”

“Really?” Hamilton smiles at him and then quickly put his notebook on the table, pen at the ready. “Ok! Let’s get started. Tell me about the day that Lee and George first talked to you about the protest, and then just walk me through everything you experience after that.”

Aaron takes a deep breath, and then starts talking.

-

Hamilton’s essay comes out the week before break, and the result is astonishing. Everyone on campus has read it, and everyone is talking about it. Aaron had been worried people would be upset, and sure, a few were, but the majority of campus was spurred into action by it. More students were taking up the cause, not realizing how bad things were until reading Hamilton’s essay, which ended up being an impressive thirty pages once edited.

It only takes the Princeton administration a few days to respond to the article, and the outcome is more than any of them could have imagined. The administration not only agrees to let the coed fraternity for minorities to keep their off campus housing, but states that they will work hand in hand with the MSA (which is now officially a recognized club on campus) in creating even more safe spaces for minorities.

Aaron had been very nervous when the essay first appeared, but all the people coming up to him throughout the week thanking him for his involvement pleasantly surprised him. He couldn’t help but feel good about being a part of something so groundbreaking.

In celebration of the good news, Washington agrees to let Hamilton throw a party the night before break officially starts in order to thank everyone who had taken part in both the protest and the essay.

Aaron is about to walk into the room the party is being held at when Hamilton suddenly walks out of the room, and when he sees Aaron, he smiles so happily that Aaron feels a smile on appear on his own face. Hamilton is almost glowing from the success of his essay, and when he makes eye contact with Aaron, he has a look in his eyes that Aaron recognizes. It is the same look he had when he had followed Aaron outside at the New Years Party.

Hamilton is suddenly rushing towards him, and before Aaron can do or say anything, Hamilton throws his arms around his neck and presses a kiss to his cheek, his mouth lingering on Aaron's skin for a moment before he rests his forehead on Aaron’s shoulder.

Heart pounding, Aaron lets his arms wrap around Hamilton, pulling him closer.

“Thank you.” Hamilton whispers.

“I know I have a lot to be thanked for, but I have to admit I don’t know what you’re referring to this time.”

Hamilton pulls away slightly, his hands now resting gently on Aaron’s shoulders.

“For everything, Burr. Seriously, I couldn’t have done this without you. Thank you”

“I would say ‘anytime’ but in all honesty, I hope things will calm down after this and no more protests or interviews will be needed for a very long time. But you’re welcome.”

Hamilton laughs and shakes his head, looking up at Aaron fondly.

Aaron knows he should disengage from Hamilton’s embrace. But he doesn’t. Somehow, he finds himself gripping Hamilton even tighter, and when Hamilton’s eyes drop to his mouth, Aaron knows he should step away. But he doesn’t. Instead he moves his face a fraction closer to Hamilton’s and takes a deep breath before-

A loud yell from inside the room makes Aaron and Hamilton jump away from each other. The door opens and Laurens pops his head out. He looks both of them up and down before raising his eyebrows. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but the festivities can’t continue without our man of the moment.” He grabs Hamilton by the arm and drags him inside. Hamilton glances back at Aaron over his shoulder, a strange look in his eyes, before he allows Laurens to pull him further into the room.

Aaron is left standing alone, and his mind is spiraling. What the hell was that? Why did he try to do that? What was wrong with him? He runs a hand over his eyes and takes a steadying breath. He had just gotten caught up in the moment, that was all. It hadn't meant anything. With another deep breath, Aaron walks into the room, where everyone is laughing and chatting away happily.  

“So, how does it feel to be a part of a Hamilton-led revolution, Burr?” Laurens asks as soon as he walks in, stepping over to stand next to him. “Can you feel the freedom thrumming in your veins?”

“Well I don’t know if I’d put it like that.”

“Really? Well something must have been running through your veins a few moments ago when you and Hamilton were all wrapped up in-“

“What are you doing for break?” Aaron asks in a wild attempt to put an end to this conversation before Laurens can go any further.

“You’re no fun, Burr,” Laurens says with a pout. “But fine. I’m actually going back home to South Carolina.”

“Not staying with Hamilton this time?”

“Nope.”

Apparently this had been a bad choice of conversation topic. Laurens was now looking at the floor, a look of sadness spreading across his face. Aaron sighs softly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about?” Laurens shrugs a shoulder. “Alex is staying with Eliza, I figured it would be pretty awkward for me to tag along this time.”

“And that’s all?”

“That’s all.”

“Laurens, listen,” Aaron says, “I know we aren’t the best of friends, but if you ever want to talk about…anything…you can talk to me…if you want, or whatever.”

Laurens is looking at Aaron with a small frown that makes Aaron fidget uncomfortably.

“Well, Burr,” Laurens finally says, “that was a very awkward speech. But I appreciate it.”

“I just figured I owe you. You talk to me about stuff all the time, even though I never exactly seem grateful. But I am. So…”

Laurens clasps him on the shoulder and grins.

“Thanks, Burr. I will take you up on that offer and I promise to annoy you to the ends of the earth about it.”

“Great,” Aaron laughs, “I look forward to it.”

Mulligan and Lafayette come up to Laurens and drag him over to a seat, and when Aaron looks over, he sees why; Hamilton is standing on one of the tables, waving his arms to get everyone’s attention. Mulligan, Laurens and Lafayette all start chanting ‘Speech! Speech! Speech!’ in unison.

“Attention everyone!” Hamilton yells breathlessly, a wide grin on his face. “I would like to say a few words before the festivities continue. First of all, I have to say thank you to everyone who helped and participated in bringing about this wonderful act of change. I would especially like to thank my friends Mulligan and Lafayette; they are truly fearless and dedicated to the cause like no others. Second, to Angelica and Peggy for arranging all of our meetings and keeping us in check. Also, my good friend John, without him I would certainly have gone mad. He’s my constant companion in my crazy antics and I can’t thank him enough.”

“I can think of a few ways you can thank me later tonight!” Laurens yells from his seat, making everyone laugh and cheer. After the laughter dies down, Aaron suddenly finds Hamilton staring down at him from the table.

“And also, to my good friend and roommate, Aaron Burr. He really rose to the occasion and sacrificed a lot to take a stand with us. As my roommate, he has to put up with me more often than other people, and I’m sure he deserves a lot of respect for that.” Hamilton winks at Aaron, who is hoping at this moment that his face isn’t betraying any of the emotions he was currently experiencing. “Burr has helped me a lot throughout my first year, and we have had a lot of ups and downs, but through everything, I know I can always count on Burr to be there, and I value his judgment and friendship very much.”

Aaron tries to swallow, but his mouth is feeling very dry all of a sudden, so he just smiles at everyone who had turned to look at him during Hamilton’s speech. Hamilton looks like he is about to say something else, but Aaron sees his eyes move to Eliza, who is standing a few feet from Aaron.

“And,” Hamilton continues, “of course I must thank my beautiful, amazing and honorable girlfriend, Eliza Schuyler, for sticking by me throughout everything. She is more than I could ever hope to deserve. Thank you, everyone!”

There is a roar of cheers and applause as Hamilton steps down from the table. He makes his way over to Aaron and Eliza, and for a second Aaron thinks he’s going to embrace him again, but instead he grabs Eliza and kisses her on the mouth, causing more cheers to erupt.

Aaron, suddenly feeling not very festive, makes sure a smile is on his face before he starts to back away towards the door. Thankfully, he manages to slip out unnoticed. It's only when he's halfway back to the dorm that Aaron realizes his hands are shaking. God. What was it about Hamilton that made him do all these crazy things?

Instead of thinking of an answer, Aaron falls onto his bed as soon as he gets to the room, and falls into a restless sleep.

-

Aaron is asleep when he feels the edge of his bed dip, but he ignores it and tries to go back to sleep. He almost succeeds but then there is something wet against his face. He flinches and sits up quickly.

“What the fuck was that?” He splutters. When his eyes finally adjust to the darkness, he is able to make out Hamilton sitting next to him, a wicked grin on his face.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning!? Good morning my ass! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Hamilton starts laughing, which just makes Aaron angrier. He hated being woken up suddenly, everything was always so confusing when he first wakes up. Wait. Woken up. Hamilton had woken up. He had woken him up by…

“Did you _lick_ me?” Aaron puts a hand to his face, trying to remember what had happened.

“Yep!”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Oh come on, Burr, you liked it.” Hamilton winks at him and Aaron closes his eyes with a small groan. He was not awake enough for this.

“What do you want, Hamilton?”

“I’m getting ready to leave for Spring Break.”

“What at the break of dawn?”

“Yes, Burr.” Hamilton laughs. “Some people are actually functional in the morning. Anyway, I just wanted to see goodbye.”

“Goodbye. Now let me go to sleep.” Aaron lies back down, but Hamilton doesn’t budge from the bed.

“Rude.” Hamilton says, scooting closer to Aaron on the bed. “What are you doing for break?”

“Going to Connecticut with Theodosia. It’s where she grew up. Now goodbye.” Aaron says, hoping that Hamilton will leave after that but he doesn’t. Instead, Hamilton stares down at him and then he moves quickly, straddling Aaron’s hips. Aaron feels like all the oxygen has left the room, and it takes him a moment to react.

“Hamilton, what are you doing?” He wants to push Hamilton off of him, but he doesn’t want to touch him, not after what had happened before the party.

“Burr, I need to talk to you about something.”

“We were talking before just fine, get off.”

“Do you like me?” Hamilton blurts out.

If Aaron had been having trouble breathing before, it wasn’t anything like what he was experiencing now. Hamilton had never gone this far, never dared to ask him this question. It had always been other people, never Hamilton. And Aaron didn’t know what to do. He always had trouble lying to Hamilton, but he couldn’t…he didn’t…Shit. He didn’t know what to do.

“We’re friends Hamilton,” he finally answers very carefully, “so sure I like you.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Hamilton is biting his lip as he looks down at Aaron. “At the celebration, there was that moment, and I thought that…well you know…if you could just answer then we…I can decide what to do. Going to stay with Eliza wouldn’t exactly be the right thing to do if you-“

“Hamilton.” Aaron speaks his name louder than he means to, but he needs to stop him from going any further. Was Hamilton seriously debating breaking up with Eliza to be with…him? But that would ruin everything. The Schuylers would hate Hamilton. And then there was Theodosia. Aaron couldn’t just let her go.

“You still with me, Burr?”

“Hamilton,” Aaron repeats, his throat dry, “I…I like,” he closes his eyes before the word falls from his lips, “Theodosia…”

There is a silence after he speaks, one of the worst silences he’s ever experienced. Aaron keeps his eyes closed, hoping the moment would end soon. He feels Hamilton climb off of him and stand on the floor. When Aaron opens his eyes, Hamilton is grabbing his bag from his bed and heading towards the door.

“Hamilton,” Aaron pleads, sitting up, “wait, please, can we-“

“I was just messing with you, Burr.” Hamilton says, turning to smile at Aaron, but his smile is strained and doesn't reach his eyes, “I won’t get to do it for a whole week so I just wanted to go out with a bang, don’t freak out. I’ll see you after break.”

Once Hamilton is gone, Aaron lies back into his bed with a heavy sigh. Why did things always have to end so badly between him and Hamilton? Things were fine before; Aaron was just trying to keep them that way. Why couldn’t Hamilton just let things stay as they were?

Aaron turns over and buries his face in his pillow. He definitely wasn’t going to get any sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kind of a happy chapter, right? Up until the end. My poor babies. WILL THEY EVER COMMUNICATE!?
> 
> Also, fair warning, next chapter is my take on 'Dear Theodosia' which will be changed to 'Dear Laurens' and well....ya'll know what is coming. It should still get out by Sunday because I have most of it written out already so my busy schedule won't get in the way (yay past me for planning ahead)
> 
> ALSO WOW this has over 200 kudos now and seriously thank you to every single one of you for reading this. I appreciate it so much! I love reading all your comments so please keep em coming!


	14. Dear Laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron gets a phone call that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I hated writing this chapter. If you love John Laurens read at your own risk.
> 
> Second, I know this is a day early but it's Aaron Burr's birthday so here is a chapter in celebration!

Aaron is at lunch with Theodosia when he gets the call. He ignored his phone’s buzzing the first time, but when it rang again right after the first, he reluctantly answers.

“Hello?”

“Aaron? It’s…it’s Peggy.” Aaron is about to tell he he would call her back later, but he pauses when she starts speaking again. “I’m sorry to bother you, I know you must be busy, but we couldn’t wait any longer. I’m sorry, but-“ she chokes back a sob, and Aaron feels a chill go down his spine

“Peggy, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s-it’s John. He got in a car crash yesterday morning, the other drive was drunk, and-and, oh, Aaron, he didn’t make it.” She breaks into heavy sobs.

Aaron tries to say something, but he feels as if someone has just doused him in ice water. There was no way John Laurens was dead. It was impossible. He hears Theodosia ask him what’s wrong, but Aaron feels so numb, can’t form the words, so he just shakes his head.

“I’m sorry to tell you like this,” Peggy says after she takes a shaky breath, “but it’s Alexander….”

“Hamilton? Is he ok? He’s not hurt too is he?” Panic rises in Aaron’s stomach and he feels like he's going to pass out.

“No, no. He’s fine, well, he’s not hurt, but…he won’t talk to anybody. When we got the news, he just sat there in shock, and then walked into his room and locked the door. He’s been in there all yesterday and so far all of today.”

“Ok. What do you need me to do?” Aaron tries to take a steadying breath, and runs a hand over his eyes.

“Could you…could you come down and talk to him? I know it’s a lot to ask, but he hasn’t spoken to anyone, not even Eliza, and we’re at a loss as to what to do. He hasn’t eaten anything since and we’re sure he hasn’t slept either.”

Aaron pauses. Him and Hamilton hadn’t exactly parted on good terms, so he wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to go down. However, just ignoring Hamilton and the situation would only make things worse, Aaron really didn't have a choice. 

“I can be there by this evening.”

“Oh, thank you! Aaron, thank you, really.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

He hangs up the phone, and rests his head in his hands. He tries to take a deep breath, but he still feels like he’s suffocating.

“Aaron?” Theodosia’s voice is soft, but Aaron doesn’t look up. He doesn’t want her to ask, doesn’t want to have to say the words. Once he said them, there was no denying it.

“I have to go to the Schuylers.” He says instead, hoping that she won’t ask why, but he knows she will.

“Aaron, what happened? What is it?”

“Laurens is dead, car crash.” There. He said it. Dead, Laurens is dead, gone forever. Aaron would never see him and Hamilton laugh together, never look down at his phone to see a text from Laurens, he would never talk to him again, he was gone.

Instead of responding, Theodosia gets up from her seat and walks over to Aaron, pulling his head to her chest. She doesn’t ask any more questions, just holds him against her as he tries to collect his thoughts.

“Do you want me to go with you?” She asks quietly after a while, but Aaron shakes his head and pulls away.

“No, you’re here to visit your family, you should stay. They just need me to talk to Hamilton, he isn’t taking the news well.”

“That poor boy.”

Aaron isn’t sure if Theodosia means Hamilton or Laurens, but he nods anyway and stands up.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your parents?”

“No, no, you go ahead, I’ll have them pick me up here, you should go.” She gives him the car keys and then presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Are you ok?”

Aaron wants to tell her how he feels sick to his stomach, how his heart feels like its stopped working, how hard he’s fighting to keep his hands from shaking, how he wants to scream at the world for taking Laurens, but he doesn’t. He just nods again and squeezes one of Theodosia’s hands tightly.

“I’m fine. I’ll call you later.”

-

He stops quickly at the hotel him and Theodosia are staying at and packs a small bag, not sure how long he would be at the Schuyler’s. Once he’s back on the road, anxiety starts to build in him. He knows it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to be around others as they grieve. Death seemed to follow Aaron everywhere, and he was so damn tired of it. He hated that everyone expected him to be able to get through to Hamilton, to fix everything. He couldn’t fix this, he couldn’t make this ok.

He pulls into the Schuyler’s driveway at half past five. Before he even makes it to the door, it’s swinging open and Peggy rushes towards him.

“You’re here!”

Aaron opens his mouth to respond but he has the wind nearly knocked out of him as Peggy pulls him into a hug. He puts his arms around her tentatively.

“Thank you for coming,” she mumbles into his shoulder. She pulls away and half drags Aaron into the house, leading him into the kitchen.

Eliza is sitting at the kitchen table with a steaming mug of tea in front of her, and Angelica is next to her, rubbing comforting circles on her back. They both looked up when Aaron enters. Eliza springs up from her chair and walks over to Aaron.

“Oh, you’re here. Thank you for coming. Peggy kept insisting that we call you, but I didn’t want to bother you, I hope this didn’t bother you.”

“Please, don’t worry, it’s perfectly fine that you called.” He looks around the room. “Where’s Hamilton?”

“He’s…he’s still in his room. He hasn’t come out in two days, or spoken to any of us.” Eliza sounds close to tears, and wanting to avoid that entirely, Aaron guides her back into her chair.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go talk to him.”

After asking what room Hamilton is in, Aaron walks down a long hallway, anger starting to rise within him. What right did Hamilton have to hole himself up in a room? What was he thinking, adding even more stress to the lives of the people who care about him? Who was he helping by just hiding away?

He reaches Hamilton’s room, and bangs on the door. When there is no response, he knocks again, even louder.

“Hamilton, open the door.” Still no answer. “Hamilton, I’d prefer not to break down the door, but I will if you don’t unlock it right now.” He thinks he hears mumbling, and then shuffling footsteps followed by the unmistakable click of the door unlocking. Aaron takes a deep breath before opening it.

The room is dark, all the blinds are closed, but Aaron can still see the mess inside; there are papers and clothes everywhere, and in one corner it looks as if there is broken glass. He glances at the wall, and sure enough, there is a broken mirror.

“Why are you here?”

Aaron jumps, turning to see Hamilton standing in a corner of the room. If the room was a mess, it was nothing compared to the way Hamilton looks. He has dark circles under his eyes, a clear sign he hadn’t slept since he got the news. His hair is a mess, and his sweater was ripped and frayed in several places, and his face…it’s so void of any emotion, so empty. Aaron feels all of his anger leave him at once.

“You know why I’m here.” Aaron says softly.

Hamilton glares at him, then brushes past him, sitting down at his desk and opening his laptop. Aaron stares at him, wondering how he should go about this. When Hamilton starts typing furiously, Aaron takes a deep breath.

“Hamilton, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing, Burr?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked.” Aaron walks closer to Hamilton, who is determinedly avoiding looking at Aaron. “Hamilton…we need to talk.”

“About what?”

“You know what about, Hamilton, come on.”

“I have nothing to discuss with you, so unless you have something to say to me, I would appreciate it if you left, I have work to do.” Hamilton types even faster, but Aaron notices how his hands are shaking against the keyboard.

He sits on the bed and stares at Hamilton. He feels out of his depth, he doesn’t know what to do, so he does what he usually does; be an asshole.

“Laurens is dead.”

Hamilton’s whole body flinches, and he slams his laptop shut. He looks over at Aaron with wild eyes.

“Get out.”

Aaron had never heard Hamilton’s voice sound so cold.

“I’ll get out when you do.” He replies calmly, testing how far he can push Hamilton. When the other man stands up and walks towards him, Aaron thinks he’s made a small success. He’s wrong.

Hamilton is shaking from anger, or grief, Aaron can’t tell, but what is clear is that he is close to snapping.

“I said get out.”

“No, you said if I had something to say then I could say it, so I’m not leaving until we talk.”

“I don’t WANT to talk to you! I don’t want to talk to ANYONE! Can’t you all just leave me alone?”

“That’s really what you want?” Aaron asks, his calm finally starting to slip. “You just want everyone to leave you to waste away in this room? Well that’s just too damn bad Hamilton, you have people that care about you here, and you’re making them all worry unnecessarily.”

“Well I don’t care,” Hamilton snaps back.

“Stop acting like a child! Don’t you understand how lucky you-“

“Lucky?” Hamilton shouts at him, “I’m _lucky_? How the fuck has any part of my life been ‘lucky?’ My dad fucking abandoned me, my mom died, and now John is gone too! Everything good in my life is gone, so don’t try and tell me I’m lucky.”

“That’s shit Hamilton, you know it is. Everything good in your life is gone? What about all the friends you have now? What about Eliza? What about-“

“I DON’T CARE!” Hamilton has his hands in his hair, and his eyes are practically bulging out of his head. “I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THEM. ALL I CARE ABOUT IS JOHN, AND HE’S DEAD. HE’S DEAD!”

A ringing silence follows Hamilton’s outburst. They stare at each other, waiting for the other to say something. When Hamilton remains silent, Aaron takes the initiative.

“And you think this is what John would want? He would want you to just lock yourself up in this room, and throw away everything?”

Hamilton takes a few steps towards Aaron, his eyes still wide.

“I don’t know what John would want, Burr, I’ll never know what he wants ever again.” Unlike a few minutes before, Hamilton’s voice is quiet, but just as unsettling, if not more. “And don’t you dare assume what John would or would not want for me, you didn’t know him. You didn’t give a fuck about him, and you don’t give a fuck about me. All you care about is yourself.”

Hamilton’s words sting, but Aaron doesn’t let it show.

“Think whatever you want, I’ve never been able to stop you from doing that before. But I’m not leaving.”

“You think you know everything don’t you?” Hamilton says, his voice starting to rise again. “You don’t know shit, Burr. You think I need you here, but I don’t. I don’t want you here, don’t you get it?” He’s shouting again. “ALL I WANT IS JOHN TO BE HERE, BUT AS YOU’VE REMINDED ME, HE’S DEAD. AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU. BUT I DON’T WANT YOU HERE. I DON’T WANT YOU, OKAY? I HATE YOU!”

Aaron stares at Hamilton, who is breathing heavily. Aaron teeters on the edge of saying something, but instead he just nods his head. He backs away towards the door.

“Fine.”

He walks out, slamming the door behind him. When he walks out into the kitchen, Eliza, Peggy and Angelica are all staring at him. Eliza has a hand over her mouth, tears silently pouring down her face. Angelica and Peggy are both stony faced, and they drop their gaze when Aaron looks at them.

He walks past them and goes out onto the porch, pulling out a cigarette. He ignores the way his hands are shaking. Aaron’s not sure how long he stands there, Hamilton’s words ringing in his ears. He didn’t know what he had expected when he had walked into the room, but he had been naïve to think that Hamilton would just listen to him right away and get better as soon as Aaron walked in. But that’s what everyone was expecting from him, to just magically fix everything.

Aaron hates this, hates the pressure, and hates the idea of letting people down, of letting Hamilton down. He knows Hamilton had purposefully meant to hurt him, so he tries to push the words that had been shouted at him out of his head. Hamilton didn't hate him, Aaron tries to reassure himself, he had just wanted Aaron to leave.

He takes one more drag from his cigarette, and then sighs heavily before opening the door. He knows he has to go back in, he has to try again. He couldn't just let Hamilton deal with this alone. Aaron picks up his bag from where he left it in the entryway, and walks back into the kitchen, waving off Eliza as she begins to rise from where she’s sitting.

He opens the door to Hamilton’s room without knocking, throws his bag down by the couch and sits down.

“I thought I told you to leave.” Hamilton is sitting back at his desk, his laptop open.

“Yeah well, luckily for both of us I don’t follow your orders.”

“Get out, Burr, or I’ll make you.”

“Oh yeah?” Aaron smirks, “I’d like to see your scrawny ass try.”

Hamilton glares at him, then turns back to his laptop and starts typing away. Aaron looks at him before taking out a pen from his bag, which he starts tapping loudly on the table. It only takes ten seconds before Hamilton turns around angrily in his chair.

“If you’re going to be here, can you at least be quiet?”

“Sure,” Aaron says, still tapping, “I’ll be quiet as soon you agree to eat something.”

Hamilton looks like he’s going to explode, but somehow, he keeps his mouth closed and turns back to his laptop once again, continuing to work. Aaron waits a few minutes, and then starts to hum loudly, still tapping his pen. This time, Hamilton lasts an impressive twenty seconds.

“FINE!” He shouts, throwing his hands up in the air. “Fine, fine! I’ll eat something.”

“Great,” Aaron says as he hops up, smiling, “what do you want?”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever? An apple? A sandwich? How about cereal? Or maybe a vegetable? Carrots? Broccoli? Or do you want more of a dessert? Maybe-“

“OH MY GOD!” Hamilton spins around. “An apple, ok? Jesus.”

Aaron just continues to smile, and he quickly walks into the kitchen. When he’s there, all three girls are still sitting at the table.

“He wants an apple.”

At his words, Eliza looks up excitedly.

“I’ll get it!” Peggy quickly stands at grabs one from the fridge, handing it to Aaron. “Anything else?”

“A bottle of water.”

Once he has both, Aaron is about to walk back to the room, but he pauses and turns to look at the three girls.

“Listen, you all should try to get some sleep. I’ve got things handled with Hamilton.”

“What? No, no.” Eliza shakes her head. “We’re fine, we’ll stay up just in case Alex needs us, we don’t-“

“No, Eliza, Aaron is right.” Angelica stands up and gently pulls Eliza to her feet. “We could all use some sleep, it’s better than just sitting in here waiting.”

They all trickle out of the kitchen, and Aaron makes his way back to Hamilton’s room. He puts the apple and water on the desk in front of Hamilton. When Hamilton doesn’t acknowledge him or the food, Aaron starts to hum again. Hamilton sighs in frustration and takes a bite of the apple. Once he drinks some water, Aaron sits back down, pulling out his cell phone. It was already midnight. It had taken him six hours to get Hamilton to take a few bites of an apple and drink some water. Baby steps, Aaron reminded himself, baby steps.

He decides to leave Hamilton in peace for half an hour as a reward for eating the entire apple. At 12:30 on the dot, he starts to hum again.

“What is it now?” Hamilton snaps, not bothering to turn around.

“You should drink more water.”

Hamilton mumbles under his breath but picks up the bottle and swallows a gulp of water. Satisfied, Aaron leans back on the couch. By two o’clock, Hamilton has finished the whole bottle. Once the clock shows 2:30, Aaron sees Hamilton’s shoulders tense, but they both remain silent. After a few minutes, Hamilton turns to look at him.

“What? No more tapping?”

Aaron just shrugs a shoulder.

“You ate, you drank, I’m satisfied for the time being.”

Hamilton continues to look at him, biting his lip.

“Unless,” Aaron says slowly, “you want to talk about something?” When Hamilton remains silent, Aaron sighs. “Hamilton, I know you don’t want me here, I know you don’t want to talk to me, but you’ve got to talk to somebody. You can’t just stay in this room forever.”

“Sure I can, who’s going to stop me?”

Aaron tilts his head to the side, examining Hamilton in silence.

“No one.” He says finally, and Hamilton looks surprised by his answer. “No one is going to stop you. Sure, you have friends who are desperately waiting for you to come out not only so they can help you, but also so you can help them through their grieving. But if you want to be selfish, then fine. You make your own choices, Hamilton, so if you want to stay in this room, then fine. Believe it or not, I didn’t come down here to drag your ass out of this room and throw you back into the world. You need time, I get it, but you also need to talk, but apparently you don’t want to do that either, so fine. Just stay in here alone until you grow up enough to have a conversation.” With that, Aaron gets up and leaves a dumbfounded Hamilton sitting at his desk.

He walks into the kitchen and sits at the table before putting his head in hands. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this exhausted. Aaron isn’t sure how long he sits there, isn’t sure if he falls asleep, but when his phone buzzes, his screen shows that it’s already 4am.

He unlocks his phone and opens his messages.

_Hamilton: I’m ready to talk_

Aaron sighs and puts his phone back in his pocket. Leave it to Hamilton to make Aaron wait for two hours. God, he was tired.

When he walks back in the room, Hamilton is still in the same spot, but his laptop is closed and he’s looking at the floor, not glancing up when Aaron enters. Aaron sits back down on the couch and waits. Finally, Hamilton talks in a hollow voice.

“I don’t want to speak at the funeral.”

Honestly, Aaron wasn’t expecting that to be what Hamilton wanted to talk about.

“You what?”

“The funeral,” Hamilton repeats, now looking at Burr with wide eyes, “I don’t-I can’t speak at it ok? I can’t. I know that’s what they want me to do, to honor John, but I can’t do it Burr.”

“Hey, ok, it’s ok. You don’t have to.”

Hamilton is shaking now, so Aaron picks up a blanket from the bed and wraps it around his shoulder. He pulls up a chair so he can sit in front of Hamilton.

“And just so you know, Eliza, Angelica and Peggy aren’t sitting out there waiting for you to come out and put together the funeral. They just want to see that you’re ok.”

“I’m not ok.” Hamilton says this so quietly that Aaron isn’t sure if he actually spoke, but then he says it again, louder. “I’m not ok. I’m not ok, Burr. I’m-“ his voice breaks as sobs finally escape his lips. He hunches over in his chair, shoulders shaking. Aaron hesitates before placing a hand on Hamilton’s back.

“It’s…” Aaron almost says ‘it’s ok’ then bites the words back, realizing that it’s not ok, none of this is ok. “Hamilton, I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry, I’m honestly so sorry. And I know me being sorry doesn’t change anything, but I just… you aren’t alone, you don’t have to be alone in this.”

Hamilton doesn’t move for a while, but then slowly nods his head, and sits up with a loud sniff. He takes a shaky breath.

“I know I’m being dramatic, I’m sorry.”

“If there was ever a time to be dramatic, this would be it. You don’t need to apologize.”

Hamilton sniffs again, then slowly stands up.

“Shower.” He mumbles. “I think I’ll take a shower now.”

“Ok, good.” Aaron smiles. Hamilton was making decisions now, this was progress. He stays seated as Hamilton shuffles over to the bathroom. Before going in, Hamilton turns back.

“I don’t have any clean clothes.”

Aaron gets up and walks over to his bag, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He tosses them over at Hamilton, who nods his thanks and walks into the bathroom.

Once he hears the shower turn on, Aaron takes another look at the mess in the room. He sighs before stooping down to start picking things up. Most of the mess was just clothes, which Aaron assembles into a large pile in the corner. He’s picking up papers that have been scattered across the room when one of them catches his eye; it’s a letter to Laurens from Hamilton. Aaron looks closer at more of the papers, realizing most of them are letters that Hamilton and Laurens must have sent back and forth to each other during breaks. Aaron gathers all of them and places them on Hamilton’s desk before sitting down on the bed.

Aaron had been trying for so long not to think about Laurens, but now everything came rushing in at once. He couldn’t even remember the last thing he had said to Laurens. Had it been something mean? God. Laurens had always tried to help him, but Aaron always pushed him away. He pushed everyone away.

“Burr?”

Aaron looks up, not realizing that his head had been in his hands. Hamilton is standing in front of him, looking rather ridiculous in Aaron’s clothes; the sweatpants barely fit him and the shirt hangs off him. Aaron tries to smile at Hamilton, who is looking down at him with concern.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Hamilton looks like he is going to say something, but then he must decide against it. Instead, he climbs onto the bed and flops down onto his stomach.

“Do you want anything else to eat?” Aaron asks over his shoulder as he stands.

“No,” Hamilton’s voice is muffled against the pillow, “I just want to sleep now.”

Aaron is about to go over to the couch when Hamilton says his name again. Aaron turns back to see Hamilton looking at him.

“Will you…” Instead of finishing his sentence, Hamilton pats the other side of the bed. Aaron hesitates, and when he doesn’t answer, Hamilton turns to look at him. “I won’t jump on you this time I promise, I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

Aaron sighs, but goes back and lies down on his back. Hamilton shifts on the bed until he is curled up against him, an arm thrown across Aaron’s stomach. Aaron hesitates a moment before putting his arm around Hamilton, letting his hand rest on his back. They stay like that for a while, breathing quietly in the silence.

“Why did he have to die?” Hamilton whispers into Aaron’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, Hamilton.” Aaron wishes he had an answer, he could use one himself. “Sometimes thing just happen. ”

“It’s not fair.”

Instead of answering, Aaron lets his hand travel to Hamilton’s hair. He runs his hand through it, which causes Hamilton to hum and scoot closer to him. Aaron repeats the motion.

“I know it’s not fair,” he says quietly, “Laurens was a great person, and the world is worse off without him, I wish I could give you a reason, but there just isn’t one.”

“I loved him.” Hamilton whispers hoarsely. “I never told him, but I…”

“He knew, even if you didn’t tell him, he knew. And he loved you.”

Hamilton doesn’t say anything, just buries his face into the crook of Aaron’s neck. When he feels tears on his skin, Aaron doesn’t say anything, just keeps running his fingers through Hamilton’s hair.

“Hey Burr,” Hamilton whispers again after a while, “I’m sorry.”

“I told you, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“No, I’m sorry for yelling at you before. I didn’t mean it, what I said.”

“It’s fine, Hamilton, I know I’m an asshole. Just forget about it.”

Hamilton’s hand grips Aaron’s shirt tightly, and he tilts his head up to look at Aaron.

“You’re not an asshole.” When Aaron doesn’t respond, Hamilton sits up and looks down at him. “Burr, you are not an asshole.”

“Ok, Hamilton,” Aaron laughs softly, “I’m not an asshole. Now lie back down.”

Hamilton curls back against him and sighs. They’re both drifting off to sleep when he hears Hamilton mumble something, almost too quietly for Aaron to catch.

“I’m glad you’re here, Burr.”

Aaron ignores the way his heartbeat picks up at Hamilton's words, this wasn't the time to think on those feelings, and just rearranges himself slightly so he can pull Hamilton even closer.

“Go to sleep, Alexander.” He whispers, letting his fingers continue down their path in Hamilton's hair. 

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, it takes him a moment to remember where he is, and why Hamilton is curled so tightly around him. Hamilton’s arm is still draped across his chest, and during the night, one of his legs had lodged itself between Aaron’s.

Aaron slowly removes his hand from where it had still been tangled in Hamilton’s hair, and cautiously disentangles himself from Hamilton, being careful not to wake him. Once he’s standing, he notices two cups of tea and a plate of muffins sitting on one of the nightstands. Figuring that the Schuyler’s must already be awake, Aaron makes his way into the kitchen.

When he walks in, only Angelica is there.

“Aaron.” Her voice is cold, and it confuses him. What was wrong now?

“Angelica?” He raises an eyebrow in question.

“Would you care to tell me why this morning, after dropping off some food in Hamilton’s room, Eliza appeared to be very flustered and upset?”

“Uhm,” Aaron doesn’t know what to say, it was too early for him to think straight. “I honestly don’t know?”

“So you and Hamilton weren’t all tangled up in each others arms on the bed?”

Oh. _Oh_.

“Angelica, listen, it isn’t like that, it doesn’t mean anything, I was just trying to-“

“I don’t care what you were trying to do. I get Hamilton means something to you, he means something to me too, but I know that certain things aren’t appropriate. Eliza is my sister, and she means more to me than anything, and she means a lot to Hamilton as well, so don’t fool yourself into thinking you mean more to him than her. I appreciate you coming down here, but once the funeral is over, it would be best if you just went back to Theodosia. Being at Hamilton's side is not your place.”

She walks out of the room, and Aaron is left feeling like someone had punched him in the stomach.

_Don’t fool yourself into thinking you mean more to him than her._

Those words play over and over in Aaron’s mind. Why did that bother him so much, why did he care? Why did his heart clench at the idea of Hamilton not caring? Why did this always happen? Why couldn’t everyone just let him be? Why couldn’t Hamilton just leave him alone, stop staring at him with those eyes, stop touching him, stop tempting him, stop-

“Aaron?” Peggy is standing in the kitchen now, peering at him with concern.

Aaron swallows, tries to shake the all the thoughts from his head.

“Sorry, lost in thought. What do you need?”

"Is everything ok?"

"Of course," he answers, smiling over at Peggy. I'm fine, I'm always fine." 

-

Hamilton finally leaves his room, but Aaron avoids him, leaves the room whenever he is there, and makes sure that Eliza is the one to comfort him now. Angelica's words had shaken him, but he tries not to let it show.

The funeral is the next day, and Aaron helps where he can. It takes place in New York, apparently Laurens’ mother was buried there. The service is short but nice; Mulligan, Lafayette and Peggy all speak, and if anyone thinks it’s strange that Hamilton doesn’t, they don’t say anything.

After the burial, Aaron is standing off to the side when Hamilton is suddenly next to him. Aaron flinches back slightly, but then regains his composure. He could still talk to Hamilton, there was nothing wrong with that.

“I just wanted to say thank you again, Burr.” Hamilton says with an attempt at a smile. He looks so tired.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I…” Hamilton pauses, and then looks over to Laurens’ grave. “Is it bad I didn’t speak at the service? Do you think he would’ve…”

Aaron sighs, looks around them, and then places a hand gently on Hamilton’s shoulder.

“Listen, don’t do that to yourself. Don’t wonder what John would have wanted, ok? He would just want you to be happy. Not speaking at the service doesn’t mean you don’t care, Hamilton. He knows you do, he knows.”

Hamilton still looks unconvinced, so Aaron gives him a little push in the direction of the grave.

“If you want to speak, then go speak. It doesn’t matter when or how you do it.”

Hamilton bites his lip, but then nods and walks slowly over to the grave. Aaron doesn’t follow, just stays where he is and watches as Hamilton pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolds it. Aaron can see that there’s writing on it, and can see Hamilton’s lips move as he whispers whatever is written on the paper.  

When Hamilton starts to cry, his shoulders shaking, Aaron starts to move, but then Eliza is already there, wrapping her arms around Hamilton. Aaron takes a step back instead, and heads in the direction of his car.

Angelica was right, being at Hamilton's side isn't his place, it’s Eliza’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY. Did you guys cry? Cause I cried writing it. Laurens, my sweet son <333 
> 
> I want to be mad at Angelica but she's just protecting her sister and she doesn't trust Burr so I can't be mad. But my poor Burr and Hamilton, will these two ever catch a break?
> 
> Anyway, next chapter is Non-Stop which means I WILL HAVE FINISHED THE FIST ACT. I promise the next chapter won't be as sad and that Hamilton and Burr's little dilemma with each other will reach a breaking point with some ~~sexy time~~ consequences ;)
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has read this and stuck with it, it means a lot.


	15. Non-Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has resisted for so long. He's stayed out of the way, he's ignored Hamilton's winks, his grins, his eyes. But Hamilton, well, the man is non-stop, and Aaron only has so much control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW ok this is a kind of long one but enjoy! Also I'm probably gonna go back through this one and edit it tomorrow and just fix a few things cause I'm like really tired right now but I need to publish this now so I can stop staring at it and do my actual school work lol
> 
> Also aaayy I've hiked the rating up to Explicit soooo if you aren't into that then skip the last part of this chapter.

Once back on campus, Aaron doesn’t have time to think about Laurens or Hamilton, in fact, he barely has time to think about anything. His course work is piling up and he can’t remember the last time he got more than four hours of sleep in a night. He feels like he’s reaching a breaking point, but he has to push through. Finals are right around the corner, and he can’t afford to slip up now. He can't waste time thinking about Hamilton. 

But of course every power in the universe is against him; why else would he and Hamilton be paired up together for Washington’s final? The final is in the form a mock trial, where each pair is pitted against another pair and given the task of trying to prove their hypothetical client is innocent while Washington acts as the judge. Upon first hearing about the assignment, Aaron is excited. He’s always been good under these types of situations, but when he learns his partner is Hamilton, he’s can't help but be stressed. Lately, being around Hamilton has been more of a test on Aaron's patience and control than usual.

“Can I take the opening statement?” Hamilton asks once he finally manages coerces Aaron to work with him in the library on their project.

It’s not that Aaron has been avoiding Hamilton, he hasn’t. He’s just been purposefully trying to not be in close proximity with him, that was all. Ever since Angelica had talked to him, he’d been so much more aware of how he acts around Hamilton. He doesn’t want to mess anything up, doesn’t want to hurt Eliza, or Hamilton. But ever since Laurens' death, Aaron has been feeling more and more desperate to be around Hamilton. He feels like he wasted so much time avoiding Laurens that he never really got to know him, and now he'd never get the chance to. Aaron didn't want to do the same with Hamilton, didn't want to miss out on anything. But everyone kept telling him to leave him alone, to stay away...

But he doesn't want to. 

“Burr?”

Aaron jumps slightly when Hamilton says his name, and turns to look at him.

“Huh?”

“The opening statement? Can I do it?” Hamilton is looking at him strangely.

“Oh, yeah, yeah sure, whatever.”

Hamilton raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment on Aaron’s strange behavior, just turns back to the statement he’s already started writing.

Aaron takes a deep breath through his nose. He needs to calm down, needs to stop acting so weird, and just get over his feelings. But what even are his feelings? After so much time, Aaron still isn't sure. All he's sure about is that Hamilton is with Eliza, and that he should to stay out of it.

But he doesn't want to.

-

Washington has spread the mock trials throughout the last two weeks of classes, and Hamilton and Aaron are one of the first pairs to go. Aaron is on edge, more on edge than he thought he would be. He didn’t get any sleep the night before and nerves are coursing through him. When Hamilton walks in, he doesn’t look much better than Aaron is feeling. There are dark circles under his eyes and his hair is haphazardly put into a ponytail, strands already falling out onto his neck.

Aaron looks at him questioningly but Hamilton just shakes his head, so he doesn’t say anything, just looks over his papers one more time before Washington walks in and tells them to begin. They have one minute for their opening statement, and it needs to end with the calling of the first witness, an important part of the trial, or else their grade would be dropped a whole letter. Aaron takes a seat, but keeps his eyes on the clock as Hamilton stands.

“Ladies and gentleman, please bear with me. While this trial is merely being executed as a final project for a college class, it is important for us to look at it as having bigger implications.”

Hamilton continues to ramble on about something or other, none of it exactly relating to their client's innocence, but Aaron is fixated on the clock. Twenty seconds left….

"Innocent until proven guilty, that is the law, but luckily for my client their innocence is not something that will be difficult to prove."

Ten seconds….

“Now I intend to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, with my assistant counsel-“

“Co-counsel.” Aaron stands up suddenly, thinking Hamilton won't finish in time. “Hamilton sit down,” He hisses, ignoring the glare Hamilton sends him. “Our client is innocent, please call the first witness.”

The rest of the mock trial goes well enough. Hamilton is rather flustered at the beginning after Aaron interrupts him, but they pull it together, and even know they won’t know the results until the following week, it is pretty clear that they won.

The class is starting to file out of the room, and Aaron is about to leave as well when Hamilton is suddenly in front of him.

“What the hell was that, Burr?”

“What are you talking about?

“Oh please,” Hamilton crosses his arms, “you know what I’m talking about! You interrupted me and embarrassed me in front of the whole class, in front of Washington!”

“You weren’t going to finish in time! You were rambling!”

“I was too going to finish! I was about to say ‘we will prove our client is innocent, call your first witness’ but you interrupted me! Why can’t you just trust that I know what I’m doing? Besides, you were barely paying attention to what I was saying, I never did anything wrong!”

Aaron opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it. Hamilton was right, he had acted rashly, something he usually tries so hard to not do.

“I apologize.” Aaron finally says, which seems to surprise Hamilton. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that, I lost my temper.”

“You know,” Hamilton says, “people always talk about how calm and composed you are, but I’ve seen you upset like a hundred times.”

“That’s because you have a special talent under my skin more than anyone I have ever known.”

Aaron means the statement as a joke, but Hamilton turns to him quickly, staring at him so hard that it makes Aaron flush. He looks Aaron up and down, a small smile forming on his face.

“Good, I like that.” He bites his lip as he continues to look up at Aaron, and is about to step even closer when the classroom door opens and the next class starts to come in. Unable to think of a response, Aaron quickly exits the room, leaving Hamilton laughing behind him.

God, he hates Hamilton so much sometimes. Can't he see that Aaron is trying so hard to just stand to the side? To not get in the way? Why can't everyone just leave him alone? It would be so much easier if Hamilton didn't act the way he did, or look the way he did.

Aaron barely makes it to the library before Angelica is suddenly in front of him.

“Can we talk?” She asks, blocking his path.

“Not to be rude, Angelica, but one of the last things I want is to have another conversation with you, so if you’ll excuse me.” Aaron tries to step around her, but Angelica stops him.

“Burr, I want to apologize, ok? I was out of line before. None of us were exactly in a good state of mind, and I overreacted.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“Can you please let me apologize without making me want to punch you in the face?” Angelica sighs. “Listen, I know you aren’t in love with Hamilton anymore.”

Aaron feels his stomach drop at her words, but he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move, just keeps his face as still as he can.

“I just,” Angelica pauses and sighs again, “I just want to see my sister happy, and Hamilton, so I went a little overboard. I just care about them so much. But I know you care about Hamilton too, and want him to be happy. I just read too much into the situation. If I’m able to control my own feelings, I know you can too. So I’m sorry.”

Not trusting himself to speak, Aaron just nods and bites the inside of his cheek. Once Angelica leaves, it takes Aaron a moment to gather his thoughts.

 _If I’m able to control my own feelings_ , _I know you can too_.

But can he? Aaron honestly doesn’t know anymore, and that scares him. 

-

It’s the weekend before finals and Aaron has been studying the dorm all day, and when he looks at the clock next to his desk, he can't believe that it's already three in the morning. Of course the moment he decides to turn in for the night, Hamilton walks in the door, returning from the library. Aaron tries to ignore him, but Hamilton drops down onto his bed with a loud sigh, making Aaron look over.

"Burr, I need your help with something." 

"It's the middle of the night, Hamilton."

"Really? I wasn't aware." Hamilton rolls his eyes. "Seriously though, just hear me out Burr, this is important."

Aaron sighs and crosses his arms, but nods to Hamilton for him to continue. When Hamilton stands up and starts to pace up and down, Aaron groans. This was going to take awhile. 

“Burr,” Hamilton says, running a hand through his hair, “you’re better at debating than me.”

“Uhm, ok.” Where was this going?

“I’m always too abrasive, but you, you’re succinct, persuasive and the perfect solution to my problem.”

“And what exactly is your problem?”

“I need someone to write a series of essays with me defending the newly formed MSA to the rest of the student population.” Hamilton holds up a hand as Aaron opens his mouth to say no. “Just listen. We have some members, but not enough to start making a difference on this campus. And a majority of the student population either thinks it's going to fail or that it's too intense. So, you and me, we write essays defending it in order to raise awareness as to what our plans are."

“No one would read it, Hamilton.”

“I disagree!” Hamilton stops pacing, and stares at Aaron with a firm gaze. “These essays could make a huge difference.”

“And if they fail?”

“They won’t.”

“Hamilton,” Aaron sighs, rubbing his forehead, “No. I don’t have the time to do this, and honestly, I think you’re wasting your time. Be glad about the difference you’ve already made at the campus and leave it at that.”

“Leave it at that?” Hamilton is staring up at Aaron in disbelief, and moves closer to him. “Seriously? So you make one small change and you’re content to just leave it at that? You can’t be serious. Burr, we’ve studied and we’ve fought to bring this change about, and now we get to continue to build something that could have a huge affect on generations to come. Don’t you support the MSA?”

“Of course but-“

“Then defend it!” Hamilton steps closer and looks up at him pleadingly.

“Hamilton...” Aaron doesn't t want to have this conversation anymore. It isn’t fair for Hamilton to do this, to look at him with those eyes. Why is he always looking at him like that?

“For once, Burr, just stand up for something!”

Aaron shakes his head. He’s done taking risks, he’s so tired. He wants so badly to just go back to standing to the side, to keeping his head down and going through things unnoticed until the time is right.

"I don't get it." Hamilton says looking at Aaron curiously. "You always help me, but when it comes to other people, you refuse. Why?"

"It's just different." Aaron says, hoping Hamilton will stop pursuing the subject. It’s always different when it comes to Hamilton. Why? Why is it always different with Hamilton? Why does Aaron always help him?

He knows why.

God, he just wants to go back to before Hamilton came into his life, before Hamilton filled him up with this desire to do something. Every stand Aaron had taken this year were for Hamilton, always for him. He could never say no to him, Aaron always went against his ideals when it came to Hamilton. He couldn’t help it; there was just something about this boy that he couldn’t ignore, that he didn't want to ignore. Aaron thinks he would do anything for him because….because….

“Burr,” Hamilton is still looking at him with pleading eyes. “Just say yes.”

“No, Hamilton, stop talking.” Aaron needs him to leave, needs him to go away, needs him to move away from his personal space as soon as possible, before Aaron did something stupid.

“What will it take for you to just do something? Isn’t there something you care about? Isn’t there someone who-“

“Stop! Just drop it, Hamilton, please!” Aaron’s heart is beating so fast. If Hamilton keeps talking, keeps looking at him like that, he’s going to burst. He’s going to ruin everything, he's going to tell Hamilton everything, because that's what Hamilton does; makes Aaron feel so much, too much, until it all comes to the surface and he can't fight it down any longer.

“Won’t you fall for anything?" Hamilton steps closer to him. "Won't you fall for anyone?”

“I ALREADY HAVE!” Aaron shouts.

Once the words are out of his mouth, Aaron wants to take them back immediately, even though they’re true. He has stood up for Hamilton countless times, has risked his morals, his safety, all for the boy standing in front of him. This stupid, frustrating, reckless, inspiring boy. From the moment he met Hamilton, Aaron knew he would be the one to make him stand, to make him fall, and it scared him, it scared him so much. It still scares him, even more than before, because he…he…

He loves him.

The realization hits Aaron hard. He’s in love with Hamilton. He's been in love with him for so long. Aaron turns away from Hamilton in an effort to hide the thoughts that are racing through his mind, but then a hand is on his elbow, forcing him to turn back around. Hamilton is looking up at him, lips parted, and his eyes are shining with some emotion that Aaron doesn't want to know, doesn't want to try to know.

“Burr...” He whispers.

“Hamilton, please, don’t ask me. I can’t, I can’t!” Aaron tilts his head up so he’s looking at the ceiling and not at Hamilton’s eyes. He knows if he agrees to this something bad will happen. Whatever is going on between him and Hamilton will explode, and there won't be any turning back.

Hamilton moves as if to get even closer to him, but Aaron stops him by grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him against the door. Doing his best to ignore the way Hamilton’s breathing has picked up, Aaron moves one of his hands to Hamilton’s face, letting his thumb brush across his cheek. He is struck by how, in this moment, he wants nothing more than to kiss Hamilton, and that's what steels his decision.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispers softly, stepping back, “but I can't.”

He moves Hamilton from the door and rushes out without a second glance. 

-

Hamilton decides to write the essays himself. He doesn't ask Aaron again, or appear to be angry. If anything, Aaron's refusal has just spurred him to take on even more. Maybe too much more. Even after finals are over, Hamilton works non stop. He's constantly writing, constantly staying up all night, talking to himself more than ever. Aaron wants to tell him to slow down, to take a break, but as he constantly reminds himself, it isn't his place to worry about Hamilton. It can't be.

He's walking back to the dorm to pack his things, minding his own business, when Eliza runs up to him.

"Aaron! Sorry to bother you, but is Hamilton in your room?"

"Last time I was there he was still working, so I would imagine, yes."

"Could you, uhm," Eliza bites her lip, "sorry, but, could you convince him to stop working? We're getting ready to go home, but obviously we can't leave without him since he's spending the summer with us, so..."

"Why don't you go up and see him?" Aaron suggests, wanting to stay out of it. Ever since his last conversation with Hamilton, Aaron has avoided speaking to him just in case he lets his emotions get the better of him again.

"Oh, well I tried calling him but he didn't answer. And when I knocked a little while ago there was no answer. You know how he gets when he's working, and, well, it's been worse since John passed. He works so hard in order to cope, but it's bordering on unhealthy."

Aaron sighs. He's noticed it too. Hamilton never talks about Laurens, hasn't cried since the funeral, but Aaron can still tell he isn't ok.

"I'll go get him. Give me like twenty minutes to talk to him, ok?

"Yes, of course!" Eliza beams up at him. "Thank you, Aaron."

When he walks into the room, sure enough, Hamilton is seated at his desk typing away furiously on his keyboard. He doesn't look up when Aaron enters.

"Eliza is waiting for you outside you know."

"I'll be there in a sec." Hamilton mumbles, but after a few minutes he doesn't show any sign of stopping.  

“Why are you doing this?” Aaron asks, wanting to get Hamilton's full attention.

“Doing what?”

“Don’t be stupid, Hamilton, why are you working so hard?”

“Cause I have a lot of work to do.” Hamilton responds, still not looking up. 

“You’re worrying Eliza.” If Aaron thought this would make Hamilton hesitate, he’s wrong. He just types even faster.

“Eliza will be fine. She knows I have a lot of work.”

“If she understands, she wouldn’t have asked me to talk to you.”

Hamilton finally looks up at him, but he continues typing. Aaron can’t help but think how tired he looks. There are bags under his eyes, and his skin looks paler than usual.

"I really need to finish this, Burr."

"Why?" Aaron is starting to feel angry. "Why do you need to finish this right now? Just take a break, go with Eliza, relax for a month or two."

“A month or two?" Hamilton is looking at Aaron as if he had told him dogs could fly. "I don't have a month to waste! I need to finish this! If I have nothing to show for all of my work, then why does it matter? I need to leave something behind.”

“Hamilton, you’re 19 years old, you have three years left at Princeton! You have so much time!”

“NO I DON’T!” Hamilton yells, making Aaron jump. “Don’t you get it, Burr? I’ve been living on borrowed time for so long. I should have died when my mom did, I should have died in the hurricane that hit my town, I very well could have died in that riot if it hadn’t been for you. I could have been the one to die instead of John. And I could die at any point without anything to show. I could walk out of this library and die, I could go to sleep and not wake up, I could-“

“Shut up, Hamilton. Just shut up!” Aaron can’t handle this, he can't handle the idea of Hamilton dying, of never seeing his face or hearing his voice. He doesn't want to listen to Hamilton talk like this now, or ever again. He hated it. He hated him. God, he wished he hated him.

“No,” Hamilton says stubbornly. “I won’t shut up, I’m never going to shut up, so get used to it. God! Why do you all not believe in me? Why does everyone try to stop me?”

Aaron strides across the room towards Hamilton, grabbing him by the front of his sweatshirt and pushing him back into the wall. Hamilton stares up at him with wide eyes as if he were crazy. Maybe he is. He feels like he is. 

“You’re killing yourself,” Aaron says weakly, “you have to stop doing this because I can’t take it anymore. I can’t, Hamilton, I can’t take it….”

Aaron lets his head fall onto Hamilton’s shoulder, burying his face into the crook of his neck. God, he's so tired, and Hamilton is so  _warm._

Hamilton is still under his hands except for his breathing, which is coming in short bursts. Aaron moves one of his hands up to Hamilton’s neck, brushing his fingers over his pulse point, taking comfort in the steady beat beneath his fingertips. Hamilton slowly brings up his arms, placing his hands on the small of Aaron’s back as he holds him, and one of his thumbs starts rubbing small circles into his skin.

Aaron lifts his head up to look at Hamilton, who is still staring at him in surprise. Unable to resist, he brings both of his hands up to cup Hamilton’s face, brushing strands of hair from his forehead.

“Burr,” Hamilton whispers, his voice hoarse. “What…”

Aaron lets one of his thumbs brush across Hamilton’s bottom lip.

“I’m so tired, Hamilton. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t pretend that I-that I….” He’s rambling. He never rambles. He looks Hamilton in the eyes. “I’m just so tired.” He repeats before ducking his head down and kissing Hamilton softly on the mouth.

Hamilton’s hands twitch on his back, but he doesn’t move away or push Aaron off, so he deepens the kiss, letting his tongue swipe over Hamilton’s lower lip. When Hamilton moans into his mouth, Aaron feels something in him burst, something he had been pushing down for so long.

He moves his mouth to kiss Hamilton’s jaw, nipping the skin there softly before moving to press open-mouthed kisses up and down his neck. Hamilton is breathing heavily now, but Aaron feels his breath hitch when he starts to bite and suck at his neck. Aaron is so focused on how Hamilton feels and tastes that it takes him a moment to realize that Hamilton is tugging on his shirt. When brings his head up, he sees Hamilton looking at him, his eyes dark.

“Take this off.” When Aaron hesitates, Hamilton just tugs harder on his shirt. "Please, Burr, I've waited so long."

Hamilton's words light something inside Aaron, and before he knows it, he's leaning back and taking his shirt off. Hamilton quickly follows suit by tossing his sweatshirt onto the floor.

Aaron leans back in, covering Hamilton’s mouth with his own once more. He groans loudly when Hamilton runs his hands down his sides, goosebumps rising on his skin. He feels Hamilton’s lips curve into a smile against his own before he licks his way slowly into Aaron’s mouth. When he rakes his nails down his back, Aaron can’t help but to arch into him, an embarrassing whimper escaping his lips, but it only seems to spur Hamilton on as he bites down on Aaron’s lip.

He pulls back slightly so he can look at Hamilton, who whines at the sudden departure of Aaron’s mouth. His whine turns into a low moan, however, when Aaron’s fingers brush over him through his pants. He's already hard, and Aaron is in a similar state.

Hamilton is staring at him with a heavy gaze, lips parted. He raises his eyebrows, as if silently asking Aaron what he was going to do about the situation. It only takes Aaron a split second to decide. He moves his hands to Hamilton’s waist and then pulls Hamilton away from the wall, quickly spinning them around so he can push Hamilton down onto the bed.

Aaron climbs over him, and plants his knees on either side of Hamilton’s hips before leaning down and kissing him roughly on the mouth. The kiss is all tongue and hot breath, and it’s driving Aaron crazy. All of this is driving him crazy. He moves his mouth down Hamilton’s jaw, and then licks a line up his throat.

“Fuck, Burr.” Hamilton breathes out. He lifts his hips off the bed, making contact with Aaron’s. They both swear when their erections rub against each other through the fabric of their pants.

Adrenaline is thrumming through Aaron’s veins as he forces himself to pull back again to look down at Hamilton. He’s staring up at Aaron, pupils blown and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. When Aaron continues to stare, Hamilton squirms impatiently underneath him.

“Burr,” he whines, “please.”

“Please, what, Hamilton? What do you want?” Aaron’s hands are next to Hamilton’s head, holding up his weight, but he moves one of them to cup Hamilton’s face, his thumb brushing against his mouth. When he pushes a finger into Hamilton’s mouth, the resulting moan goes straight to his cock. Hamilton sucks on his finger for a moment before letting it fall from his mouth.

“I want you, please…” Hamilton sounds completely wrecked, and Aaron loves it.

“Want.Me.To.What?” Aaron annunciates each word, relishing in how Hamilton only flushes and squirms harder.

“Fuck me, Burr, please. I want you to fuck me.”

Aaron feels all the breath leave him at once, but in the next second, he feels like his skin is on fire, and want flows through him. He rearranges himself quickly, sliding down Hamilton’s body and shoving a leg between Hamilton’s legs. He can’t help the loud moan that escapes him when he grinds his cock down onto Hamilton’s thigh. In the state he's currently in, he wouldn’t last five seconds inside Hamilton, so this would have to do.

They continue to rock into each other, no sound in the room except for their heavy breathing. Hamilton’s hands are gripping Aaron’s ass, pushing his hips harder into his own, and their chests are flush against each other, and the contact of skin on skin is sending sparks up Aaron’s spine.

“Burr, I-I’m gonna, fuck! Please,” Hamilton whimpers and bites back a moan.

Aaron has never heard Hamilton struggle so much to form words, and the fact that he’s the one causing it turns Aaron on more than he wants to admit. He tangles his fingers into Hamilton’s hair and pulls, forcing Hamilton’s head up so he has easier access to his neck. Aaron kisses the wide expanse of skin, paying particular attention to a spot right under Hamilton’s jaw that causes him to arch his back in pleasure, moans tumbling from his mouth.

“Oh my god,” he breathes out, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, please don’t stop, Burr. So good, you’re so good, fuck I’m so close!”

Aaron rests his head on Hamilton’s shoulders as he continues to thrust down onto him. He’s feeling so much all at once, his skin is burning and his head is spinning; everything is so good.

“Burr, please, “ Hamilton is whimpering again, one of his hands digging into Aaron’s skin, “I need more, I need you to-“

Aaron silences him with a kiss, and then he moves his mouth down his jaw and back to his neck. He bites down gently on the his ear lobe before moving his mouth again so it hovers right over Hamilton's ear.

“Come for me, Alexander.”

Hamilton cries out as his orgasm hits him, and it only takes Aaron a few more thrusts before he’s biting down on Hamilton’s shoulder to muffle his own cry as he follows Hamilton over the edge.

They lie together, breathing heavily as they come down from their high. Aaron keeps his head buried in Hamilton's neck as Hamilton's hands come up to stroke his back softly.

"Well," Hamilton breathes out, "that's certainly one way to get me to stop working."

Aaron laughs and finally sits up so he can look down at Hamilton. His eyes are glassy and his cheeks are flushed pink, but he smiles crookedly at Aaron. He's never looked more beautiful. 

"Aaron? Alexander?" There's a loud knock on the door. "It's Eliza, are you in there?"

Aaron tries to jump off of Hamilton at the same time Hamilton tries to get up, and the result has them both tumbling ungracefully to the floor in a heap of tangled limbs. Hamilton quickly stands up, muttering a chain of curses under his breath. He grabs some clean clothing from his dresser before stumbling into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Aaron gets up to change his own pants, wincing as he peels his jeans and underwear from his thighs. He throws on his shirt and takes a deep breath before opening the door.

"Eliza." He takes another breath. "Come in, Hamilton is just in the bathroom, he'll be out soon."

Once Eliza walks in, Aaron considers just leaving, but he decides against it, even though his heart is pounding so loudly he can barely hear anything.

When Hamilton finally walks out of the bathroom, Aaron prays that Eliza doesn't notice the bruise that is starting to form on his neck.

"There you are!" Eliza exclaims as she bounds towards Hamilton, pressing a small kiss to his cheek.

"Yep, here I am!" Hamilton's voice is slightly higher than usual, but Eliza doesn't seem to notice. She just grabs some of Hamilton's bags and walks back to the door.

"Well, have a nice break Aaron. I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon."

"Yeah, yeah, you too." Aaron hopes he's smiling at Eliza, but he can't tell. His whole body feels slightly numb.

Hamilton is hastily packing the last of his things into his bag, and he and Eliza are about to walk out when Eliza suddenly stops.

"Wait, Alexander, your sweatshirt!" She points over to where the sweatshirt is lying on the floor.

Shit. Aaron swallows loudly, but walks over to it and picks it up, turning around slowly before handing it to Hamilton. They're hands brush briefly, and Hamilton's eyes are burning into his own. But then the moment is over, and Hamilton is stepping away, and the door closes.

Aaron stumbles back onto the bed, his heart still racing, millions of thoughts swirling through his head. What had they done?

He jumps as he phone rings, and when he stands up to go get it, he feels his heart clench. It's Theodosia.

God, what had he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAYYYYYYYY! That was a wild ride, huh? What in the world will happen next ;) Can't wait to get Jefferson and Madison in this!
> 
> So yeah, we made it through the first act! It's been a wild ride that will only get more wild. HOWEVER. I'm gonna need to take a short break before starting up the second half. I haven't plotted too much out and my course work is getting kind of crazy so the next update might take a little while.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for the kudos/comments and just everything. I love reading all your comments


	16. What'd I Miss/Cabinet Battle #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new year, a new set of complications. Alexander Hamilton meets Thomas Jefferson, and Aaron continues to struggle with what he wants and what he believes he needs to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was going to take a break but I just can't stop myself from writing this story SO HERE WE GOOO.
> 
> Also, heads up, King George, Lee and Seabury were all seniors and they graduated, so they aren't in this. I needed to get rid of some characters lol there are too many.
> 
> ALSO ENTER JAMES MADISON AND THOMAS JEFFERSON AAYYY. Sorry their intro's were kinda hurried and short, but there will be much more of them to come.

Summer break goes by both too slow and too fast for Aaron’s liking. He spends almost all of it with Theodosia, and that’s when he wants time to slow down. He feels incredibly guilty about what happened with Hamilton, and he wants to tell Theodosia, wants to explain that he had experienced a moment of craziness, maybe even a brain aneurism, but there’s never a good time to bring it up, so Aaron never does.

Hamilton.

He hasn’t heard from him since the incident before break. There had been no calls, no texts, nothing, and that’s when Aaron wants time to speed up. He wants to see Hamilton again. God knows why, but Aaron just couldn’t stop thinking about him. He spends countless nights remembering how good it had felt to finally have Hamilton beneath him, how touching him had filled Aaron with a fire he never felt before. He couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't get Hamilton's face out of his head, and he feels like he's going insane.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Theodosia asks him for what must be the hundredth time that break. "I know classes start tomorrow, but you seem more nervous than usual."

“I’m fine.” He says with smile, trying to reassure both her and himself.

“Aaron, something has been off with you this whole break, why can’t you tell me what it is?”

“Theodosia, it’s nothing, really, I just…” Aaron sighs as Theodosia looks at him with raised eyebrows. He can’t tell her. “It’s just about to be my senior year, you know? I’m just…anxious.” There. That isn’t a complete lie, he is anxious, just not entirely because tomorrow is the first day of his senior year. It’s also the first day he’ll be seeing Hamilton in over three months.

He has no idea where they stand. Does Hamilton regret what happened? Why hasn’t he contacted Aaron at all this summer? Did the whole thing not even mean anything? Maybe he was just over analyzing everything again. But it didn’t feel like what happened was nothing…it had meant something to Aaron. Or did it? Maybe it had just been a way for both of them to relieve stress. He has no idea.

“Aaron.” Theodosia scoots closer to him on the couch. “Everything is going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. No one works harder than you, and no one works better than you. You have nothing to worry about, ok?”

Aaron can’t help but smile at her words. He moves a strand of hair from her face, lets his hand linger on her cheek before dropping it with a nod. God, he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve Theodosia. He looks over at her again, teeters on the edge of telling her what is really bothering him, but he can’t. He just can’t. So he stands up from the couch instead.

“What do you want to have for dinner tonight? I think there’s still some left over pasta, or we could order something?”

“Mmm,” Theodosia stands and stretches, “I’m actually not feeling very hungry.”

“Are you still feeling nauseous?” Aaron turns to look at her with concern. “You haven’t eaten anything all day.”

“I’m feeling fine. It must have been something I ate at that seafood restaurant a few days ago. I’m just tired, I think I’ll turn in early.” She presses a soft kiss to his lips before heading to the bedroom.

Aaron stays up late, spends hours going over in his head what he will say to Hamilton when he sees him. Nothing sounds good. Nothing sounds right. He doesn't even know what he wants, how is he supposed to figure out what to say? He can't help but think back to what he had thought before; that it would all be so much easier if him and Hamilton were just friends. This year was _so_ important to Aaron, he couldn't afford to spend all of it worrying about Hamilton.

They should just be friends, Aaron knows that would be best for both of them. 

So then why does that solution fill him with so much disappointment?

-

Aaron gets to campus early the next morning so he can get breakfast and be early for his first class; a politics class taught by Professor Washington. He’s eating a bowl of cheerios, minding his own business, when suddenly someone is standing next to him.

“Aaron?”

He turns to see the small figure of James Madison standing next to him, holding a plate of food

“James! Hey man, take a seat. How was France?”

“It was great. Thomas and I had a lot of fun.” James sits down with a smile, and Aaron can’t help but to smile back.

Madison is in the same year as him, and had just a spent a year abroad in France. He’s also one of the few people that Aaron would consider himself to be good friends with, which made it even more of a mystery that he was dating Thomas Jefferson, one of the most pompous people Aaron has ever had the misfortune to know. Whereas James was quiet, modest and kind, Jefferson was loud, obnoxious, rude and arrogant. They were complete opposites, and their relationship mystified Aaron.

“So how have you been?" James asks, "I hear last year was quite an exciting one, with this whole MSA club and the riot that went on?”

“You heard about all that?”

“Well,” James takes a bite of his food, “it’s pretty big news, some unknown freshman coming in and stirring things up, putting King George in his the year before he graduates. It’s impressive to say the least.”

“Yeah, yeah I suppose it is.” Aaron feels a sense of pride stir in his stomach at Madison’s praise of Hamilton.

“Thomas couldn’t stop talking about it, he wanted to come back to see everything for himself, but allure of France kept him from taking the first plane back.”

Aaron can’t help the snort that escapes him at that; Jefferson getting involved in everything that happened would have made things so much worse.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Aaron says, “but I still don’t get how you can stand to date Jefferson.”

James laughs and shakes his head, but looks up at Aaron with a fond look on his face.

“You know, Burr, sometimes you just can’t help who you fall in love with.”

“BURR!”

Aaron chokes on his cereal and practically falls out of his seat when a hand slaps him on the back. He knows that hand. Once he’s regained his composure, Aaron turns around to look up at Hamilton.

“Hey.” That’s all Aaron can manage to get out; a measly ‘hey’. As Hamilton takes the seat next to him, Aaron starts to feel as if all the oxygen is leaving the room. He tries to take a deep breath through his nose.

“How was your break?” Hamilton asks with a grin.

“Uhm,” How had his break been? Aaron is having trouble remembering things all of a sudden. Hamilton is so close, and his eyes are locked on his. He forgot how intense his eyes could be.

“Burr?” Hamilton’s eyebrows are raised in a question, but a small is slowly spreading across his face. Aaron finds himself staring at his lips, and the room rises a few degrees in temperature.

“Hmm?” Aaron forces himself to look back up at Hamilton’s eyes. “What?”

“Your break?” Hamilton repeats slowly. “How was it?”

“Oh, oh it was good. Yeah. How was yours?”

“Also good. Listen, I need to talk to you. Can we -“

“Have you met James?” Aaron blurts out loudly, cutting Hamilton off. God he’s already a complete wreck and he’s only been next to Hamilton for a few minutes.

“Oh, uh no.” Hamilton turns to James and stretches out a hand. “I’m Alexander Hamilton.”

“James Madison. So you’re Hamilton, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh?” Hamilton looks between James and Aaron, but James laughs and shakes his head.

“No, no. Not from Aaron. From other people on campus, and I read your articles from last year. I was abroad in France with my boyfriend but the news still reached us there. Your writing is incredible.”

“Oh, well thank you!” Hamilton is grinning widely now. “You should come to the MSA meeting this Friday!

“I’m sure my boyfriend Thomas will drag me there, he’s very interested in joining. Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I have a class soon. I’ll leave you two to…talk.” James smiles and waves at them both as he gets up.

“He seems nice.” Hamilton comments, watching him leave.

“Yeah, he is.”

A silence falls between them, and Aaron clears his throat uncomfortably and stares down at the table. He knows that this needs to happen, but he isn't’t ready for this conversation.

“Burr,” Hamilton says his name softly, prompting him to look up. “Listen, can we talk about…you know…”

“I don’t know if this is really the time or place.”

“I just want to apologize.”

“Apologize?” This is not what Aaron was expecting.

“I mean,” Hamilton squirms in his seat, “I know how much you like control and consistency, so I’m sure this whole thing has been stressing you out, and I didn’t mean to push you into it and-“

“You didn’t” Aaron says quickly, before taking a deep breath. “You didn’t push me into doing anything, Hamilton. I…I wanted to.”

“Oh.” Hamilton is staring at him hard, biting his lip. “Ok. Uhm…so you don't regret it?”

“Well,” Aaron leans back slightly in his chair and runs a hand over his face, “I did cheat on my girlfriend, so I can't truthfully say I don't regret it a little bit. But, it wasn't, you know...completely, uhm...terrible."

Hamilton smiles smugly at his words, which makes Aaron rolls his eyes.

"So," Hamilton looks at him, his head tilted, "what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...what should we do?"

Honestly, at this point, Aaron has no idea what he wants anymore. He has no idea what he should do, what he shouldn’t do, he has no idea. He keeps thinking things will get easier when it comes to Hamilton, but they only get more complicated. He sighs heavily, before looking back at Hamilton.

“This year is a big year for me, I need to focus, and you…” He bites his lip to keep himself from saying ‘and you distract me’ because even though it’s true, Hamilton would take it the wrong way. He does distract Aaron, but not necessarily in a bad way. "And I know that you'll be working hard this year. And, I mean, you're still with Eliza, I'm still with Theodosia, so..."

"So we just forget about it?" Hamilton says the words slowly, his face unreadable.

“If that’s what you want.”

“Is it what you want?”

"I..." Aaron knows it's not really what he wants, but he also knows it's for the best. It would simplify things. "Yes. I think it would be best."

“Yeah, ok.” Hamilton is nodding, but the smile slips off his face for a second before he puts it back at full force. Aaron’s phone buzzes in his pocket; it’s his alarm for class.

“Listen, I have to go, I have class soon, but I’ll see you around, Hamilton.” He gets up to leave, but Hamilton stands up and follows him.

“Wait!” He says, digging into his bag. “I have something for you.” He pulls out a container, which he forces into Aaron’s hands.

It’s a box of muffins.

As Aaron looks down at it, he has the sudden urge to cry, which is crazy. Why is he so affected by this? It’s because he knows what they mean, it’s what they meant the last time Aaron gave them to Hamilton for his birthday; a silent plea for forgiveness, but also a plea that this won't tear them apart.

“We’re still friends, right?” Hamilton asks earnestly.

“Yes, Hamilton. We’re still friends.” Friends. Aaron is starting to hate that word.

“Good! Good, good, good. So, what class do you have?”

“Politics with Washington.”

“No way!” Hamilton beams and practically bounces up and down. “I’m the TA for that class!”

“Of course you are.” Aaron can't even be surprised at these things anymore. Hamilton and him are constantly being pushed together, he's used to it now.

“Hey,” Hamilton looks at him with a frown, “you accepted the friendship muffins, Burr, you aren’t allowed to be mad at me.”

“That’s not what the muffins mean, Hamilton, I have every right to-“

“YOU ACCEPTED THE FRIENDSHIP MUFFINS, BURR!”

"Oh my god," Aaron laughs, "ok, calm down."

They walk into the classroom together, and Hamilton sticks out his tongue at Aaron before he walks up to the front. Aaron takes a seat in the front and fiddles with his pencil, the nerves starting to settle in. Professor Washington walks in, and the class falls silent.

“Welcome everyone. As I’m sure most of you know, this class has higher stakes than most of my other classes.” Washington looks around at everyone. “This is a year long course, and at the end of the year, I will choose one student to accompany me to D.C. where they will attend a series of conferences and ultimately get an internship that will allow them to experience the world of politics first hand. This internship will open many avenues. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so I expect you all to work extremely hard.”

Aaron is leaning forward in his seat, hanging on every one of Washington’s words. This is what he has been waiting for since he first came to Princeton. Washington gave this opportunity every year, sometimes he didn’t even choose a student if no one met his expectations, but Aaron was determined to win that internship. Everything, all his work, has been in preparation for this moment.

“Now I will take into consideration all forms of your work,” Washington continues “which means I will be looking at your writing, your participation, your work outside of this class, how you handle yourself in stressful situations. A lot goes into this, so I expect you all to give one hundred percent. Now that I’ve scared all of you, let me change the subject and introduce your TA for this class, Alexander Hamilton.”

Hamilton bounds forward and introduces himself, all smiles and excitement. Aaron can’t help but smile at him as he talks on and on for almost fifteen minutes. Some things never change.

The rest of the class is spent on them introducing themselves. Aaron keeps his short and simple, as do most of the other students, but there is one student who speaks for almost as long as Hamilton, and that student is Thomas Jefferson.

Jefferson cuts an impressive figure; he’s tall, handsome and dresses well, but all of that, in Aaron’s opinion, is overshadowed by his annoying personality. His introduction goes on and on as he spouts facts about himself, which are meant to impress, and much to Aaron’s disappointment, they do. Jefferson had travelled almost every where in the world and had already had several internships in politics which was impressive, and to make things even worse, Jefferson was incredibly intelligent and ambitious. Sure, a lot of his opportunities in life were handed to him on a silver platter, but there was no denying that the man was a big competition to Aaron for this internship.

Once class is over, Aaron is gathering up his things when he sees Jefferson stops next to Hamilton and Washington, so he stops to watch.

“Professor Washington, good to see you again, sir.” He shoves out a hand and shakes Washington’s. “I’m hoping we’ll be spending more time together this year and over the summer. I can’t wait for the conferences.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. Of course Jefferson would already be confident he would win the internship.

“Yes, well,” Washington looks Jefferson up and down, “you certainly have a good chance, Mr. Jefferson, but don’t let your confidence put you into a false sense of security.”

“Oh don’t worry, sir,” Jefferson says with a smirk, “my confidence is always well founded.”

“Good to hear. Anyway, have you had the chance to meet Alexander Hamilton yet?”

Hamilton and Jefferson shake hands, and Aaron thinks he’s the only one who notices Jefferson rub his hand on his pants afterwards.

“Nice to meet you.” Hamilton says tentatively, as if he’s unsure of what to think of Jefferson.

“I’m sure it is.” Jefferson responds dryly. “I’ve heard your name around here a lot. You’re different from what I imagined.”

Hamilton opens his mouth to respond, a familiar spark of anger in his eyes, but Washington places a large hand on his shoulder, a warning to not say anything.

“Mr. Hamilton has been a very active part in the changes here at Princeton. I expect you two will be working together on many projects; you’re both very intelligent and determined men who can make a difference here.”

“Oh, yes, sir,” Jefferson says, ignoring the praise Washington gave Hamilton, “I intend to make a lot of changes. Excuse me,sir, I have another class to get to.”

Jefferson shakes Washington hand again, brushes past Hamilton and looks over his shoulder at Aaron with a smirk.

As the door closes, Aaron realizes he’s basically been standing there eavesdropping, so he picks up his bag quickly and leaves the room after Jefferson, with Hamilton slipping out after him.

“Hey!” He catches up to him, “Do you know Jefferson?”

“I do.” Aaron looks down at Hamilton. “Why?”

“What do you think of him?”

“He’s…complicated. Extremely smart, a great debater, but his personality can be...difficult.”

“Washington talks about him a lot, says that he can help the MSA out.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that. Jefferson is pretty popular with a lot of the student body. And he is confident in himself, which is both good and bad.”

They walk across campus in silence, Hamilton apparently lost in thought. They reach a dorm, which must be Hamilton’s, because he stops to look at Aaron when he starts to walk in another direction.

“Where are you going?”

“That’s my only class for the day, I’m going back home.”

“Oh right, yeah,” Hamilton runs a hand through his hair, “I forgot for a second that we don’t live together this year.”

“Who’s your roommate this time?”

“No one,” Hamilton says with a small smile, “I have a single this year. I figured no one else would put up with my weird schedule and unexpected break downs as well as you did.”

Aaron feels something like sadness rise up in him. It would be weird to not be roommates with Hamilton. He hasn’t really thought about how little they would see each other this year since they aren’t living together.

“Anyway,” Hamilton says with a small smile, “I’ll see you around.”

“Hamilton, wait.” Aaron takes a step towards him. “Listen, be careful with Jefferson. He can be a lot to handle. Just…watch what you say.”

Hamilton stares at Aaron for a long time before shaking his head.

“Some things never change with you, Burr.” He smiles crookedly at Aaron. “Don’t worry about me, I can handle myself now, you’ll see.”

-

The first week of classes goes by quickly, and Aaron finds himself settling into his classes with ease. He feels confident in his ability to do well this year, and the lack of drama surrounding him is also a huge help. Hamilton, true to his word, seems to be handling things very well by himself. There’s a small part of Aaron that is disappointed by this; he feels upset that Hamilton doesn’t come to him for help anymore. But on the other hand, he's impressed by Hamilton's maturity. He's proving that Aaron doesn't need to be on constant watch with him.

The first MSA meeting is Friday night, and when Aaron walks in, he sees a lot of familiar faces. The Schuyler sisters are all huddled together, and Lafayette and Mulligan are seated near them. Aaron feels a pang when he looks at the pair, the empty seat next to them reminding Aaron of the absence of Laurens.

He looks up to see Hamilton staring at the seat too, and does his best to smile reassuringly when Hamilton makes eye contact with him. He moves to take a seat next to Madison. He’s about to ask where Jefferson is when the man himself walks into the room, accompanied by Professor Washington.

“Everyone please take your seats.” Washington calls out as he walks to the front. “This meeting needs to be brief so lets all settle in. Jefferson, Hamilton, up front with me please.”

Hamilton scurries up to the front and stands next to Jefferson. Aaron can’t help but think how different the two look next to each other.

“Ok,” Washington starts, “The first issue on the table is a request from Mr. Hamilton about creating a branch of the MSA specifically for international students and for students who come from immigrant families. What are the thoughts on this?”

“Well, sir,” Jefferson interjects immediately, “I find the idea ridiculous for several reasons. Number one, this is a new club, club costs money, and frankly, we don’t have the resources to start another club and maintain this one at the same time. Number two, Hamilton is obviously only thinking of himself in this situation.“

“Excuse me?” Hamilton bites out angrily.

“I mean,” Jefferson ignores Hamilton, but there is a smirk forming on his lips, “as an immigrant himself, he’s only looking to further benefit his own position on this campus by creating more opportunities for himself and not other students who need it. Immigrants should be our last priority, they make up such a small population of this campus. ”

Hamilton flushes, and Aaron recalls the time when Hamilton told him that he didn’t like people knowing about his past. How had Jefferson found out?

“For your information, Jefferson,” Hamilton says, his voice shaking slightly, “this club would not only benefit me. It would benefit a very large portion of this campus, and I’m sure I can handle raising money for it and-“

“Oh, just like you handled the peaceful protest last year? Forgive me, but I don’t see your previous experiences as a good sign that you’ll do any better this year. And your apparent anger right now only proves my point, you get riled up far too easily. You should work on toning it down, Hamilton, learn from your superiors.”

“If you’re referring to yourself as my superior, I must strongly disagree. And forgive me, but what exactly did you do for this campus last year? You were too busy off in France doing God knows what. You don’t give a damn about the student population.”

“Gentleman!” Washington’s loud voice echoes throughout the room, putting an end to Hamilton and Jefferson’s argument. “Please let’s settle down. We’ll put it to a vote. How many of you think investing in this new club is in our best interest right now?”

A few people raise their hands, including Lafayette, Eliza and Angelica. “And who thinks we should wait until the MSA becomes more established, and until we have more funds?” The majority of the room raises their hands. Aaron hopes no one notices he doesn’t vote for either option.

“But, sir-“ Hamilton pleads, but Washington silences him with a firm gaze.

“Prove to me that you can handle the responsibility, Hamilton, and then we’ll talk. It’s a good idea, and I hope we can do it, now just isn’t the time.”

Washington spends the rest of the meeting outlining ways that the club can raise money, but Aaron doesn’t listen. He’s focused on Hamilton, who is quietly fuming in the corner. He keeps looking over at Jefferson, his hands twitching. 

“And finally,” Washington says, “I would like to make a formal declaration that Alexander Hamilton will act as the MSA’s treasurer, while Mr. Jefferson will act as secretary. I have a firm confidence that they will take their positions seriously. For now, I will serve as President until we find a time to hold elections for next semester. Throughout the next few weeks, we will hold elections for someone to act as Vice President. That’s all for now, have a nice weekend.”

Everyone gets up to leave, but Aaron makes his way over to Hamilton, who looks like he’s about to confront Jefferson. Aaron grabs him by the arm.

“Leave it, Hamilton, let’s go.” He whispers lowly into his ear, and practically drags Hamilton out of the room.

Hamilton is buzzing with anger as he and Aaron leave the meeting, and his eyes are on fire. Once they’re outside, he explodes.

“Can you believe that guy? Who the hell does Jefferson think he is? He’s such a pretentious asshole and has no right telling me that I need to tone it down. And did you hear what he said about immigrants? Did you hear that? 'They should be our last priority' did you hear him say that?”

“I heard it, Hamilton.”

“Yeah, what the hell was that? And Washington didn’t even back me up or put Jefferson in his place, just let him insult me and-“

“It isn’t Washington’s job to break up a petty fight.” Aaron interjects calmly.

“Petty? It wasn’t petty! These are big issues, Burr! Washington just doesn’t think I can handle myself. He thinks Jefferson, with his showy clothes and fancy French is better suited to be in a leader position than me. No one believes in me, no one thinks that I can handle myself.”

Aaron waits to see if Hamilton is going to continue, but he just fumes in silence.

“Listen, Hamilton. Honestly, you’re overreacting. Yes, Jefferson is an ass and-“

“HA! I knew you didn't like him.”

“- and I will kick your ass if you ever tell anyone I said that,” Aaron says firmly, “but I’m sure Washington does not value his judgement over yours. No one in their right mind would. Everyone knows Jefferson is pretentious and full of himself. You basically single handedly formed the MSA, and Washington knows that. Jefferson is just jealous." He pauses briefly when he sees Hamilton looking up at him with shining eyes. "Stop putting yourself down. Washington believes in you, your friends believe in you, I believe in you and a lot of the student body believes in y-”

Aaron stops talking when Hamilton's hands are suddenly on his arm. Hamilton has stopped walking, causing Aaron to also stop. He turns to look at Aaron, his eyes still on fire, but a different fire than before. He takes a step towards Aaron.

“Say that again.” Hamilton's voice is hoarse, and he moves even closer to Aaron, who suddenly feels very nervous.

“Say what again?”

Hamilton keeps closing the space between them, and Aaron does nothing to stop him. Doesn’t move back, just stands there with bated breath, a shiver running down his spine.

“You believe in me?” Hamilton breathes out, stopping in his tracks, but he’s already so close. Aaron swallows loudly, forces himself to keep his eyes on Hamilton’s and not looking down at his mouth, which is suddenly very close to his own.

“Yes,” he finally manages to whisper, “of course I do.”

“Say it.” Hamilton’s hands curl into the front of his jacket, and his lips hover over Aaron’s. “I want to hear you say it again.”

Aaron should just leave, should just step back and go home to Theodosia. But he doesn’t.

“I believe in you, Alexander.”

Hamilton pulls Aaron roughly into him, pushing their mouths together. Aaron melts into him instantly, feeling a strange sense of calm fall over him as Hamilton nips at his lip. He opens his mouth against Hamilton’s, sighing softly as their tongues meet.

He lets his hands go to Hamilton’s waist, hiking his shirt up slightly so he could feel the skin underneath. Hamilton hums lowly in his throat and tilts his head to deepen the kiss, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s neck.

God, Aaron has missed this. He had forgotten how soft Hamilton’s mouth is, how his hands feel on his skin, how much he loves the small noises that Hamilton makes when Aaron’s tongue swipes over his lower lip.

Hamilton’s hands move to the front of his shirt again, and he takes a few steps back towards his building, pulling Aaron with him.

“Hamilton,” Aaron murmurs against his mouth, pulling back slightly, “what are you doing?”

“Come up with me, Burr.”

His words shake Aaron back to reality, and he takes a step back from Hamilton in order to clear his head. He shouldn’t have done this. He always loses all sense of control when it comes to Hamilton.

“I thought we agreed to stop this, that it would be best for both of us.”

“I changed my mind.” Hamilton whines, trying to pull Aaron back to him. “You don’t need to worry about me messing anything up.” He ghosts his lips over Aaron’s again. “I can be good now, let me show you, I can be so good.”

Aaron squeezes his eyes shut as Hamilton starts trailing kisses down his jaw. He needs to stop him, but his head feels so foggy, and his skin feels like it’s on fire, but it feels so good. When Hamilton starts to suck at his neck, he finally manages to push him away and take a step back.

“Hamilton, we can’t.”

“Why? Why not?” Hamilton is looking up at him with clear frustration. “I don’t need you to protect me, I won’t put you in bad positions, Burr, I can control my temper and-“

“You can't! You started to lose it during the meeting, and that was with Jefferson being a mild version of what he really is. And that’s not the only reason why we can't do this!” Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose. “At least that’s not all. You’re happy with Eliza, right? And I’m happy with Theodosia. And everything is going just fine, right? We can’t, you and me, we’ll kill each other, we’re not…we just…we can’t. Things get too crazy when you and me are involved. I get so confused, and I need to focus this year Hamilton. This internship is important to me, I can't get distracted.”

Hamilton is breathing heavily, and he still has a determined look in his eyes, which makes Aaron shake his head. They can't do this.

“Fine.” Hamilton finally says, taking a few steps back. “Fine. But I’m going to prove to you that I can handle myself, that you don’t need to stress out about me, that I won't be a hassle or a distraction. And then…” Hamilton lets the sentence trail off, the meaning of his words hanging in the air.

“And then maybe we’ll talk.” Aaron says cautiously, not wanting to make any promises.

“Yeah, then we’ll talk.” Hamilton looks him up and down one more time before nodding slowly. “See you around, Burr.” 

Aaron stands there, alone on the sidewalk, lost in thought. He feels like he’s just been hit by a bus. Hamilton drives him absolutely crazy. In a span of a week they had gone from not being sure how to act around each other, to friends, to making out heatedly, and now to making promises of talking about a relationship in the future, which is crazy considering they're both already in relationships. God, this was a mess. What if Hamilton does prove that he can handle himself, would that really make Aaron consider dating him?

Sure, part of the reason Aaron doesn’t want to date Hamilton is because he’s constantly putting him in situations that he doesn’t like, or that put him in a position that is a danger to him.

But there’s another reason.

He’s afraid it won’t work out, that he won’t be good enough for Hamilton, that them dating could ruin their friendship. Aaron has finally accepted the fact the having Hamilton in his life is something he needs, something he wants, and he doesn’t want to mess it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh my sweet boys. They got a little better at communicating this time at least. And ooohhh Hamilton, he is determined to get what he wants, Burr better watch out ;) 
> 
> So Take A Break is next, and then....Say No To This, ya'll know what is coming ;) The updates will still be a little slower than in the past, this semester is kicking my ass.
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone who read this. Kudos/comments/advice are all immensely appreciated!


	17. Take A Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I keep saying updates are going to be slower, but here i am, still getting 2 chapters out a week. Granted, this one is a little shorter than usual, but still, hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> ALSO I wanted to treat myself to getting this one out early cause today is my birthday. I'M 20! THAT IS CRAZY. Also, fun fact, I share a birthday with Angelica Schuyler!!!!
> 
> OH AND ONE MORE THING. I made a blog on tumblr so ya'll can come chat with me there and also so you can all requests other fics that I can do once this one is over. I'm already playing around with one idea, but if you all have some requests I would love to hear them! So come follow me at fanciful-follies on tumblr! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fanciful-follies

The next two months go by surprisingly fast, and Thanksgiving break is suddenly right around the corner. For the first time in the semester, Aaron feels calm. He feels like he finally has a grasp on his work and his life in general. Washington’s class has been his main priority, and he’s doing well in it. He’s never gotten anything below an A on assignments, and he participates every day. He’s even gotten into arguments with Jefferson on multiple occasions, much to Hamilton’s amusement.

Hamilton….

The kid seems hell bent on proving to Aaron that he can handle himself, and he’s done a surprisingly good job so far. There are a few times during MSA meetings where it seems like Hamilton is going to physically attack Jefferson, but he keeps himself under control. Even more impressive, Aaron finds that he can be around him without feeling his blood pressure rise instantly, which is a nice change. It allows them to be able to spend more time with each other, and their relationship feels more like it did at the beginning of last year. They find a flow again, and it’s nice.

Aaron knows part of Hamilton’s new behavior is to prove him wrong, but he also knows that Hamilton is trying to stay calm in order to convince Washington that he can handle the responsibility of running another club specifically for immigrants and international students.

“I can totally do it,” Hamilton says one day as him, Aaron, Angelica and Eliza are studying in the library, “Jefferson is just too full of himself to realize how beneficial it would be, ya know?”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, just shares a look with Angelica that plainly says ‘here we go again.’

“I really don’t think Jefferson is so terrible, Alexander.” Eliza says, which makes Hamilton splutter indignantly.

“He is though! He’s…he’s like Macduff!” Everyone stares at him blankly, which just makes him more agitated. “You know, like in Macbeth! And Madison is Banquo. And they're working against me.”

“I’m glad to know your Shakespeare studies class is coming in handy.” Aaron jokes, which makes Hamilton glare at him.

“He is a pompous ass,” Angelica says matter-of-factly, “but at least he’s a good looking one."

“Oh yes, we all know how you feel on that account.” Eliza nudges her sister and they both break into a fit of giggles.

“What?” Hamilton looks at them in surprise. “You think Jefferson is attractive?”

“Not only that,” Aaron interjects, “Angelica and Jefferson were a thing freshman year.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh calm down, Alexander.” Angelica says with a roll of her eyes. “It was years ago, and lasted all of two months.”

“But, but you…you _dated_ him?” Hamilton’s eyes are practically popping out of his face.

“Yes." Angelica shrugs. "He's charming.”

Aaron snorts as Hamilton continues to stare at Angelica in disbelief.

“What?” Angelica turns to Aaron with raised eyebrows. “You’re telling me you honestly wouldn’t consider him if he offered to take you out to dinner, Burr?”

“I can honestly say that no, I would not. Jefferson is not my type.”

“And what is your type?”

Why Aaron’s eyes have to flicker over to Hamilton at this exact moment he’ll never know. He tries to play it off by glancing at Eliza and Angelica as well, but he can see Hamilton smirking from the side of his eye.

“I don’t know,” he finally says, “just not Jefferson.”

“Thank god some of us have some taste.” Hamilton mumbles under his breath, making Angelica and Eliza smile at each other and shake their heads.

“Anyway,” Eliza says, “what are your plans for break, Aaron? Are you spending it with Theodosia?”

“She’s going to visit her parents, but I’m staying on campus. I have a lot of work to do.” Aaron doesn’t miss how Hamilton perks up at his words. He glances over at him to see him staring back with a gleam in his eyes that makes Aaron’s stomach flip.

“Sounds nice. I’m sure she could use a break from you.” Angelica smirks at him, but Aaron just rolls his eyes. He’s getting more used to Angelica’s way of teasing him.

“What are your plans?”

“Well, Angelica, Peggy and I are going upstate to stay with our father, and Alexander is coming with us as well.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

Hamilton is still looking at Aaron, and when he raises an eyebrow, Hamilton gives his head a small shake, looks down at the floor, and then looks over at Eliza with a smile, but then his eyes are back on him.

“Right…” Aaron speaks again as he stands up, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. “Well, I should head home. I’ll see you guys later.”

The whole drive home, Aaron’s mind is consumed with Hamilton’s face when Aaron had said he would be staying on campus alone. Something had lit up in Hamilton’s eyes, and Aaron is sure it meant trouble. When he walks into the apartment, however, all thoughts of Hamilton are driven from his head when he sees Theodosia sitting on the couch, staring down at something in her hands, something that looks like….

“Is that...” Aaron can’t even bring himself to say it.

“A pregnancy test, yes.” Theodosia nods.

Aaron wonders for a moment whether or not he’s passed out. He feels like he can’t breathe, and the room is definitely spinning, but he’s still standing. That’s a good sign.

“You’re…” the words aren’t coming out, he takes a deep breath, “Are you…”

“No,” Theodosia says softly, “it’s negative. I’m not pregnant.”

Aaron forces his legs to work, and he walks over to sit next to Theodosia on the couch. He doesn’t know what to say, so he places a tentative hand on her back.

“Are you…ok? I mean, you’re not…you didn’t want to be…did you?”

“No.” Theodosia tries to laugh, but her eyes are rapidly filling with tears. “I didn’t want to be pregnant, but now I’m just confused. I…”

“What?”

“I started feeling nauseous again, and I’m always so tired, so I thought…but I’m not, so, I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Aaron pulls Theodosia into an embrace, and strokes her back reassuringly, “It’s ok, you’re ok. Do you want me to come with you to your parents? We can see a doctor there, figure out what’s up. It could be a number of things; appendicitis, food poisoning, or just a stomach bug.”

Theodosia pulls back and looks up at Aaron, placing a warm hand on his cheek.

“Thank you, but you should stay here. I don’t need you to stress out more than you already are. I’m just…it’s been a long day, I’m fine. I’ll make an appointment with my family doctor and see what’s up. For all we know that nasty seafood place we went to might still be the problem.”

“We’re never eating seafood again if that’s the case. And hey,” Aaron takes Theodosia’s hands in his, “Next time you think you’re pregnant, do you think you could give me more of a heads up?”

“Sure,” Theodosia laughs, “Next time.”

She kisses him softly on the mouth, and then curls into his side. Aaron isn’t sure how long they stay that way, but the next time he looks down at Theodosia, she is sound asleep on his shoulder. He considers moving her to the bed, but when she sighs contentedly in her sleep, he opts for putting his arms around her, pulling her even closer.

-

The last week before break goes slowly, Aaron's head full of concern for Theodosia. She left early to go see her family, and even though she said she was feeling better, Aaron is still worried. He’d made her promise at least ten times that she would call him as soon as she went to the doctor.

On the last day of classes, Aaron wakes up to a text from Hamilton.

         _Hamilton: My Dearest, Burr_

_In celebration of our last day of classes for awhile, I thought we could get lunch together : ) At the place we first ate together? I’ll pay for you this time, maybe                 even buy you a muffin if you’re good. If you say no I’m going to bug you about it all day so you should probably just say yes. I can meet you outside my dorm._

Aaron frowns as he reads the message, his eyes flicking back to the phrase “My Dearest, Burr” after he’s finished. Why was that comma there? Maybe it was just a typo. He taps out a quick response.

_\- As long as the muffin is included, I’ll be there._

Hamilton responds with a string of emojis, which Aaron doesn’t know how to answer back to, so he just puts his phone down and gets ready for the day. He only has one class on Fridays, so he's done around twelve, and waiting outside Hamilton's dorm as they had planned. 

His phone buzzes with a text from Theodosia saying that she has an appointment set up for the day after tomorrow, and that she's already feeling better. He’s about to respond, but the wind is suddenly knocked out of him when a long pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

“Mr. Burr, sir!”

“Hamilton?” Aaron twists around to see his face grinning up at him. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Burr.” Hamilton teases, stepping back. “Or are you implying that being clutched in my embrace affects you so much that you could die?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I won’t have to if you flatter me instead.”

Aaron sighs and raises his eyebrows at Hamilton, who smirks back at him. So it’s going to one of those kinds of days.

“Come on,” Aaron says, “At least buy me some food before you start annoying me.”

They start walking and Hamilton instantly jumps into a story about how one of his professors totally missed the point of one of their lectures but wouldn’t let him give his opinion and how it was _totally unfair_ and that Princeton needs to get better professors. Aaron doesn't respond, just shakes his head fondly as they keep walkingm Hamilton already moving onto another story as they enter the restaurant.  

They both order a coffee, and Hamilton orders a muffin very loudly, turning around to wink at Aaron as he does. They take a small table in the corner, and Hamilton is grinning like crazy.

“Why are you so happy?” Aaron asks with a laugh.

“This is just like old times! Want to give me some bad advice to bring this whole thing full circle?”

“Hey, that was good advice!”

“Hmmm, I don't know, you basically told me to shut up. You were such a weirdo that day, Burr.”

“I was a weirdo?” Aaron raises his eyebrows in disbelief. “ _You_ were the weirdo. You tried to fight Lee, then you followed me to the back of the building, which now that I think about it is very creepy, and then you talked at me a mile a minute until I was forced to offer to buy you a drink so you’d shut up, which is advice I would give again.”

“Oh please, you wanted to buy me that drink. And to all that other stuff,” Hamilton waves a hand dismissively, “it wasn’t that weird. Who doesn’t want to fight Lee, am I right? And can you really blame me for following you? You were one of my role models, getting into Princeton early and everything, and you were an orphan like me, so…”

Aaron opens his mouth to respond, but finds that the words won’t come. Hamilton is staring down at the table, picking at something on his sweater sleeve. He looks up at Aaron but doesn’t say anything else, just stares.  _'You were one of my role_ _models.'_ Aaron doesn't know why, but those words hit him hard. For one thing, it might be one of the nicest things Hamilton has ever told him. Hamilton is always teasing him, telling him how everything he does is wrong, so Aaron never thought that the kid actually looked up to him so much. But there's something else about the statement that is bothering him.

“Were?” Aaron asks quietly.

“Huh?”

“You said I _was_ one of your role models…has that changed?” Aaron's not sure if he wants to know. Has he disappointed Hamilton?

“Oh,” Hamilton smiles slowly and tilts his head, “It has changed, but not in a bad way. I feel differently about you, but it's a good different, to me at least.”

Aaron wants to ask how it has changed, but then again, maybe he doesn’t. Hamilton never fails to say things that make Aaron both weirdly happy and uncomfortable at the same time.

“Hamilton, you are possibly the most frustrating individual I have ever met.”

“Back at ya.” Hamilton raises his coffee in a toast before taking a sip. “Anyway, what’s been happening in your life, Burr? How’s Theodosia?”

“We had a pregnancy scare.” The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. He hasn’t told anyone yet, and why he chooses to Hamilton he doesn’t know. 

“Excuse me?” Hamilton chokes on his coffee. “You what?”

“Theodosia thought she was pregnant." He repeats. "She’s been feeling nauseous a lot and having stomach pains, but the test came back negative.”

“And you're…I mean, are you…disappointed?”

“God no.” Aaron huffs out a laugh. “I mean, I want kids eventually, but definitely not right now.”

They sit in silence for a moment, and then Hamilton starts to laugh.

“The idea of you as a dad is probably one of the most terrifying things ever.”

“Oh, and you’d be any better?”

“Of course I would.” 

Aaron just shakes his head and takes a sip of his coffee. The kid might be frustrating, but he feels better after talking about the situation with Hamilton. He has the knack for making light of bad situations, which Aaron is grateful for.

“When are you heading over to the Schuyler's?” He asks Hamilton after a few more moments of silence.

“Oh, I’m actually not going anymore.”

“What? Why not?”

“Why not?” Hamilton shrugs. “I decided to stay on campus. I just need a break you know, I figured it would be nice to have some time alone.”

“Please,” Aaron snorts, “you’ll be bored within the first day.”

“I guess you’ll just have to entertain me then.” Hamilton is suddenly staring at him with a heated look, and Aaron feels his hand clench involuntarily around his coffee cup. Oh. Oh no.

“I’m really no fun on breaks, Hamilton." Aaron tries to say casually, ignoring the heat that is growing in his stomach at the idea of Hamilton and him spending break together. "I just stay inside. You'd have a good time at the Schuyler's.”

“Staying inside can be fun, I like staying inside." Hamilton is leaning across the table, his eyes locked on Aaron's. "We can hang out inside together."

“Hamilton…” Aaron starts weakly. He should convince him to go, to forget whatever plan he was forming in his mind, but one look at his eyes and Aaron is powerless. Hamilton stands up to throw away his coffee, and Aaron does the same, hands shaking slightly. When he turns back around, Hamilton is standing in front of him, a mischievous smile on his lips. 

“I guess I’ll see you around, Burr.” Hamilton says, his eyes flicking up and down Aaron's body, making him shiver. He steps closer and leans in to whisper in Aaron's ear, his hands resting gently on his hips. “Enjoy the muffin.” And then he's gone, leaving Aaron standing there alone as he tries to catch his breath.

Aaron knows he should feel upset. He should be frustrated that Hamilton keeps doing this. But he's not. He feels an entirely different emotion bubbling up under his skin.

He feels excited. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh ooohhhh what's gonna happen next? (It's Say No To This, we all know what's gonna go down). And yeah, I've decided that there will be no Philip in this (obv Eliza and Ham can't have a kid, but I also won't be introducing him in any other way, sorry)
> 
> THEODOSIA 3 I love her guys, I love her. She doesn't deserve this.
> 
> Also it was so nice to get some good ol Burr/Hamilton conversations back, I feel like they haven't had their usual, fun and flirty back and forth conversations in so long.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading this. I love hearing what you guys have to say, so keep the comments coming! And again, if you're interested, my tumblr blog is https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fanciful-follies


	18. Say No To This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll know what's gonna happen.
> 
> Enjoy the all the sin (seriously, there is so much sin in this)
> 
> ALSO yo follow my on tumblr @ fanciful-follies. I've answered a few questions and even put a pic reference for how I picture theodosia. AND I gave a little clue as to what my next Ham/Burr fic is gonna be! I'd love to talk to you guys and also I would love to take some fic requests you guys would want me to write!

When there’s a knock on his door around midnight on the third night of break, Aaron immediately knows who it is. Honestly, he’s surprised Hamilton managed to wait three whole days to come see him, not that Aaron has been counting. Sure, he’s been a little lonely over break, but that’s because he misses Theodosia a lot. It has nothing to do with not seeing Hamilton.

Nothing at all.

When there’s a second knock, Aaron just stands there, staring at the door and considering whether or not he should open it. He could just pretend to be asleep. But then there’s another knock, louder this time, and Aaron sighs. There’s really no point in avoiding this any longer, so he steps forward and opens the door.

“Mr. Burr, sir.” Hamilton beams up at him. “Can I come in?” Without waiting for an answer, he steps past Aaron and looks around.

“What do you want Hamilton?” Aaron tries to say in what he hopes is a bored voice, despite the nervousness and excitement he feels upon seeing him. Man, he has it bad. 

“To see your cat!”

“My what?”

“Your cat, Burr.” Hamilton says slowly, his eyes teasing. “Didn’t you mention that Theodosia has a cat?”

“Yes?” Aaron isn’t following where this is going. “Its name is Franklin.”

“Good name.” Hamilton continues to smile at him, and starts rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Uhm, I don’t know where he is right now…so…”

“Oh, that’s ok. I also wanted to talk to you about something.” Hamilton takes a step closer to him, and Aaron bites the inside of his cheek in an attempt to keep himself grounded and not get lost in Hamilton’s eyes.

“I don’t know if now is a good time, come back tomorrow.”

“What, so you can plan to not be home all of tomorrow and avoid me? I don’t think so, Burr.”

Well, it was worth a try, Aaron thinks to himself as Hamilton continues to smile at him. He knows what’s about to happen, he can feel it in the air, but he feels powerless to stop it. No, he doesn’t _want_ to stop it, and that’s what scares him.

“I like you, Burr.” Hamilton breathes out without any preamble. “I tried to ignore it, but I can’t. I don’t want to ignore it anymore.” He’s getting even closer, and Aaron feels like his whole body is vibrating.

“You like me?” He hears himself echo slowly, his tongue suddenly feeling very heavy.

“You know I do, and I need to talk to you about it.”

Honestly, Aaron didn’t know how Hamilton felt. He always thought the kid was just messing around with him, being a typical horny college student. He never thought that Hamilton actually liked him, or at least not to such an extent. Or did he? Maybe he had just been turning a blind eye to it. But now what does he do? He knows what he wants to do, but he doesn't know what he _should_ do.

While he had been thinking, Hamilton had continued his slow approach towards him, and was now within touching distance.

“Wait!” Aaron half yells, shocking himself and Hamilton. “Stay over there!”

Hamilton only laughs and takes a few steps closer to where Aaron stands.

“Burr, come on, just-“

“If we’re gonna talk about this, you’ve got to stay over there, at least five feet away at all times, ok?” Aaron needs Hamilton to understand that if he gets any closer, there won’t be any talking going on.

“What? Burr, be sensible.”

“No!” Aaron grabs a pillow off the couch and throws it at Hamilton; it hits him square in the face.

“Burr!” Hamilton sounds angry now, but Aaron doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if he is being ridiculous. He knows if Hamilton gets too close he won’t be able to focus on what he’s saying, won’t be able to resist. But Hamilton continues to walk towards Aaron, a determined look on his face.

“Seriously, I just want to talk to you!”

“Then talk from over there!”

“What,” Hamilton is smiling again, “does being close to me really affect you so much?”

Aaron doesn’t respond. He doesn’t trust himself to speak at this point. He tries to push past Hamilton, but Hamilton steps in front of him and throws his arm out so his palm rests against the wall, blocking Aaron’s path.

“You’re acting like a child, Burr. “ Hamilton says coldly, his eyes piercing. Aaron looks down. Don’t look at his eyes, he thinks sternly to himself. He tries to picture Theodosia’s face in his mind to remind him of the consequences of what is about to happen, but all he can think about is Hamilton. He is so close, too close, not close enough.

“Burr…” Hamilton is smiling at him now, Aaron can feel it. He continues to stare at the floor, determined to not look at Hamilton. This plan comes to a fast end, however, when one of Hamilton’s hands lifts Aaron’s chin up, forcing their eyes to make contact.

Fuck.

His eyes are so beautiful; no eyes should be allowed to look like that. Aaron doesn’t know how long he stares, but he is brought back to reality when Hamilton starts laughing softly. He’s looking at Aaron fondly, and moves one of his hands to rest against Aaron’s cheek.

“I’ll never understand you, Burr.”

And then Hamilton’s mouth is on his, and Aaron is helpless. The kiss is hesitant and soft, but Aaron can’t help but surge into it, one of his hands reaching out to clutch at Hamilton’s waist. The kiss is starting to change, becoming more heated, but then Hamilton pulls back slightly, looking surprised.

“Sorry, I…” Hamilton takes a step back and laughs shakily, running a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t planning to do that, you just…you’re always so…sorry. Do you still want me to go? I can go.” He turns around as if to leave, but Aaron stops him.

“No, wait. Don’t go, I just,” Aaron tries to take a calming breath through his nose, his whole world is spinning, “could you just give me a second to think?” Hamilton bites his lip and nods, taking a few more steps back, giving Aaron some space.

The problem isn’t that Aaron doesn’t know what he wants, because he does. He wants this, wants Hamilton. He wants it so bad. Does that make him a horrible person? Probably. But he’s just so tired of resisting what he wants. For once, all Aaron wants to do is _take_.

When he looks back over at Hamilton, he’s already staring at Aaron, a mixture of guilt and nervousness playing across his face. Aaron hates seeing those emotions on Hamilton. He wants him to be happy, wants to put a smile back on his lips.

“Listen, Burr, I didn’t mean to…I did just want to talk, we can still just talk.”

“What else did you want to talk about?” Aaron takes a few steps towards Hamilton, his resolve becoming stronger with each step. He wants this.

“I…” Hamilton swallows hard, his eyes wide as he watches Aaron get closer. “I just want to know, do you like me too?”

“Like you?” Aaron places his hands on either side of Hamilton’s face, letting his fingers trail down his neck before resting on his shoulders. He feels Hamilton shiver under his hands, and he leans forward to whisper in his ear. “You drive me crazy.”

Hamilton lets out a soft moan, which goes straight to Aaron’s cock. His grip tightens on Hamilton’s shoulder for a moment before he forces himself to lean back. Hamilton is staring up at him with parted lips, his eyes dark.

“I don’t know if that really answers my question.”

Aaron smirks, and then spins them, pushing Hamilton against the wall. He lets his hips brush against Hamilton so he can feel his growing erection.

“Does that answer your question?”

“ _Oh._ ” Hamilton’s eyes close as Aaron pushes against him, his mouth hanging open. When he opens his eyes again, his pupils are blown, and Aaron feels a wave of hunger wash over him.

“So,” Aaron says lowly, “are we doing this?” He needs to know. He needs to know if Hamilton is feeling the same desperation that he is. He’s done waiting, he needs this, needs Hamilton, right now.

“Aaron.” Hamilton breathes out, and God, Aaron loves how his name sounds when Hamilton says it. “Yes, god yes. Please, will you…can you kiss me?”

And how can Aaron say no to that?

He pushes their mouths together roughly, sinking his teeth into Hamilton’s lower lip before swiping his tongue over it. Hamilton moans into his mouth, and Aaron tilts his head, deepening the kiss, breathing in sharply when Hamilton nips gently at his lip. Hamilton arches up against him, his own erection rubbing against Aaron’s thigh. Wasting no time, Aaron slips his tongue into Hamilton’s mouth, smiling slightly when he hears Hamilton’s breath hitch. He loves the way Hamilton tastes, and the way his warm breath washes over his skin. He loves all of it.

Hamilton’s hands start to creep under Aaron’s shirt, his fingers lightly brushing his skin, sending shivers up his spine. Then his mouth moves from Aaron’s mouth to his jaw, to his neck, and Aaron can feel his skin starting to burn up. Hamilton seems to sense this, because he tugs Aaron’s shirt off, throwing it onto the ground, and then he’s trailing kisses across his collarbone as his hands explore his chest.

“Wanted to see you like this again ever since the summer,” Hamilton murmurs against his skin, making Aaron flush. Apparently Hamilton had been thinking about that time as much as he had.

His pulse quickens as Hamilton throws off his own shirt, and then sinks slowly to his knees. Aaron bites his lip, but shifts back, giving Hamilton more room. He fights off a moan as Hamilton presses open-mouthed kisses to his hipbones, staring up at him from beneath his long eyelashes. When his hands move up to the front of his pants, Aaron braces his hands on the wall, feeling like he might pass out at any moment. He can’t believe they’re actually doing this.

Hamilton makes quick work of Aaron’s zipper and all Aaron can do is watch him with breathless anticipation as he pushes Aaron’s pants and underwear down his thighs. Hamilton stares at his cock, and when he licks his lips, Aaron can’t stop the moan that escapes him. Hamilton looks up at him and smirks, and then leans forward, kissing Aaron’s thighs before slowly making his way back to his cock. He presses feather light kisses up and down the length.

“Fuck,” Aaron hisses, and he feels Hamilton’s breath wash over him as he laughs lowly. The next second, Hamilton has swallowed him down, and nothing could have prepared Aaron for the way Hamilton’s mouth felt on him. His tongue, the heat, it’s all too much, but at the same time, not nearly enough.

Hamilton bobs his head up and down, his hands gripping Aaron’s thighs tightly. When Aaron tangles a hand into his hair, Hamilton moans around him, sending sparks of pleasure up Aaron’s spine. He has never been this hard in his life.

“Shit, Hamilton, that feels…” Aaron can’t put into words what he’s feeling, but Hamilton seems to get the message, and starts to double his efforts.

When he feels Hamilton’s nose touch his navel, something inside Aaron snaps. He grips Hamilton’s hair even tighter, and takes control of the situation. He keeps Hamilton’s head in place, and begins to thrust earnestly into his mouth. Hamilton, more than eager to accommodate, opens his mouth even wider, keeping his jaw slack. Hamilton is humming around him, and when Aaron feels his cock brush the back of Hamilton’s throat, he nearly comes right then, but then he looks down to see Hamilton palming himself furiously through his pants.

Aaron pulls Hamilton’s head back, his cock falling from his mouth with an obscene pop. Hamilton makes a noise of protest, which Aaron cuts short by hauling him to his feet and kissing him.

“Don’t want it to end so soon,” Aaron explains hoarsely, making Hamilton’s eyes gleam. He pulls Hamilton into the bedroom, attempting to keep their lips pressed together along the way. Aaron feels like he’s drunk; his head is spinning and he feels a pleasant buzz over his whole body. He wants more.

He pushes Hamilton down onto the bed before crawling on top of him, kissing him everywhere; his stomach, his chest, his neck. He can’t get enough. He sits up and unbuttons Hamilton’s pants, throwing them and his underwear off in one swift motion. God, he’s beautiful. Aaron let’s his hands trail down Hamilton’s chest, taking note of the spots that make Hamilton shiver. His hands move to his thighs, his fingers barely grazing Hamilton's cock, which is leaking steadily against his stomach.

When he looks back up, Hamilton is staring at him, eyes darker than Aaron has ever seen them. He moves to straddle Hamilton’s hips, running his hands up and down his chest again.

“Tell me to stop.” Aaron whispers, his hands coming to rest on either side of Hamilton’s face. “Tell me to stop, Hamilton.” If this didn’t stop now, nothing would ever be the same. This was their last chance to put an end to it. Aaron waits with bated breath, as Hamilton looks back up at him, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Then, he gives a small shake of his head.

“Don’t stop.”

Aaron swoops down, kissing Hamilton desperately. There's no turning back now.

Aaron leans over, quickly opening the drawer of his end table, taking out a small bottle. He dips his fingers in and then turns back to Hamilton. He maintains eye contact as he scoots his body slightly lower on top of Hamilton’s, and then lets his fingers brush gently against Hamilton’s entrance. Hamilton’s hands immediately fly to clutch at one of Aaron’s arms.

“Don’t tease me, Burr.” His voice is already hoarse, filled with want, and Aaron loves it.

“I’m going to need you to be a little more specific. What do you want, Hamilton?”

Eyes on fire, Hamilton grabs Aaron’s face.

“I want you to open me up with your fingers, and then fuck me so hard that I won’t be able to walk in the morning.”

And really, how can Aaron say no to that?

Without warning, he slides one finger into Hamilton, who breathes in sharply, tensing for a moment before relaxing back into the bed, his eyes fluttering shut. Aaron works his finger in and out of him slowly, completely captivated by the way Hamilton is falling apart underneath him. He slides in a second finger, eliciting a low moan from Hamilton.

“Oh my _god_ ,” he whines desperately, “more, I can take more.”

Aaron adds a third finger, loving the way Hamilton is pushing his body back onto his fingers. He wants this to last as long as possible; he never wants it to end.

“I wish you could see yourself.” Aaron whispers. “You look so good, I can’t wait to be inside you.” Where is this coming from? Aaron never says things like this, but as usual, Hamilton brings out another side of him. And he likes it. He curls his fingers suddenly, and Hamilton arches off the bed with a whimper.

“Fuck! I’m ready for you, please, Burr, I’m ready, I'm so ready.”

Aaron kisses him softly before pulling his fingers out, and opens his drawers again to pull out a condom. He rolls it on slowly, smirking at how Hamilton’s eyes keep flicking between his face and his cock, unable to decide which to focus on. Aaron pours more lube onto his hand, and then strokes his cock, spreading it over the length.

“Burr,” Hamilton whines, “now is not the time to practice your ‘wait for it’ technique, _come on._ ”

Aaron laughs, but leans down to press a kiss to Hamilton’s jaw before lining himself up against his entrance. He tucks his head into the crook of Hamilton’s neck as he slowly pushes in, biting his lip to keep from crying out. Hamilton’s nails dig into his back, but he’s glad for the pain, it keeps him from coming on the spot.

Once all the way inside Hamilton, Aaron stills, trying to get his breathing under control. He still couldn’t believe this was happening; that he, Aaron Burr, was fucking Alexander Hamilton. He's struck with a sudden desire to laugh, but instead he opts for biting Hamilton's neck softly. Hamilton squirms slightly underneath him.

“Burr, come on. I need you to-“

His words are cut off by a moan as Aaron pulls out and then enters him again quickly. Aaron repeats the motion a few more times until Hamilton, always impatient, wraps his legs around his waist, pulling him in even deeper.

“Please,” he whimpers, “I need more, Burr. I need it harder, please, I just need you to - _fuck!_ ”

Aaron slams into him, making them both groan loudly. He lifts up his head to look down at Hamilton.

“How many times to I have to tell you,” he whispers, “to talk less?”

“If you want me to shut up,” Hamilton says breathlessly, a teasing smile on his face, “then make me.”

Aaron captures his mouth in a bruising kiss and then snaps his hips forwards again and again, relishing in the noises he’s bringing forth from Hamilton. Aaron feels sweat drip down his back; everything is so _warm._ He chokes back a moan, the heat spreading and beginning to build in his stomach. For a few minutes, there’s nothing but the sound of their heavy breathing mixed with soft moans and the sound of skin on skin. After a particularly rough thrust, Hamilton cries out and arches slightly off the bed.

“Oh, god! Please do that again!”

Aaron grunts and fucks into Hamilton relentlessly, continuing to hit the same spot that’s driving him crazy. He can feel his entire body beginning to hum, and Hamilton clenching around him is starting to make him see stars. He’s not going to last much longer.

“Hamilton, I’m gonna-“

“Alexander,” Hamilton whimpers, eyes tightly closed, “please, I like it when you call me Alexander.”

Aaron groans loudly at this and speeds up his thrusts.

“Alexander,” he murmurs lowly, bending down so he can whisper into his ear. “Alexander, Alexander, Alexander. You feel so good, so tight for me. Do you want to come?”

“Yes,” Hamilton’s voice sounds completely wrecked, “please, I want to come so bad. Touch me, I need you to touch me.“

Aaron moves on of his hands between them, taking Hamilton’s cock in his grasp. He starts to move his hand in time with his thrusts, and only after a few strokes he can tell Hamilton is close.

“You’re so good, Alexander.” His voice sounds so low even to his own ears. “I want you to come now, show me how good you can be. Come for me, be a good boy.”

Hamilton practically _screams_ Aaron’s name as he finds his release, his come covering Aaron’s hand and his own stomach. Aaron continues to thrust into him until he comes with a stutter of his hips and a moan, the pleasure temporarily blinding him. He collapses onto Hamilton, and takes deep breaths against his neck. I just fucked Alexander Hamilton, he thinks to himself. This time, he does laugh, a small huff of breath against Hamilton's neck. Once he recovers, Aaron pushes himself up.

Hamilton’s eyes are still closed, his skin flushed, and his breathing is coming in short bursts. Aaron moves a strand of hair off his forehead.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah.” Hamilton’s response is instant, and he opens his eyes to look up at him. “Yeah. That was…well…you know…”

Aaron hums in agreement and then carefully pulls out of Hamilton, tossing the condom in the trash before grabbing some tissues so Hamilton can clean himself up. He lies back down on the bed, a hand over his eyes. He’s still having some trouble processing what had just happened.

“Hey…” Hamilton gently moves Aaron’s hand from his face, forcing him to look at him. He trails a finger over Aaron’s mouth. “Smile more.”

Aaron can’t help the laugh that escapes him. He shifts slightly so that Hamilton can curl up against him, and places an arm around him. Hamilton nuzzles into Aaron’s shoulder, one of his hands tracing lazy circles on his chest. 

"So..." Hamilton begins, and Aaron can't help but roll his eyes. Of course Hamilton would be the kind of person who immediately wants to talk right after sex. "Not that that wasn't great, but we still didn't exactly _talk_."

"Well, to be fair, a few minutes ago you were begging me to shut you up."

"Hey!" Hamilton laughs and nudges Aaron in the ribs. "Not the point. We should still talk about this."

"Mmm." Aaron lets his fingers card through Hamilton's hair, smiling when Hamilton closes his eyes and pushes against his hand, chasing the movement. "We can talk in the morning."

"Yeah, sure," Hamilton says sarcastically, "cause you're such a morning person."

"Go to sleep, Alexander. We'll talk tomorrow."

Hamilton lets out a huff of breath, but cuddles up closer to him, his hand resuming it's slow tracing of Aaron's chest. Aaron doesn’t mean to fall asleep right away, but with Hamilton nestled against him, Aaron feels so warm, and doesn’t even notice when his eyes close.

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, however, it isn't to Hamilton wanting to talk to him; it’s to Hamilton pressing kisses to the side of his neck, his teeth scraping gently over his pulse point. Not a bad way to wake up, Aaron thinks.

“Good morning.” Hamilton whispers, his breath tickling Aaron’s skin. Aaron doesn’t respond, just lets his hand trail up and down Hamilton’s back, his nails digging into his skin as Hamilton bites down on his shoulder.

“Fuck.” Aaron whispers as he feels his dick start to stir.

“Mmm.” Hamilton continues to nip at his skin softly. “I had no idea you were so kinky, Burr. All that ‘good boy’ stuff last night, that was an eye opener.”

“If I remember correctly,” Aaron says slowly, still waking up, “you were the one who was getting off on it, not me.”

“It was pretty hot.” Hamilton admits. Aaron can feel him smiling against his neck, and then he feels Hamilton’s erection pressing against his thigh.

“Alexander, “Aaron murmurs in amusement, “I thought you wanted to talk this morning.”

“I changed my mind.”

Aaron is about to respond, but his breath gets caught in his throat as Hamilton’s clever hands wrap around his cock, jerking him off with slow strokes.

"Alexander..." Aaron murmurs again, his voice still heavy with sleep. He tries to fight back a moan, but it escapes his lips anyway.

“Don’t worry,” Hamilton whispers teasingly, “I’ll do all the work.” And then before Aaron can react, Hamilton is rolling a condom onto him. He grabs the lube, hastily slicking up Aaron's length with it, and then he's positioning himself on top of Aaron, a hand still around his cock.

“Wait,” Aaron puts a hand on his hip, “don’t you need me to-“

But Hamilton sinks down onto him in one fluid motion, knocking the breath right out of Aaron. Hamilton stills for a moment, adjusting to the position, but then he starts moving, and all Aaron can do is grasp his hips tightly and hold on, pleasure washing over him in waves.

Hamilton’s hands grip the headboard, and he starts moving in earnest, groaning with reckless abandon as he clenches around Aaron.

This time, Aaron is the one screaming Hamilton’s name.

-

On the last night of break, Aaron and Hamilton move together desperately. They both know this is their last night together, that afterwards, they’ll finally have to talk about what happened, and what will happen next. They had been carefully avoiding the subject, but they could only avoid it for so long.

Once they both finish, Aaron pulls on a pair of sweatpants, not wanting to have this conversation stark naked. He moves to sit on the bed next to Hamilton, who is purposefully avoiding his gaze.

“Alexander,” he says softly, “we have to talk about this at some point.”

"I'm the one who wanted to talk about it before." Hamilton mumbles stubbornly. "You kept putting it off, now I don't want to talk about it. Maybe we should just never talk about it. Let's just keep fucking each other, who cares, am I right? We just won't tell anyone. That would be the simplest thing. Let's just-"

"Alexander." Aaron repeats, firmly this time.

"Oh my gosh, fine.” Hamilton sighs dramatically before pulling on his own pair of sweatpants and coming back to sit on the bed. “What do you want to talk about?”

“We cheated.” Aaron says bluntly. “You and me, we cheated on our girlfriends, with each other.”

Hamilton flinches at this words, but nods slowly, eyes flicking up to meet Aaron’s.

“I didn’t mean to, or…I didn’t want to cheat, and I’m sure you didn’t either. But, I just, I couldn’t help it. God, that sounds so bad.” Hamilton rests his face in his hands.

“Well whether or not we meant to, we did, and we need to talk about it.”

“Do you regret it?” Hamilton’s voice is soft, and Aaron can hear the worry in it. When he doesn’t respond, Hamilton looks away from him, down at his hands. Aaron shifts closer to him and takes his hands in his own. He knows these hands so well now, has felt them on his skin.

“I know I should regret it,” Aaron says slowly, taking a deep breath, “but I don’t.”

“Are we horrible people?”

“Depends on how you look at the situation.”

“I just…” Hamilton sighs, flipping their hands so he can run his fingers over Aaron’s palms. “I don’t like disappointing people, and even though you act like you couldn’t care less sometimes, I know you don’t like disappointing people either. And Eliza and Theodosia are both so…so…”

“So much better than us?” Aaron finishes with a nod. “Yeah.”

“I don’t like making people upset, and I…”

“You don’t want to tell them?” Aaron asks, and Hamilton nods. “So we just…what? Forget about it again? Act like this never happened? Go back to being just friends?” Aaron isn’t sure if he can do that a second time, not after this.

“I’m not sure if that’s possible,” Hamilton says with a small smile, “I just, I was being serious before. I mean, not particularly about the part where we continue to sleep with each other constantly, that might be complicated. I just don’t think anyone needs to know what happened, and we can just see what happens along the way.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, but allows Hamilton to keep tracing the lines on his palms as he thinks. They are both in way over their heads, but there is nothing they can do about it now.

“That might be the worst plan ever.” Aaron says with a sigh, but he moves to lie down on the bed, pulling Hamilton with him. “But, it’s the only solution we have right now, so it will have to do.”

Hamilton scoots closer to him until he’s pressed entirely against his side, and arm curling on his chest.

“I don’t regret it either by the way.” He mumbles sleepily. “I like being with you, you make everything so quiet.”

“Quiet?”

“Mhm.” Hamilton yawns and then sighs contentedly. “You know how much I freak out about stuff? It’s just a part of who I am, I can’t help it. But then you always calm everything down. I like that.”

Aaron looks down at Hamilton, but his eyes are already closed, a small smile curling on his lips. He knows he should say something, but Hamilton’s words caught him off guard, and there's a strange feeling blooming in his chest.

"Hey," Hamilton murmurs, "can you tell me a story?"

"A story? What kind of story?"

"A story about you. I like hearing you talk about yourself, you're always so mysterious."

"A story about me..." Aaron sighs, one of his hands running slowly up and down Hamilton's arm. "Let's see. When I was ten, I ran away from my Uncle's house."

"Really? Where did you go?"

"New York Harbor. I had this crazy plan to get on a boat and sail off into the great unknown."

"Aw," Hamilton says, a smile in his voice, "you wanted to be a pirate."

"What ten year old didn't?"

"True. What happened next?"

"Well, obviously my pirate career did not take off. My Uncle found me trying to get onto one of the cruise ships and chased me. I proceeded to climb up to a great height where my Uncle couldn't follow, and then we had a very loud fighting match."

"I wish I could have seen that." Hamilton says in amusement. "You were always destined to be a great debater."

"Hmm." Aaron's heart jumps slightly at Hamilton's praise. "Anyway, we came to an agreement that I would go back home as long as my Uncle didn't try to punish me, and that is the great story of how Aaron Burr almost became a pirate."

Hamilton chuckles into his shoulder, and Aaron smiles in return. They lay there in silence for awhile, their slow breathing the only sound in the room.

"Do you still want to do it sometimes?" Hamilton asks softly. "Run away?"

Aaron sighs, not wanting to get into this conversation with Hamilton. He doesn't like thinking about it. Hamilton tilts his head so he can look at Aaron, waiting for an answer. Aaron sighs again, moving his hand so he can push back Hamilton's hair from his face, his fingers lingering on his jaw.

"Sometimes." Aaron responds truthfully. "But not as often." Hamilton nods, and puts his head back onto Aaron's shoulder, one of his hands trailing across his ribcage. They remain that way, neither of them talking, just letting their hands stray over each others bodies in the dark. Eventually, Hamilton’s breathing slows down to a steady pace, and when Aaron looks down, he's fast asleep.

As Aaron lies there, Hamilton curled against him, he can’t help but feel happy. He knows he should feel guilty, should feel upset at himself. But he just doesn't. Hamilton is right about all of this, about them.

Nobody needs to know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASL:SDGDLGJGSDFKASKFSDF 
> 
> ARE YOU GUYS FREAKIN OUT CAUSE I AM FREAKING OUT. THEY DID IT. OH LORD.
> 
> I'm real nervous for your guys's feedback, but don't hold anything back, yell at me in the comments I am a horrible person for writing this omg. 
> 
> ALSO HEY one more thing, I outlined how the rest of this fic is gonna go. I'm cutting out some songs cause they just don't fit with my plot, and I will be combining songs together. This second half is gonna go a lot faster and have a lot of drama so buckle up and get ready. My plan right now is to have 8 more chapters and then an Epilogue!
> 
> FUN FACT Aaron Burr really did run away from his uncle and get on a ship where he climbed all the way up that mast and had that very same argument with his uncle.
> 
> Ok. Ok. But yeah, please, kudos/comments/anything. Leave em for me. They make my day. ALSO WTF THIS HAS OVER 300 KUDOS YOU GUYS ARE TOO GOOD TO ME. This is why I feel like I need to get these chapters out so quickly, you guys are just too good.


	19. The Room Where It Happens/Schuyler Defeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, we're slowing things down a little. This chapter isn't too crazy, I'm trying to give you all a rest from the last chapter ;) plus crazy things are soon to come. 
> 
> For some reason this chapter was really hard to write. Capturing Burr's mindset in The Room Where it Happens was tougher than I thought,but I hope you guys like it! I'm also in a haze of exhaustion so excuse any typos.

Somehow, life goes on as normal. No lightning bolt comes down from the heavens and smites him, so Aaron takes that as a sign that things are going to be ok. Him and Hamilton agreed to tell no one about what happened and to just see where whatever they’re doing takes them, and it’s been working so far. Granted, it’s only been a few days, but that’s beside the point. They’re making it work.

Everything is pretty much the same between them, well, for the most part. The biggest change is that Aaron is now fully exposed to Hamilton’s flirting capabilities. If he thought Hamilton was a flirt before they slept together, it’s nothing compared to how he acts now. Earlier that day, they had been eating lunch with Lafayette and Mulligan, and Hamilton, determined to continue driving Aaron crazy, had slid a hand up his thigh. Mulligan and Lafayette had looked at Aaron very oddly when he almost flew out of his seat, and Hamilton had merely smiled at him briefly before removing his hand and asking in mock concern if Aaron was ok. Hamilton had also picked up a habit of pulling Aaron into corners and kissing him roughly before walking away, leaving Aaron breathless. Not that he's complaining. Sure, Hamilton still drives him crazy, but Aaron has never felt more alive. 

On Wednesday night, Aaron is sitting in the library with Hamilton across from him, one of his legs occasionally brushing against Aaron’s under the table. Aaron raises his eyebrows, but Hamilton just smiles at him, a teasing look in his eyes, which makes Aaron smile in return. The kid is relentless.

Aaron looks closer at Hamilton, who is back to being focused on whatever work he has. His hair is tied up in a bun, but as usual, it's already falling from the knot, giving him a rather disheveled look. Aaron can’t help but smile again as Hamilton runs a hand through his hair.

“What are you working on?” He asks Hamilton in an attempt to distract himself from continuing to look at him, a familiar temptation beginning to crawl under his skin.

“This stupid proposal for the MSA.”

“The one about the new club for immigrant students? Again?” Aaron sighs. “Hamilton, Jefferson and Madison will never vote yes for it, just let it go.”

“They will.” Hamilton says firmly. “In fact, I’ve got a meeting with them tomorrow night to talk about it.”

“You’re kidding.” Aaron says in disbelief. This is news. “How did you swing that?”

“Does it matter? The point is I did, and I’m not throwing away the opportunity. Now shut up so I can work.”

Hamilton goes back to writing furiously, but Aaron is sitting there in shock. Not because Hamilton told him to shut up, he’s used to that, but because Hamilton has agreed to a meeting with James Madison and Thomas Jefferson, two people he hates. And what’s more, Jefferson and Madison agreed to the meeting. Why?

Aaron is dying to know how this meeting came into existence, and what Hamilton has planned, but he also knows better than to try to talk to Hamilton when he’s working, so he sits there silently for close to another hour until Hamilton finally starts packing up his things.

“How are you going to get your plan through to them?” Aaron blurts out as they leave, not able to hold in his questions any longer. “I mean, how are you going to convince them?”

“I guess I’ll finally have to listen to you, Burr.”

“Really?” Aaron raises an eyebrow, not really following what Hamilton is saying.

“You know,” Hamilton turns to him with a smirk, “talk less, smile more.”

Aaron laughs. Of course. Of course Hamilton would choose to use his advice for this situation. They walk together in silence, but when Hamilton turns to go to his dorm, Aaron reaches out an arm to stop him.

“Hey, about the dinner,” he pauses, biting his cheek, “just, be careful and don’t do anything stupid.”

“I can handle this, I’m not an idiot, Burr.”

“Alexander-“

“No!” Hamilton is angry now, which is not what Aaron had intended. “I know you don’t think so, but I know what I’m doing. I can do this.”

“That isn’t what I’m worried about, I know you can do it, it’s just…” Aaron searches for the right words to say. “They’re gonna try to bribe you, they’ll want something in return. This isn’t just some game to them, Madison and Jefferson can be merciless.”

“Hey.” Hamilton softens, and stands on his tiptoes to press a quick kiss to Aaron’s lips, catching him by surprise. “You know what they say; hate the sin, love the sinner.” And then he’s walking away with a smile and a wave, leaving Aaron with a twisting feeling in his stomach that he can’t give a name to.

-

The next day, Aaron goes to the dining hall, his mind still mulling over the idea of Jefferson and Madison agreeing to meet with Hamilton. They had to be planning something, but what? It couldn’t be good, that much was sure, and Aaron is itching to find out the reason. He's not entirely sure why the whole affair is bothering him so much, but it is. He'd even had trouble sleeping last night. 

By a stroke of luck, Aaron spots Jefferson and Madison eating alone at one of the tables, their heads bent in a quiet conversation. Aaron hesitates for a moment, but then walks over to them and takes a seat without asking. Madison nods at him, but Jefferson smirks.

“By all means, Burr, join us.”

“Thomas, calm down.” Madison says with an apologetic look in Aaron’s direction. “What’s up, Aaron?

“I heard about the dinner.” Aaron says, not wasting any time. “Your dinner with Hamilton. What are you two planning?”

Jefferson and Madison look at each other briefly before turning back to him.

“I’m not sure if I’m really at liberty to tell you what the meeting is about.” Madison says in his cautious manner. “It concerns Hamilton’s plan for the MSA. He has new ideas that he wants to talk to us about.”

“The bastard’s doesn't give up, I’ll give him that.” Jefferson adds.

“Don’t call him that.” Aaron snaps out before taking a deep breath through is nose. “I just, why did he come to you? What does he want?”

“Why do you care?” Madison asks with narrowed eyes. “I’ve never seen you so invested in something before.”

Aaron wants to argue, but knows he really has no argument. Madison is right. He knows it must seem weird to them, him being so interested. Part of his interest is due to his concern for Hamilton, but another part is his just desire to know what’s going on. He’s….he’s _jealous_. The realization hits him hard, and the feeling he just named flows through him with renewed force. He’s jealous. Of Hamilton. Of Jefferson and Madison. He’s jealous of the power they hold, of the games they get to play while everyone else sits to the side. He doesn't like the fact that they can do whatever they want without consulting anyone else. It's unfair. It's unfair because Aaron wants to be a part of it too.

“Oh, don’t be so mean to little Burr, James.” Jefferson says after awhile, a glint in his eye. “I’ll gladly tell you what happened. Hamilton came out of Washington’s office one day in absolute distress and disarray, and he basically _begged_ me to meet with him. It was all very sad, the poor thing. And I’m such a people pleaser, so how could I not at least consider the idea, even if Hamilton is so pathetic.”

Aaron clenches his fists, but says nothing in response; he instead turns his eyes to Madison, who’s looking at Jefferson and nodding.

“And then Thomas came to me,” Madison says, looking back over at Aaron, “and proposed the idea of meeting with Hamilton over dinner to discuss the matter.”

“So I arranged the menu, the venue, even the seating. It’ll all be quite private. I hope Hamilton won’t feel uncomfortable, we are meeting in rather high class place.”

“But,” Aaron is still confused, ”why did you agree? What are you going to offer him? What do you want him to offer you?”

“Oh, Burr,” Thomas smirks again, “seeing you so concerned is quite sweet. Hamilton really has you wrapped around his finger. I wonder why he didn’t tell you what he’s planning to offer us? I mean, he didn’t tell you, right? Why is that?”

Aaron opens his mouth to respond, but then closes it. Why hadn’t Hamilton told him? He clearly had a plan, he just didn’t tell Aaron about it. Why?

“Oops,” Jefferson says in mock sympathy, a hand covering his mouth. “Did I step in something I shouldn’t have?”

“That’s enough, Thomas.” Madison says calmly, placing a hand on Jefferson’s shoulder. “Besides, we should get going. We’ll see you around, Aaron.”

And once again, Aaron is left alone with his thoughts. He’s more confused than before. What are they planning? What is Hamilton planning? Are they even allowed to do this? Have a secret meeting behind everyone’s backs? Does Washington know?

All of these questions, and more, race through Aaron’s head as he drives home. God, he’s so jealous. Why won’t anyone tell him what is happening? Why isn’t he involved? He wants to be involved. Hell, he would even take just understanding what exactly is going on. Everything seems to be happening without him noticing lately, he’d been so distracted. Shit. Shit shit shit. He’s been falling behind, not staying focused.

"Get yourself together, Aaron." He murmurs, giving himself a small shake. But it doesn't work. Jealousy and frustration continue to swirl in his stomach.

-

Aaron doesn’t have to wait long to find out how Hamilton’s secret meeting with Jefferson and Madison goes. During the next MSA meeting, Washington calls for a vote concerning the immigrant student branch of the MSA; it passes unanimously. 

Of course, this is only the beginning, Hamilton still needs to find a way to fund the club, but that doesn’t stop him from being ecstatic over the news. At the end of the day when they’re done studying, he pulls Aaron into an office and spreads his arms.

“Isn’t it great?” He asks with a wide smile. “Washington gave it to me to use. It’s all mine.

“Seriously?” And there it is, the jealousy starting to crawl back in. Aaron tries to push it down.

“Yep!” Hamilton grins even wider and perches on top of his new desk. “I can even do my TA stuff in here, grade papers and everything. It’s great! So great! And this desk is great! God, I can’t believe I got the vote to pass. It’s great!”

Aaron tries to put a smile on his face, but it feels more like a grimace, so he ducks his head so Hamilton won’t see. Why does he feel so weird about this? He needs to pull it together.

“Speaking of your TA job,” Aaron says in attempt to change the course of the conversation, “have you graded our last papers?”

“Yep, you got a B+.”

“I what?” Aaron can’t have heard that right. “A B+?”

“Uh huh.” Hamilton slides off the desk and shrugs as Aaron continues to look at him with a mixture of surprise and anger. “ It was well written, you were just too vague and didn’t take a stance on anything.”

“I took the middle ground, and gave evidence for both sides of the argument!”

“Exactly.” Hamilton says calmly, which makes Aaron even angrier. “The assignment was to pick a side. You didn’t.”

“But I-“

“Burr, come on.” Hamilton shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back and forth. “Can we no talk about it? I shouldn’t have even told you your grade, let’s just drop it.”

“Fine, we’ll talk about something else.” Aaron snaps, and he can’t help it, he has to ask. “How did you do it? How did you get Madison and Jefferson to agree to vote yes?”

“Does it really matter how I did it?” Hamilton is avoiding looking at Aaron now, and when he moves, he moves as if he’s going to leave the room, but Aaron grabs his arm.

“Yes, Hamilton, it does matter. I want to know.”

“It’s really not a big deal,” Hamilton says with another shrug, “I told them I’d step down as Treasurer of the MSA and that next week when the elections for next semester start, I won’t run against them. Jefferson will become the next President, and Madison will be VP.”

“What?” Aaron can’t believe this, that Hamilton of all people, would give up a position of power. Not just that, but a position where he can make a change. “But, you started the MSA, how can you just step down and let others take over?”

“Because of what you just said. I created it, and no one is gonna forget that. And now I created another club that I can run.”

“You got more than you gave.” Aaron says in wonder as what Hamilton did dawns on him.

“And I wanted what I got.” Hamilton says with a smug smile, which ignites the spark of jealous Aaron had been trying to hold back.

“Can you even do that? Make all these secret plans behind everyone’s backs? Why couldn't you have just waited it out until Jefferson and Madison graduate? It is their last year, you have two more to go.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Burr. What’s done is done, so just forget about how it happened and just be glad it did. And why would I wait? You don't ever get anything if you just wait.”

“But what about the funding for the club?” Aaron asks, ignoring the flare of panic that rises in his chest at Hamilton's last comment. “You’ll need a space to hold meetings, and any rallies or whatever you want to do will cost money. Not to mention that you’ll need other members and leaders to join. How will you do that?”

“I’m working on it, ok?” Hamilton is looking irritated again. “It’s not your problem to worry about it.”

“Does Washington know about how you got the votes? Does he know about the dinner?”

“That’s none of your business.” Hamilton snaps, getting angry. “Burr, It’s not my fault you aren’t in the loop, it’s yours, so stop acting so angry, you have no right to be. You're the one who doesn't want to get involved in anything. You don't like making big decisions, so don't be jealous that people like me, Madison and Jefferson do.”

“That’s not true. I can make decisions.”

“Oh please, you didn’t even vote on what food we should have at the end of the semester party. You don’t do anything, Burr. You still don’t stand for anything, and I’m not the only one who thinks that. Washington does too.”

A ringing silence follows his words, and Aaron feels like all the breath has left his body. Washington doesn’t think he does enough? But that…that means Aaron’s falling behind, that Washington doesn’t think he’s good enough. The internship, God, Aaron’s not gonna get it.

“Burr,” Hamilton is looking at him, something like regret playing across his face, “hey, just forget I said that. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But he, Washington, what does he think of Jefferson? Does he like him more, does he-“

“Burr, it isn’t a popularity contest, it’s about who’s doing the most. Hey,” Hamilton takes him by the hand and leads him outside. “Please just forget I said that, come on, let’s go, it’s late.”

They walk out of the building in silence, Hamilton occasionally looking over at Aaron in concern, but Aaron is too lost in his one mind to care. How could he not realize that Washington wasn’t impressed with him? God, he’s such an idiot. Wait for it, that's what he always told himself. But wait for what? He's been wasting so much time just _waiting._ He should have been doing more.

“I should go.” Aaron says shortly once they reach the parking lot where his car is.

“Sure.” Hamilton bites his lip. “Listen, Burr. I’m sorry about everything, ok? I just, I want to build something here that’s gonna last even when I’m gone, and you know how I get when I’m in that mindset. I say stupid stuff. Washington is tough, but if you start doing stuff now, he’ll notice. Just…” Hamilton sighs, “just start thinking about what you want, Burr, and then chase it. Just...what do _you_ want? Figure it out, and go from there.”

As Aaron drives home, Hamilton’s words replay through his mind.

He doesn't even know what he wants. Sure, he knows he wants the internship in D.C., that’s obvious. Why does he want it? Because it’s a great opportunity, it’s what he’s been waiting for. It’s what he wants. He wants to be a part of something, to play a role in things, to be important. Seeing Hamilton, Jefferson and Madison make all these secret moves behind the scenes has awakened something in him. It frustrated him that they were able to make all of these decisions without anyone else getting a say. Aaron wants a say in things, wants to do what they did.  But this is a dangerous game to play; he doesn’t know where to start.

When he gets home, Theodosia is already in bed reading, and she smiles when Aaron walks in. Aaron smiles back, feeling some of his anxiety vanish. He’s glad Theodosia is back. And to make things even better, she’s starting to feel more like herself. The doctor she saw over break had given her some medicine to take until they got more affirmative test results back, but things had calmed down, and Aaron is grateful. He needs her.

 “Do you think I’m too vague in the stuff I do?” He asks Theodosia as he gets into bed next to her.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, do you think I’m involved enough in stuff, or do you think I play it too safe?” Aaron rolls onto his side so he can look at Theodosia. “Should I be trying to do more? Take more stands?”

“Well,” Theodosia says slowly, “is that what you want? To be the type of person who is constantly involved in things, fighting for things? What do you want?”

Aaron chews the inside of his cheek as he considers the question. Is that he wants? He doesn’t know. He’s spent most of his life avoiding becoming a person like that. But maybe that’s what he needs to become in order to get ahead.

“I just...I have no idea what I’m doing anymore.” He runs a hand over his eyes and shakes his head. “I just feel like I’m slipping, like I’m not doing enough to get that internship. And if I don’t get it, I don’t know what else I’ll do. It’s all I’ve been working towards. I'm worried that Washington isn't noticing me anymore.”

“Well then, I think you have your answer.” Theodosia removes his hand and strokes his cheek gently. “I know how much this internship means to you, but don’t let it get you all wound up. You’re a good person, Aaron, and you have good ideas, you just get too caught up in your own mind sometimes. Don’t let your nerves stop you from getting what you want.”

“I don’t deserve you.” Aaron says softly, reaching up to cover Theodosia’s hand with his own. “Maybe I don’t even deserve the internship.”

“You deserve it, Aaron. You do. If it’s what you want, then work for it, and you’ll get it.”

Aaron smiles at her and nods, hoping that her words are true.

He has trouble falling asleep; so much is going on in his brain. Theodosia and Hamilton’s question keeps playing over and over in his mind.

_“What do you want?”_

_“What do you want?”_

_“What do you want?”_

He wants so much. He wants all of it. He wants to be a part of something, to have control over something. Just controlling himself isn’t enough now, he wants more.

And he's going to get it. 

-

The following week, Aaron signs up to run for Secretary of the MSA. He had considered running for Treasurer, but he would have been running unopposed, and that wouldn’t be impressive enough. So he runs for Secretary and only has one opponent; Eliza Schuyler.

He wins.

As he walks out of the election, Aaron feels a wave of triumph wash over him. He won. He _won._  It's like he's been struck by lightning. Aaron has never won anything, let alone run for anything. It feels great. He should do it more often. 

"Burr!"

Aaron turns to see an angry looking Hamilton striding towards him. Aaron rolls his eyes. Here we go.

"What is it, Hamilton?"

"Since when are you interested in being an officer for the MSA?"

"Since being one can help put me on the up and up again. I need this position, it will help my standing against Jefferson for the internship"

"Burr," Hamilton's face is steadily growing redder, "barely anyone knows who you are, or what you do. No one knows what you stand for! This isn't about personal gain, it's about helping people. "

"Hamilton," Aaron sighs, "the people you're so concerned about elected me, so relax. This isn't a huge deal. The spot was up for grabs, so I took it, that's all."

"I thought we were friends."

"We are!" Aaron throws up his hands in anger. What does that have to do with anything? 

"Then why did you decide to run against my girlfriend? She really wanted that position, Burr, and she would have done a good job."

Ah. So that's what all this is about. Hamilton isn't upset that Aaron won, he's upset that he won over Eliza. 

"Listen, Hamilton," Aaron rests a hand on his shoulder. "I ran for Secretary to seize the opportunity I saw, it was nothing personal."

"Sure it wasn't." Hamilton shrugs his hand off and steps back. "So this isn't over the fact that I haven't broken up with her? You're really telling me you aren't just trying to get payback?"

"Payback?" Aaron shakes his head. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm still dating Theodosia, aren't I? So calm down. I swear, your pride will be the death of us all." 

Hamilton is still looking at him with a hint of betrayal in his eyes, and Aaron sighs in frustration. This really wasn't about getting payback, all Aaron wanted was to do something, to get a chance to be involved in things. 

"Are you even going to do anything as Secretary? You know you're in charge of running the meetings and helping organize events. That means you'll have to go to the events and actually publicize them to the campus, which means you'll have to say you support the events."

"Thank you, Hamilton." Aaron bites out, getting more and more frustrated. "I know what my responsibilities are. For how much respect and trust I give you, it would be nice to get some in return. I'll take my role as Secretary seriously, so just calm down. I'm not going to sit there and do nothing, that would make me look lazy."

"Don't you get it?" Hamilton bites his lip and shakes his head. "This isn't just some game, Burr. This isn't just about you. A lot of people have started to depend on the MSA. We're really making differences for minorities on campus, so don't let your interests have a higher priority over theirs."

"And what about your interests?" Aaron asks, one eyebrow raised. "You're one to talk, after you set up a whole secret meeting in order to get what you wanted. How is what I did any different?"

"It just is! I did what I did so I could help other people!"

"And what, you think I won't help people either? That's not fair."

"You're infuriating, Burr." Hamilton huffs out, crossing his arms.

"Back at you." Aaron snaps. When Hamilton continues to stand there, arms crossed, Aaron sighs. "Listen, Hamilton. Just, give me a chance ok? I'm not going to mess anything up. 

"Well, I hope you're right. Congratulations, Burr." And with that, Hamilton turns on his heel and walks away.

Aaron stares at his retreating figure and breathes out another sigh of frustration. So Hamilton doesn't think he's right for the position? Well fine. That's fine. He'd prove him wrong.

Winning the election has filled Aaron with a desire to do even more., and he's frustrated beyond belief that Hamilton is mad at him for winning. First Hamilton wants him to stop waiting for things, and now that he's finally gone and done something, Hamilton is mad at him for that. It's ridiculous.

Aaron's going to prove to everyone that he can handle being in a position of power, that he can make a change. And everyone, Jefferson, Madison, Washington, even Hamilton, would see that Aaron can make decisions. He'll do whatever it takes. 

He's done waiting. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Burr, hun, what are you doooiiiinnnggg. He's getting to be a little more scheming in these next few chapters, but I still love him. 
> 
> Also, Hamilton, just chillllll darling. Give Burr a chance. Or then again, maybe he shouldn't. Is Burr really situated for positions of power? I guess we'll find out....
> 
> Sorry for the lack of Theodosia and Eliza, but it's hard to fit them in, especially with Madison and Jefferson being involved in the story now, but I promise more of them is coming. 
> 
> ALSO SO MUCH CRAZINESS IS COMING SDFLKSDKSKGFGKF.
> 
> Anywho, these next two weeks are my last weeks before my spring break, and it's a pretty busy time in the semester. I'll try to get out two other chapters in the coming two weeks if I can. But don't worry, I have a two week spring break and a whoooolleee lot of writing will occur during it.
> 
> Follow me @ fanciful-follies on tumblr if you want to chat with me :) Thanks guys!


	20. Washington On Your Side/One Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so late, but a lot happens so get ready.
> 
> There is scheming, more sin, and a big fight at the end ya'll.

The next week or so passes without much incident. Aaron is still buzzing from his victory in the MSA; it gave him a confidence boost he felt he was in sore need of. He proved to himself, and to others, that he was capable of standing for something and taking it. Things were finally starting to look up. But, as usual, Hamilton had to make things more complicated than they needed to be.

He’d been more distant with Aaron ever since he’d beaten Eliza in the election. They haven’t talked about it since it first happened, but he can tell Hamilton is still upset. Whenever they do talk, there’s a layer of tension on each word, like they’re both tiptoeing around sparking another argument. Aaron wants to convince Hamilton that what had happened was nothing personal, but he doesn’t know how. He hates Hamilton being upset with him, especially since things had been going so well. They had slept together, for Gods's sake, they should be more open with each other. But they aren't. And of course that has to bug Aaron as well. He'd gotten so used to being with Hamilton, emotionally and physically, so he hated this distance between them. He wanted nothing more than to just talk with Hamilton how they used to, and feel his skin under his fingers again. But that would have to wait, he has more pressing matters on his mind.

He’s meeting Jefferson and Madison later to discuss how to proceed with the MSA. They were the newly elected officers and now they had to come up with events to throw in order to gain more awareness for the MSA and to raise more funds so they can begin to do more on campus for students. It's more responsibility than Aaron is used to, but he's ready for it. He has a meeting with Washington today to discuss issues the MSA should focus on, and he's nervous for it, but also excited. Now is his chance to show Washington that he has ideas, and that he is a serious candidate for the internship.

Aaron arrives at Washington's office slightly early, his nervous energy getting the better of him. He knocks on his office door and enters after a firm ‘come in’ echoes from the other side.

“Oh, Mr. Burr.” Washington says with eyebrows raised, looking surprised at seeing him. Aaron is about to ask if he had the time wrong when his eyes land on Hamilton, who, of course, is also there, standing off to the side of the room. He looks away when Aaron makes eye contact.  

“Sir, sorry to interrupt,” Aaron says after he recovers from the initial shock of seeing Hamilton, “but our meeting?”

“Ah yes, my apologies, it had slipped my mind. Would it be all right if we rescheduled? I forgot I had set aside a time to speak with Hamilton.”

“Of course, sir.” Aaron says as calmly as he can despite the irritation that is crawling under his skin. Why does Hamilton always have to beat him at everything? God, he can't even get one meeting with Washington without Hamilton messing it up. “Should I just wait outside till you’re done?”

“That won’t be necessary. Hamilton and I have quite a few things to discuss.” Washington states, turning back to the papers on his desk, not even looking at Aaron. “Besides, Jefferson and Madison shouldn’t have any trouble brainstorming ideas for the MSA, they can help you.”

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from responding angrily. He’s sure Washington doesn’t mean to insult him, or maybe he does, he can never tell. Why does this keep happening?

“Sir,” Hamilton interjects after a moment, “I could just come back later if that would-“

“No.” Aaron snaps out. He will not let Hamilton take pity on him, he doesn't need that. “No, really, it’s fine. I'll just go meet with Jefferson and Madison.”

“Actually, Mr. Burr, I would also suggest speaking to Hamilton if you continue to have trouble.” Washington says, looking at the both of them. “He has a lot of experience.”

“Thank you, sir.” Aaron says through clenched teeth. “I’ll consider it.” He can feel Hamilton looking at him, but he doesn’t look back. He most certainly will not ask him for advice.

“I highly suggest you do. Did I ever offer my congratulations on winning the election? Well,” Washington leans back in his chair and looks at Aaron firmly. “I hope you find the position to your liking. Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

Aaron turns on his heel and exits the office as quickly as he can, his face growing warm with a mixture of humiliation and anger. Why did Washington always have to speak to him as if he was nothing? And Hamilton, glorious Hamilton, why did Washington always speak to _him_ like he was the best thing in the world? It made no sense. It isn’t fair. Aaron is just as smart, just as impressive as Hamilton.

Still fuming, Aaron finds Jefferson and Madison sitting together in the dining hall, and he slides into the seat next to Madison. He must still look upset, because Madison raises an eyebrow in question.

“Did the meeting go well?”

“Not exactly. Hamilton was already there talking to him, so Washington kicked me out and said we could figure it out on our own. Him and Hamilton were too busy discussing something much more important.”

“Of course.” Jefferson snorts. “The kid can’t keep his nose out of everyone’s business, always showing up where he isn’t wanted. Why Washington likes him so much I’ll never understand.”

“It must be nice,” Aaron says more to himself than to them, “to have Washington on your side.”

“What I don’t understand,” Jefferson says with a frown, “is how Hamilton got Washington in his pocket so fast? Does Washington really enjoy witnessing his fits of passion? The kid is a menace, he’s basically asking for someone to knock him down a peg, and I certainly wouldn't mind volunteering to be the one to do it.”

“He certainly enjoys hearing himself talk.” Madison adds quietly. “And he’ll do almost anything to get ahead, which is rather worrying. He’s unpredictable. For all we know, he could be planning to get back in as an officer for the MSA. We still don’t have a treasurer after all. Washington certainly wouldn’t mind.”

“Washington would allow him back in without a bat of an eyelash.” Aaron finishes bitterly. He feels the jealousy seeping back into his skin.

“It really must be nice,” Madison says with a slow nod, “to have Washington on your side.”

“Hold up, let’s think about this.” Jefferson leans forward, a spark in his eyes. “We want to stop Hamilton from grabbing more power? From stealing ours? Then we need something on him.”

“Something on him?” Aaron asks, feeling his stomach drop slightly at the idea. Where is Jefferson going with this?

“Yes.” Jefferson is practically squirming in his seat. “I’m sure the bastard has broken some rules along the way. He’s always willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants. We just need to find something to hold over him, to make sure he doesn’t overstep his place.”

Aaron opens his mouth to say that he isn’t sure this is a good plan, but Madison is also leaning forward, and cuts him off before he can speak.

“There have been talks about how he got the funding for the immigrant club. It all happened so fast, and the money came from a very strange place.”

“What do you mean?” Aaron can’t help but ask, his curiosity getting the better of him. Instead of answering, Madison motions with his head for Aaron to turn around. When he does, he sees a girl a few tables down sitting alone.

“That’s Maria Reynolds.” Madison explains softly. “For some reason, she agreed to put money into the club so Hamilton could start it, despite not even being an immigrant herself. She’s not even in the MSA.”

“That ‘s certainly a place to start.” Jefferson says with a grin. “Why the hell would she agree to that? I’m acquainted with Maria, she’s never even mentioned Hamilton before.”

“Maria Reynolds…” Aaron says slowly, trying to figure out why the name sounds familiar.

“She’s the one who got married our sophomore year.” Madison clarifies. “Remember? Her and James Reynolds?”

Of course. Their whole relationship had caused quite a stir that year. No one really knew why they had gotten married; they never exactly seemed like a good couple. They fought often, and usually in public. But after winter break they had both come back to campus and they were suddenly married.

“How do you know she’s the one who helped Hamilton start the club?” Aaron asks, turning back around. “I haven’t heard that.”

“Oh, we have our ways.” Jefferson says with a wink. “But it is true. What I want to know is if James knows about it as well.”

“There’s definitely something weird going on there.” Madison says, his head tilted to the side as he thinks.

“So we’re agreed?” Jefferson asks with a grin. “We look into this problem, carefully, and see what Hamilton is scheming? Oh, how great will it be if we actually find something? I can’t imagine anything better than bringing the bastard down.”

Madison and Jefferson keep talking, but Aaron is suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. This isn’t right. They shouldn’t do this. But Madison and Jefferson, once started on something, never stop. But Aaron doesn’t want to be a part of it. He doubts anything is really going on anyway. Still, maybe he should talk to Hamilton, just to make sure, and to warn him about what might happen. Or should he? They haven’t exactly been on friendly terms lately, and Hamilton certainly wasn’t going out of his way to help Aaron…

“What do you say Burr?” Jefferson asks, bringing Aaron out of his thoughts. “You in?”

“I…” Aaron doesn’t know what he should do. Yes he does….does he? “I’m not sure.” He says finally. “I’m busy enough as it is, I don’t really have time for this. I just, I’ll think about it. I have to go.” He gets up quickly, ignoring the fact that they hadn’t even had a meeting about the MSA, but he has to get away.

He walks out of the dining hall and tries to gather his thoughts. He's still frustrated with Hamilton, still jealous, but does he really want to blackmail Hamilton? That just feels so...so petty, and dirty. He doesn't like playing those kinds of games. They're dangerous. But what if Hamilton did do something he shouldn't have? That would certainly be hypocritical, since he accused Aaron of doing things for his own selfish means. Maybe he should help Jefferson and Madison.

No. No. He's not that kind of person. And despite recent events, Aaron still cares about Hamilton, and doesn't want to see him brought down, not after he's worked so hard. He should talk to him. He _will_ talk to him.

-

After what feels like hours of more conflicting feelings about whether or not he should talk to Hamilton, Aaron eventually finds himself outside of Hamilton's room. He takes a deep breath and then knocks on the door. When it opens, Hamilton is clearly surprised to see him and Aaron hates the jolt that runs through him from being in close proximity with him again.

“Well, if it isn't Aaron Burr, sir. What an honor.”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Really?” Hamilton crosses his arms. “You didn’t seem too keen on talking to me back in Washington’s office.”

“I was upset then, ok, this is different.” Why is Hamilton always so frustrating?

“Well I’m busy, so you’ll have to come by another time.” He moves to close the door, but Aaron pushes out a hand and grabs it.

“Madison and Jefferson are plotting something.” Aaron says quickly, needing to get Hamilton’s attention. It works. He opens the door wider, looking at him questioningly. “They think you did something wrong to get the MSA started, something involving Maria Reynolds.”

“They…” Hamilton eyes have gone wide, and he runs a hand through his hair. “They what?”

“Did you?” Aaron asks with narrowed eyes. “Hamilton, what did you do?”

Hamilton moves away from the door and walks into his room, and after a moment, Aaron follows, closing the door behind him. Hamilton sits on the edge of his bed, and Aaron sits at his desk chair, peering over at Hamilton who is lost in thought.

“Madison and Jefferson are barking up the wrong tree.” He says firmly after awhile. “They won’t find anything.”

“They won’t find anything because there’s nothing to find, or….?”

“Don’t worry about it Burr, nothing will come out that will make you look bad.” Hamilton snaps, his tone cold.

“Hamilton,” Aaron says exasperatedly, “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Really? That’s usually all you’re worried about, you don’t care about-“

“If I didn’t care, why would I be here talking to you about it?” Aaron bites out, losing his temper. “For how smart you are, you can be really stupid sometimes. Despite what you might think about me, I’m not an emotionless robot. I care about…things.” He had been about to say you, but he bites the word back, still unsure of where he and Hamilton stand. Sure, he had been jealous of Hamilton just mere hours ago, but now, seeing Hamilton so worried, well, it always brought something out in Aaron, something he couldn't control. Hamilton is looking at him with a small smile, like he knows what Aaron had been about to say. The mood in the room shifts. The air doesn't feel as tense. 

“Well,” Hamilton says quietly after a few moments, “despite what _you_ might think, you really give off the personality of an emotionless robot sometimes, but I appreciate the sentiment. It would just be nicer to hear more often, cause you have a habit of looking angry even when you aren't. It makes it very difficult to read you.”

"Well, that is kind of my goal, Hamilton." Aaron fidgets slightly on the chair, but smiles. "Talk less, smile more, you know?"

"That's my point, Burr," Hamilton laughs, "you don't smile. You just look like you have a stick up your ass most of the time. Maybe you should try putting something else up your-"

"Please stop right there." Aaron holds up a hand as Hamilton snickers. Hamilton looks at Aaron fondly, then bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Why do we always end up fighting?"

"It's just tradition with us. We fight, we make up, we fight again, we-"

"Have sex." Hamilton finishes with a grin.

"Hamilton," Aaron huffs out a sigh, "why do you always have sex on your mind?"

"I can't help it when you're around." Hamilton winks and then shakes his head again. "That's why I reacted the way I did you know, when you beat Eliza. I knew I should have been mad cause you beat my girlfriend, but I...I wasn't. So I was mad about not being mad. And then I just took it out on you."

"Wait, wait, wait. You were never actually mad at me?"

"I mean, I was a little, because you didn't even tell me you were running, that's why I thought it was a personal thing. It felt like you didn't trust me with the information."

"Hamilton," Aaron murmurs softly, "you know that's not why. I do trust you. You're one of the people I trust the most."

I don't know." Hamilton shrugs. "You've just been acting weird lately, like you were mad at me, or something."

"I'm not, not really. I've just been...jealous." It feels weird to admit it, but it also feels good, like a weight has been lifted off of him. "Just with how good you are at everything, and how much Washington likes you, it just got to me."

"How good I am at everything?" Hamilton snorts. "You know from first hand experience that I am not good at everything. I make so many mistakes. So, so many. This Jefferson and Madison things only proves that. God," Hamilton sighs, his face falling, "what a mess."

“Listen, I can help you if you need me to and-“

“No!” Hamilton’s voice is sharp again, but he takes a deep breath. “No, really, Burr. I appreciate it, but I’ll deal with this myself.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am. So can we just talk about something else? Please?”

Hamilton looks so tired and put out that Aaron takes pity on him and nods. He’ll drop the matter. For now.

“I found out that Jefferson has a macaroni fetish. So, if you need something on him, there’s that.”

“What?” Hamilton asks with a laugh. “Are you serious?”

“Completely. It’s all he eats. Like, all the time. He lives on mac and cheese.”

“Wow.” Hamilton laughs again, harder this time, his eyes lighting up. “That is good to know, thank you.”

“Anytime.”

“So,” Hamilton says slowly, an interesting look playing across his face, “does this mean you’ve been spending a lot of time with Jefferson lately?

“Well, we do work together now. Unfortunately, it can’t be helped.” Aaron says, but something in the air shifts again as he says the words. Hamilton gets up suddenly, the same interesting look still on his face. What is it?

"So, you like Jefferson, then?" Hamilton tries to ask casually, but fails miserably. "I mean, you can actually spend time with him without wanting to die?"

Ah. So that's what this is. Hamilton is _jealous._

"He's not as bad as I originally thought." Aaron lies with a shrug. He knows it's mean, but he can't help it. Seeing Hamilton jealous is bringing back a familiar heat and want in Aaron's stomach. Plus, Hamilton being jealous is kind of cute, he likes it.

"Really?" Hamilton walks towards him, a stronger look of jealousy flashing across his features. Aaron smiles, and shrugs again.

“He even made me macaroni once.”

“Are you telling me,” Hamilton moves closer and places his hands on the arms of the chair Aaron is in and leans in slightly, “that Thomas Jefferson tried to seduce you? Should I be worried about competition?” His lips ghost over Aaron’s, teasing him.

“Alexander, I don’t think anyone can compete with you on that front.” Aaron whispers, leaning forward so he can press his lips to Hamilton’s in a soft kiss. He feels Hamilton smile against his mouth, and then suddenly his tongue is pressing against Aaron's lips, opening them so he can lick inside his mouth. The kiss becomes more heated, their noses bumping against each other, their tongues touching, it becomes more desperate, and Aaron hums appreciatively. He knows it's only been a few days since they've last kissed, but it's felt like a lifetime. 

"In any case," Hamilton murmurs as he pulls back, his eyes dark, "Jefferson shouldn’t pursue what’s not his.” Hamilton kisses him again and then climbs onto Aaron’s lap, surprising him, and straddles his hips. He wastes no time and rolls his body down, causing them both to breathe a little heavier.

“And whose am I?” Aaron asks, but Hamilton just smirks and presses a kiss to his jaw before letting his mouth hover over Aaron’s ear.

“You’re mine.” He purrs and starts kissing down Aaron’s neck, sucking bruises that are sure to show on his skin. Aaron can’t help it; he closes his eyes and tilts his head back, giving Hamilton more access. He always feels like he’s on fire when he’s with Hamilton, but he loves it, he loves the burn and the heat that flares under his skin when Hamilton touches him, he can't resist it.

Hamilton starts moving his hips again, grinding down onto Aaron, pulling moans from them both. Aaron’s hands seem to move of their own accord as they reach out to grab Hamilton’s waist, letting his hands slide up his back. He pulls Hamilton down as he pushes his own hips up, biting his lip as sparks of pleasure spike through him. When he feels Hamilton panting hot puffs of air onto his neck, Aaron forces himself to still.

“Alexander,” he breathes, “are you, I mean, do you want to?”

“Yes, God yes.” His answer is immediate, and Aaron can’t help but laugh.

“Then stop teasing me and get on the bed.”

Hamilton immediately scrambles off of him, and then pulls Aaron out of the chair, connecting their mouths again as soon as they’re both standing. After several minutes of fingers clutching and grabbing at clothing, and hands sliding over skin, both of them are stripped down to their boxers, and Aaron pushes Hamilton down onto the bed.

Hamilton stares up at him, his cheeks tinted with pink with excitement. God, are they really going to go do this again? Hamilton moves his hands to the front of his boxers, where his arousal is apparent. He pulls them off and tosses them on the floor, and starts to stroke himself slowly, staring at Aaron the whole time.

Yes, they are definitely doing this again.

Aaron takes off his own boxers and then climbs onto the bed and onto Hamilton, capturing his mouth in a kiss, letting their tongues slide against each other for a few blissful moments before he pulls back and rests his forehead against Hamilton’s. Hamilton whines at the loss and tries to pull Aaron closer to him, but Aaron grabs his hands and pins them to the mattress.

“Always so impatient.” Aaron murmurs with a smile, making Hamilton whine again.

“I haven't had you in _weeks_. I don’t like waiting, Burr. Come on.”

“Patience is a great virtue.” Aaron says as he moves one of his hands to wrap around Hamilton’s cock. “You need to learn to relax, Alexander. Just relax, it's not hard.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Hamilton mutters, his breath hitching as Aaron starts to move his hand, “you’re not the one with a hand around their-“

Aaron moves his mouth back to Hamilton’s, cutting the rest of his sentence off. He licks into his mouth, swallowing the moans that escape his lips. He loves this, loves having Hamilton squirming underneath him, loves the way Hamilton gasps when he bites down on his lower lip before pulling away to look down at him.

“Do you have-“

“Top drawer.” Hamilton starts to move towards his end table, but Aaron pins his hands down again.

“I told you,” Aaron whispers, biting gently on Hamilton’s neck, “to relax.”

Hamilton whimpers but stays still as Aaron leans over and grabs a condom and the bottle of lube inside the drawer. He drops the condom next to him on the bed before spreading lube onto his fingers, smiling when he hears Hamilton’s breathing pick up. Aaron slides a finger inside him slowly, relishing in the moans that Hamilton fails to bite back.

When Hamilton starts to push down on his finger, Aaron adds a second, and then the third moments later. Hamilton’s back arches as one of his hands clutches madly at the bed sheets.

“Aaron.” he says, his voice breaking off into a moan. “Aaron, please… _Aaron_.”

And God, does that send sparks of arousal down Aaron’s spine. He removes his fingers and quickly rolls the condom on and slicks himself up. He wastes no more time teasing, just pushes right into Hamilton, letting out a gasp of air he didn’t know he’d been holding in.

“Fuck.” He breathes out against Hamilton’s neck. He rocks his hips gently, trying to go slow, but Hamilton’s nails dig into his back causing him to shudder, and he can’t help but thrust harder.

“Yes.” Hamilton moans. “Don’t hold back, I can take it. I need it, please, harder, go harder.”

Aaron pushes himself on his elbows as he speeds up his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping against skin mingling with their breathy moans. The heat is spreading down Aaron’s body, all the way to his toes, and God, he's missed this. He looks down at Hamilton, who is looking back at him with bright eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open as Aaron pounds into him. Aaron wraps a hand around Hamilton again, jerking his cock quickly.

“Oh, _God_.” Hamilton cries out, his hands clutching at Aaron’s shoulders. “Yesyesyesyes. Aaron. Talk to me, please, I need you to-to talk, anything, just…”

“What?” Aaron asks as he continues to move. “You want me to tell you how good you feel? How you still drive me crazy? How I’ve been waiting to be inside you since the last time? How I couldn’t wait to hear you moaning underneath me?”

“Fuck, yes!” Hamilton whimpers and closes his eyes. “Please…”

“You feel so good, Alexander. I love how good you feel, love hearing you fall apart. I love seeing you all flushed and hard for me, love how you taste.” Aaron presses a sloppy kiss to his mouth before pulling back again. “Open your eyes, Alexander, I want to see you when you come for me.”

Hamilton moans but opens his eyes, and Aaron feels another spark of heat run through him when they make eye contact. He speeds up his hand around Hamilton’s cock and tries to thrust even deeper into him than he already is.

“Oh my God, _fuck_ , Aaron! Oh fuck.” Hamilton is still staring up at him, panting. “I love it when you open me up with your fingers, I love it. I love feeling your tongue on my neck, your hands on my cock. I love how you feel in me. I love it so much, Aaron, I love y-“ He breaks off with a shout as his orgasm hits, come spilling over onto his stomach.

Aaron leans down and kisses him, still stroking him through his release. It only takes one, two, three more thrusts until Aaron comes as well, and he swears his heart stops for a second when he does.

When he gets his breathing back under control, he moves his mouth to Hamilton’s neck, sucking and biting the skin there so he can leave a mark; proof that he was the one to do this, that he was the one who could make Hamilton squirm and pant and groan under his hands.

“Well,” Hamilton says shakily after a few silent moments, “I’m definitely relaxed now.”

Aaron laughs, and then pushes himself up again, slowly pulling out of Hamilton. He tosses the condom into the wastebasket and then lies back onto the bed as Hamilton cleans himself up. Once he’s done, he curls against Aaron, his head resting on his chest.

“Hey Aaron, I really am sorry.”

“Hm?” Aaron cards his fingers through Hamilton’s hair. “Sorry about what?”

“Just…everything I already said, I'm really sorry. I know the election wasn’t personal, I was just being stupid, I should have been happy for you.”

“It’s fine, Alexander. I’m a big kid, I can handle not getting a congratulatory hug.”

“I just meant that I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you, and I don’t want you to be mad at me…”

“I’m told you I'm not.” Aaron sighs. “I just, this internship is stressing me out, and I felt like, and still feel like, that I need to get ahead and do more. The election was just a way for me to show Washington that I’m serious about helping people and can handle responsibility. I do want to help minorities on campus, you know.”

“I know!” Hamilton shifts slightly so he can look up at Aaron. “I know. I shouldn’t have said you only did it for selfish reasons. I just…it caught me off guard, and I reacted badly, so, I’m sorry.”

“Well, apology accepted. I’m sorry too.”

“Mmm.” Hamilton scoots even closer, sighing contentedly. “We should have sex more often, we’re always much more honest afterwards.”

Aaron snorts but doesn’t disagree. He continues to play with Hamilton’s hair, his eyes getting heavy. Hamilton’s breath on his chest tickles his skin, but it’s also soothing, and before he knows it, he’s falling asleep.

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, it takes him a moment to remember where he is, and why Hamilton is curled around him, still sound sleep. Then it all comes rushing back.

They had slept together. Again.

Aaron looks down at Hamilton’s sleeping form and feels a rush of affection. Why does this kid always do this to him? Make him feel so warm, and happy, and wanted? It’s all too much, too confusing. He always feels conflicted afterwards. They both have girlfriends, but being with Hamilton always feels so _right_. Aaron just feels something for him he hasn't felt in a long time, he feels....wait.

With a sudden jolt, Aaron recalls something Hamilton had said last night, something that he had forgotten in the heat of the moment.

_“I love it, Aaron, I love y-“_

What was he going to say? What was that last word going to be? It couldn’t be what Aaron thought it was, there was no way it was that. Hamilton couldn’t love him. He couldn’t.

_“You’re mine.”_

Those words flood Aaron’s mind as well, but he pushes them away. Hamilton did _not_ love him. Or did he? And what about Aaron? Did he really love Hamilton. He had thought at one point...yes...but now? No. No. That would just…everything would be so much more complicated if-

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears his phone buzz from somewhere on the floor. He carefully disentangles himself from Hamilton and stands, spotting his phone lying among their discarded clothing. When he unlocks it, his stomach drops. He has numerous texts from Theodosia, all asking where he is.

Fuck.

He hastily dresses, his heart pounding. How could he have been such an idiot? He pauses at the doorway, looking back at Hamilton. He should wake him up, tell him goodbye. But he can’t. He can’t look at those eyes again. He’s already so confused, so conflicted about what they’ve done, what they’re still doing, so he slips out without a word.

As he drives home, Aaron's head is spinning. God, he doesn't even know what love is supposed to feel like. No one besides his sister had even said the words to him before, and he's never said them to anyone. Does he love Hamilton? He certainly cares about him, and is always willing to help him in his crazy ideas, no matter the cost. Is that love? God, he's thinking about loving Hamilton when his _girlfriend_ is waiting for him at home, what is wrong with him? 

When he gets back to the apartment, Theodosia is there waiting for him, and she looks furious.

“Where have you been?” She asks as soon as he walks in.

“I…I was at Alexan-Hamilton’s,” Aaron corrects himself. “I just-“

“Forgot to call? Forgot to even send one text to your girlfriend to let me know where you were? What the hell, Aaron? I was so worried!”

Aaron opens his mouth to apologize, but the words die in his throat. God, he is such a jerk. Theodosia, his girlfriend, had been up all night worrying while he had been fucking someone else. What the hell is wrong with him? What is he doing?

"Aaron?" Theodosia takes a step closer to him, her eyes still angry. "Don't you have anything to say? An apology would be nice, or a-"

“I slept with him.” Aaron blurts out loudly, his words cutting her off. “With Hamilton. We had sex.”

Theodosia stands there in silence, Aaron's words still ringing in the air. He tries to take a calming breath, but he can't, he can't breathe. What did he just do? Theodosia is still standing there, her face pale, and she starts to shake her head slowly.

“I...what?”

“I had sex with Hamilton, last night, I-“

“No, I heard you.” Theodosia takes a step back, her jaw clenching and unclenching. “I just…"

"I'm sorry, Theodosia, I'm so sorry." Aaron takes a step towards her, but she keeps retreating, shaking her head over and over. "I don't know why I do it, why I keep doing, he just-"

"Why you _keep_ doing it?" Theodosia asks, her voice breaking. "You mean you've done it before?"

"I...no, I mean, yes, but..." Aaron stumbles over his words, his heart is beating so fast he can't think. "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to hurt you, please, I care about you so much."

Theodosia laughs loudly at that, and keeps laughing, but Aaron sees the tears falling down her cheeks, and he wants nothing more than to reach out and wipe them away. He is such an idiot.

"You care about me?" Theodosia repeats. "People who cheat on their girlfriends multiple times do not _care_ about them, Aaron. That is not how you treat someone you care about. I would never do this to you, never! 

"Please let me explain, please!" Aaron begs. "Theodosia, please just listen to me I-"

"And what about Eliza?" Theodosia interrupts. "Does she know about this? Does she know Alexander is cheating on her?"

"No! Please don't tell her, don't-"

Theodosia's hand cracks across his face so fast he doesn't even see it.

"That's all you have to say to me?" Theodosia screams, tears still running down her face. "You tell me you've cheated on me multiple times, and all you care about is making sure you cover your tracks? That you don't get into worse trouble than you already are? You are not who I thought you were." She turns away from him, her hands covering her face.

"No, no, that's not what I meant, that's..." Aaron is crying now, his face stinging where Theodosia had hit him. "Theodosia, no. I didn't-"

"Get out." Her voice is calmer now, void of any emotion, but it makes Aaron's blood run cold. "I can't talk to you about this."

"Theodosia," Aaron begs again, "please, please just talk to me."

"Don't worry," she turns back around with a sneer that makes Aaron flinch, "I won't tell Eliza. This is your mess, you can figure out how to deal with it."

"Theodosia..."

"Stop it!" She snaps, her voice growing louder again. "Just get out, Aaron. Get out."

He wants to stay, wants to explain everything. But what is there to explain? He'd done exactly what she'd said, there isn't anything to explain. He turns around to go, stopping at the door to look back. Theodosia is turned away from him again, her shoulders shaking. Aaron opens his mouth to speak again, but closes it. What more is there to say?

He leaves.

As he drives back to campus, the only place he could go, he feels entirely numb. There's no anger, no nothing, just numbness. He had been so incredibly stupid. Theodosia was never anything but caring towards him, and he had treated her like dirt. Worse than dirt. He had just thrown away everything, everything, on a stupid physical attraction for Hamilton. Because that's all it had been. Physical attraction. That's all it could be. That's all Aaron would let it be. He would never act on it again, he didn't deserve to do it again. What happened the other night with Hamilton would never happen again.

That was the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....so.....yikes? Aaron done messed up. But at least he told Theodosia??? Right???  
>  And fuckin Thomas Jefferson just get out of my SIGHT he is the worst
> 
> Hope the wait was worth it! This coming week is midterms week for me so there probably won't be another update till next weekend, which begins the two weeks of my spring break (hell yeeeaaahhh!) which means many many more updates are to come (and hopefully much quicker ones!)
> 
> Come yell at me in the comments or over on tumblr @ fanciful-follies!
> 
> Thanks guys!


	21. We Know/Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS! A New chapter full of angst and drama, enjoy!
> 
> (ALSO hell yeah I'm on Spring Break now for two weeks, so I'm hoping to get out some chapters pretty fast)

Aaron spends the next few nights in the library. He’s pretty sure he’s pulled a muscle in his back from sleeping bent over onto one of the many tables. He knows needs to find somewhere else to live, but that would mean going back to Theodosia’s and getting his all of his things, which was something he did not want to do. He’s just hoping no one has noticed he’s been wearing the same clothes for the last three days.

He hasn’t heard from Theodosia since their fight, since their…breakup. Not that Aaron was expecting to hear from her, he didn’t deserve to. He had fucked up big time. But he wants to hear from her, he misses her so much.

He hasn’t told anyone about his situation either. Who is there to tell? He isn’t exactly close with the Schuylers, and he’d die before talking to Madison or Jefferson about it, and he's sure they couldn't care less. Aaron can’t help but think of how this is something he’d talked to Laurens about. But Laurens isn’t here.

And Hamilton…well, Aaron hasn’t spoken to Hamilton is the same amount of days he hasn’t spoken to Theodosia. He sees him around every now and then looking exhausted with a sort of glazed look in his eyes, but Aaron doesn't try to talk to him.

He knows it’s not fair, but he partly blames Hamilton for what happened. If he had never met Hamilton, none of this would have happened. He never would have become friends with him, never would have started to care about him, never would have gotten roped into all of his ideas, never would have kissed him, never would have been tempted to take things further, never would have…well, it doesn’t matter. He did meet Hamilton, and he did do all of those things. And now he’s facing the consequences.

Aaron looks up from the table he’s barely left in the past few days when he hears raised voices coming from the corner of the library. He looks over to see Hamilton himself, whispering furiously to two people whose backs are turned towards Aaron. It’s only when one of them looks over their shoulder that Aaron notices it’s James Reynolds, which means the girl next to him must be Maria.

He thinks back to what Madison and Jefferson said about the rumors concerning how Hamilton had gotten the Immigrant branch of the MSA club started. Aaron had thought they had been just that, rumors, but now, looking at the three of them whispering together, he couldn’t help but think that maybe there was some truth to them after all. Not to mention that James Reynolds was now holding a position in the club. Somehow he had gotten elected as the Vice President of the Immigrant club, despite not being an immigrant himself. Hell, he isn’t even a minority. There is definitely something going on.

The voices get louder, and Aaron looks closer, seeing James stand up and get up in Hamilton’s face. Aaron tries to look away, to just stay out of it, but then the voice grow even louder. Before he even knows what he’s doing, Aaron is standing up and walking over.

“Hamilton.” Aaron interrupts, silently cursing himself for not being able to stop himself from getting involved, even after everything that’s happened. “I need your help on the assignment for Washington’s class. Can you spare a minute?” He doesn’t wait for Hamilton to respond, just turns around and walks back to his table.

“What do you want, Burr?” Hamilton asks shortly once he's caught up with him.

“A thank you would be nice.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Hamilton,” Aaron sighs, “Reynolds is notorious for loosing his temper easily. Things were starting to look heated so I-“

“So you want me to thank you for interrupting? Well, despite what you always think, Burr, I don’t need your help, so why don’t you just stay out things for once?” Hamilton bites out his words coldly, crossing his arms and looking away from Aaron in irritation.

“Fine.” Aaron responds coolly after a few moments. “Sorry for trying to help.”

“Apology not accepted.” Hamilton spits out, starting to back away. “Now leave me alone, I don’t need your help.”

Once Hamilton walks back over to James and Maria, Aaron just stands there, still looking over at them. It’s not that he’s not used to Hamilton’s strange moods, he just isn’t sure what he’s done to cause this one in particular. He’s the one who should be upset right now. Hamilton should be thankful for all the times Aaron has helped him. Why does Aaron keep trying to help him? When has Hamilton ever tried to help him? 

All Hamilton does is mess things up for him, and Aaron is starting to get frustrated.

-

The next day, back at the library once again, Aaron has only just sat down when Madison and Jefferson slide into the seats across from him.

“Mr. Burr.” Jefferson drawls out, the corners of his mouth turning up. “How are we doing today?”

“I’m fine.” Aaron says shortly. “Did we have a meeting? If not, I have a lot of work to do.” He looks back down at his work, but when Madison and Jefferson don’t move, he looks back up at both of them.

Jefferson is smiling, a glint in his eyes, and Madison is looking at him seriously, jaw clenched and fingers tapping on the wood of the table.

“What is this?” Aaron asks slowly, looking between the two of them. “What do you want?”

“What we want,” Jefferson says, leaning forward, “is your help in attaining some _sensitive_ information.”

“What kind of sensitive information?”

“Information on Hamilton.”

Aaron leans back in his chair and runs a hand over his eyes. Not this again. He's not in the mood for this, he doesn't want to think about Hamilton anymore.

“I’m not interested.” He says finally, hoping they’ll drop it.

“Really?” Jefferson says, smiling widely. “I think you’ll find you are interested, or you could find yourself facing some difficulties.”

“What the hell are you talking ab-“

“We know.” Madison breaks in, cutting him off. “We know about you and Hamilton.”

_About you and Hamilton._

Aaron’s blood runs cold. Those four words ring through Aaron’s ears, pushing everything else out of his mind. What do they mean? It’s impossible that they know, they can’t know. Aaron tries to get words out, tries to get his brain to start working again, but he can’t. He can’t even open his mouth, his jaw seems to be permanently clenched.

“Ah.” Jeffers leans back in his chair with a small laugh, “I see we have your attention now. Good.”

“I don’t…” Aaron clears his throat, tries to speak again, “how did you…”

“Find out you and Hamilton are fucking?” Jefferson asks, an eyebrow raised. “It’s actually a great story. Remember the last day you, James and I all talked? How we had a fabulous time bashing Hamilton and Washington? Well, later that day, James and I made our way to Hamilton’s dorm room to ask him a few questions, but alas, he seemed otherwise…occupied. And by the sounds of it, you were both having a great time.”

This time, Aaron’s mouth doesn’t seem to be able to close. He can’t believe Jefferson and Madison heard. He just…this is too much. And now they’re trying to…to what? Blackmail him?

“What do you want?” Aaron asks as calmly as he can.

“I already told you, Burr,” Jefferson says slowly, rolling his eyes, “do try to keep up. You’re going to get us some information on Hamilton.”

“And if I say no?”

Madison and Jefferson glance at each other, having an unspoken conversation. Madison nods once, and Jefferson grins before turning back to Aaron.

“If you say no, we go to Washington.”

“Washington?” Aaron doesn’t understand. He thought they would threaten to simply tell Eliza and Theodosia, and since Theodosia already knew, Aaron wasn’t too concerned about where this might go.

“Yes, Washington.” Jefferson repeats. “How do you think he would react if he found out you were fucking his TA? The TA who is also a big influence in helping Washington decide which of us gets the internship.”

“You…what?” Aaron can’t believe this. “I’m not sleeping with Hamilton for a better chance at the internship, Jefferson! You have no idea what you're talking about.”

“I’m not concerned with the details, Burr. I could not care less about why you decided to demean yourself by sleeping with Hamilton.”

“Just imagine how it would look from Washington’s point of view.” Madison adds, looking firmly at Aaron. “And how if would look to everyone else, how it looks to us. You two fight constantly; you two making some weird bargain in order for you to get a better chance at the internship makes sense, no one would believe you both slept together because you’re madly in love.”

Aaron wants to explain, wants to say that the second reason is much closer to why he and Hamilton actually slept together, but the words don’t come. His hands are shaking on his lap, and he clenches them so hard he feels his skin break.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Simple.” Jefferson says with a shrug. “You get us some proof that Hamilton has made a bargain with James and Maria in regards to his little club.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t care how.” Jefferson says with a shrug. “Coax it out of him while you’re in the throws of passion, look at his phone, eavesdrop, just do it. Or we go to Washington. It’s your choice, Burr.”

Aaron can’t help but laugh. His choice. He has no choice. He knows he can’t refuse, he can’t lose that internship.

“Fine.” He says. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“I’m so glad you could see things our way.” Jefferson smiles again as he stands up. “Oh, and we’ll need the information as soon as possible. We do have class with Washington tomorrow, I’d hate for something to slip out.”

Aaron clenches and unclenches his jaw as Jefferson and Madison leave. Madison looks back at him before he walks out, a strange look on his face, like he’s about to say something else. But then he just shakes his head and walks out after Jefferson.

Aaron isn’t sure how long he sits there. What just happened? Why is everything falling apart around him? If he knew all of this was going to happen, he never would have slept with Hamilton, never would have even become friends with him. God, this was all such a mess. Aaron knows what he has to do, knows that he really doesn't have a choice, but that doesn't make him feel any better. If he doesn't get information, Jefferson goes to Washington and he and Hamilton get into trouble. But if he does get the information, at least Aaron can save himself. Plus, there might not even be any information to find, maybe Hamilton didn't do anything wrong. Maybe everything would turn out fine.

Aaron wonders how to proceed, where to look for the information, but that problem solves itself when Hamilton stalks into the library, throwing an angry look over at Aaron when he sees him. He sits down at one of the couches and buries his face in a book. Aaron can't help but think that maybe if Hamilton learned to control his temper, a lot of these situations never would have happened.

Hamilton continues to read for almost an hour, Aaron looking over at him every now and then, still wondering what to do. He couldn't just go up and ask Hamilton what was happening, he'd already tried that. So he does what he does best;  waits.

Eventually, Hamilton takes out his phone, his face going through an interesting array of emotions as he reads from the screen. His face goes pale, then red, then back to pale again. He types on his phone furiously, his lip caught between his teeth. After a few minutes, he gets up and tosses his phone onto the couch next to his bag in frustration. He stomps over to the door and walks out, not even glancing back.

Aaron stands up, his heart pounding in his chest. He makes his way slowly over to Hamilton’s things, not even daring to glance around to see if someone is watching him. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience as he quickly grabs Hamilton’s phone from the couch, turning it on. He curses under his breath as the passcode pops up.

What would Hamilton make his passcode? There’s no way he would be dumb enough to make it his birthday. But Aaron tries it out anyway. It unlocks, and Aaron smiles fondly before remembering what it is he’s doing, and his stomach twists in discomfort.

He opens up the messages and scrolls through them. There are some from Eliza, Angelica, some from Aaron, he even sees that Hamilton has kept all his past texts from Laurens. God, why is he doing this?

 _You don’t have a choice,_ Aaron tells himself firmly. He doesn’t have a choice. He takes a deep breath and keeps looking. There are a group of messages from two unknown numbers. Aaron clicks one of them and reads through some of them.

_Unkown: He won’t wait much longer_

_\- I’m doing all that I can, I just need time._

_Unknown: I know, but there’s not much more I can do_

_\- I’m figuring it out. Don’t worry. We’ll get through this, I promise. I just need a few more days._

_Unknown: Ok, I trust you._

There’s more, but Aaron can’t figure out what they mean. He takes screenshots of the conversation before moving to the other. These are more threatening.

_Unknown: I told you I wasn’t going to wait much longer. You either give me another position or I tell everyone._

_\- I’m not giving you another position, I shouldn’t have even given you the first one. You don’t deserve it._

_Unknown: I gave you a choice, either you give me a position or money. It was your choice._

_\- You didn’t give me a choice._

_Unknown: Well how’s this for a choice; I’m upping what I want. I want both, money and a position. Give it to me, or I tell everyone your little secret._

Aaron’s hands are shaking again, but he takes more screenshots. Once he’s done that, he selects all of the pictures and sends them to himself before deleting the pictures and the proof that he had sent himself the messages. He drops Hamilton’s phone back onto the couch and steps away.

He grabs his things from the table where he’d been working, feeling rather nauseous. He can’t stay here any longer. He races to the door, flinging it open, and almost runs head first into Hamilton.

“S-sorry.” Aaron stutters, pushing past him, not looking him in the eyes. He walks away as fast as he can without looking suspicious and tries to get his breathing under control. When he feels like he’s far enough away, Aaron pulls out his phone. He opens the messages he sent from Hamilton’s phone and stares down at them.

He doesn’t have to do this. He can just tell Jefferson he couldn’t get any information, that he didn’t find anything. But then Jefferson would tell Washington, and he couldn’t let that happen. He doesn’t have a choice. He can't lose that internship, he can't. It's what he's waited for. It's what he wants.

Aaron types in Jefferson’s contact. He adds the screenshots to the messages and presses send before he can think about the situation anymore. The messages shows as being sent, and Aaron keeps staring down at his phone, feeling horrible. He almost drops it when it vibrates suddenly in his hands.

He almost drops it again when he sees who’s calling him. He puts it up to his ear and takes a deep breath.

“Theodosia?”

“Aaron.” Her voice is soft and strained, like she'd been crying. “I need you to come over.”

-

Aaron gets back to their… _her_ …apartment as fast as possible. Theodosia didn’t say much on the phone, just that there was something important she needed to tell him. He has no idea what it could be. Had he done something else? But why would she want to see him?

Aaron unlocks the door after a moment of hesitation and walks in. There’s a blur of orange at his feet, and he looks down to see the cat rubbing up against his legs. He bends down and picks him up.

“Hello, Franklin.” He murmurs, scratching behind his ears. “Where’s Theodosia, huh? Where is she?” He walks further into the apartment, still clutching Franklin, who seems content with his position, his claws digging into Aaron’s shirt. Finally, he walks into the bedroom to see Theodosia sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Hey.” She says quietly as he walks in.

“Hey.” Aaron shifts on his feet, unsure of what to say next. He hates that he feels so uncomfortable around her now. But it's his own fault he does. “Uhm, so, what’s up?”

“I'm sorry to call you so suddenly, but I have something I have to tell you.” Theodosia stands up and wrings her hands. “I’ve been lying to you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been lying to you.” Theodosia repeats. “For awhile. I didn’t know how to tell you, but when you admitted to cheating, I-“

“Theodosia…”

“No.” She interrupts, holding up a hand. “Please let me say this. I’m not saying what you did, admitting to what you did, was honorable or anything, it wasn’t. And it’s not ok, and I’m still mad at you. I’m still so mad at you.” She bites her lip and turns away for a moment.

“Theodosia,” Aaron pleads, walking over to her, “please, can we talk about it?”

“No.” Theodosia shakes her head, looking back at him. “Not right now. I didn’t ask you to come over so we could take about that. I asked you to come over because…” she takes a shaky breath, “Aaron. I have cancer.”

Franklin hisses as Aaron squeezes him tightly. He jumps down to the ground, scratching Aaron's arms in the process as he runs from the room. Aaron looks back at Theodosia, his mouth opening and closing a few times as she looks at him with wide eyes. 

“You….you…” Aaron can’t say the word, can’t believe it. This isn’t actually happening. This isn't real. There's no way.

“I have cancer.” Theodosia repeats, her voice shaking slightly. “I’ve known about it since Thanksgiving, but I didn’t tell you, I couldn’t tell you.”

Aaron feels like he’s going to throw up. Since Thanksgiving. Since the first time him and Hamilton slept together.

“I don’t…” God, why do words always fail him when he needs them most? "You've known since..."

“The doctor told me when I went to see him over break. Stomach cancer. He said the cells probably started forming in my stomach over the summer, and there’s...there's definitely a tumor there now."

“But you, you’re going to be ok, right? I mean, there going to help you? They're going to fix it?"

“I don’t…” Theodosia takes a steadying breath, “I don’t know, Aaron. The last x-ray I got showed that the cells were spreading. I’m on medication now, but I’ll probably have to get surgery, and if that doesn’t work then-“

“No.” Aaron shakes his head, still unable to believe what's happening. He wipes a hand over his eyes, refusing to cry. “You’re going to be fine, you’re not going to…you’re going to be fine.” He continues to shake his head as Theodosia walks closer to him, putting a hand gently on his face.

“I have an appointment tomorrow, so we’ll see. I…would you come with me?”

“You want me to go with you? I mean, of course I will, of course, I just…” He trails off, looking at Theodosia who is smiling softly at him. “Do you really want me there?”

“Aaron,” she whispers, “I know this is a lot to take in. I know you’re confused. But I need you here, and I know that must sound weird after…everything, it's weird for me too, but I want you with me. I need you with me. I need someone with me.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron whispers, covering her hand with his. “I’m so sorry, Theodosia. I am, I swear, I am so sorry. I was so stupid, I’m _still_ so stupid.”

Theodosia chokes out a laugh, and moves in to wrap her arms around Aaron’s waist. Aaron rests his chin on her head, bringing his arms around her too.

“I want to forgive you, Aaron.” Theodosia whispers after a few moments. “I do, but it’s gonna take time. And I don't want to be alone for this.”

“You deserve to be angry.” Aaron murmurs. “You have every right to be. And I don't deserve a second chance, or to be forgiven. But I’m going to be here for you, ok? I’m not leaving, not unless you want me to. “

“I’ve been angry for so long, about everything. I don’t want to be upset anymore. I just…” Theodosia’s voice breaks, and Aaron holds her tighter. She breathes heavily against his shoulder. "I just can't do this alone."

"You won't have to." Aaron breathes out, blinking back tears. "God, Theodosia, I am so sorry. But I won't let you down again. I'll never be that stupid again. I'm going to be here for you. Always. I promise."

And he sticks to that promise. He takes the next day off, doesn't go to his classes so he can go to the hospital with Theodosia. He turns his phone off, ignores everything else so he can focus on Theodosia, something he should have done a long time ago. 

While he's sitting in the doctor's office, holding Theodosia's hand as the doctor explains what her x-rays mean, that the cancer is spreading, he can't help but think how unfair all of this is. How unfair it is that Theodosia has to deal with this, he should be the one dealing with it. He's the one who messed up.

Aaron drives Theodosia home, the car ride silent. The surgery is schedule for later that month. They couldn't do anything until then. The doctor said all they could do was wait and hope the surgery was successful. If it wasn't...well...Aaron isn't going to think about that. It has to be successful. It _will_ be.

That night, Aaron is lying in bed with Theodosia curled around him, her breathing steadying out as she finally falls asleep. He strokes her back softly as he stares at the ceiling. Nothing is working out like it was supposed to. And everything is happening so fast. Finals are next week, then it's winter break, and Theodosia will have her surgery. Then after that it's his last semester, and then hopefully he'll be at the internship in D.C.

Aaron puts a hand to his head in an attempt to stop its spinning. He feels so exhausted. He sighs and rolls over onto his side, pressing Theodosia closer. Oh well, he thinks to himself. Hopefully all of this means things can only get better.

But of course that would be too easy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......don't hate me. I'm sorry for the pain, but we're really getting into the drama now folks.
> 
> I wanted to add more pain and really get into the drama, but I made myself too sad. So sorry if things feel a little abrupt in this one. But don't worry, more pain is to come, ya'll know what chapters/songs are coming next.
> 
> As always, I love reading your guys's comments, and feel free to come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies
> 
> Thanks guys :D


	22. The Reynold's Pamphlet/Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE two chapters in a roooowww. This is what happens when I'm on Spring Break with no friends or responsibilities around. Enjoy the pain. I'm sorry in advance...

Finals week is anything but easy. Honestly, it’s one of the most stressful weeks Aaron has had in a long time, and considering everything that’s happened lately, that is saying something. Trying to balance helping Theodosia, his work, and stressing over the Hamilton situation in general is making him want to drop out of college and never return. But, unfortunately, that isn’t a viable option.

He is, however, grateful to be talking with Theodosia again. They aren’t exactly dating, Theodosia made it very clear that she wasn’t ready for that, but she also made it clear that she wants Aaron in her life, and he was not going to mess that opportunity up again. Not that things are easy with him and Theodosia. They fight a lot, and there are things that they need to talk about, should talk about, but don’t. But Aaron is trying to take it just one step at a time. It would get better, he would work to make things better. 

As for everything with Hamilton, well, Aaron doesn’t know the details, but he knows Jefferson and Madison talked to him about the texts. Jefferson had invited Aaron to join them, but he had refused firmly. He still felt guilty for going through Hamilton’s phone, so he certainly wasn’t going to go and rub whatever it was he did in his face. He isn't that heartless. 

Aaron is curious as to how it went, what Jefferson and Madison found out, but he’s sure he’ll find out eventually. He just never imagines he's going to find out in the way he does. Nothing could have prepared him for that. 

He’s sitting in the dining hall after his last final when something in the room shifts. People are looking at their phones, murmuring to each other. After a few minutes, Aaron can feel people looking at him. He ignores it at first, telling himself he’s imagining it, but then more and more people stare and the murmuring increases. The next moment, Jefferson and Madison are next to him, Madison looking grave and Jefferson smiling widely.

“From your adorably confused face, I take it you haven’t read it yet.” Jefferson holds out his phone, which Aaron takes tentatively, not sure if he wants to read whatever it is Jefferson is talking about.

He looks down at the article Jefferson has pulled up on his phone, and his stomach drops. It’s written by Hamilton, which is a bad sign in itself. He glances back up at Jefferson, who still has the same smile plastered on his face.

“Go on,” he says, “read it. I guarantee it’s worth it.”

Aaron looks back down at the screen, takes a deep breath, and reads.

_“A few days ago, I was approached and accused of blackmailing Mrs. Maria Reynolds into funding a branch of the Minority Student’s Association club. I was also accused of making a deal with her husband, James Reynolds; in return for their continued support in my club, I am accused of agreeing to give James a position in a club to which he has no right to. These rumors, however, are false. My real crime has been that I participated in a romantic affair with Maria Reynolds.”_

Aaron stares at that sentence for several minutes, reading it over and over to make sure he hasn't misunderstood. An affair with Maria, Hamilton had slept with Maria. That can't be true, it can't be. Not when he and Hamilton were...no...Hamilton wouldn't do that to him, he couldn't. Aaron grips the phone tighter, and forces himself to continue reading.

_“The affair started in September when I first met Maria. We fell into an easy companionship and she revealed to me her situation; her marriage to James Reynolds is an unhappy one. He is abusive to her both physically and mentally, but she fears trying to escape from him. After a few weeks of being acquainted, I told Maria that I would help her if I could. The affair continued, and when I was attempting to start the Immigration club, Maria agreed, of her own free will, to help me start it by funding the club. I did not blackmail her into this choice."_

_“Around the end of November, James Reynolds discovered the affair, and he is the only one guilty of blackmail. Upon discovering mine and Maria’s relationship, Reynolds agreed that he would not tell anyone as long as I agreed to either pay him or give him a position in the club, which he said would look good for him in regards to applying to grad schools. If I refused to do this, Reynolds said he would take the money back and tell everyone that I blackmailed Maria into funding the club. He also threatened Maria. While I did give him a position, it was in order to not only protect myself, but to protect Maria. While I realize that giving James, a white male born in the United States, a position in a club meant for immigrants and minorities, was wrong, I had no choice. I also began to pay him for his silence as his threats heightened. This money came from my own pocket. While I realize this is not a pleasant situation, I did try to remedy it.”_

Aaron, realizing the article went on and on, stopped there, handing the phone back to Jefferson without a word, a sick feeling in his stomach.

“It’s great, isn’t it?” Jefferson asks with a laugh that makes Aaron flinch. “I’ve never seen someone ruin their own lives before, it’s quite amusing. Can you believe he slept with Maria? God, the bastard really can’t keep it in his pants. I wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with half the campus, I mean-“

“Thomas,” Madison interrupts with a quick look at Aaron, who feels himself shaking, “that’s enough.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jefferson says in mock sympathy. “Were you thinking that Hamilton actually cared about you, Burr? Guess not. You’re just one of the many, apparently. But don’t worry, Hamilton does talk about you too, so maybe you are a little special.”

“What?” Aaron snaps out. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Jefferson starts to scroll down on his screen, “after Hamilton goes into _great_ detail about the events with Maria and James, he brings you up. Here, take a look.”

Aaron takes the phone with shaking hands, wondering how much worse this can all get. Much worse, it turns out.

_“When I was approached and accused of these actions, it was also brought to my attention that Aaron Burr was accused of sleeping with me in order to better his chances at the opportunity Professor Washington is offering to one senior at the end of the year. This is also untrue. I have known Burr for over a year, and he would never stoop to that level of desperation, nor would he ever need to. His work speaks for itself. While it is true that I did sleep with Burr, it was for other reasons.”_

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek so hard it bleeds. He can’t believe this, can’t believe that Hamilton would write this, that he would do this. This is going to ruin everything. _Everything_. He pushes the phone back towards Jefferson, refusing to read any more of it. He has to get out of here.

“Aw, come on, Burr.” Jefferson says. “He stuck up for you, wasn’t that nice of him? I mean-“

“Shut the hell up, Jefferson.” Aaron says through clenched teeth. “Just leave me alone, you got what you wanted.”

“And so much more! You know, I was telling the truth when I said I wouldn’t tell anyone about you and Hamilton as long as you found me something else. I told Hamilton that I wouldn’t go to Washington about _your_ affair, I’m very confident that I can beat you without the extra leverage, but this certainly does help.” Jefferson smiles at him again, and Aaron’s blood boils. He hates him. He hates all of them.

Aaron stands up, his head spinning. Jefferson laughs again, but Madison is looking at Aaron with something like pity on is face.

“Come on, Thomas,” he says softly, “let’s go.”

“You’re no fun sometimes, James.” Jefferson responds with a roll of his eyes. “But fine. I’m sure there is more drama to find somewhere else. I mean, just think of Eliza, I wonder how she’s doing. Cheated on not once but twice, and Hamilton published it for all to see. The poor girl.” He winks at Aaron over his shoulder as him and Madison walk away.

Aaron isn’t sure how he gets outside, he doesn’t remember walking there, but the cold wind is suddenly on his skin, and he takes in shaking breath, trying to get a grasp back on reality. Why did Hamilton do this? Why?

_Because he doesn’t care about you._

The words fly into Aaron’s head and stick there. Hamilton doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a damn about him. Aaron had created a delusion in his head for so long, a delusion that he meant something to Hamilton. But Jefferson was right, Aaron was just one of the many. That's all he'd ever been.

“Burr!” A shout rings through the air, and Aaron tenses. He hates that he can recognize that voice. It's the last voice he wants to hear right now. “Burr, wait!” Aaron can’t help but laugh at that. Wait. Hamilton only wants him to wait when it benefits him.

Hamilton catches up to him, his eyes wide and uncertain. Aaron sees that one side of his face is redder than the other, and has the faint imprint of what looks like a hand.

“Angelica.” Hamilton explains tersely, noticing Aaron’s look. “She isn’t exactly happy with me right now.”

“And that’s not exactly surprising.” Aaron spits out. “I hope you aren’t looking for any pity from me.”

“I…” Hamilton hesitates, shifting on his feet. “No. I’m not. I just wanted to explain.”

“I think you did enough explaining for a lifetime, Hamilton. From what I glimpsed, you did almost 95 pages worth of a pathetic attempt at explaining.” Aaron shoves his hands into his pockets, not wanting Hamilton to see how much they’re shaking.

“Did you read all of it? I explained everything, I-“

“You mean did I read all about how you were fucking someone else the same time you were fucking me? Yeah, I did.”

“No, Aaron, please.” Hamilton begs, stepping closer. “It, it wasn’t like that! It was different. What you and I did was different!”

“Different?” Aaron chokes out a laugh, and once he does, he can’t stop laughing. He runs a hand over his face and takes another deep breath. “How was it different?”

“Because it was! It is!” Hamilton takes another step towards him, but Aaron steps back. “Aaron, please. I care about you, okay?”

“You care about me? The hell you do. You’ve ignored me for _weeks_. You were sleeping with someone else the same time you were sleeping with me! You don’t do that with someone you care about, you…” Aaron stops himself, realizing how hypocritical he sounds. He laughs again. “God, listen to me. I cheated with you, threw everything good I had away for you. For nothing.”

“Aaron.” Hamilton’s eyes are shining, but strangely, Aaron finds he doesn’t have to look away; those eyes don’t have an affect on him anymore. He just feels empty. “It wasn’t nothing. You know it wasn’t.”

Aaron wants to argue, wants to ask Hamilton why he did it then. Why he slept with Maria. But he’s so tired of it all. He doesn’t want to hear Hamilton’s voice anymore, doesn’t want to see him again. It’s always too much. And now none of it is worth it.

“You mess everything up.” Aaron whispers. “Everything. You always say I’m selfish, but you don’t care about anyone but yourself. You published that idiotic article for everyone to read. You didn’t have to do that, but you did. Now the whole campus knows. Do I deserve that? Maybe I do. But does Eliza deserve that? Why would you do this?”

“I didn’t…I wasn’t…” Hamilton swallows and tries to speak again. “I was just trying to fix everything. I couldn’t let Jefferson ruin all that I’d done. I was just being honest.”

“Honest.” Aaron repeats slowly. “Well, you certainly were that.”

“I was just trying to help you, I-“

“Help me?” Aaron can’t take this anymore. “How the _hell_ was any of that helpful? Jefferson told you he wasn’t going to go to Washington about us, he promised me he wouldn’t! But you just couldn’t listen, couldn’t think about anyone else but yourself for two seconds! Any chance I had at that internship are ruined because of you!”

“Come on!” Hamilton yells, starting to get frustrated. “Do you really think Jefferson was going to keep that information to himself? He was just going to wait for the right moment to tell Washington. But admitting to it before it got out, I helped us! I helped you! I…wait,” Hamilton peers at him with narrowed eyes. “Why would Jefferson promise you he wouldn’t tell?”

“Because I got him the information on you.” Aaron admits with no regret. He’s past feeling guilty now. “I sent him the texts.”

“You what?”

“Oh, please.” Aaron says coldly. “You don’t get to play the victim here, Hamilton. If you hadn’t been so stupid, there would have been nothing for me to find. This is all your fault. All of it. It’s your fault I lost Theodosia, your fault that I wasn’t there for her when she got diagnosed!” Hamilton’s jaw drops at that, and starts towards him again, but Aaron keeps going. “It’s your fault I’m not going to get that internship, and it’s your fault you’re alone now, cause Eliza deserves better, and I am done getting involved in whatever you do. I’m done with you.”

Aaron turns to walk away, but Hamilton grabs his wrist. Aaron only hesitates a moment before wrenching his arm away. He feels the burn he always does when Hamilton touches him, but this one is different. It doesn’t feel good, or comforting, it makes him feel sick. It feels like it’s killing him.

“Aaron.” Hamilton’s voice breaks. “Please don’t do this. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t.”

“Leave me the fuck alone, Hamilton.” Aaron bites out. “I don’t want to see you anymore, I don’t care what you do. I’m done.” He looks down at Hamilton, who’s crying now, and backs further away. Aaron hates this, hates him.

“Aaron…”

“I wish I’d never met you.” Aaron whispers, blinking rapidly. He turns around and walks away before Hamilton can say anything else.

For once, Hamilton doesn’t follow him.

-

When he gets back to the apartment, Theodosia is resting on the couch, her phone in her hand. She sits up when Aaron walks in, and he tries to smile at her. He’s not sure if he succeeds. Based on the look she gives him, he probably doesn’t.

“How was your last final?” She asks.

“It was fine.” Aaron’s voice sounds weird to him. He wonders if it sounds strange to Theodosia as well. He clears his voice, and moves to go into the bathroom, but Theodosia stands up.

“Aaron.” She says softly, holding up her phone. “I read it. What Alexander wrote.”

Aaron laughs weakly at that, and rests his head on the wall, closing his eyes.Of course she did. He can’t even escape Hamilton in his own home.

“I’m sorry.” He says finally, looking over at Theodosia. “I’m sorry you had to read that.”

Theodosia walks towards him, biting her lip. She hesitates a moment before turning him around and cupping his face with her hands.

“I’m sorry you did too.”

“God.” Aaron laughs again. “You should not be sorry. I don’t deserve that. You don't have to pretend to feel bad.”

“Hmm.” Theodosia moves closer, resting her forehead on his. “But I am sorry. Not that I’m not still upset, but I’m guessing you’ve had a rough enough day without me yelling at you again. Besides, I don't want to yell at you. The whole Princeton campus judging you does make me feel a little better about the whole cheating thing.” She smiles at Aaron, conveying that she’s kidding, at least a little.

She takes his hands and leads him to the couch, forcing him to sit down. She walks into the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water.

“Drink.” She orders. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“I’m fine.” Aaron lies, taking a sip from the glass before setting down. “I’m fine.”

“Aaron. I thought we agreed to be honest with each other.”

“What do you meant me to say?” Aaron snaps out, unable to control his temper. “That I made a huge mistake? That I feel even more like an idiot than before?”

“No.” Theodosia says calmly. “I want you to tell me why you feel like such an idiot, besides the obvious reason.” She sighs when Aaron looks at her with a questioning glance. “Aaron, did you..do you, love Alexander?”

Aaron closes his eyes at her words and puts his head in his hands. Why does everyone always ask him that? Why can’t they just let him be? He doesn't want to think about it.

“Does it matter?” He asks from behind his hands.

“I think it does. From what he says in the article, it sounds like he cares about you?”

“Really? Then why the hell did he do what he did?” Aaron looks over at Theodosia. “Why?”

“People do strange things when they’re in love.”

“Hamilton does not love me.” Aaron says firmly, sitting back up, not wanting to have this conversation, especially not with Theodosia. “And I don’t love him. I don’t. I never did. We don’t mean anything to each other.”

“Really?” Theodosia asks with a raised eyebrow. “So you both cheated on your girlfriends for no good reason? You just acted like assholes because you wanted to? There was no emotional attachment at all? Lying about the situation isn’t going to help, Aaron. If you love him, then-”

“Stop!” Aaron stands up, his hands shaking again. “Please stop it. I’m sorry, ok? I told you I was sorry. I don’t know why I did it. But it wasn’t because I love him. It’s not. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not, it’s-“

“Aaron!” Theodosia stands up and puts her hands on his shoulders. “It's ok if you do, it is! I'll understand.”

"I don't love him, I don't! I _can't,_ I-" Aaron bites his cheek again, thankful for the pain. It keeps him from breaking down completely. "Please, I can't talk about this."

"Ok...ok. But when you're ready, I'm here. I'm always here."

“I’m not ready.” Aaron says immediately, feeling like his heart is going to break out of his chest. Why does he feel like this? He's suffocating. 

“Ok.” Theodosia says again, and smiles at him before stepping back. “Ok. I’m going to take a nap, we can talk later if you want.”

Aaron nods as she leaves, and then heads for the bathroom. He turns the shower on and undresses; he feels like he’s burning up. He steps under the cold spray and lets his head rest against the tiles of the wall, sighing gratefully as the cold surface touches his skin.

He looks down at his arm where Hamilton had touched him last. Aaron brushes his fingers of the skin of his wrist, finally letting the tears fall. He feels so stupid, and so angry. And he knows it’s not entirely because of the internship. It's not even about Hamilton publishing the article

It’s because of Hamilton and Maria.

Just thinking about it knocks the wind out of him. He just feels so stupid for thinking that Hamilton liked him, that he might have….well, none of that matters anymore, because it isn’t true. Hamilton doesn’t give a fuck about him. And Aaron…well he…he…

He slams his fist against the wall as a sob escapes his lips. He cared about Hamilton; he cared about him so much. He was happy when he was with him, he was happy when he was touching him, when he was kissing him. He loved how warm Hamilton made him feel. Aaron doesn’t know if that’s what love was like, but he thinks that’s what it should be like.

But now that’s all over. Gone. Destroyed.

Aaron turns the shower as cold as it’ll go and stands under it shivering, letting all the warmth leave his body, wanting to forget about the burn that still stung his skin from Hamilton's touch. 

He never wants to feel that burn again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say first that in my word document, this story is 300 pages long so far. You all have read a novel length fic about Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton. Just let that sink in.
> 
>  
> 
> Second, I am so sorry. This chapter made me cry. I am still crying. The pain only gets worse. But soon there will be a little happiness...then more pain... Come talk to me and share the pain in the comments or over on tumblr @ fanciful-follies


	23. Stay Alive (Reprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get your tissues ready

Over winter break, Theodosia gets worse.

Aaron wakes up one night to the sound of her getting sick in the bathroom. He sits there with her, trying to comfort her the best he can, but when it doesn’t stop, he drives her to the hospital. Things only get worse from there.

The doctor tells them that the cancer is spreading, tells them that it’s stage four and that any chance of a cure is gone. Chemotherapy will only slow the cancer down from possibly spreading to any other organs. Even surgery can’t guarantee a recovery. They’re only options are to try and slow it down and give Theodosia more time.

Aaron and Theodosia fight that night. She wants to try the surgery, but Aaron argues with her. He tells her that it’s too risky; that the doctor said they would have to remove most of her stomach, and that the risk of complications rises with the amount of lymph nodes they have to remove. They scream at each other until both of them are crying, and then they’re hugging, clutching each other as tight as they can.

“It’s my choice, Aaron.” Theodosia whispers into his shoulder where she’s resting her head, and Aaron knows he can’t change her mind, that it’s selfish of him to even try. He buries his face in her hair and tries to steady his breathing. He can feel Theodosia’s heartbeat against his chest, and he can’t stop the sob that escaped him.

“I can’t lose you.” He gasps, unable to stop his voice from breaking. “I can’t, I can’t.”

Theodosia wraps her arms around him even tighter and strokes his back. This is wrong, all of this is wrong; he should be the one comforting her. But then again, Theodosia has always been the stronger one, always the better one, which is why is so unfair. He should be the one dying; he’s the one who messes up, who hurts people constantly. He wishes they could switch places. He tells her that, whispering the words with a shaky breath.

“No.” Theodosia pulls back and rests her forehead on his. “Don’t say that, Aaron. Don’t. I don’t want that. I wouldn’t let you do that even if you could, I’m too selfish.”

Aaron lets out a small laugh at that, and moves his hands to cup Theodosia’s face, brushing his thumbs across her cheeks.

“You’re the most selfless person I know.” He murmurs, pulling back slightly so he can look her in the eyes. “I don’t know what to do.” He admits with wide eyes, hating himself for feeling so helpless. “I want to fix everything but I don’t know how.”

“You can’t fix it, Aaron. And you have to accept that.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?”

Theodosia takes a deep breath and then tries to smile at him despite the tears still falling down her face, and that makes Aaron’s heart clench. She’s trying to be brave for him.

“Just be here for me.” Theodosia whispers. “Just be here. That’s all I need.”

Aaron nods and takes her hands in his, squeezing them tightly, probably too tight, but she doesn’t let go. They stay like that for a while, the silence only being broken by the occasional sigh or sniff. Aaron continues to hold her hands, running his thumbs over her fingers. He’s never letting go.

-

A week passes, and Aaron does his best to make Theodosia happy and comfortable. He drives her to chemotherapy, which the doctor urged them to try, saying that it would help make the symptoms of the cancer less intense until the surgery, which is scheduled for the 27th. Other than that, the doctors says, there is nothing more he can do except hope for the best.

They spend most nights huddled on the couch, watching whatever is on TV. Theodosia is usually too tired from her treatment to do much else, but Aaron doesn’t mind at all. They always end up talking late into the night until they both drift off to sleep, their bodies resting against each other. Sometimes he wakes up sore from sleeping sitting up, but it’s worth every moment.

Aaron almost forgets about Christmas. He really doesn't even remember it's December until Christmas Eve, when Theodosia sits up suddenly from her spot on the couch, pushing Franklin off her lap, exclaiming with growing horror that they haven’t bought a tree.

So Aaron makes sure Theodosia is wrapped up warmly in layers of coats, scarves, a hat and gloves, and then drives them to find a tree. The pickings are sparse, as was to be expected the night before Christmas, but they manage to find a tree that isn’t too depressing to look at. When Theodosia’s face lights up at it, Aaron buys the tree immediately, thanking the man who helps them tie it to his car.

They spend most of the night decorating, Theodosia laughing as Aaron swears loudly when he can’t untangle the lights, and then laughing even louder when Franklin attempts to attack the tree, hissing as the pine needles poke through his fur. Aaron holds Theodosia steady as she stands on the ladder to put the star on top. When she looks down at him, smiling brightly, Aaron smiles back, but ducks his head quickly so she won’t see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He loves her smile and never wants to think of her without it.

Aaron never had much Christmas spirit, but as they sit together on the couch watching Miracle on 34th Street, Aaron thinks he’s starting to feel it. There’s snow falling softly outside, and the glow from the street lamps combines with the glittering lights on the tree to create a sense of warmth that Aaron has never been able to associate with the holidays before.

It’s while he’s drinking his hot chocolate that a thought occurs to him.

“I didn’t get you a present!” Aaron exclaims, spluttering slightly as some of his hot chocolate goes down the wrong pipe. “I have to go get you one.” He’s about to get up, but Theodosia pulls him back.

“It’s ok, I didn’t get you anything either.”

Aaron doesn’t know why, but that makes him laugh, and Theodosia joins in a moment later, her smile so wide that it makes Aaron laugh again. He reaches out and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers trace the outline of her face.

“Thank you.” He murmurs to her a moment later, and Theodosia looks over at him with furrowed brows.

“I know I have a lot to be thanked for, but what do you mean?”

“For letting me come back.” He explains softly. “Thank you. I don’t think I ever told you that.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiles at him and shifts so she can rest her head on his shoulder. Her hand is resting gently on his thigh, and Aaron reaches over to hold it, his heart feeling suddenly too large for his chest. It’s beating so hard.

“Merry Christmas, Theodosia.” He tries to put all that he’s feeling into those words, hopes that Theodosia understand how thankful he is for everything she’s ever done. He thinks she gets it, because she leans over to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Merry Christmas, Aaron.”

They fall asleep like that, hands still entwined, as the snow continues to fall outside.

-

Aaron wishes the next day doesn’t have to come. It’s the 26th, the last day before Theodosia’s surgery. She convinces him to just drop her off at her chemotherapy appointment and not stay, saying that she wants to do the last one alone. Aaron doesn’t understand, but he agrees, figuring that Theodosia must have her reasons.

Aaron decides to go to a café near campus while he waits, trying to keep himself from worrying too much about tomorrow. The doctor keeps reassuring them that the surgery should help slow the cancer down, but they also keep telling them that complications could occur. Since they are going to attempt to remove a large number of lymph nodes, the risk is even higher. Theodosia could get a clot, could start to bleed out during the surgery, but Aaron pushes that thought to the back of his mind. She’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine.

“Aaron?”

He looks up from where he had been staring off into space, lost in his own thoughts, to see Peggy Schuyler standing there, a hesitant smile on her face. Aaron stares at her in shock a moment before clearing his throat.

“Peggy, hey. Uh, how are you?” He hopes his voice doesn’t show how nervous he is. He hasn’t seen any of the Schuylers since the whole article incident. He’s not sure where he stands with any of them, but he’s sure it can’t be good.

“I’m good.” Peggy says, her discomfort clear on her face. “How are you?”

“Also good.”

Silence falls between them, and Aaron taps his fingers gently on the table, not sure what else to say. After a few more moments of awkward silence, Peggy sighs and sits on the chair across from him.

“Listen, Aaron. Can I talk to you? About, well, you know.”

“Of course.” Aaron says, even though he’d rather spend a day locked in the same room as Jefferson than talk to Peggy about this.

“I know I don’t know all the details,” Peggy begins slowly, “but I think I know you and Alexander well enough to know that you both didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

If Aaron is being honest, he isn’t expecting Peggy to say that. He was expecting Peggy to yell at him, Angelica certainly would have.

“Uhm, well, thank you.” He finally manages to respond, once he gets over the initial shock.

“I just want you to know that not everyone is upset with you.” Peggy smiles, and Aaron’s shock continues to grow. “You were very kind to me when I first came to Princeton last year. And while you try to put on an act, I know you care about people a lot, probably too much. Everything you’ve done for Alexander proves that.”

“Everything I’ve done for him?”

“Yes.” Peggy smiles again. “Ever since John died, we’ve become a lot closer. He tells me a lot. And, I know it’s not a good excuse, but Alexander has been going through a lot, he hasn’t been the same ever since John, which I’m sure you’ve noticed. I just…I really don’t think he meant to hurt anyone, just like you didn’t.”

“I appreciate you telling me all of this Peggy, really. But I just, I can’t really deal with this right now.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “If I’m being honest, I know Hamilton didn’t mean to do what he did, I know he had good intentions, but I’m just, I’m not ready to talk to him about it. Frankly, I don’t have the time to right now.”

“I understand.” Peggy nods and then hesitates before continuing. “Listen, I hope it’s ok that I know, but I heard about Theodosia, Alexander told me you said something to him about her situation. Is she…is she doing ok?”

Aaron looks out of the window behind Peggy, considering just lying to her so she won’t try to talk to him further about it, but she seems to have guessed the answer on her own since her face falls and she leans across the table to take his hand.

“Listen, if you need anything just call me, ok?” She looks at him earnestly. “Really, I mean it.”

“I will.” Aaron says with a forced smile, unsure if he means it or not. “Why are you spending the holidays here, if I may ask? I thought you and your sisters always went home over break?”

“Oh.” Peggy looks down but not before Aaron catches the blush on her cheeks. “I stayed on campus this time, with…uhm, with Lafayette.”

“Really?” Aaron smiles genuinely at her this time. “How long has that been a thing?”

“Since the summer.” Peggy admits with a bashful smile. “Alexander is spending the break with Hercules, since…since he’s not with Eliza anymore. Lafayette was supposed to go as well, but he changed his mind last minute.”

“Smart man.” Aaron says, doing his best to ignore the twist his stomach did at the news of Eliza and Hamilton’s break up. He refused to feel sorry for him. His phone buzzes on the table; Theodosia’s appointment is done. “I have to go, but it was good to see you. And…thanks, for everything you said.”

“Of course.” Peggy stands as Aaron does.

“Well, see you around.” Aaron is almost at the door when he curses under his breath, turning around to look at Peggy. “How is he?” He asks, angry that he can’t resist. “Hamilton, how is he doing?”

“He’s ok.” Peggy answers, looking at Aaron with a knowing smile. 

"Peggy, will you...the next time you talk to him, will you just tell him I need some time?" 

"Sure." She says. "And Aaron, he’s there for you too, you know, if you need him.”

Aaron nods, but doesn’t say anything else in response. He gives Peggy one more smile before he opens the door and steps out into the cold.

That night, Aaron spends a lot of time attempting to avoid the fact that Theodosia’s surgery is tomorrow. He does the dishes, telling Theodosia about his day as he scrubs them clean. Then he does the laundry. Then he vacuums. He’s starting to dust when Theodosia’s hand closes over his wrist, stilling his movements.

“Aaron.” She says his name softly, so softly that he could still pretend that he didn’t hear it, but her hand tightens its hold. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” Aaron tries to ask it casually, but he doesn’t even fool himself. His voice shakes on every syllable.

“Aaron.” Theodosia says again. “Please. Please let me say what I have to say before I lose the courage to do it.”

Aaron bites his lip but gives in with a nod, letting Theodosia lead him to the couch where they both sit, Theodosia looks at him and takes a deep breath,

“Look, we both know the risks about tomorrow. Even if the surgery goes well, it doesn’t mean I’m cured. It’ll just give me a little more time. I’m…I’m not going to always be here, Aaron.”

“Stop it.” Aaron breathes out, his voice cracking. “Stop, don’t…don’t say that. You told me you’d always be here, so you’re going to be fine. You will be.”

“Aaron.” Theodosia’s voice breaks as well, her eyes filling with tears. “Please just listen to me. You know there’s a chance that the surgery goes bad, and we both know that, eventually, I’m going to die.” She says the last word so calmly, like it’s no big deal, like it’s not going to tear Aaron’s heart out. “I need you to promise me something, please.”

“No, you’re going to be fine, you’re-“

“Aaron.”

He bows his head, flinching slightly when something wet drops onto his hand. He’s been crying so much lately he doesn’t even noticed that he started to again.

“Ok.” He whispers hoarsely. “Ok. Fine. Anything, I’ll promise you anything.”

“I want you to make up with Alexander.” Theodosia covers his mouth with her hand when he opens it to argue. “Just listen to me, Aaron. I want you to make up so you aren’t alone, ok? I can’t bare the thought of you alone, and I’m not going to let that happen, cause I know how stubborn you can be. So promise me you will, promise me you’ll at least try.”

Aaron chokes out a laugh in an attempt to cover his sobs. Theodosia is looking at him like she’s asking this huge favor, when all she’s asking is for him to be happy, and he wants to scream at the heavens for threatening to take this person away from him, this person who cares so deeply for him after all he’s done.

“Why are you so nice to me?” He murmurs, resting his hand on the side of Theodosia’s face.

“You know why.” Theodosia says with a smile, pushing gently into his touch. “Do you promise?”

“Yes. Yes, I promise.”

“Good. Now then, pick a TV show to watch.” She snuggles back into the couch with a sigh and rests her head on Aaron’s shoulder when he leans back moments later. He scrolls through the channels, finally settling on Full House.

“You have the cheesiest taste in TV shows.” Theodosia says, laughing softly.

Aaron smiles and wraps his arm around her, pulling her close. They watch in silence for a while, neither of them able to fall asleep. After a few episodes, Theodosia shifts and looks up at him.

“Aaron, do you love Alexander?”

“We don’t need to talk about that now.” Aaron whispers, thinking that it must make Theodosia feel uncomfortable, he certainly does.

“I want to know. Really, it won’t bother me, Aaron.”

“I…” He sighs and breathes in deeply. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I love him. I…I liked him. Like, present tense.” Aaron hates the way his heart flutters at the admission, hates that after everything, he still can’t just Hamilton go.

“Good.” Theodosia says, turning back to the TV. “I think he loves you.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Do you remember that time him and John came back here after the protest? How they stayed the night?” Aaron nods, and Theodosia continues. “Then in the morning, remember how he walked in on us kissing then ran to hide in the bedroom? Well I followed him, and he had this look on his face, and I knew it right then. He tried to avoid the subject, tried to avoid talking about you entirely. And when he did, he stumbled over your name, blushing.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” Aaron asks in surprise. “And weren’t you angry?”

“No, no I wasn’t angry. I just…I knew how he felt, I remember feeling that same way about you.” When Aaron squirms in his seat, Theodosia looks back up at him. “I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty. It makes me happy to think that he cares about you so much, that he can be there for you. Just make sure you tell him how you feel before it’s too late.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Aaron pleads, his heart starting to beat quickly. “I just, I will talk to him, ok? I just want to talk about something else tonight.”

“Ok.” Theodosia smiles up at him, brushing his cheek gently with her knuckles. “You know I care about you right? I do. I care about you, Aaron. And I…I forgive you, for everything.”

“Theodosia…” Aaron leans forward and wraps his arms around her, feeling her shoulders shaking slightly as she tries not to cry. “I care about you too. I care about you so much.”

“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.” Theodosia says with a shaky smile as she pulls away. “Now let’s get some sleep.” She pulls Aaron down so he is pressed up against the back of the couch, and then she curls around him before closing her eyes.

She falls asleep quickly, but Aaron stays awake, trailing his fingers softly over the hair at her temple, pushing it back. He forces his eyes to stay open, wanting to memorize the way Theodosia looks; her smile, the way her eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks, the way she sighs softly in her sleep. Eventually, his eyes droop shut, but he keeps an arm curled Theodosia, making sure she stays pressed against him as they sleep.

-

While Aaron sits in the waiting room with Theodosia’s parents, who got into town earlier that morning, he can’t remember ever feeling more nervous. His skin is crawling and his heart is pounding uncomfortably in his chest, threatening to burst out. He replays his last moment with Theodosia over and over again in his mind. How she had kissed his cheek, how he had held her hand until the last possible moment because he had the absurd notion that if he ever let go Theodosia wouldn't come back. But she would. She would come back, and they would go home and things would be ok. He just had to wait.

The doctors had wheeled her off to surgery almost three hours ago, and they’ve had no news since. Aaron tries to pace around the room, tries to read, tries to sleep, but nothing works. Each minute that goes by feels like an eternity, and when a doctor finally comes out to see them, he looks up immediately, as do both of Theodosia’s parents.

Aaron takes one look at the doctor’s face and feels his heart drop, his whole body going numb.

“No!” He says the word loudly, shaking his head as he stands. “No...”

“I’m so sorry.” The doctor says, resting a hand on Aaron’s shoulder before turning to Theodosia’s parents. “I’m so very sorry. We did everything we could, but the cancer had spread to her other organs, to her lungs. The procedure was already risky, but the bleeding became too much. We did everything we could to save her, but she’s gone. I’m sorry.”

“You’re lying.” Aaron says hoarsely, his hands shaking as he backs away. “No. NO! YOU’RE LYING! BRING HER BACK OUT!” He feels more than sees Theodosia’s parents sobbing beside him, but he can’t focus on them, just keeps looking at the doctor, waiting for them to tell him the truth, because Theodosia is not dead, she can’t be. sHe wouldn't leave him like this. He didn't even say goodbye.

“Son,” The doctor speaks calmly, “Please, I know it’s hard, I know it’s-“

“You don’t know anything!” Aaron yells, his voice breaking on the last word. “If you did you would have saved her! You killed her. BRING HER BACK.”

The doctor is still talking, reaching out a hand to touch Aaron’s shoulder again, but Aaron flinches back. He can’t breathe, can’t think. He knows the doctor is still speaking to him, but Aaron can’t hear anything anymore. He can’t feel anything, or see anything. He feels like he’s suffocating.

There’s a noise that Aaron becomes faintly aware of, like it’s coming from far away or from underwater. What is it? It’s so loud.

And why is he on the ground? He doesn’t remember lying down. There’s a sudden flurry of motion around him as a nurse leans over him, asking him questions he doesn’t understand. There’s that noise again. It’s screaming. Who’s screaming? It’s so _loud_. 

Someone is talking to him in a soothing voice, but Aaron can’t tell who it is. Can’t decipher the words. All he can hear is the screaming. He feels it vibrating through his body, piercing through his skin. When he feels tears run down his cheeks, the screaming gets worse, turns into a keening noise that threatens to make his eardrums burst. He feels a small prick on his arm, and then, moments later, he feels his mind go quiet and as his eyes get heavy. It’s only then that the screaming stops.

 _Oh_ , he thinks to himself as he falls unconscious, tears still spilling down his face, _it was me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......
> 
> Don't hate me pls
> 
> Also if you want EVEN MORE pain go listen to the Dear Theodosia Reprise here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mf2b7Ckjmrw and come cry with me even more
> 
> Just come scream at me in the comments, we'll get through this together


	24. It's Quiet Uptown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now don't freak out on me guys, I know what you all are thinking. It's the It's Quiet Uptown chapter, one of the saddest songs of the musical, but HAVE NO FEAR! I've put you all through a lot of pain, so this one isn't as bad as you're probably thinking it's going to be.
> 
> So enjoy x

Aaron doesn’t remember much of the days following Theodosia’s death. The funeral is in Connecticut, but Aaron barely even remembers that. He doesn’t speak during it; he doesn’t think he’s spoken since his breakdown at the hospital. He also thinks he can faintly recall Theodosia’s mother hugging him and inviting him to visit them whenever he wants to, but he knows he won’t go. 

Instead he goes back to the apartment, but it doesn’t take long for him start to hate it there. It’s so quiet, and he feels like he’s drowning in that silence; it makes the ringing sound in his head that's been there since her death seem ten times louder. To make things even worse, he can't sleep at night. All he can see when he closes his eyes is Theodosia’s face, all he can hear is her laugh, all he can feel is her hand in his, and it makes him want to scream. So he does, clutching his pillow to his face so hard that he leaves permanent indents in it. 

Aaron isn’t aware of time passing; each day seems to meld into one. All he knows is that things aren't getting better, they only get worse. Memories of Theodosia are everywhere and each one he finds or thinks of makes Aaron fall apart all over again, and he wonders how long it will be until a breakdown comes that he won't be able to pick himself up from. Sometimes he can't even sleep in his bed, thinking that it smells of Theodosia, so he just sleeps on the floor.

It’s only once he opens his email that he realizes how much time has passed, because he has an email that says the new semester starts in three days. Usually he would be nervous, maybe even excited to go back, but he finds that he doesn’t feel anything at the prospect of classes starting up again. The idea of going back to classes seems pointless.

So he doesn’t go.

His phone rings every day with calls from various people; Peggy, Hamilton, even a few from Angelica, and even more surprising, one from Madison. Aaron even thinks he hears a knock on his door one night, but he never answers it. He doesn't answer anyone. He just stares up at the ceiling of his bedroom, unable to move. 

It isn’t until classes have been going on for two weeks that Aaron even thinks about contacting anyone, but something happens that forces him to. He wakes up in the middle of the night, something that always happens if he ever manages to even fall asleep, and is unable to find Franklin. He searches everywhere; under the bed, in the bathtub, under the couch, in his drawers, but he’s nowhere to be found. Panic starts to rise in his chest. He can't lose Theodosia's cat, she would hate him for that. 

He fumbles for his phone, flicks through his contacts before holding it up to his ear, his breathing coming in short bursts. God, his head hurts.

“Hello?” A groggy voice answers, reminding Aaron that it was the middle of the night. He doesn't care. 

“Hamilton!”

“Burr?” Hamilton’s voice is more alert now. “Are you ok? What do you-“

“I can’t find Franklin!” Aaron says hurriedly, throwing the blankets off his bed in the hopes that he’ll find him there.

“Who?”

“Franklin!” Aaron hisses, angry that Hamilton is slow to catch up. “Theodosia’s cat. I woke up and he was gone and I can’t find him!”

“I’m sure he’s there somewhere, just try to calm down and-“

“I can’t calm down!” Aaron yells into the phone. “I can’t lose her cat, Hamilton, I need to find him. Don’t you get it?”

“Yes, yes, I understand! Ok.” He pauses on the other end for a moment. “Do you want me to come over. I mean, to help you look? I can come, if you want.”

Aaron hesitates, his hand pausing where it was still throwing blankets off of his bed. Does he? He has no idea. No...no he doesn't. He doesn't want to see anyone, doesn't want to-

_“I want you to make up with Alexander.”_

Theodosia’s words ring loudly through his head, and Aaron chokes back a sob. His hands are shaking again. He's really losing it. 

“Yes, come help me, _please_.” Aaron finally says, his voice rising to a hysterical pitch. “You have to come help me find him! You have to, ok? I can’t do this alone I-“ Aaron takes a deep breath, his chest feels so tight. “I-I just, I can’t-I _can’t_ …”

“Aaron.” Hamilton’s voice is steady and calm. “I need you to try to slow down and breathe, ok? I’m on my way over now. I want you to stay on the phone with me though, alright? You don’t need to talk, just listen to me. I’m leaving right now.”

Aaron does what he says, breathing in and out through his nose as he tries to catch his breath, trying to ignore the way his head is starting to pound. Fifteen minutes later, Hamilton is knocking on his door, and Aaron opens it immediately, pulling a surprised Hamilton in by his shirt. 

"The last time I saw him was yesterday, I think, maybe the day before." Aaron rambles, pulling Hamilton further inside, stumbling slightly over his own feet. Hamilton reaches out to stop him from falling, his hand curling around Aaron's elbow.

"Listen, let’s just-“ Hamilton stops, his eyes narrowing as he steps closer to Aaron, pressing a hand to his forehead. “No offense, but you look like shit. You feel warm too. Do you have a fever?”

Does he? That would certainly explain the pounding in his head. And why the room has been spinning since he woke up. And why his stomach is starting to churn. It takes him a moment to realize that the loud groan that echoes around the room comes from himself.

“Shit, Burr.” Hamilton mumbles, tightening his grip on Aaron’s arms. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Bathroom.” Aaron breathes out. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“ _Shit_.” Hamilton says again, louder this time, but he quickly leads Aaron to the bathroom and lets him kneel down in the front of the toilet. Aaron grips the sides of it tightly, his head feeling like it’s going to explode. He wishes it would.

Hamilton places a warm hand on his back as he dry heaves, rubbing soothing circles into his skin. When Aaron starts to shake, he hears Hamilton swear again as he stands up to run a washcloth under the sink before placing it on the back of his neck.

Aaron’s not sure how long they stay there, Hamilton still rubbing his back, but eventually his stomach calms down, so he leans back until he feels the wall behind him. He closes his eyes and runs a hand over his face, trying to take deep breaths. He hears Hamilton get up and walk out, coming back moments later and then placing a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. But Aaron doesn’t want to look up at him. He never should have called Hamilton; he didn’t want anyone to see him like this.

“Burr.” Hamilton murmurs, squeezing his shoulder. “Hey, come on, I need you to drink some water.”

Aaron finally looks up to see Hamilton staring at him with concern, which makes his heart clench; he doesn’t deserve any pity. He doesn’t deserve anyone’s help. Why is he helping him?

“Because I care about you.” Hamilton says, his voice tinged with sadness, and Aaron realizes with embarrassment that he had been speaking out loud. Hamilton pushes the glass into Aaron’s hand and stares at him until Aaron finally brings it to his mouth, taking a few sips before setting it down on the floor.

Hamilton is still staring at him, he can feel it, but he doesn’t look back over at him. Instead he just closes his eyes again. He’s suddenly very tired, and not the normal kind of tired; he feels like he could sleep for days. He thinks he can hear Hamilton talking to him again, but the words sound fuzzy, so Aaron just ignores them. His eyes are heavy, and he falls asleep without really noticing it.

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, there are three things he notices immediately; the first is that his head is pounding again, the second is that he’s in the bathroom for some reason, and the third is that his head is in someone’s lap. He shifts slightly to look up, and that’s when he remembers last night. He had called Hamilton, and he had come rushing over and was now sound asleep against the wall with an arm placed gently around Aaron’s shoulders. He must sense that Aaron is awake though, because he cracks open an eye and then smiles down at him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” Aaron lies, sitting up slowly, realizing that a blanket has also been wrapped around him.

“I tried to move you to the bed,” Hamilton explains as Aaron looks down at the blanket in confusion, “but you were harder to move than I thought, so I brought the bed to you. Also I found Franklin. He was curled up in your closet.”

“You didn’t have to stay.” Aaron mumbles as he stands up, not caring that he didn't thank Hamilton for finding the cat. Even that doesn't seem important anymore. “You can leave now, I’m fine.”

Hamilton sighs and stands up as well, stretching slightly as he does. He looks over at Aaron, tilting his head to the side as he stares at him. Aaron tries to hold his gaze, but finds that he can’t.

“Burr,” Hamilton says softly, “I can stay with you, if you need me to.”

“Well I don’t need you to.” Aaron bites out, and he tries to walk out of the room but he staggers and Hamilton reaches out, steadying him. Aaron tries to pull away, but Hamilton just grips him tighter, forcing him to look back at him.

“You’re sick, Burr.” Hamilton says, a stern look on his face. “You need to go see a doctor and-“

“NO!” Aaron doesn’t mean to yell, but he can’t help it. He will not go to a hospital. He'll never go back to a hospital. "A doctor can't do anything for me, they can't do anything for _anyone_ and I'm not going, and you can't make me go!"

“Ok, alright!” Hamilton reaches for him again, an annoyingly understanding look on his face. Aaron lets him lead them out into the living room, where Hamilton pushes Aaron gently onto the couch. “I’m going to go find you some medicine and some food, alright?”

Hamilton walks away, throwing another worried glance over his shoulder. Aaron drops his head into his hands, the ringing in his head starting to return. He's still tired, he's always so tired.

“Burr, there’s like no food in here." Hamilton says, coming back into the room moments later. "And I couldn’t find medicine. Do you have any?” When Aaron just shrugs, Hamilton sighs and passes a hand over his eyes. “Ok. I’m going to go out and buy some food for you and grab some medicine. Just try to sleep, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Aaron only nods, and Hamilton sighs one more time before turning around to leave. Aaron knows he's being difficult, but he can't bring himself to care. He also knows Hamilton told him to sleep, and that he should try, but he knows he won't be able to. Everything in head is so loud, and now even Hamilton's annoying voice isn't there to distract him from the silence in his apartment that amplifies the noise in his own head. 

When Hamilton returns and finds Aaron still sitting in the same position after two hours had passed, a look of disappointment and sadness flashes across his face.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“No.” Aaron's voice is hoarse from not speaking.

“Ok.” Hamilton breathes out, a look on his face that clearly says he's unsure of what to do next. Aaron feels a small stab of pity for Hamilton, but does nothing to help out, just stays on the couch, staring. Hamilton drops off the groceries in the kitchen and then comes back to the couch, dropping more bags onto the ground. Aaron looks over at them, and is confused when he sees Hamilton’s backpack among them.

“What are you doing, Hamilton?” Aaron asks with a nod towards the backpack.

“Making sure you take care of yourself.” Hamilton responds firmly, placing a small duffle bag down as well. 

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Aaron says loudly as he comprehends what Hamilton is planning to do. "I can take care of myself, you don't need to stay."

“Really?” Hamilton turns and raises an eyebrow. “So you’re feeling better? You can make yourself some food? You can come and get this medicine all by yourself?” Hamilton holds up the medicine and takes a few steps back. “If you can walk over here without looking like you’re going to pass out, I’ll leave.”

Aaron curses under his breath but stands up slowly, his fingers digging into the armrest so he can keep his balance. He only takes a few steps forward before a feeling starts to rise up in his throat. Oh no. He tries to hold it in, but moments later he coughs so hard he doubles over. Hamilton is at his side immediately, wrapping his arms around Aaron and placing him back down on the couch.

“I thought so.” Hamilton murmurs gently as he unscrews the cap of the medicine, pouring it out into the cup. “Drink this.” He brings the cup to Aaron’s lips, and tilts it until he has swallowed all of it. “Now, you couldn’t keep your end of the deal, so it looks like I’m staying. So get some sleep while I unload the groceries.”

Aaron is suddenly too tired to argue. In fact, he’s too tired to even go to his bed, so he lies down on the couch and closes his eyes. But he doesn't sleep. He can't. When he starts to cough again, Hamilton comes back over, kneeling down by the couch in front of him. He places a hand on Aaron’s cheek, brushing away the tears that Aaron can’t stop from falling.

“You’re gonna be fine.” Hamilton whispers to him, and Aaron wants to believe him. “Everything is gonna be fine. Just breathe. I’m here, I'm not leaving you, ok?”

Aaron takes a few deep breaths as Hamilton’s hand continues to move gently across his face in a soothing motion. He buries his face in his pillow as the coughs continue to rack his body, the tears coming with more frequency. But Hamilton stays, murmuring words that Aaron can't hear over his coughing, but the cadence of Hamilton's voice is calming, and somehow, Aaron manages to fall asleep.

-

Apparently when Hamilton had said he wasn’t going leave, he really meant it. Days go by and Hamilton is constantly at Aaron’s side. And when he’s not, he’s cleaning up Aaron's apartment or making him food, he even does his laundry at one point. He’s also constantly talking, which Aaron thought would annoy him and he tries to convince himself that it _is_ annoying. But in all honesty, Aaron likes it. Having someone fill up the silence of his apartment is nice, and it calms him down. But he would never tell Hamilton that.

“- and then Herc and I played laser tag, and let me tell you something, never _ever_ sneak up on Herc. We were on separate teams and I snuck up behind him, and he got so scared he tackled me to the ground, right in front of all the little kids that were playing too. We got kicked out.”

Aaron snorts and shakes his head. The sad thing is that he knows Hamilton isn't making up the story or embellishing; he can totally see that happening. He just wishes he could have been there to see it for himself.

“What did you do for Christmas?” Hamilton asks casually, stirring the soup that he's currently making for them both.

Aaron doesn’t respond, just looks down at his hands in silence. Hamilton has been trying to get him to talk ever since he’s gotten there. But Aaron’s not ready. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to talk about everything. He hears Hamilton sigh heavily, but he doesn’t push, which Aaron is grateful for. He knows that eventually Hamilton will lose his patience, will make Aaron talk about Theodosia, but for now, he’s giving Aaron the time he needs.

With that time, Aaron slowly gets over his illness, and is head is slowly becoming clearer and clearer, something that he's not sure he wants or not. Sure, he feels better, but now he feels like he has nothing to hide behind, nothing to stop Hamilton from making him talk. And on top of all of that, without the medicine to help him fall asleep, Aaron’s back to experiencing sleepless nights.

On one of those nights, Aaron rolls over onto his back with an exasperated sigh. It’s not that he doesn’t want to sleep, he does. His mind just won’t let him. He knows that Hamilton is still awake, he can see the light coming from the living room through the crack under his door. Aaron covers his face with both of his hands, struggling with what he should do. He wants to ask him for help, but still doesn’t believe he deserves anyone’s help. He deserves to face all of this alone.

_“I can’t bare the thought of you alone.”_

Aaron groans, pulling the covers over his head as he tries to silence the thoughts swirling in his head. He knows he promised Theodosia he would try, but it’s so hard. It’s much easier to just stay inside, to hide from everyone and pretend that nothing is wrong. It’s easier to be alone.

_“Do you promise?”_

_“Yes. Yes, I promise.”_

Aaron groans again, but this time he shoves the blanket off of him and sits up. He made a promise, and he has to honor it. He walks slowly out into the living room, where Hamilton is reading on the pull out bed. Aaron hesitates a moment before walking forward, stopping when he’s at the foot of the bed. Hamilton looks up at him, his eyes becoming more focused as he his mind leaves whatever he’s reading.

“Are you feeling sick again?” Hamilton asks, starting to sit up, but Aaron shakes his head and shifts on his feet. “Aaron, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s too quiet.” Aaron whispers, not looking up at Hamilton. “I…I can’t sleep. Everything is just too…” He waves a hand vaguely, not knowing how to explain what he’s feeling. But Hamilton seems to understand, because he nods and shifts on the bed.

“Do you want to sit with me for a little?”

Aaron shuffles forward until he’s next to Hamilton. Hamilton looks over at him, and Aaron tenses, worried he’ll try to make him talk about what he’s feeling. Instead, Hamilton puts an arm slowly around him, leaning back a little and motioning with his head for Aaron to rest his head on his chest. Aaron does, starting to relax as he listens to Hamilton’s steady breathing.

“This book is really interesting.” Hamilton says lightly, letting his hand trail up and down Aaron’s spine. “Can I read some of it to you?”

Aaron nods against his chest, and Hamilton starts to read, his voice soft. His words, combined with the rhythmic beat of his heart against Aaron’s ear, are enough to calm him down and he’s asleep within minutes. 

That peace, however, doesn't last long.

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, Aaron momentarily forgets who it is that he’s curled around. For one breathless moment he thinks it’s Theodosia, but then he remembers that’s impossible, and he feels like the world crashes around him again. He can’t help it; he flinches away from Hamilton, his heart beating painfully in his chest.

Aaron is trying to take in calming breaths when Hamilton shifts beside him, waking up. When he sees how Aaron is curled around himself, he sits up, reaching out to him with concern on his face.

“Don’t!” Aaron says quickly, flinching back again, which causes Hamilton to flinch in return. “No, it’s not you, it’s…I’m sorry, I just-I thought you were…were…someone else. I’m being stupid, I’m-“

“Aaron.” Hamilton says his name softly, shifting on the bed so he’s sitting on his knees in front of Aaron. “It’s fine, I understand. But…I think we need to talk about this, you'll feel better if you talk about it. I’ve been trying to wait, but it doesn’t seem like you’re going to talk unless I ask, so…do you want to talk about Theodosia?”

Aaron closes his eyes at the mention of her name, his breath catching in his throat. He hears Hamilton shift closer, and then he’s taking on of Aaron’s hands in his own.

“Aaron, you know that I understand how you’re feeling. I know it feels like it’s easier to just deal with this alone, to isolate yourself and not talk about it, but that’s not true, and you know that because you told me the same thing.” Hamilton squeezes his hand tighter, causing Aaron to open his eyes. “Just talk to me, just tell me what you’re feeling, tell me-“

“It’s my fault.” Aaron breathes out in a rush, finally admitting what he's been feeling, what's been haunting him, ever since Theodosia died. “All of it is my fault. If I had just been good to her she wouldn’t be gone. I wasn’t there for her. If I had been there, I could have caught that something was wrong, I could have saved her.” Everything is spilling out so fast, but Aaron can’t keep it in anymore, he just keeps talking faster and faster. “I should have tried harder but it’s my fault, I messed everything up and now she’s gone and I didn’t even say goodbye and I-“ His voice breaks, and he closes his mouth, looking down at where his hand is still in Hamilton’s. “I let her go…”

“Listen to me.” Hamilton tilts his head back up. “None of that is your fault. What happened to Theodosia was out of your control. I…it can be easier sometimes, to think that you could have done something that would have changed what happened, but the truth is, there is nothing different you could have done, Aaron. What happened was unfair, and…and _stupid_ , cause Theodosia was amazing, but it isn’t your fault. Did Theodosia ever blame you?”

“No, but-“

“But nothing!” Hamilton looks at him. “If she didn’t blame you, then you can’t blame yourself. She would want you to be happy, right? I'm sure she told you she wanted you to be happy, didn't she?” Aaron nods. “Right. I’m not telling you to stop feeling sad, you have every reason to be, I just…you don’t need to punish yourself for what happened.”

Aaron nods but doesn't say anything at first. He knows everything Hamilton said is true, he knows that. It's just...

"I feel like if I admit it's not my fault, then I lose her even more than I already have." Aaron says in a low voice. "If I tell myself I let her down or that it's my fault, it's...it's like I have something to make up for, right? Something to work towards, something to keep her there with me until I can make it up to her, something to help me not feel so damn lonely." His voice cracks on the last word, and he ducks his head so Hamilton won't see his tears.

“She's always going to be with you, Aaron. If she told you to be happy, then that's what you work towards. That's what you do for her. And you’re not alone.” Hamilton says, squeezing his hand. “I’m here, I’m always here for you."

“Are you though?” Aaron whispers the words before he can stop them, looking away when he sees hurt flash across Hamilton’s face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

“No. No, I…I get it. I know you’re still mad at me about the article…about Maria. I…” Hamilton bites his lip and shakes his head. “I don’t know why I did it, slept with her, I mean, and I don’t want to make excuses for it. And I know it hurt you, and I hate myself for that, I really do. But I’m…I’m trying, Aaron, I’m trying to make it up to you. Do you believe me?”

Aaron nods, and Hamilton smiles so brightly that Aaron smiles too, something he feels like he hasn’t done in years. He looks back at their hands, which are still twined together. He brushes his thumb over the back of Hamilton’s hand.

“Thank you.” He says quietly. “For…everything, I guess. For helping me. I...I know I've been a lot to deal with, but...”

“Hey, anytime.” Hamilton smiles at him again, laughing softly. "Besides, I'm pretty sure I owe you for how many times you've had to deal with me."

"I like dealing with you." Aaron says before he can stop himself. He wishes he could blame his illness for those words, say that his fever ridden mind caused him to say them. But no, his fever is broken and the words are true, and he knows it. And from the smile Hamilton is giving him, and the way his eyes are lighting up, he knows it too. 

"Back at ya, Burr." Hamilton says after a beat, winking at him, which causes Aaron to smile again. 

As the both lie there, Hamilton humming softly under his breath as he traces a pattern on Aaron's back, Aaron begins to feel that maybe, just maybe, things really were going to be ok.

-

A few more days pass, and Aaron starts to talk about Theodosia more and more. He’s surprised that it does make him feel better. Each time he retells a story to Hamilton about her, he feels like his heart is slowly piecing back together, and his restless mind stops keeping him up at night. It’s only once he finally starts feeling like his head is completely clear that he realizes something.

“Hamilton.” Aaron says slowly one day, looking over to where Hamilton is typing away furiously on his laptop. “Haven’t you been missing classes by being here? It’s been over a week.”

“It’s no big deal.” Hamilton says with a shrug. “I emailed all my professors and I’m keeping up with things online. I emailed yours too by the way, they know why you’ve been gone. So you're welcome.”

“You should go back." Aaron says, ignoring the last part of Hamilton's sentence. "I’m feeling better now, so you really don’t need to be here every second of every day.”

“Trying to kick me out, are we?" Hamilton asks with a wink. "Well it's not gonna work, sorry. You're stuck with me, where you go, I go."

“Hamilton.” Aaron rolls his eyes and crosses his arms with a sigh. “Seriously, I don’t need you missing classes and falling behind on my behalf.”

“Like I just said, where you go, I'll go. I’ll go back to classes when you do.” Hamilton smiles over at him, still typing.

“Hamilton.”

“Burr.”

“Oh my god.” Aaron throws up his hands, knowing it's pointless to try and argue with Hamilton. “Fine, whatever. I’ll go back on Monday, anything to get you out of my house.”

“Aw, you are so sweet.”

Aaron rolls his eyes again but walks into his room to start looking for all of his school things. Monday was only two days away, and he is nowhere near ready. Had he even ordered the books he would need for this semester? He doesn't remembering doing it. God, he was going to have so much catching up to do. He pulls up his email and and swears loudy. 37 unread messages. Maybe he should just drop out. But no, he knows he can't do that, so with a heavy sigh, he starts clicking at each email.

“Hey,” Aaron walks back out into the living room about half an hour later. “What's the date? My professor said I had to turn in some assignment by the 12th. She already pushed it back for me so I'm guessing I should start it.”

“Uhm, the 7th I think." Hamilton answers, not looking up. "Yeah, February 7th.”

Aaron stands there, a weird feeling in his stomach. Wow. He'd really _really_ been out of it. When he continues to just stand there, Hamilton looks up from his laptop and stops typing.

“What? What is it?”

“My birthday.” Aaron responds, and then clears his throat. “I'm 21. But it was yesterday. I forgot all about it." 

“YOU WHAT?”

Three hours later, Aaron finds himself sitting on the couch with Hamilton next to him, a box of muffins between them as they watch an episode of Gilmore Girls. Hamilton had wanted to buy Aaron a whole cake, but Aaron had refused, and that’s also how he got roped into buying party hats, which both him and Hamilton were now wearing as they watched TV. He'd also had to suffer through a whole rendition of Happy Birthday sung solely by Hamilton, cha-cha-cha's and all.

“I still don’t get why we had to do this.” Aaron grumbles as Hamilton makes him blow out a candle that he placed in a muffin. “I missed your birthday so you really didn’t have to-“

“Oh my god.” Hamilton says with a short laugh. “I’ve never heard anyone complain about celebrating their own birthday. Shut up and eat one of your stupid muffins, Burr.”

They sit together in a comfortable silence, one that surprisingly doesn’t make Aaron want to scream. Silence with Hamilton is a different kind of silence than when he's alone. He likes it. He peers over at Hamilton who is nibbling on a muffin, a small smile playing across his lips as he watches the TV screen.

Aaron is going to miss him being here.

The realization almost makes Aaron groan in frustration, but he holds it back. He knew it was only a matter of time until he started to feel this way again, started to feel that he genuinely enjoys being around Hamilton, that he feels a stupid sense of calm whenever he's with him.

He knows what he has to do next. Aaron takes a deep breath, which makes Hamilton turn to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“No.” Aaron says slowly. “I just…I forgive you.” The words are easier to say than he thought they would be, and even more surprising, Aaron means them, he really means them. “I forgive you, Hamilton.”

“Really?” Hamilton’s mouth is hanging open slightly as he blinks up at Aaron. “Like…you actually forgive me? You’re not just saying it to make me get out of your hair?”

“I mean it.” Aaron says with a smile. “Why do you think I insisted on the muffins? Their symbolic.”

“God,” Hamilton snorts, “you and your weird forgiveness muffins.”

“Hey, you're the one who started the whole muffin thing.”

“Did not! You bought the first one so I mean it really is your f-“

“I take back what I said.” Aaron says, cutting Hamilton off. “I don’t forgive you.”

“You are a cruel man, Aaron Burr.” Hamilton says with a laugh, knocking his shoulder against Aaron’s. “Now hush, I’ve never seen this episode before.”

Before too long, Aaron is getting tired, and he can’t stop his head from falling onto Hamilton’s shoulder. He thinks he hears Hamilton chuckle softly, but he just nuzzles closer, humming happily as Hamilton puts an arm around him. He’s almost asleep, eyes drifting shut, when he feels Hamilton press his lips to the top of his head.

“Happy Birthday, Aaron.”

The words are barely above a whisper, but Aaron hears them all the same, and he can't stop himself from smiling as Hamilton holds him closer. 

He really does feel better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVENESS, CAN YOU IMAGIIIINNEE?
> 
> I love my boys <3 
> 
> Okay, I hope this chapter made you all feel a little better. It wasn't as sad, right??? I tried my best. 
> 
> Next one will be up probably around Monday or Tuesday, I have some traveling to do over the weekend so not as much time to write. So enjoy this little moment of happiness between these two dorks, cause as you all know, that is gonna come crashing down very soon.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and keep the comments coming cause I LOVE THEM also feel free to come chat with me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies (EDIT: I debated whether or not to say this, but I decided I will. This is only my side blog, if you'd like to follow me on my main blog, message me privately on my @ fanciful-follies tumblr and I'll give ya my username.) THANK YOU


	25. The Election of 1800

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we get back to politics?  
> *please?*
> 
> Here we goooo guys, time to figure out who's getting that darn internship in D.C.
> 
> Who's it gonna be?
> 
> What's gonna happen? (ya'll know what's gonna happen) BUT READ TO FIND OUT ANYWAY

The idea of going back to classes makes Aaron nervous...beyond nervous. His first day back is tomorrow, and he feels like he's going to be sick. He even debates calling Hamilton, but after pacing back and forth for a few minutes, decides not to. Hamilton had only moved back into his own dorm yesterday, so Aaron figured he should probably leave him alone for a little. 

It's not really even the work that he's going to have to do that is making him so anxious. Aaron knows that catching up after missing almost a month of classes was going to be difficult, but he is more nervous about seeing everyone again. He hasn’t seen anyone except Peggy and Hamilton since the article came out, and he didn’t know how everyone else was going to react. People being upset with him is something Aaron generally tries to avoid, but he's sure people, mainly Angelica and Eliza, are still very upset with him. He wishes he could just take classes from home so he could avoid everyone forever, but when Monday finally comes around, he reluctantly grabs all of his things and heads to campus, palms sweating.

Despite all of his anxiety, Aaron’s first week back goes strangely well; his professors are understanding of his situation, and most of the campus seems to have lost interest in the article Hamilton had written. As each day goes by, Aaron feels himself settling more and more into a comfortable routine. He has a lot of work, but it’s nice to have something to put all of his focus on that isn't a personal problem for once. He still thinks about Theodosia constantly, but having other things to do keeps him from falling apart again. 

Besides working in the library with Hamilton, Aaron doesn’t see much of anyone else for the two week or so, which he is silently thankful for. He knows he can’t avoid it forever, but the longer the better. Maybe he can pull off not seeing anyone until graduation. He certainly has enough work to keep him occupied till then.

Hamilton, however, has other plans.

Aaron is finishing up eating dinner one night when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Aaron sighs, knowing who it is before he even pulls his phone out to check.

_Hamilton: I’m studying with Herc and Laf tonight, you should come :)_

Aaron sighs, getting ready to type out his response, which is going to be a firm no, when his phone buzzes again.

_Hamilton: Come on, Buuuurrrr, say yes. Please? Pretty Please? Pleeeeaaassseee? I know how much work you have to do so you can't get out of it by saying you have no homework. Say yes or I tell everyone you wear footie pajamas._

Aaron lets out a noise that is halfway between a groan and a laugh, smiling slightly as he starts to type.

_\- Be there in 10_

Aaron shoves his phone back in his pocket and heads towards the library, not able to stop the small smile that is spreading on his face. Hamilton has been casually trying, and failing, to get Aaron to meet up with him, Mulligan and Lafayette ever since he’s been back, saying that they weren’t mad at Aaron for anything. But Aaron had declined each time. While he would never openly admit it, Hamilton's worry over making sure Aaron isn't alone makes his stomach flutter. After Theodosia died, Aaron hadn't thought that anyone would care about him as much as she did. So, even though he doesn't show it, he's thankful for Hamilton's constant pestering and attention. It helps him get in his car and keep going to classes every day, even when he really really doesn't want to. 

“Hey, Aaron!”

Aaron shakes himself from his thoughts and turns to see Madison walking towards him. He hesitates, debating whether or not he should just keep walking, but then Madison is caught up with him and it’s too late for him to escape. 

“Hey.” Aaron says with a tight smile, unsure of what to say next. The two of them stare at each other for a moment in awkward silence. 

“Listen,” Madison says eventually with a sigh, “I know it’s probably a little too late for this, but I just want to apologize. When Thomas and I approached you and asked you to get info on Hamilton-“

“Asked?” Aaron bites out, unable to stop himself. “I think blackmailed is the word you’re looking for.”

“Blackmailed.” Madison agrees with a nod, surprising Aaron with the confession. “When that happened, I didn’t know that everything was going to get so crazy. I never thought that Hamilton would write a whole article for everyone to read.”

“Yeah, well, he is unpredictable, I’ll give you that.”

“I don’t know if it makes a difference, but I really did believe that you slept with Hamilton to get a better chance for the internship, so I…” Madison pauses, biting his lip, “I got mad. I was just trying to make sure that things stayed equal between you and Thomas. He's been working really hard for it too, and I-”

“James, seriously man, it’s fine. It’s done." Aaron holds up a hand so Madison won't go any further, because frankly, he could care less about Jefferson's struggles. "I appreciate the apology, but I’d also appreciate just not talking about it anymore.” Aaron pauses, but then extends his hand, which Madison takes with a tentative smile.

“Alright then. And for what it’s worth, Thomas feels bad about it as well.” When Aaron snorts, Madison laughs but shakes his head. “I mean it. He’ll never admit to it, but he does. He hasn’t talked to you since you’ve been back, right? That’s his way of showing he’s sorry.”

“Well, he can keep showing me he’s sorry the rest of the year then.” Aaron says, but he smiles at Madison and takes a step back. “Well, I have somewhere to be. I’ll see you around.” He starts walking when Madison calls his name again. Aaron turns back.

“I just…” Madison pauses, “is everything good now? With Hamilton? You guys are ok?”

“Yeah.” Aaron responds after a moment. “We’re good. Everything is good.”

"Good." Madison nods at him, then he laughs shortly. "They're a handful, aren't they? Jefferson and Hamilton? You ever wonder why we put up with so much of their bullshit?" Madison doesn't wait for Aaron's response, just nods at him one more time before walking away.

Aaron stares after him as he leaves, pondering his words. As he starts to walk towards the library, he starts to smile again. He knows why he puts up with Hamilton's bullshit. In fact, it's probably for the same reason Madison puts up with Jefferson's. He remembers what Madison told him months ago, when Aaron had asked him why he was dating Jefferson;

_“You know, Burr, sometimes you just can’t help who you fall in love with.”_

A few months ago, it would have freaked Aaron out that he associated those words with Hamilton, but now, well, things were starting to change. He's beginning to become a little more accustomed to the idea that he could possibly feel something for Hamilton. He still isn't sure if he'd call it love, but it is something. 

When Aaron walks into the library, a smile still on his face, he spots Hamilton, Mulligan and Lafayette sitting at a table in the corner. When he walks over to them, feeling slightly nervous again, Mulligan stands up and immediately hugs him, lifting him off his feet.

“BURR!” He shouts, as the people working around them glare. “Good to see you, my man.”

“Oui!” Lafayette says with a smile from behind Mulligan. “It is nice to see you, little Burr. Come sit.”

“Seriously, let the man down, Herc.” Hamilton says with a short laugh. “We don’t want him passing out the first time we finally get him to show up.”

Aaron takes the seat next to Hamilton, massaging his ribs; he always forgets how strong Mulligan is. Despite getting the breath knocked out of him, Aaron somehow feels strangely relaxed. It’s nice, he's surprised to find himself thinking, to see Mulligan and Lafayette again. It had been a long time, but he had always enjoyed their company.

“You have missed so much while you were away.” Lafayette says as everyone sits back down. “There has been so much happening. I’m sure Hamilton told you about the MSA and the trouble with James Reynolds and-“

 _“OW!”_ Hercules shouts suddenly, his hand going to his leg under the table. “What the fuck, Alex? Did you just kick me?”

“Sorry.” Hamilton mumbles, his face turning red as everyone turns to him. “I...wasn’t aiming for you.”

Aaron looks back and forth between Lafayette and Hamilton; Lafayette is staring in confusion while Hamilton slides lower into his chair, avoiding Aaron’s gaze.

“You mean,” Lafayette starts to shake his head, “you have not told him?”

“Told me what?” Aaron demands, looking at Hamilton, who is still looking away. "What's happening now?"

“Oh, just the usual.” Hercules says with a glare in Hamilton's direction, still rubbing his leg. “Our man Alex here got himself into hot water over his little, and by little I mean fucking huge, article he wrote before break. The immigrant club is no longer in existence, and the MSA might be going next.”

“Seriously?” Why hadn't Hamilton told him about this?

“It’s just temporary.” Hamilton pipes up from his seat, still looking angry, but he turns briefly to Aaron. “And before you say anything, I didn't tell you cause you had enough on your mind. The administration thinks I messed up big time when I published the article. They said I violated people's privacy and did a bunch of shady shit that they're upset about.”

“Well,” Lafayette says with a smile, “they are not exactly wrong, my friend.”

“They are!” Hamilton snarls. “It's ridiculous that they're trying to disban the MSA, it's a bigger club than just me, it helps people! They shouldn't get rid of it because of the 'mistakes' they claim I made. And I didn’t put anything in that article Maria wasn’t ok with, so their violating privacy stance has no evidence. I have no regrets about revealing the shit James Reynolds did to her. And If James Reynolds wants to make death threats to me about it then-“

“He WHAT?” Aaron asks loudly, not caring when several of the people around them shush him. “He threatened you?”

“Left him a nasty note on his door.” Mulligan says. “Then left campus before administration could even try to do anything. No one has seen him in months.”

“Hamilton,” Aaron turns in his seat to look at him, “this is serious. Reynolds is not a good guy.”

“Oh please.” Hamilton snorts. “Reynolds is all talk. He’s not gonna do anything, he’s a coward.”

“Hamilton-“

“Burr, just relax.” Hamilton says, cutting Aaron off with a wave of his hand. “Reynolds is long gone, and I’ve got more important things to worry about. And so do you, so just drop it.”

Aaron shares a look with Mulligan and Lafayette, but they all decide to drop it. For now. Because Hamilton is right, Aaron thinks with a sigh as he takes all of his work from his backpack, he does have other things to worry about.

-

“As you all know,” Professor Washington says the day before spring break, “I’ll be announcing who has won the chance for an internship in D.C. near the end of April. All of you have put a lot of hard work into this class, so you should all be proud, no matter the outcome. However,” Washington looks around the class, “things will be a little different this year. Two students have shown exemplary work for this class; Thomas Jefferson and Aaron Burr.”

Aaron feels his stomach clench in anticipation at Washington’s words. He glances back at Jefferson, who gives him a wink followed by a smirk. Aaron turns back, his own smirk on his face, and listens to what else Washington is saying.

“I don’t think it will come as a surprise to any of you,” Washington continues, “that it is between these two men that my decision is on. Their work has been so close in excellence that I will be taking a different course of action than usual. The final decision still rests with me, but I would also like to know how the rest of the class feels on the mater. Therefore, I will have Mr. Jefferson and Mr. Burr campaign for your votes. They can give a speech, write an essay, or do whatever they want to campaign for your votes, which I will call for the week we are back from break. So, until then, everyone. Have a nice break.”

Washington calls Aaron and Jefferson over to talk more about the assignment. The whole time, Aaron is vibrating with excitement. This is something he can do, something he can win. People generally like him, and in contrast, people are often put off by Jefferson’s loud and abrasive personality. Aaron feels confident that he can do this, get the votes of his classmates. He can win this.

As he leaves class, lost in his own thoughts, he runs into someone. When he looks up to see who it is, Aaron’s heart skips a beat.

“Eliza.” Aaron stutters out. “I-I didn’t see you. I'm sorry.”

“It’s ok, I wasn’t paying attention.” Eliza says hurriedly, face flushing. “Uhm…”

Aaron clears his throat and shifts on his feet, wishing that he were anywhere but here at this moment. He doesn’t know what to say. Should he apologize for everything? Or would that just make Eliza more uncomfortable? Aaron clears his throat again.

“I…uhm, how are you?” Aaron flinches at his own words, realizing how stupid of a question that is. But Eliza just smiles.

“I’m fine. I’m actually leaving for break early, Angelica is waiting for me.” She nods her head, and Aaron turns to see Angelica standing off at a distance watching them. She waves at Eliza, and fixes Aaron with a cold stare, but doesn’t come towards them.

“Oh, ok.” Aaron shoves his hands in his pockets. “Well, I’ll let you go.” He steps out of Eliza’s way to let her pass, but at the last second, he calls her name and she turns back. “Uhm, I just...I hope you have a good break.”

“Thank you.” Eliza smiles at him again, wider this time. “I hope you do too, Aaron.” She gives him a small wave, and then walks over to where Angelica is waiting.

As Aaron walks back to his car, he can't help but think that things are really starting to look up. He'd made a lot of mistakes recently, and had been through a lot. Every day felt so hard, but he was getting through each one. He'd caught up in all of his classes in a little over a month, and still managed to be one of the top two people in Washington's class. Aaron is rarely a prideful person, but in this situation, he can't help but be proud of himself. All of his work is starting to pay off.

But there's still more a lot work to be done. 

Over break, Aaron works non-stop. He’d decided to go the essay route for Washington’s class, and his plan is to write an essay outlining why he should deserve the chance to go to D.C. and get an internship, telling his classmates what he plans to do with the opportunity. He had even gone so far as to call Hamilton one night for advice. Strangely, however, Hamilton refuses to help.

“I just…” Aaron hears him sigh over the phone. “I just kind of want to stay out of it, you know? Jefferson might be a jerk, but he had a point when he confronted me. If I give you help, it’ll look like I’m biased and people will wonder if I influenced Washington’s decision. Just be honest in the essay, Burr. Be honest and see what the people say.”

So Aaron tries his best to be honest. He talks about all the work he’s done throughout his time at Princeton, talks about getting in early, and how he’s been working towards this opportunity for four years. He talks about how great of an experience the internship will be, but doesn’t go too much into detail, because he’s honestly not sure what he’ll do with it. He’s never thought that far ahead, he has just been focused on getting it first. But he knows he'll do great things. 

Spring Break comes and goes quickly, and before Aaron knows it, the time comes for him to start campaigning for votes. He knows that Jefferson is giving a speech, but Aaron is trying something more personal; he goes to every room of each one of his classmates. He shakes their hands, smiles, and hands them a copy of his essay.

Talk less, smile more, he thinks to himself each time he knocks on a door, and he makes sure to be as friendly as possible with every person he speaks to. It takes longer than he thought it would, going door to door, but it's worth it. With every person he talks to, he feels his confidence growing. He can do this, he can. He can win. By the end of the day, he’s exhausted, but there's still a smile on his face. He’s heading out towards his car when he runs into Hamilton.

“Well, if it isn’t Aaron Burr.” Hamilton says with a smile. When Aaron’s only response is to yawn, Hamilton laughs. “Long day?”

“I passed around my essay today.” Aaron explains with a shrug. “Made sure every classmate got it from my own hands. It took forever.”

“Openly campaigning, huh? That’s new. I never thought I’d see you do that.”

“Yeah, well, I really want to win. Here,” Aaron digs into his backpack and takes out another copy of is essay, handing it to Hamilton, “have a copy for yourself.” Aaron watches him as his eyes skim his essay.

"You don't really elaborate on what you're gonna do with the internship." Hamilton says after a few minutes, disappointment clear in his voice. "Jefferson did in his speech."

"Thanks for the support." Aaron says with a roll of his eyes. "I talk about a lot in there, and that's all you want to comment on? The one thing I messed up on?"

"It's important to let people know your ideas, your stance on things, your beliefs and your-"

"Give me a break, Hamilton, come on!" Aaron laughs, but Hamilton continues to look at him skeptically. "I have a lot of time to learn what my beliefs are, ok? That's what the experience in D.C. is going to help me with. So just relax for once and be happy for me."

"I _am_ , but-"

"But what?" Aaron crosses his arms, growing slowly frustrated that Hamilton doesn't like his essay.

"Burr," Hamilton sighs, "I'm not saying it isn't a good essay, it is. You should just try to be more forthcoming on your ideals, that's all. It's good though. It is."

"Well, thanks. I'm just trying to do what I think is best in order to win this, ok? I'm doing whatever it takes. And you know what?" Aaron takes a few steps backwards, still looking at Hamilton. "I learned that from you."

Hamilton looks like he is going to say more, but Aaron turns around without another word, still feeling slightly annoyed that Hamilton wasn't more appreciative of his essay. He had worked hard on it, and no matter what Hamilton thinks, he knows it's good. He knows he has a good chance at winning.

He can just _feel_ it.

-

When Washington announces the next week that the votes from the class were tied, Aaron feels like he's going to scream. He just wants to know. He doesn't want to wait any more. But he has to. Washington says he'll announce his decision by the end of the following week, and that he'll be considering their work inside and outside of class, and will also call on the opinions of any other professors or classmates that he deemed necessary

So another week goes by, and Aaron feels like he's going to crawl out of his skin the whole time. He tries to distract himself, but there's a lull in his work, which is typical when it's getting to be close to finals week; professors hold back on work and then bombard them with everything at once. Aaron can't even distract himself by spending time with Hamilton, who seems to not be around lately. Aaron doesn't think anything of it though, just figures that he's busy.

The day of the announcement finally comes, and Aaron is sitting in class attempting to stop his whole body from vibrating in anticipation. Hamilton once again is nowhere to be seen, and Aaron can't help but wish he was there to help him calm down. As Washington strides to the front of the class, Aaron digs his nails into his thighs where his hands are resting. This is it. 

"Before I make the announcement, I just want to say that both Mr. Burr and Mr. Jefferson should be very proud of all the work they have done. It has been a long time since I've had two such hardworking and dedicated students. But, unfortunately, I can only choose one student to accompany me to D.C." Washington takes a deep breath, and Aaron has to remind himself to keep breathing. "After a lot of consideration and many talks with other professors and students, I have decided to award the internship to Thomas Jefferson."

The class applauds, but Aaron's hands are frozen on his lap as Washington's words sink in. He lost. He stays frozen as Jefferson stands up and walks to the front of the room to shake Washington's hand. Washington is talking again, but everything sounds fuzzy to Aaron now, like he's underwater.

He _lost._ After everything he'd done, after all that work...he still lost. He always loses. 

When his ears start working again, Aaron looks up to see that most of the class has filed out, but a few people, including Madison, are up front congratulating Jefferson. Aaron grits his teeth, but forces his legs to push him forwards towards Jefferson. He stretches his hand out, thankful that it isn’t shaking.

“Congratulations, Thomas.” Even his voice is steady. He puts a smile on his face, hoping that it masks what he's feeling on the inside.

“Why thank you, Aaron.” Jefferson replies with a wink. “I’d say you gave me quite a run, but let’s be honest, we all knew it was going to be me.”

“Thomas, come on, don’t.” Madison mumbles under his breath, shooting Aaron an apologetic look.

Aaron breaks the handshake quickly, his hands forming into fists at his side. He can feel them starting to shake. He needs to get out. He just smiles at Jefferson again and starts to walk towards the door. But Jefferson isn’t done yet.

“Hey, Burr!” He calls out, and when Aaron turns back, there’s a wicked glint in his eyes. “Next time you see Hamilton, tell him thanks for me.”

“What do you mean?” Aaron asks slowly, his stomach beginning to twist. He digs his nails into his palms in an attempt to stop them from shaking more than they already are. What had Hamilton done now?

“Didn’t you hear?” Jefferson smirks at him. “He told Washington to give the internship to me.”

Aaron squeezes his hands so hard that he feels the skin break. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For real, maybe I should just end it here, just let you guys imagine what happens next, create your own ending. Cause it'll probs be happier then what I'm gonna write next
> 
> ALSO holy shit this has over 400 kudos? Just...wow? Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read this, it means the world.
> 
> As always, leave your kudos/comments below, I love reading them! Also follow me @ fanciful-follies on tumblr (and message me privately if you'd like to know my main blog) Thanks again guys! :D


	26. Your Obedient Servant/The World Was Wide Enough Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grab a pillow to clutch, have tissues nearby, cause it's that time my friends, you all know what's coming.

As Aaron leaves the classroom and Jefferson behind, his thoughts start to fly apart.

How could Hamilton, that arrogant, immature, thoughtless, self-centered _bastard_ , somehow choose to endorse Thomas Jefferson, the person he’s despised since the beginning of the year, just to keep him from winning?

Aaron is faintly aware that his nails are still digging into the flesh of his palms, but he can barely feel the pain anymore, just keeps walking. He ignores the way his heart twists in his chest, focusing instead on the burning anger that is rising in his stomach and spreading to every part of his body. He has never felt this sort of anger before; he feels like he’s going to choke on it.

This is the last time, the absolute _last time_ , that Hamilton is going to screw up his life.

As Aaron continues to walk, no clear destination in mind, his thoughts turn to every situation in his life that Hamilton has been involved in, every time that he has _destroyed_ what Aaron has wanted. The list seems to be endless; When Aaron wanted to stay out of the issues with Lee, Hamilton dragged him into it. When Aaron just wanted to be friends, Hamilton just wouldn’t give up, he had to push Aaron until he gave in. It’s Hamilton’s fault that Theodosia broke up with Aaron. If Hamilton had just left him the fuck alone, none of that would have happened. He’d still be with Theodosia; she’d still be here with him. And now this, taking the internship from him, even after knowing how much it had meant to Aaron. Why? Why would he do this?

He keeps walking, still unsure of his destination. He’s not even paying attention to where he’s going, just putting one foot in front of the other as his mind continues to race, his eyes unable to focus on anything. He bumps into a man, the baseball cap he’s wearing covering most of his face, but Aaron just keeps walking, not even looking back or apologizing.

He just can’t believe that after everything, _everything_ , him and Hamilton had gone through together, that he would turn on him like this. He said he’d stay out of it, he personally told Aaron on the phone that he wasn’t going to get involved, but he did. He got involved, and on _Jefferson’s_ behalf.

Aaron has never felt more betrayed in his life.

He walks for a while longer, and when he finally looks up to take in his surroundings, he realizes he is outside of Hamilton’s dorm. His hands twitch at his side as he decides what to do, but the choice is made for him when Hamilton himself walks out of the doors.

“Hamilton!” Aaron’s voice rings out, piercing through the stillness of the air. He thinks he sees Hamilton flinch back slightly when he sees Aaron, but Aaron doesn’t care. He walks towards him.

“Burr,” Hamilton holds up his hands as Aaron gets closer, “just listen, I-“

“Do me a favor and shut up for once, Hamilton.” Aaron snarls, his hands still twitching at his sides. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You really can’t be satisfied until you’ve messed everything up for me? What the hell did I ever do to you, huh? What did I do to make it your sole mission to destroy my life?”

“You didn’t do anything, Burr, just calm down, just-“

“Calm down?” Aaron can feel his voice rising, but he doesn’t even try to hold his anger back. “You want me to calm down? After you just ripped apart my plans? After you single handedly shattered my future? You want me to _calm down_?”

“Aaron, please.” Hamilton’s eyes are wide, his breathing heavy. “It’s not my fault what happened, it’s not, just let me explain!”

“Not your fault?” Aaron’s voice is soft again, but he can’t stop the laugh that escapes his lips. “Not your fault…please, tell me how this isn’t your fault.”

“I’m not the reason you didn’t win! No one knows what you believe.” Hamilton breathes out in a rush, as if every word he says might hurt him if he spends too long on them. “Washington asked my opinion and I gave it and-“

“Bullshit.” Aaron spits out, Hamilton flinching back again at the coldness of his tone. “What happened to, ‘I don’t want to get involved’ huh? What happened to that? Was it just a lie to make sure I didn’t get it? You were hoping whatever I did to campaign for votes wouldn’t be enough, that’s why you didn’t want to help me?”

“I didn’t lie about that, I swear! I was just trying to do what was best, what was best for everyone! You had no clear plans about what you would do with the internship, what you would do in the future if you worked in politics, or-“

“Maybe that’s because I’m only twenty-one fucking years old, Hamilton!” Aaron snaps. “It’s not like I’m running for President! We’re in college, for Christ’s sake, sorry if I don’t have my entire political campaign mapped out. That’s what the internship was going to help me do, but now I won’t get that chance because of _you_!” At the last word, Aaron pushes Hamilton in the chest until his back bumps into the wall of his building.

“What was I supposed to do?” Hamilton asks, his voice also starting to rise. “Just lie to Washington? I couldn’t do that. Jefferson has ideals, you don’t! I’m sorry but it’s true. I couldn’t lie, I couldn’t!”

“Then you should have just stayed out of it!” Aaron yells, his control starting to break. “You should have just kept out of it. This isn’t some game, Hamilton. This is affecting people’s lives! _My_ life! And you just stood there and threw it away without a second thought. Do you even care? Do you even regret what you did? Do you really hate me that fucking much?”

“I don’t hate you!” Hamilton says, his voice breaking. “You know I don’t! I wasn’t trying to destroy your life. There are other opportunities, you’ll find another one!”

“THIS WAS IT!” Aaron shouts, finally losing the last ounce of self-control he had. “DON’T YOU GET IT? THIS WAS IT FOR ME. THIS WAS ALL I EVER WORKED FOR. THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED AND YOU TOOK IT AWAY FROM ME!”

“Burr…” Hamilton tries to reach out to touch him, but Aaron takes a step back. “Please, please stop, just take a second to think, please!”

“And now,” Aaron says, not paying attention to what Hamilton is saying, “now you won’t even apologize.”

“I can’t apologize, Burr. “ Hamilton says quietly, and then he takes a deep breath. “I stand by what I said, because it’s true. You don’t have any beliefs, Jefferson does.”

“Fuck you.” Aaron bites out, his hands starting to shake again. “Fuck you, Hamilton. You think you know everything about people, you think you have a right to judge them? A right to decide what path their life takes based solely on how you see them? Well _fuck you_ for that, you don’t know anything about me.”

“I do, though.” Hamilton says, his eyes shining as he fights back tears. “I know you, Burr. You only stand for yourself, and you’ll never fall for anything, it’s just who you are.”

Aaron feels his vision go dark for a second, and then he’s laughing, he’s laughing so hard and he can’t seem to stop. When he puts a hand up to his face, it comes away wet.

“You are so full of shit, Hamilton.”

“Burr, come on-“

“I only stand for myself?” Aaron asks, his voice cracking. “I’ll never fall for anything? Then how the fuck do you explain the past _two years_? Every single thing I’ve done in that time has been me falling. Every.Single.Thing. I stopped standing for myself the _second_ you walked up to me and said my name last year.”

“Aaron…”

“Don’t call me that!” Aaron snaps, pushing Hamilton in the chest, harder this time. “I should have just walked away that morning, I should have just told you to fuck off instead of buying you that drink, cause ever since then my life has fallen apart. And it was all for you. All for _nothing_.”

“Aaron, stop, please.” Hamilton is crying now, tears streaming down his cheeks, but Aaron doesn't care. 

“I don’t ever want to hear my name out of your mouth again.” Aaron hisses, his hands still against Hamilton’s chest. He can see them shaking. “I never want to see you again. I don’t want anything to do with you."

“You're lying.” Hamilton chokes out, his chin raised as he maintains eye contact. “I know you are. Aaron please, I didn't do this to hurt you, and you _know_ that.”

“I don’t. The only thing I know is that you ruined my life, and you did it without batting an eyelash. You knew what this meant to me, and you just didn’t care. I thought you cared.” Aaron’s voice breaks on that last word, his hands twitching violently on Hamilton’s chest as he finally says what has hurt him the most. “I was wrong though, wasn’t I? You don’t care.”

“I do care.” Hamilton says. “I do! What I did wasn’t personal!”

"Why then?" Aaron asks, his eyes wide as he digs his fingers into Hamilton's shirt. "Why did you do it? _WHY_?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Hamilton yells, his eyes shutting for a moment before he looks back at Aaron. "I only did what I thought was right. I never meant to hurt you, I didn't do it to hurt you! Ok? I would never hurt you, and you know that! Wanna know how I know you know? Because you care about me too, even if you've never said it, I know you-"

“Shut up!” Aaron shouts. He can feel his anger rising, can feel it consuming him. “Just shut up, Hamilton!”

“No!" Hamilton squirms under his hands, his breathing coming in rapid bursts. "I won't shut up, because it's true! See, even now you're being selfish! You won't admit why you're really upset, you'll never admit it, because you're too scared to!"

"I'm upset because you ruined any chance I had at the internship!"

"That's not why! Why aren't you mad at Washington, then?" Hamilton asks, tears still falling down his face. "He made the final choice. Why aren't you pinning him to a wall? It's because you don't care about him, you don't lov-"

“Stop it right now!” Aaron snarls, bringing his hands back to his sides, clenching them in another attempt to still them. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

“I do! I see it on your face all the time!” Hamilton is yelling again, his face scrunched up. “I can see it now! You _love_ me, Aaron, and I lo-“

Aaron’s fist moves so fast he almost doesn’t even register that it’s moved at all. But then Hamilton’s head hits the brick wall behind him with a sickening _crack_ that sends vibrations up Aaron's arm. Hamilton slips to the ground with a dazed look on his face.

Aaron steps away, his chest heaving. He looks down at Hamilton, who is looking back at him, a hand covering the side of his face that had hit the wall. His eyes are unfocused and his hand is shaking as he moves it away from his face, where Aaron can see a faint trickle of blood at his temple.

“You don't love me, so don't insult me by lying to my face. And I don't love you, I could never love you.” Aaron spits out, ignoring the feeling in his chest. “I hate you, _I hate you_.”

Aaron turns and starts to walk away, leaving Hamilton on the ground behind him. His hands are still at his sides, and he thinks they’ve gone numb. His whole body feels numb. But he forces his feet to move, to carry him away from Hamilton. When he bumps into someone, he just grunts and goes to keep moving, but then something makes him hesitate.

Aaron turns back to see the same man from before, the man with the baseball cap. The man is looking at him, and Aaron thinks that knows that face, that he knows him. With a jolt, Aaron realizes who it is;

_James Reynolds._

Reynolds smirks at him, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, and then he turns to where Hamilton is still on the ground with a dazed look on his face. Aaron is frozen to the spot, unable to move. He watches as Reynolds approaches Hamilton.

What happens next feels like it happens in slow motion.

Aaron watches as Reynolds removes his hands from his pockets, shouting something at Hamilton that Aaron doesn’t hear, because all he can focus on is the steel object in Reynolds’ hand that reflects the sunlight. Aaron tries to say something, tries to yell, but his voice is caught in his throat. He watches as Reynolds slowly raises the gun as Hamilton attempts to stand, a hand going back to his head as manages to get to his feet.

Reynolds is saying something else, and Aaron shakes his head in attempt to clear his mind, but everything is still fuzzy, still happening in slow motion. Suddenly, the gun is pointing at Hamilton’s head, and that’s when Aaron is able to move.

 _“WAIT!”_ The scream tears from his throat, and in seconds, Aaron reaches Reynolds and tackles him to the ground. But not before the gun goes off.

The shot rings out and is followed by a long, terrible moment of silence. Then, someone is screaming.

Aaron lifts his head and shifts his body off of Reynolds, who he seems to have knocked unconscious. But he’s not worried about him right now. More and more people are screaming, but Aaron only hears them as if from a distance as his eyes find Hamilton.

He’s still standing, and when he makes eye contact with Aaron, he opens his mouth as if to say something, but then he sways slightly on his feet. Hamilton looks down at his hands, which are clutching at his stomach. He starts to remove them slowly from his side, and that’s when Aaron feels his heart stop.

When they come away, they’re covered in blood.

Hamilton looks back up at Aaron, the shock clear in his eyes. He opens his mouth as if to try to speak again, but no words come out. Instead, he lets out a shuddering gasp, a small, surprised _“oh!”_ and then he’s falling, falling to the ground where he lands with a dull thud. 

That’s when Aaron starts screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who doesn't love a nice cliffhanger, am I right? Right???? :D
> 
> Alright, come scream at me in the comments everyone or over @ fanciful-follies on tumblr
> 
> The second part of this chapter will be up tomorrow. Get ready for more pain.


	27. The World Was Wide Enough Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO PART TWO
> 
> GRAB A FRIEND, A PILLOW, A PUPPY, AND MAKE SURE YOU GOT TISSUES CLOSE BY

Aaron is dreaming; he has to be. That's the only explanation for why Hamilton is still laying on the ground, motionless. It’s a dream, a nightmare, a prank. He’ll get up any second, he has to. He has to.

He doesn’t.

Aaron flings himself away from Reynolds and over to Hamilton. He stumbles over his feet as he kneels down beside him, hovering over him with shaking hands. It's a dream, he tries to tell himself, it's all a dream. But when he reaches out to touch Hamilton, he meets solid flesh and wants to scream again. It's not a dream. Aaron turns him over slowly, and all of his breath rushes out of him at once.

Hamilton’s face is pale, unmoving, and his eyes are closed. But what hits Aaron the hardest is how empty his face looks. There’s nothing there; none of the fire, none of the passion or stubbornness that Aaron has become so accustomed to, there's only emptiness. Aaron's hands flutter across Hamilton’s neck, trying to find a pulse, but his hands are shaking too hard to tell, so he moves them to Hamilton’s side instead, pressing down in an attempt to stop the flow of blood that is still gushing from the wound.

God, there’s so much blood.

Aaron can hear people running over to them, some of them yelling frantically, others whispering in hushed tones, but he doesn’t move, just keeps his hands pressed against Hamilton’s side and his eyes on his face, so he can see him when he wakes up. Because he’s going to wake up. He has to wake up. _He has to._

He doesn’t.

“Please.” Aaron chokes out after more and more time goes by. “Please don’t…don’t…” He can’t get the words out. _Don’t die. Don’t go._ Aaron's thoughts go back to when Hamilton was there for him after Theodosia died, what he'd said to him.

_“I’m here, I’m always here."_

"You promised." Aaron whispers to Hamilton, his voice breaking. He moves one of his hands to clutch at Hamilton's shirt. "So wake up, wake up, dammit! Don't..." he takes a shuddering breath, "don’t leave me here." _Don't leave me behind._

Suddenly, there are hands on his shoulders, voices telling him he has to move, but Aaron flinches away from them, pressing closer to Hamilton. He can’t leave him, he has be there when he wakes up so he can tell Hamilton he’s sorry, tell him he was right, that Aaron had lied, he had tell him that he…

“Aaron.” The voice that says his name is softer than the ones before, and he turns his head to see Peggy standing there, her face streaked with tears. Mulligan and Lafayette are behind her, and off to the side he can see and Angelica holding Eliza as they both cry. “Aaron, you have to let them take him. You have to let go.”

Aaron turns again to see that an ambulance has arrived, and that the people who were trying to move him before were paramedics. One of them, a woman, kneels down beside Aaron and touches his shoulder gently.

“You can let him go now, we’re gonna take it from here, alright? We're gonna get him to the hospital. You can let him go.”

But Aaron can’t let go, don’t they get it? If he let’s go, Hamilton won’t come back. Aaron let go of Theodosia’s hand and she never came back. He can’t let go. He can't, he won't. 

But then more and more paramedics are surrounding Hamilton, and then strong hands are pulling Aaron back and away, despite his protestations.

“No, please,” he begs, “I have to be there, have to tell him something when he wakes up, _please!_ ” But they continue to drag him away, making him sit down on a curb. The same woman from before approaches him with a blanket that she wraps around his shoulders.

“You’re in shock.” She tells him softly, like she’s talking to a frightened animal. “We need to get you cleaned up and your friend to the hospital. Then you can talk to him, yeah?”

Aaron doesn’t respond, just looks over to where Hamilton is being lifted onto a stretcher, an oxygen mask over his face, his eyes still closed. Why isn't he waking up?

“Is he…” His breath catches in his throat, and his chest aches as he tries to take a deep breath in. “Is he gonna…”

“Shhh.” The paramedic tells him, pulling his hands out from the blanket. “Just take some calming breaths for me, ok? Focus on me.”

Aaron tries to. He breathes in through his nose, keeps his eyes on the necklace the woman is wearing, it's an arrow, and he tries to make up a story of what it means, but then she’s touching his hands with something wet, and he looks down, flinching when he sees his hands are covered in blood.

Hamilton’s blood.

Aaron only has time to twist to the side before he’s emptying his stomach onto the sidewalk, his whole body shuddering as he does. The woman rubs his back, murmuring words that Aaron can’t register in his brain. She continues to clean his hands, talking to him calmly the whole time.

But Aaron’s mind is elsewhere, he can’t focus on her words. He’s turns again to watch the ambulance that Hamilton had been lifted into drive away, the lights on top flashing. The siren blares, and the sound makes Aaron’s skin vibrate, and a sense of wild panic blooms in his chest. What if he never sees Hamilton again? What if that was the last time? What if the last words Hamilton remembers him saying is that Aaron hates him?

 _It’s your fault_ , his own voice whispers in his head. Y _ou punched him, you stood there as Reynolds pointed the gun, you were too late, you could have saved him. It’s your fault._

Aaron closes his eyes, his head starting to spin. He waits for the tears to come, for the pain to really hit him, but his body feels strangely numb. He wants to cry, wants to feel something, _anything_ , but there's nothing. When he opens his eyes, the woman is still there, still talking to him.

“-just have a few questions, if you’re ready to answer.”

At first Aaron doesn’t understand, but then he looks past her to see a police officer standing there, pen and paper in hand. So he just nods, answers the officer’s questions in a monotonous tone. Explains how he and Hamilton were fighting when Reynolds showed up, how Reynolds had taken the gun out and pointed it, how Aaron had been too slow to stop the bullet, how Hamilton had fallen to the ground.

“Anything else we should know?”

“I…” Aaron pauses, looking down at his hands. “I hit him, when we were fighting. I…it’s my fault, if I hadn’t…he might have…or if I had gotten to Reynolds faster, then-“

“Son.” The officer shakes his head and puts a heavy hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “There’s no point in thinking like that. From what we know so far, Reynolds was dead set on getting revenge. If it hadn’t been here and now, it would have been another time. You being here changed the outcome. Eyewitnesses say that if you hadn’t tackled Reynolds to the ground, the other boy wouldn’t even have a chance. You might have saved him today, with what you did.”

 _I might have killed him_ , Aaron contradicts him in his mind, but he just nods, and the officer removes his hand.

“Now you go home, get some rest. If we need anything else we’ll be in contact.”

Aaron stands there, he’s not sure for how long, just staring down at the pavement. Go home, the officer had said. Aaron doesn’t want to go home, doesn’t want to go back to the apartment that he had shared with Theodosia, and then with Hamilton for a week. He can’t go back there.

“Aaron?” Peggy is back, and she’s looking at him with worry in her eyes as she attempts a small smile. “Do you want me to drive you to the hospital? Angelica and Eliza are already there. Alexander is going to go into surgery and-“

“No.” Aaron can’t go there either, can’t go and sit in the hospital where there’s nothing to do except wait. He can’t be around Eliza, can’t look in her eyes when it’s his fault that Hamilton is there. He can’t be there if Hamilton doesn’t make it, can’t be there to hear the words “he’s dead” come out of the mouth of a doctor who didn’t know Hamilton, who can say those words so casually, not knowing what they'll do to Aaron. 

“Ok.” Peggy tries to take his hand, but Aaron pulls it away, not wanting her to feel the blood that he can still feel under his skin. “Do you want to come back to my apartment with Hercules and Lafayette? We’re just going to go back and…and wait for the news together.” When Aaron doesn’t respond, Peggy’s lips starts to tremble. “Aaron, Aaron please just come with us, ok? Don’t force yourself to be alone in this.”

Aaron lets out a laugh at that. He’s never _forced_ himself to be alone, he’s never asked to be left behind, he just always is. His parents left him behind, Theodosia left him behind, and now Hamilton will too. Everyone leaves him, and he can’t take it anymore.

He opens his mouth to tell Peggy no, to tell her to just leave him too, but all that comes out is a choked sob that had been building in his throat without him noticing. Once it comes out, another follows it, and then another, and then he can’t stop. 

Aaron doesn’t remember every crying this hard before, so hard that his body is shaking. Now he wishes for the nothingness he had felt moments before, because this is much worse. He feels like his heart is going to rip from his chest, like he's going to die. He lets his head drop onto Peggy’s shoulder, and her arms wrap around him, holding him tightly. Then, another pair of hands are on his back as Peggy steps away.

“Come on, Burr.” Mulligan’s deep voice trembles slightly, but he pushes him through the crowds of people that are still standing around, leading him to the car. Aaron slides into the backseat, suddenly aware that he still has the shock blanket around his shoulders. He clutches at it tightly as he stares out of the window, tears still falling down his face.

His head slams against the window when Peggy hits a bump, and it sends a spark of pain through him, distracting him momentarily from his thoughts. He hits his head against it again, wanting to chase that distraction, and goes to do it another time, but then Mulligan's hands are on him, and he pulls him away from the window and into a hug. Aaron tries to squirm away, but Mulligan is too strong, so he gives up, too exhausted to move anymore.

They get to Peggy's apartment, but Aaron finds that his legs don't seem to want to work, so Mulligan carries him inside, something he would normally be embarrassed by, but he's back to feeling numb again, so he doesn't care. Once inside, Mulligan drops him onto the couch gently before sitting next to him. Peggy sits down on a chair across from them, and Lafayette starts to pace the room.

The room is quiet, and Aaron hates it. If Hamilton was here, it wouldn't be so quiet; his voice would bounce off of every wall and fill the room. Aaron might not ever hear that voice again, and it's all his fault. He clenches his jaw, fearing for a moment that he might get sick again, but it passes.

He's not sure how much time goes by, but no one says anything, they just stare at the floor in silence. Some time later, Peggy's cell phone rings, and she leaps forward to answer it.

"Angelica? Hello? Is he..."

Aaron is definitely going to be sick again. His stomach is churning, his heart pounding as he listens to Peggy talk to Angelica. She isn't facing him, so he can't see her reactions. He thinks he's going to scream if she doesn't tell him soon, so he bites the inside of his cheek, hard, to keep that from happening. Finally, Peggy turns around to face them all. 

“He's ok." She says quickly, and a collective release of breath echoes around the room, but Aaron's heart is still pounding painfully in his chest. "The bullet missed all major organs, and he’s in stable condition. All immediate danger has passed. But…"

"But what?" Aaron leans forward on the couch, once again finding it difficult to breathe.

"The bullet hit an artery in his stomach, and while they got him to the hospital fast enough to do the surgery, he…he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“Why not? What’s wrong?” Lafayette asks from where he's been pacing back and forth.

“He lost blood, a lot of it." Peggy says, her voice tight. "They say that he should be fine, that he will wake up, they just don’t know…when, or…or what he’ll be like when he does.

“What he’ll be like?” Aaron whispers, his blood going cold.

“There could be memory issues, or cognitive problems, from so much blood loss. They say that it's not definite, but it is a possibility. But the main thing is that he's alive and-”

Peggy keeps talking, but Aaron gets up walks away into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He sways slightly on his feet, then lies down on the bed, hugging his knees to his chest. 

_"There could be memory issues, or cognitive problems."_

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek again until he can taste copper in his mouth, but it's not enough. A sob escapes him, and shoves his face into the pillow. Memory issues. Cognitive problems. That could mean anything. It could mean that Hamilton will have short term memory loss, long term memory loss, trouble learning new things or trouble speaking, or all those things combined, and it's all Aaron's fault. 

He gasps into the pillow, trying to fight down the scream that is building in his throat. Everything that Hamilton values, his thoughts, his brain, his voice, all of those are in jeopardy because of Aaron, because he wasn't fast enough to save him. He's destroyed Hamilton's life.

Aaron cries into the pillow, bites down on it to muffle the sound. He just wants all of this to end, it's so exhausting. The pain, the numbness, then the pain again, he wants it to stop. The sobs eventually fade into heavy breathing, and somehow, his eyes start to close and he manages to fall asleep.

He really is dreaming this time. He knows it because Hamilton is there with him, sitting cross legged on the bed. Aaron sits up slowly and looks at Hamilton, who is staring back at him with empty eyes, his hands pressed to his side.

"Hamilton..." He whispers, and he reaches out a tentative hand, but Hamilton shifts away from him.

"Why did you do it?" Hamilton spits out at him. "You let Reynolds shoot me."

"No, no I didn't, I-"

"You really do hate me, don't you?" Hamilton snarls out. "Otherwise you wouldn't have let this happen." He removes his hands from his side, and the blood starts to fall onto the bed. "You did this to me."

Aaron wants to get up, wants to run, but he's frozen. Hamilton is still sitting there, staring at him blankly, and the blood keeps coming, it's everywhere. Aaron looks down at his hands, and feels his stomach drop; they're covered with blood again. Aaron tries to wipe them off, tries to get them clean, but the blood won't go away, his hands are stained with it. 

"See." Hamilton hisses, also looking at his hands. "It's your fault, all of it is your fault. You think everything is going to be fine because I'm not dead? Well it's not, it's _worse._  You still killed me."

Aaron wakes up screaming, his hands legs thrashing on the bed as he sits up. He hears footsteps immediately racing towards the room, and the door flies open, Peggy rushing in. She reaches out to him but Aaron screams again.

“DON’T! My-my hands, my hands.” He looks down at them, sees the blood is still there and he whimpers, holding them out in front of him. “So much blood, there was so much.” He looks up at Peggy, who has gone pale. “It’s all my fault, I couldn’t-I tried but I…” His hands are shaking now.

“Aaron, there's nothing there, you had a nightmare, you-”

“Get it off.” He chokes out, holding his hands out to Peggy. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to hurt him! Please get it off, get it off, _GET IT OFF!_ ”

Peggy pulls him into the bathroom, and puts his hands under the sink faucet before turning it on and running a hand down his back soothingly.

“It’s ok, Aaron. It’s going to be ok. Alex is fine, he's alright. It’s not your fault, it’s not.”

Aaron wants to believe her, but he doesn’t. He thinks back to his nightmare, remembering Hamilton's words. Hamilton might be alive and breathing, but if his mind is messed up, he might as well be dead. He'll never forgive Aaron for that, and Aaron will never forgive himself. Aaron pulls his hands away from the water and groans when the blood is still there. He stumbles back until he hits the bathroom wall and then sinks to the ground. He hates this, hates himself.

Peggy kneels in front of him and takes his hands in hers, gripping them tightly when he tries to pull them away. Aaron looks up at her, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

“He’s going to hate me.” Aaron whispers, finally admitting to what is scaring him the most. “He’s going to hate me, and it’s going to kill me.” He starts to shake again, and Peggy sits down with her legs crossed and pulls Aaron in closer until his head is on her lap.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Aaron.” She murmurs, resting her hands on his shoulders. “He's alive, he's alright, and he knows you didn’t want him to get hurt.”

“But he doesn’t.” Aaron breathes, his voice hoarse. "I _hit_ him, ok? I hurt him. I told him I hated him, told him I didn’t want to see him again. I lied to him. I…I love him _. I love him!”_ Aaron chokes out, tears running down his face as he gasps for breath. “And I almost let him die. He's going to _hate_ me.”

Peggy clutches him tighter, tells him over and over again that everything will be ok, but Aaron knows it won’t. He's destroyed everything.

Hamilton will never love him back now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I DIDN'T KILL HIM, so ya'll have nothing to be sad about right? Right?????
> 
> (but srsly at least he's not dead?)
> 
> Second, want more pain? Take a look at this awesome piece of artwork http://i.imgur.com/pBZvbFa.jpg  
> that tumblr user magpiesarefluffy made for the last chapter 
> 
> Scream at me in the comments or over @ fanciful-follies on tumblr, I love talking to all of you! 
> 
> ALSO WOAH only two more chapters left what THE HECK that is so crazy. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story for the whole long, terrible, painful ride. Make sure you stick around to see how the whole things ends ;) Maybe it'll even end happy....who knows? (me, I know)
> 
> THANKS AGAIN GUYS


	28. Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this chapter was really hard to write. Aaron is just feeling so numb that I feel like my writing feels numb but maybe that's good??? I DON'T KNOW. Anyway, enjoy the second to last chapter guys! Hope it was just the right amount of pain and angst!
> 
> Also all of my medical info comes from wikipedia and webmd so pls forgive how bad it is and just go with it

About a week after his surgery, Hamilton wakes up.

When Aaron gets the news, he almost feels like maybe things will be ok, that things will get better and he and Hamilton can move past what happened, but then he gets more news in the following days that instantly prove him wrong; The doctors say that Hamilton's vision and hearing are both fine, that he can track movements and is aware when people are speaking to him, but that’s where the good news ends.

Peggy comes over to Aaron’s apartment a few nights after Hamilton wakes up and tells him that Hamilton will have to relearn how to walk, a side effect of both the blood loss and the gunshot wound. Peggy then tells him that there had been a moment of panic when Hamilton first woke up and didn’t seem to know who Angelica and Eliza were. When Aaron first hears this, his heart seizes and he thinks he's going to be sick again, but then Peggy is calming him down, saying that his memories are back now and that there are no long-term memory issues. But then she goes on to tell him the worst news yet.

The doctors are unsure whether or not Hamilton can comprehend written words, because he has still been unable to write or speak himself since waking up. When Aaron starts to shake at the news, a sure sign that another breakdown is close, Peggy holds him and tells him that the doctors are confident that with time and therapy, Hamilton will reach an almost full recovery.

Everyone keeps saying how this is good news, that things will only get better from here, but Aaron is having trouble seeing that. How can things get better if Hamilton can’t read, can’t write, can’t speak? That’s all Hamilton does, all of those things make up who he is. Even with therapy, he won't ever be the same. So how is any of it ok?

Throughout the following days, Aaron does his best not to fall apart, to keep going, but it’s hard. He’s back to not sleeping at nights, the fear of another nightmare keeping him awake as he just stares at the ceiling until morning. He doesn’t feel like himself and wants to just hide away and forget everything, but once again, people have other plans for him.

Peggy picks him up for classes every day for a week, knocking on his door each morning to make sure he’s awake and getting ready. She must recruit Madison to help as well, because one day he’s the one knocking on his door instead of her.

“So, how are you doing?” Madison asks him as they drive to campus in his car.

“I'm fine.” Aaron says automatically, a response that he has been getting better and better at lying at. He stares out of the window and can feel Madison looking at him, but he really doesn’t want to talk about it any further. 

“Have you seen him?” Madison asks him after a few more moments of silence. 

Aaron clenches his hands on his lap and just shakes his head. Everyone also keeps telling Aaron to go visit Hamilton, that it will make both of them feel better, but Aaron always refuses. He can’t make Hamilton happy, can’t make him better, and he can’t fix what happened. Besides, Aaron doesn’t deserve to feel better. He deserves the guilt that eats away at him constantly. 

He’s not exactly sure how he gets through his last week of classes, but somehow he does. He doesn’t particularly remember what the lectures are about, he can't seem to focus on anything, but at least he goes. It doesn't even sink in that it's his last week of classes ever. Nothing really seems to sink in for Aaron these days. He always feels so numb. 

The weekend before finals, Aaron is sitting in the Schuyler’s apartment with Mulligan and Lafayette, pretending to study from his textbook as he really he's just stares off into space. He looks up when Angelica and Eliza come in with panicked looks on their faces. Eliza throws her bags onto the ground and then turns to them all.

“Did you hear what Princeton is doing?” When no one responds, she runs a hand through her hair. “They want to kick Alexander out.”

“What?” Mulligan sits up from where he had been sprawled on the ground. “What the hell for?”

"For everything that happened with Reynolds, the blackmail and the article, they think that Alexander is to blame and that he's not good for Princeton, that he causes too much drama and violence. They think he makes the college look bad. They want him gone and they want the MSA disbanded too!"

"How can they think that?" Lafayette asks angrily. "His fault? All of this is because of Reynolds!"

"The administration is just trying to cover their own asses because they let in a homicidal maniac and don't want to take the fall for not protecting one of their students." Angelica snarls. " Jefferson is also to blame. If he hadn't been so set on beating Alexander at everything, none of this would have happened in the first place."

At her words, Aaron feels his hands twitch involuntarily. It's not Jefferson's fault, it's _his_. He should have refused to get information on Hamilton and never gone through his phone. If he had just stayed out of it, things would have turned out differently.

"It's not a definite thing yet." Eliza says, starting to pace. "Washington has convinced the administration to hold a sort of hearing, where students and professors can come forward and discuss the matter. If we all go, if we get a lot of the student body to go, we can show our support for Alexander, convince them that Princeton needs him."

"Of course!" Lafayette says excitedly. "Yes, we must do this! If Alex can not speak for himself, then we will do it for him. Have you already spoken to him about it, Eliza?"

"No, not yet. I'll go tomorrow, the hearing isn't until after finals so I-"

Whatever she says next, Aaron doesn't hear because he gathers his things quickly and walks out of the apartment, his head spinning. How can Princeton kick Hamilton out? How can they do that? None of this is his fault, it's Aaron's, all of it. He gets into his car and starts it, hands shaking as he drives in the direction of the hospital. He has to see Hamilton, has to see him before he gets the news, because when he does, he'll definitely hate Aaron. This is his last chance to see him before it all completely falls apart.

When Aaron gets there, he goes up to the desk and asks for Hamilton's room before his courage can fail him. A nurse comes over to him and begins to walk him over to Hamilton's room. 

“He’s asleep right now, and he’s usually very disoriented when he first wakes up,” the nurse tells him as she walks him down the hallway, “so if he doesn’t react quickly, that’s why. He’s slowly learning to read again, it takes him a while, but we’re trying to get him to communicate with white boards. He can’t write very well yet, but he can point if you write things down. His speech is coming along even slower, so don't be surprised if he can't get any words out. He has good and bad days.”

Aaron’s stomach starts to churn, he’s already regretting this, but he just nods at the nurse when she opens up a door and ushers him inside. When he sees Hamilton, Aaron almost turns back around immediately to leave, not sure if he can do this; Hamilton's face still looks so pale, and his hair is messy unwashed, and as Aaron gets closer, he can see the stubble that is growing around his jaw.

Aaron slowly sits down at the chair next to Hamilton’s bed, and just stares down at him in silence. His eyes are closed, but his chest rises and falls, a sure sign that he is breathing steadily. Aaron swallows around the lump forming in his throat and reaches out a hand to take Hamilton’s, which is resting by his side. He's struck by how cold it feels, and it's that, the lack of Hamilton's usual warmth, that makes Aaron choke out a small sob.

He lowers his head onto the bed, hand still holding Hamilton's, and tries to breathe in steadily through is nose. None of this is how it's supposed to be. Hamilton shouldn't be in the hospital, shouldn't look so small and powerless. When the hand in his twitches slightly, Aaron lifts his head, heart pounding.

Hamilton is awake, blinking his eyes slowly a few times before turning his head to look at Aaron. When his face looks confused, his eyes blank, Aaron almost jumps up to leave, but then recognition flashes across Hamilton’s face, and he squeezes Aaron’s hand so hard that Aaron can’t stop the small hiss that escapes his lips.

Hamilton opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, which makes him huff in frustration. He tries again, but the noises are a jumbled mess, and Aaron feels his heart break a little more with each failed attempt.

“I’m sorry.” He breathes out, squeezing Hamilton’s hand and fighting back the tears that are threatening to fall. “I’m so sorry.”

Hamilton just shakes his head and lets go of Aaron’s hand as he reaches for the white board that is on the table next to his bed. He uncaps a marker and attempts to write something on it, biting his lip in concentration as he does. Aaron watches him as he tries to write a sentence, and then scratching it out frantically when it’s not what he wants.

Aaron is fighting back every instinct that is telling him to get up and leave, because this is killing him. It's killing him that Hamilton can't do what he has always loved to do so much. Aaron tries to bite the inside of his cheek to distract himself from what he's feeling, but it doesn't work, and a small sob escapes him again.

Hamilton must hear him, because he snaps his head back to look over at Aaron, his face falling when he sees him crying. Hamilton shakes his head again, harder this time, and points to Aaron’s mouth. But Aaron doesn’t understand, just stares at him feeling completely helpless. Hamilton goes back to the whiteboard and scribbles something quickly, then turns it around to show Aaron.

It’s a smiley face, but Aaron still doesn’t understand. He shakes his head, but Hamilton points at it over and over, then back to Aaron’s face. Then suddenly, it hits him, and Aaron feels whatever is left of his heart shatter.

“Smile more?” Aaron whispers, and Hamilton’s face lights up and he nods, giving Aaron his own crooked smile. Aaron tries to smile, he tries his damned hardest, but all he wants to do is cry and fall apart. Hamilton is in the hospital, unable to walk, write or speak, and he’s worried about making sure Aaron is happy. Aaron can’t stop the tears from starting up again, and they spill rapidly down his cheeks. Hamilton’s hand moves to his face and he traces Aaron’s mouth with soft fingers, but Aaron can’t smile, he can’t, he can’t be here any more, he can’t see Hamilton like this, can’t sit here and let Hamilton look at him with kindness that he doesn't deserve. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” The nurse from before walks in, making them both jump. “But we have to give him some medicine.”

Aaron stands up quickly and backs away from the bed. Hamilton is still looking at him over the nurse's shoulder, but Aaron breaks eye contact and looks down at the floor, his stomach twisting painfully.

"I'm sorry." He whispers again, still looking at the floor, and then he's opening the door to leave, walking as fast as he can back out to his car. When he gets outside, his stomach twists again, and he groans loudly before hunching over to throw up on the sidewalk. He wipes his mouth, chest heaving and stumbles towards his car. Once inside, he rests his head against the steering wheel, his eyes squeezed shut.  

Talk less.

That's what he had always told Hamilton, what he had told him over and over and over again. Now he can't speak at all, he'll have to fight every day to relearn how to use his voice. It's like the universe is playing some cruel joke on Aaron, taking his words of advice and throwing them back at him, because now all he wants is for Hamilton to talk more, to never stop talking. But he can't.

And it's all Aaron's fault. 

-

Finals week goes by in a blur, and Aaron honestly doesn't know how he does on his exams, but he finds that he doesn't care. He just wants the semester to be over, wants to get out of Princeton and be far away. After his last final, he goes back to his apartment and throws his phone, which has been ringing non-stop, onto the couch. He knows why people keep calling him; they want him to go to Hamilton's hearing, but he can't. He'll only make things worse, that's all he ever does. 

An hour or so passes, and Aaron is sitting on his couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt when there’s a loud knock on the door. He doesn’t get up to answer it, hoping that whoever it is will just leave. But they don’t, they just knock louder and harder until Aaron sighs and pushes him self up to answer it. As soon as he opens the door, Eliza barges in, followed by an annoyed looking Angelica and a hesitant looking Peggy.

“What are you doing here?” Eliza asks him as she whirls around, arms crossed.

“I live here, I don’t-“

“You know what I mean, Aaron! Why aren’t you at the hearing?”

“Because I…” Aaron swallows, certain that he won’t be able to explain why he can’t go to her. “Because I can’t.”

“What does that mean?” Eliza demands, stepping closer to him. “You can’t? What’s stopping you?”

“Eliza, please. I just-“

“What? You think that you can't help? Everyone knows you're a great speaker when you want to be, so get up and go speak!"

"I'll only mess things up more!" Aaron says quietly, no fight left in him.. "Don't you get it? I'll just mess it up! I already messed everything up, Hamilton already hates me, so I'm not going to-

“You are so stupid!” Eliza shouts at him, her eyes starting to brim with tears. “You think he hates you? Do you know what the first thing he wanted to know was when he woke and got his memory back? Do you?” When Aaron shakes his head, Eliza steps forward and pokes him roughly in the chest. “He wanted to know if _you_ were safe, if _you_ were ok! He kept pointing to your name on the whiteboard where we had written everyone’s name!”

“I…” Aaron backs away from Eliza, not sure if he believes what she's saying. No, he doesn't _want_ to believe it, because that just makes everything worse. This would all be so much easier if Hamilton did hate him like he deserved to be hated. 

“You’re stupider than I thought if you really think that he hates you! What are you waiting for, Aaron? What are you so afraid of?”

 _Of failing him_ , Aaron thinks to himself, _of failing him more than I already have._ But he doesn't say those words out loud, he just stares at Eliza with his mouth hanging open. 

"Come on, tell me! Tell me why you won't do it! Alexander would do it for you! He would do anything for you!"

"Eliza please," Aaron begs, "please stop. I can't do this, I-"

“No!” Eliza shouts. “I don’t want to hear anymore of your damn excuses, Aaron. Stop being such a _coward!_ Alexander needs you, he needs _you!_ He can’t defend himself so he’s depending on all of us! You feel guilty for what happened? Fine! Then get off your ass and do something about it!”

Aaron shuts his mouth, jaw clenching, but doesn't say anything back. When he continues to just stare in silence, Eliza throws her hands up in anger and turns around, walking out of the door. Angelica follows her immediately, throwing Aaron an angry look over her shoulder. Peggy goes to follow them as well, but she stops at the door.

"He really does care about you, Aaron." She whispers, looking back at him. "And Eliza's right, he would do this for you. The hearing goes for about another half hour, if you change your mind."

After they all leave, Aaron stands in the middle of the room, breathing heavily. He runs a hand over his eyes, his mind starting to whirl in a mad frenzy. God, what is he doing? Everything is too much, all of this is too damn much. He sits down on the carpet and puts his head in his hands, trying to calm his mind down, but it keeps whirling. Suddenly his thoughts go back to a conversation he had with Hamilton two years ago, the night before classes started.

_"But my mom was always my biggest fan, you know? And now she’s….well, I just don’t want to let her down.”_

Hamilton's voice and his words bounce around Aaron's head, causing him to groan and his heart to beat faster. He remembers that night so well, remembers how worried Hamilton was about making his mother proud. He remembers how Hamilton had been so concerned about doing well at Princeton and making a difference, and now all of that is on the line, how his legacy is on the line. Aaron stands up on shaking legs and grabs his car keys from the table. The Schuylers are right, Hamilton needs him.

He gets to campus in around twenty minutes, and jumps out of his car as soon as he park and sets off at a quick pace, hoping he still has time. Aaron doesn’t remember ever running faster in his entire life. He can feel his lungs burning in his chest, but he keeps going. He gets to the building the hearing is taking place and enters, finding the room easily. There are crowds of people still there, which means there’s still time. Aaron pushes through the crowd as quickly as he can, letting out a frustrated sigh when a tall figure in front of him won’t budge. Then the figure turns, and Aaron groans.

“Burr?” Jefferson asks with raised eyebrows, sounding truly surprised to see him. He looks him up and down, his surprise turning into a smirk. “My God. What are you wearing?”

Aaron looks down at himself, realizing with growing embarrassment that he was still in his pajamas. The courage he had before was quickly draining from his body, and he turns to go back, but Jefferson grabs his shirtsleeve.

“Are you here to give a speech?” Jefferson’s eyes light up. “You are! Well, this is a surprise.”

“Well why are you here?” Aaron asks, scowling. “Going to try to ruin Hamilton’s life more than you already have?”

“Come now, Burr.” Jefferson starts to pull him through the crowds of people. “You can’t believe I’m so bad as to think that I am happy about what happened? Hamilton is a pain in the ass, but he’s an intelligent pain in the ass with good ideas, as Eliza has already pointed out in her speech.” They reach the front of the crowd, and Jefferson turns to Aaron with a smile. “Now it's your turn. So, go save your man, Burr.” He pushes him forward.

All heads turn towards Aaron as he stumbles out into the middle of the room. He’s about to take a step back when a voice rings out.

“Do you have something you’d like to say, Mr. Burr?”

Aaron turns to see Washington staring down at him, a strange look on his face, like he can’t quite believe that Aaron is there. Well, that makes two of them.

“I, uhm,” Aaron takes a deep breath and licks his lips, forcing his hands to stop shaking at his sides. “I would like to…to give my opinion about Hamilton, if there's still time. I…I was the first person he met at Princeton last year, we were roommates, and I…I think I can say that I know him better than most people."

"Go ahead."

"Ok." Aaron takes another deep breath. "Ok. When I first met Hamilton, I thought that I had gotten the worst luck when I learned he was my roommate. He was…was loud, obnoxious and didn't always think before he spoke. But he was dedicated to making something of himself here, no matter the obstacles he met.”

“And you think that is enough to have him stay?” Another man asks that Aaron doesn’t recognize. “His desire to get ahead? That desire is what caused blackmail, dishonesty, hatred and violence to make its way into this campus. Alexander Hamilton’s selfishness is-“

“He’s not selfish!” Aaron interrupts. “I…I thought he was, when I first met him, even when we were friends I believed his biggest flaw was that he was selfish. But he’s not! His dedication to bring about change is not for himself, but for other people. Everything he does is to help people. He…” Aaron pauses, his eyes going back to the crowds of people watching him.

Eliza and Angelica are there, watching him with wide eyes, but Eliza nods at him encouragingly. Mulligan and Lafayette are there too, and Mulligan gives him a thumbs up while Lafayette smiles. Then Aaron’s eyes find Jefferson, who is still there, but now Madison is next to him and Aaron’s eyes drop to their hands, which are entwined.

“He what, Mr. Burr?” Washington prompts.

“He cares about people.” Aaron says loudly, turning back. “Yes, he wants to prove himself, yes he wants to leave behind a legacy, but only if that legacy is about him helping people, about bringing about a change that makes things better for people. And he has done that, he has! In two short years, Hamilton has made this campus a safer place for a lot of us, and yes, it’s been a difficult process, but I’ve come to realize that that’s how the process of change happens. There’s resistance, but that resistance only means that the change is worth fighting for, and Hamilton never stopped fighting. If he can do this much in two years, then imagine what he can do in two more. Princeton has been lucky to have Hamilton here, and I…” Aaron takes another deep breath, “I think that it would be incredibly disadvantageous and…and incredibly _stupid_ for Princeton to kick Alexander Hamilton out, especially if..." Aaron pauses, thinking back to what Angelica had said back at the apartment. "Especially if that reason is to only cover their own asses because they didn’t realize that they had admitted an abusive and homicidal student, James Reynolds.”

Aaron stops talking for a moment as the crowd around him starts to whisper at his words. The professors and administrators are looking down at Aaron with a variety of facial expressions. He bites his lip, feeling slightly awkward again but he forces himself to keep going.

"Alexander Hamilton is one of the most impressive people I have ever met, and I think his time at Princeton only proves that. He created the MSA to help people, and he fought for it so desperately because he knew it would help people, and it has. Hamilton doesn't get enough credit for what he's done here in such a short amount of time." Aaron looks around at all the faces again. "If you give him more time, I can guarantee that he will do more than any other student ever has. I...I hope you will come to realize that. Thank you."

Aaron clears his throat awkwardly, not knowing what to do next, but then there’s the sound of slow clapping, and he turns to see Jefferson, the usual smirk on his face replaced with a surprisingly genuine smile.

“Hear, hear!” He yells, and then more and more people are clapping. Aaron shifts on his feet, not knowing where to look, but then Washington is standing and the clapping dies down.

“Myself and the other professors and administrators will discuss the matter further in private, but based on this speech and the others given by several students, and based on my own opinion, I think it is almost certain to say that Alexander Hamilton is a person that Princeton needs.”

Aaron turns and walks away quickly, not wanting to linger, but then a hand is on his arm, and he looks back to see Eliza smiling at him.

"Thank you, Aaron." She says earnestly. "I was wrong to call you a coward before. Thank you."

Aaron nods at her but then continues on his way out. He thought that doing this would make him feel better, but it hasn't, not really. The guilt is still there, he's not sure if it will ever go away at this point. 

-

It only takes a day for the administration to decide that Hamilton can stay at Princeton. Aaron tries to take in the news, tries to be happy, but he just still feels so numb, and everything is happening so fast that he can’t concentrate on anything.

Graduation goes by so fast it almost doesn’t feel real. But speeches are made, Aaron’s name is called, he shakes several hands, and then somehow, it’s all over. His time at Princeton is done. He has no idea what he'll do next, no plans for the future. 

The auditorium is crowded and loud, making Aaron's head pound; people always linger after the ceremony, hugging, crying and laughing, but Aaron just goes outside, because the one face he wants to see, the one voice he wants to hear, isn’t there. But again, that's his own fault. 

"Aaron! Hey, wait up!"

Aaron turns to see Angelica running towards him, and he slows down so she can catch up.

"What do you need?"

"Nothing, I just..." Angelica sighs and shrugs. "I just wanted to say thank you, for what you did at the hearing. And I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Aaron narrows his eyes at her, unsure of what she means. "Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry for always being so hard on you. I know I come across as a hard ass, it's just who I am, but I just, I don't know. I don't want to part ways with you thinking I hate you, I guess. Cause I don't. In fact, you aren't half bad."

"Oh." Aaron can't help let out a small laugh at that. "Well thanks, I guess. To be fair, I deserved a lot of the stuff you said to me."

"Aaron." Angelica sighs again, looking at him with furrowed brows. "Don't be so hard on yourself, ok? We all make mistakes, and we can all come back from them. So..." she holds out her hand, "friends?"

"Sure." Aaron shakes her hand. "Friends."

"Good! We're all going over to the hospital now to celebrate with Alexander, if you want to come."

"Oh...uhm, maybe." Aaron can think of several things he'd rather do than join them. 

"Aaron, come on!" Angelica shakes her head and fixes him with a stern look. "You proved you aren't a coward yesterday with that speech, so just come with us! Come see him! He'll forgive you, and you guys will move on and be friends again. You just have to give him the chance to do it, so just come on! Come with us!"

"I'll think about." Aaron says, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking down. "I'll...I'll see you around Angelica." And then he's walking away, leaving her and everyone else behind as he goes out to his car. 

As he drives, Aaron considers what Angelica told him. He knows that Hamilton will forgive him, that he probably already has, but that's what scares him. He doesn't deserve Hamilton's forgiveness. Aaron has messed up his life and he doesn't deserve the second chance that he knows Hamilton will give him, not when there's the chance that he could mess things up even more. Hamilton will be fine without him, better without him.

He stops at a red light, still thinking. If he turns right, he can go to the hospital. If he turns left, he'll be on his way back to apartment. Aaron sighs and thinks back to what Angelica and Eliza had both said to him, that he had proved he wasn't a coward by defending Hamilton. The light turns green, and Aaron presses down on the gas pedal.

But they're wrong; he is a coward.

He turns left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha what would ya'll do if I ended it here
> 
> BUT CAN WE GIVE IT UP FOR ELIZA SCHUYLER FOR A SEC? MY GIRL GETTING BURR INTO SHAPE (at least temporarily)  
> Poor Burr, he rly needs some help. Forgive him for not going to see Hamilton, he just can't do it right now he needs time.   
> ALSO I know it was a quick turn around with Jefferson, but I just really wanted him be the one to start the slow clap
> 
> ONE CHAPTER LEFT GUYS WHAAATTT. predictions for what you think is gonna happen?
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/screaming at me are all welcome. Want to chat more? Go on over to tumblr and find me @ fanciful-follies (message me privately if you want to know my main blog)


	29. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS....it's happening...the final chapter...are you ready? I'm not ready? I spent so long re-reading this, never being 100% satisfied with it because I hate endings, but I'm like 98% satisfied with it. Oh man. I'm real emotional right now. I hope you guys love this ending as much as I do. 
> 
> (also holy shit this chapter is so long but it's worth it I swear)
> 
> Also magpiesarefluffy made a short fic from Hamilton's POV when he woke up in the hospital, give it a read here: http://magpiesarefluffy.tumblr.com/post/141708740247/i-wrote-pain

There are ten things you need to know.

**1\. They meet again**

It’s three years later when Aaron hears a loud knock on his door. He glances at the clock, and when he sees that it’s one in the morning, a feeling blooms in his chest that he hasn’t felt in a long time. There’s only one person who would knock on his door at such an absurd hour.

Aaron stands in front of the door, staring at it with wide eyes while experiencing a wild sense of déjà vu. Should he open it? How did Hamilton even find him? It’s been years since he’s had contact from anyone from college, except for the occasional phone call from Peggy. He cut everyone off after what happened, gotten an apartment in New York and never looked back. He just couldn’t deal with any of them, all they did was remind him of what he had done, what he had lost.

But now there was nowhere to hide, his past was literally knocking at his door. And, knowing Hamilton, he wouldn’t just give up and go away, so Aaron really had no choice but to open the door, which he does with shaking hands.

When he sees Hamilton standing there, Aaron feels his breath catch, He doesn’t know how long he stares. It’s been so long since he’s seen those eyes and that disheveled hair, so long since he’s seen one of his ridiculously oversized sweaters. It’s too much to take in at once, and Aaron can’t speak, he can barely even breathe.

“Aaron Burr, sir.” Hamilton says the words softly, but they still make Aaron’s heart jump. “It’s…it’s good to see you.”

“You…” Aaron gestures vaguely at Hamilton’s mouth, in such a state of shock that he’s having trouble forming words. “You can…”

“Talk? Yeah.” Hamilton smiles at him. “I uh, it took a lot of therapy, but…you didn’t really think anything could stop me from talking forever, did you?”

But that’s the thing, Aaron really _did_ think that Hamilton would never speak again. In fact, he’s still not 100% certain that he isn’t dreaming right now. This can't be real.

“I’m sorry to just…show up like this.” Hamilton continues. “I know it’s been awhile.”

Awhile, yes. Three years, five months and two days. It’s been three years, five months and two days since the incident. Three years, five months and two days since Aaron punched Hamilton into a wall. Three years, five months and two days since Aaron got Hamilton’s blood on his hands. Three years, five months and two days since Aaron felt like his life ended. His therapist said it was bad for him to keep track, that he should just let it go and move on, but he can’t. He never will.

When Aaron continues to just stare, Hamilton shoves his hands in his pockets and starts to rock back and forth on his feet.

“Is it, uhm, is it ok if I come in?”

Aaron nods and forces himself to take a few steps back, allowing Hamilton room to enter. His apartment isn’t exactly clean; his take out containers from the last few days are strewn about on the coffee table, and he hasn’t done the dishes in a week. Hamilton looks around, taking it all in before turning back to Aaron.

“How have you been?”

“Fine.” Aaron lies easily. His therapist has also told him to stop lying, but it’s a hard habit to break, especially when things are so much easier when you do it.

“Good, that’s good.” Hamilton bites his lip, still looking at him. “I uh, moved near here, in an apartment that’s just a few blocks away. I’ve...been here for a few months, actually. I got a job at a law firm. I’m a paralegal, just doing the grunt work now, but I don’t plan to stay at the bottom for long.”

“Congratulations.” Aaron hears himself say, not entirely paying attention to what he’s saying. He’s still more interested in the fact the Hamilton is speaking in general. The way he talks is different from what it used to be; it's slower, some of his words slurring together, but he is speaking. He’s ok, he's really ok.

“Thanks.” Hamilton is rocking back and forth again. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“Not much. I…I haven’t been able to find a job.” Haven’t been able to, didn’t try to, same difference. Aaron doesn’t need Hamilton to know how pathetic his life has gotten, how he’s just been living off his dead parent’s money for the last three years.

Three years, five months and two days.

“That’s ok,” Hamilton is saying, “taking time off is good too.”

“Yeah…yeah.” Aaron clears his throat, thinking desperately for something else to talk about. “So, how is everyone else?”

“Good! Yeah, Hercules is also in New York, he’s working on opening up a business with a few other people. Lafayette is back in France. Angelica is in London right now, I actually don’t know what she’s doing. And Eliza is working on getting a teaching degree. Oh, and she’s dating Maria Reynolds.”

“She’s what?”

“Yeah, I know.” Hamilton runs a hand through his hair as he laughs. “They got together right out of college, and they’ve been dating ever since. And-hey, are you ok?”

Hamilton reaches out as if to touch him, and it makes Aaron flinch back, harder than he had a moment ago. His heart is racing so fast, and his eyes are glued to Hamilton’s forehead, where the scar on the side of his face had become visible when he had moved his hair back.

“Burr, hey,” Hamilton drops his arm once he realizes what Aaron is looking at, “it’s fine, I’m fine. I’m not…it’s just a small scar, it doesn’t hurt or anything.”

But Aaron isn’t listening. Hamilton has a scar, and he gave it to him, gave it to him when he cracked his head into a wall right before…right before he got shot, and now Hamilton is here, trying to be nice when all Aaron has done is hurt him. None of this makes sense, none of this is right. He staggers back until his back meets the wall, and he tries to steady his breathing, because Hamilton is looking at him in concern, concern Aaron doesn’t deserve.

“Burr…”

“No. Please, please don’t…” Aaron swallows, tries to regain control. “Please don’t say anything. I don’t, I can’t…”

“Ok, it’s ok, Burr.” Hamilton is speaking softly again. “Listen, I’ll come back another time, it’s late, I’ll let you get some sleep. I just wanted to see you. Is it…is it ok if I come back again?”

Aaron almost asks him why. Why does he want to see him again? Instead he nods, too tired to argue with Hamilton.

“Ok. Tomorrow? Or the end of the week? I’m free Friday night.”

“Friday.” Aaron says quickly, he’s not ready to see Hamilton again tomorrow. He needs more time. “But after 8. I…I have a meeting.” Therapy. He has a therapy session, but Hamilton doesn’t need to know that either.

“Ok, Friday around 8:30 then.” Hamilton turns to leave. Before he walks out of the door, he turns back to Aaron like he’s going to say something, but then he just smiles at him faintly, and walks out.

When the door closes, Aaron leans against it and breathes in deeply through his nose, trying to take in what just happened.

**2\. They finally talk**

Hamilton does visit again. And again, and again, and again. The visits become more regular, and after awhile, Aaron stops questioning why Hamilton does it, why he keeps coming back. Instead he starts leaving his door unlocked whenever he’s home so Hamilton can walk in throughout the day without Aaron having to get up each time to let him in.

The first few visits are as awkward as the first, but things slowly, very slowly, get better. Aaron is starting to feel calmer around Hamilton, and their conversations feel similar to the ones they had back in college. They can joke around with each other, which is something Aaron has missed. Hell, he's missed talking to people in general.

“Why don’t you have any decorations in here?” Hamilton asks him one day from where he’s sprawled out on Aaron’s couch, a book laying forgotten on his lap.

“I don’t like decorating.”

“Who doesn’t like decorating? Seriously Burr, get some pictures, some fake plants and a rug and this place could look great. Hercules could help you.”

“I like my apartment.” Aaron says shortly as he brings their reheated takeout over to where Hamilton is sitting, joining him on the couch.

“Well you have no taste.” Hamilton mumbles as he sits up, accepting the food. They eat in silence, but Aaron can feel Hamilton staring at him, and he sighs.

“What is it, Hamilton?”

“I need to talk to you about something.” Uh oh. This can’t be good. Hamilton is looking at him seriously. This can’t be good at all.

“Can I at least finish my food?”

“No.” Hamilton turns so he’s facing Aaron. “We need to talk about what happened. You know, about what happened at college.”

Aaron clenches his plate. It’s been three years, seven months and five days since it happened, and he still doesn’t want to talk about it. He can’t. Everything has been going fine, why couldn’t they just ignore it forever?

“Burr,” Hamilton places a tentative hand on his leg, but Aaron stands up quickly, his plate clattering onto the coffee table. “See! This...this is exactly why we need to talk about it, you can’t even touch me without freaking out. We need to talk about it.”

“You’re not my fucking therapist Hamilton, we don’t need to talk about it at all.”

“You’re right.” Hamilton stands up, looking at him stubbornly. “You already have a therapist, but obviously something else is still bothering you that you can’t talk to them about. So talk to me about it instead. We have to talk about it, Burr. We have to.”

“What is there to talk about?” Aaron shouts, throwing his hands in the air. “I cracked your head into a wall! Then you got shot because of that. God, there was so much blood.” He hears his voice break. “You don’t understand, you don’t get it! It’d my fault you almost died…” He feels his back meet the counter and he sinks to the ground. His whole body is shaking.

Hamilton walks over to him slowly, but Aaron doesn’t look up at him, just watches his feet get closer and closer. Finally, he’s right in front of him, and he sinks down to floor as well, sitting in front of Aaron.

“Burr, listen to me.” He takes a deep breath. “I know what happened, I was there. Wanna know what I saw? I saw you save my life. If you hadn’t tackled Reynolds, I would have gotten a bullet to the head. I’m not saying what happened was ok, you punching me, all I’m trying to say is that we can…move past it.”

“Can we?” Aaron lifts his head. “Why do you even want to? Why are you even here, Hamilton? You should hate me.”

“I did.” Hamilton says shortly, surprising Aaron. “But not for the reason you think. I’m not mad because you punched me, or because I was in the hospital. I was mad because you left, you left me.” Hamilton’s voice breaks as he finishes his sentence, and Aaron leans his head back until it hits the counter with a thud. “You left without even saying goodbye.”

“Hamilton, please-“

“No!” Hamilton says, blinking rapidly. “I’ve waited over three years to have this conversation with you and you’re going to listen. I get that you were upset and…and trying to deal with what happened, but you just left me. I…I had to go through all that therapy, and you didn’t even check up on me. I didn’t even know where you were until Peggy finally told me. I didn’t deserve that.”

“I know, I know you didn’t.” Aaron breathes out. “I just thought that things would be better if I left, that your life would be better.”

“Well you were wrong, as usual. But that’s why I’m here now. So we can fix things, so I can forgive you and help both of us move on.”

“How can you say that?” Aaron asks. “I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I don’t deserve you trying to help me.”

“You forgave me for the Maria thing!” Hamilton annoyingly points out. “Have you forgiven me for the whole internship thing?”

“Yes, but those are all different, you didn’t hurt me you didn’t-“

“But I did! I did, Burr. I ruined your life when I backed Jefferson. You don’t have a job, you haven’t done anything , and that’s my fault it’s-

“No!” Aaron is panicking. Hamilton can’t blame himself, it’s Aaron’s fault, all of this is his fault. “Please don’t do that, don’t blame yourself. I’m not mad about it anymore, I don’t…”

“So if you’re not mad anymore, then why can’t you let me not be mad? I’m done being mad, Burr. I miss you! I miss you so much and I…I want to be here...with you. Can't you just let me do that?”

Aaron’s crying now, the tears spilling over onto his cheeks. Hamilton raises a hand slowly, looking at him. Aaron nods, and his hands come to rest on both sides of his face, brushing away the tears.

“Everyone deserves to be forgiven, Burr.” Hamilton whispers. “You just need to let me forgive you, and then you forgive yourself. Just try. That’s all I’m asking.”

Aaron nods again, then shifts onto his knees, hesitating a moment before throwing his arms around Hamilton’s neck, burying his face into his shoulder. Hamilton moves his arms around his back and Aaron breathes in deeply.

“I missed you too.” He whispers into Hamilton’s shirt. They stay like that for a long time, just holding each other with the occasional whispered comment, already attempting to put the broken pieces back together.

**3\. They start working together**

Aaron’s not entirely sure how it happens, but he somehow gets a job at the law firm Hamilton works at. He had been sending out his resume to several places, and almost declined the interview, but Hamilton told him to do it, told him it would be a good fit for him.

It is a good fit.

“This Levi-Weeks case is killing me.” Hamilton groans one night as he and Aaron sit on the floor of his apartment surrounded by paperwork. Aaron had originally thought that working with Hamilton would be a disaster, that it would cause them to fight with each other constantly, but it doesn’t. Sure, they fight sometimes, but that’s normal for them. Surprisingly, they work very well together.

“At least it’s interesting.” Aaron says with a sigh, stretching out his legs.

“That’s one word for it. Impossible to win is another. Sands’ body was found in the well at SoHo near the intersection of Greene and Spring Streets on January 2nd, and witnesses say that Weeks was seen in that area a few days before.”

“And it doesn’t help that Sands told her cousin that she and Levi were to be secretly married, that’s never a good sign.”

“Ok…ok.” Hamilton passes a hand over his eyes. “An alibi, we need an alibi. That’s where we start. We can do this, we can win this.”

They do win it.

The trial is only two days long, and the jury makes their decision in five minutes, acquitting Weeks of all charges.

“How the hell did we pull that off?” Hamilton yells as he pulls Aaron into a hug. “Man we are good. Seriously, we should start our own practice! Burr and Hamilton! No, no, Hamilton and Burr, rolls off the tongue easier.”

“Slow down, Hamilton.” Aaron chuckles as he steps back, heart pounding a little from the embrace. “We’re not even lawyers yet.”

“Details, details. It's only a matter of time. Anyway, I need to celebrate! I’ve got a whole DVD set of Gilmore Girls I haven’t watched yet waiting for me at home.”

“Alright, alright. Don’t go too crazy now.” Aaron flings out an arm to hail a cab. Hamilton's apartment is only a few blocks away, but he gets tired easily if he walks long distances. Hamilton gets into the cab and then looks back at Aaron when he remains on the sidewalk, getting ready to close the door.

“Burr," Hamilton says with a roll of his eyes, "get in here and come with me, you idiot. I can’t celebrate alone.”

Aaron smiles and slides in next to him.

**4\. They start dating**

“Can I buy you a drink?” Aaron hears himself ask one day as they’re leaving work. Hamilton turns around quickly to stare at him, and Aaron opens his mouth to take the words back, to apologize, but then Hamilton is smiling.

“That would be nice.”

So they get a drink, the alcoholic one that Aaron had promised Hamilton all those years ago.

Over four years, seven months and twelve days ago, to be exact.

As they’re sitting at the bar, Hamilton talking a mile a minute, Aaron can’t quite believe that this is happening, that Hamilton is there in the flesh with him. He never thought that this would happen.

Aaron’s hand seems to move of it’s own accord as it reaches out to brush a stray strand of hair off of Hamilton’s face, tucking it gently behind his ear. Hamilton stops talking at the contact, stuttering awkwardly in the middle of a sentence, but when he meets Aaron’s eyes, Aaron feels his pulse start to quicken.

There’s a heat to his gaze that Aaron remembers so well, he’s dreamt about it often, but he had forgotten what it was like to see in person. Hamilton takes Aaron’s hand from where it’s still resting on the side of his face, and brings it down to rest on his thigh, his own hand covering it.

They hold hands the rest of the night.

It turns into a routine; they go for drinks almost every day after work. Then it turns into dinners, the occasional movie, Hamilton even convinces Aaron to go ice-skating one night, which he only agrees to after an hour of Hamilton pestering him about it.

“See, isn’t this fun?” Hamilton asks with a wide smile as he skates around Aaron.

“Yeah, really fun.” Aaron grumbles as he clings tightly to the wall. Why had he agreed to this? “How the hell do you know how to ice skate?”

“It was part of my physical therapy, they said it would give me stronger leg muscles or some shit like that. What do you think? Do my legs look more muscular?”

“No.” Aaron rolls his eyes and grips the wall tighter as he stumbles. “This is ridiculous.”

“Well, you certainly look ridiculous all up against the wall. Come here.” Hamilton holds out his hands, which Aaron takes reluctantly. “Don’t try to walk, push with your feet.”

Aaron tries to, but he soon finds himself stumbling forwards, and then Hamilton’s arms are around his waist, keeping him from falling face first into the ice. Aaron looks up from his hands, which are clutching Hamilton’s jacket tightly, to meet Hamilton’s gaze, and he can’t help but swallow loudly when he does.

That heat is there again, and Aaron can feel it radiating off of his skin onto his own. Hamilton’s eyes drop to Aaron’s mouth, his hands gripping his hips even tighter. Aaron’s not sure who moves first, but suddenly Hamilton’s lips on his and he’s glad that Hamilton is holding him so tightly; otherwise he would have fallen over right then and there.

He angles his head, deepening the kiss with a sigh that Hamilton echoes moments later when Aaron nips at his lower lip. He moves his hands to Hamilton’s hair, tangling his fingers in it as he pulls on the strands gently, making Hamilton moan against his mouth.

Despite their cold surroundings, Aaron can feel the heat spreading through his body with each touch, with each movement of their mouths. Hamilton opens his mouth against his, and Aaron’s knees almost buckle when their tongues finally meet. He slowly pulls away from Hamilton, resting his forehead against his so they can both catch their breath.

“Hey!” A deep voice yells. “You and your boyfriend should get a room, there are kids here.”

Aaron flushes, but Hamilton chuckles, not taking his eyes off of Aaron.

“Thanks for the suggestion,” he says loudly, still not looking over at the man that had spoken, “but I think my boyfriend and I are fine right here.”

He brings their mouths together again, and Aaron can feel his smile against his own lips.

**5\. They still fit together perfectly**

They take their relationship slowly as they learn how to function as a couple, something that they never got a chance to do in college. But it doesn’t take long before Hamilton is spread out on the bed as Aaron climbs over him, trailing kisses up his chest along the way.

They’d been at it for half an hour already, and Aaron can tell that Hamilton is losing his patience; he’d almost cried when Aaron had pulled his mouth off of him moments ago, just as he was about to come. But Aaron’s determined to take his time with this, something else they had never gotten to do. Every time in college had been desperate and rushed; but they had all the time in the world now.

So Aaron kisses Hamilton slowly, deeply, and lets his hands roam over his body, taking note of every place that makes Hamilton shudder beneath him. His fingers brush over the scar on Hamilton’s side before he leans down to press a soft kiss to the same area. He ignores Hamilton’s breathless pleas for more as he presses a finger inside him, nipping gently at his jaw as he does. It isn’t until Hamilton actually has tears falling down his cheeks that Aaron removes his fingers and rolls on a condom before lining himself up.

When Aaron finally presses inside, it’s impossible for him to keep the loud moan that’s been building inside him from escaping. He clutches the bed sheets on either side of Hamilton’s head as he tries to get his breathing under control.

“Come on, Burr.” Hamilton pants underneath him, a teasing look in his eyes. “Pull yourself together, it can’t have been that long since you last did this.”

Aaron can’t help but laugh at that, tucking his head into the crook of Hamilton’s neck. He takes a deep breath.

“It depends what you consider a long time.” He murmurs. “Four years and nine months is kind of awhile, I’m a little out of practice.”

Hamilton stills at his words, but Aaron keeps his head down, embarrassed by the admission. He knew Hamilton had slept with other people during their time apart, and that was fine, Aaron had just never found anyone else, he hadn’t even tried. 

He finally lifts his head as Hamilton trails his hands up his back until they’re resting on either side of is face. Hamilton brings their mouths together and kisses Aaron so sweetly that he feels tears pricking his eyes. Aaron rocks his hips gently, making them both gasp into each other’s mouths. He does it again, and again, and again, each slow thrust making Hamilton shiver and groan.

“Look at me.” Aaron whispers, his voice hoarse. Hamilton whines, but he opens his eyes to look up Aaron, biting his lip as Aaron continues to rock into him, speeding up slightly.

“ _Aaron_ …”

“You’re so beautiful.” Aaron continues to whisper, not breaking eye contact. “So fucking beautiful. Forgot how good you feel.”

“Fuck.” Hamilton whimpers, his hands going back down to Aaron’s ass, digging into the flesh there, making Aaron’s breath hitch. “Please, Aaron, c’mon.”

“You wanna come?”

“Yes.”

“Well I’m not ready to come yet.” Aaron murmurs. “I want this to last as long as possible.”

Hamilton whines loudly at that, but he continues to look up at him, his mouth hanging open as Aaron moves slowly in and out of him. After a few more minutes, Aaron rolls his hips a little harder, and Hamilton’s nails dig into his skin as he arches slightly off of the bed.

“Oh my _God_.” Hamilton breathes out, his eyes closing momentarily. “Please, Aaron, I can’t hold on anymore. I can’t, I can’t, I-“

“Touch yourself.” Aaron commands, speeding his thrusts up and making the bed rock. He pushes himself up slightly so he can see Hamilton better. “Come on, Alexander, let me see you.”

Hamilton’s hand flies immediately to his cock, and he works it quickly up and down his length, moaning loudly. He comes moments later with a shout, but he maintains eye contact with Aaron the whole time, which makes Aaron moan and pound frantically into him, feeling his own release starting to build.

“Come on, Aaron.” Hamilton whispers, still stroking his softening cock. “Come on, come on. Keep going, fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, _fuck me!_  God. I wish you could come inside me, wish I could feel you come so deep in me, wanna feel you so bad."

" _Fuck_ , Alexander." Aaron slams into him three more times before his orgasm hits him hard, knocking the breath right out of him. He lets his weight fall completely onto Hamilton, no longer having he strength to hold himself up. After a few moments of both of them breathing heavily, Aaron rolls off of Hamilton gently, and tosses the condom into the trash before moving back to take Hamilton in his arms.

"Well," Hamilton says as he turns to face Aaron, his fingers tapping against his back as he smiles teasingly, "was it worth the wait?"

"Yes." Aaron whispers, letting one of his hands trace the outline of Hamilton's jaw. "It really was."

"Mmm." Hamilton is looking at him hard, and something flickers across his face before he smiles up at Aaron again, a softer smile this time. "It was worth it for me too."

**6\. They move in together**

They’ve been dating for almost six months when Aaron brings up the idea, tells Hamilton that it might just be easier for him to move in instead of going back and forth between apartments multiple times a day. He does his best to bring it up casually, but his heart is threatening to break from his chest as he waits for Hamilton’s response.

“You really mean it?” Hamilton asks him, eyes wide like he’s waiting for Aaron to take back his words and say it was all a joke.

“Yeah. I mean, only if you want to, I get it if you want your own space, I just figured I’d ask in case you-“

“Can I move in today?”

“You-what?” Now Aaron is staring at him with wide eyes.

“Can I move in today?” Hamilton repeats. “I don’t have a ton of stuff it wouldn’t take long and your bed is so much comfier than mine so I really-“

Aaron cuts off whatever else he was going to say with a kiss, smiling against Hamilton’s lips.

“Let’s go get your stuff.”

-

Living together is a learning process for them both. Hamilton is messy, leaves things everywhere for Aaron to trip over, and the man has the strangest sleep schedule Aaron has ever seen. He crawls into bed at a different hour every night, and Aaron groans in frustration every time the bed dips and wakes him up, but all his anger always fades when he feels Hamilton wrap his arms around him and hums contentedly as he falls asleep instantly.

Not that Aaron is easy to live with either. He knows he has weird quirks that probably annoy Hamilton. He stress cleans, which always seems to drive Hamilton so crazy that he eventually gets up and leaves every time Aaron brings out the vacuum.

But they fall into a rhythm eventually and learn to compromise. Hamilton promises to go to sleep by midnight every night as long as Aaron promises to wait until he’s awake to start cleaning. If anyone had tried to tell Aaron that five years, four months and twenty days after the incident at Princeton, Hamilton and he would be dating and living together, he would have laughed.

But now, he can’t imagine his life being any other way.

**7\. They say those three words**

They’re out dinner one night after work, and strangely Aaron is the one doing most of the talking. Hamilton has been very quiet throughout the meal, but Aaron just figures he’s tired from the day. He gets like that on certain days, quieter and quieter. Some days are harder than others for Hamilton; he still has trouble getting words out when he’s frustrated or worked up, and it can take it’s toll sometimes.

“Anyway, Adams was being completely ridiculous today.” Aaron says, waving his fork as he speaks. “Kept saying how it was ridiculous and pointless for us to take up that case for that kid who has clearly been wrongly accused even if Adams’ stupid ass can’t see that. God he is such a pain I-

“Aaron?”

“Hm?”

“I…uh,” Hamilton licks his lips and taps his fingers on the table, eyes flicking up to meet his. “I love you.”

Aaron drops his fork onto the table with a clatter, and he stares at Hamilton, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly as he takes in the words.

“You…you…”

“Yeah.” Hamilton swallows and licks his lips again. “I love you, Aaron. I've wanted to say it for awhile, but I just...I didn't want to wait anymore, I know this is an awkward time to say it but I do...I lo-“

“Check!” Aaron yells, waving down their waiter. “We need the check right now please.”

“Aaron what are you doing, did you hear what I said?”

“Of course I did, why do you think I want to get out of here?” When Hamilton looks at him in bewilderment, Aaron smiles. “I love you too, Alexander. God, I love you and I have  strong desire to make out with you right now but I’m thinking we should do that in private.”

They pay the bill quickly and barely make it outside before Aaron presses Hamilton up against the wall of a building they pass, pushing their mouths together.

“I love you so much, Alexander.” Aaron murmurs between kisses, moving his lips down Hamilton’s jaw. “I’ve loved you for years, should have told you sooner, but I was so stupid, so, so stupid.”

“Shut up and kiss me.” Hamilton breathes out, pulling Aaron’s mouth back to his, kissing him desperately. “I’ve loved you for years too, probably longer than you’ve loved me, I loved you when-“

“Alexander.” Aaron nips gently at his lower lip. “Are you seriously arguing with me over who loved who first?”

“Do you remember that New Year’s Eve when I fist kissed you? That’s when I knew, God, you looked so good at the party, drove me crazy.”

Aaron groans at his words and kisses him hard, remembering that night like it was yesterday. Remembers the heat that pooled in his stomach when Hamilton had first kissed him, remembers how it scared him how much he wanted Hamilton. But now he had him.

“I think we should continue this conversation at home.” Aaron whispers into Hamilton’s ear as he presses their hips together, laughing when Hamilton grabs his hand and practically sprints towards their apartment.

**8\. They get married**

The day starts out like any other day; Hamilton is already awake when Aaron stumbles into the kitchen, going straight for the coffee. He can feel Hamilton staring at him from where he’s leaning across the counter eating cereal, but Aaron needs caffeine in his body before he’s able to speak.

He’s mumbling to himself, cursing under his breath as he tries to wake up, and that’s when he hears Hamilton laugh. Aaron looks up to see him staring at him fondly, a smile on his face that Aaron can’t help but return.

“Aaron.” Hamilton says softly, his eyes lighting up. “Will you marry me?”

“I-what?” Aaron is awake now; he’s pretty sure he's never felt more awake in his life.

“Will you m-“

“Yes.”

“I…” Hamilton is still looking at him, but now there is shock on his face. “You don’t need to decide right now, I know you need time to think about stuff, so you-“

“No!" Aaron blurts out, spilling some of his coffee as he sets it down on the counter. "I don’t need time, I don't need any time."

"You're...you're sure?"

" _Yes!_ I'm sure, yes." He leans across the counter and kisses Hamilton square on the mouth, feeling like his heart is going to burst.

"Well then." Hamilton pulls back, surprise still clearly written on his face, but he's smiling now. "Ok. Let's get married." 

-

They get married five months later. They get married five years, eleven months and seven days after Aaron thought that his life was going to end. He never thought his life would turn out like this, that he would be so lucky.

The ceremony is short, would have been even shorter if Hamilton’s vows hadn’t lasted almost fifteen minutes, but Aaron isn’t complaining. It’s the perfect day, and he can’t seem to stop smiling.

The reception is what has Aaron the most worried. They’ve invited everyone from college; All three Schuyler sisters, Mulligan, Lafayette, Washington, Maria, even Madison and Jefferson, who surprisingly show up.

Hamilton is practically bouncing off the walls, hugging everyone, even a bewildered looking Jefferson. Aaron takes things more slowly, shaking hands and smiling. He’s worried that everyone is upset at him for leaving all those years ago and never contacting them, but if anyone is, they don’t say anything. They just congratulate him with wide smiles.

“I’m so happy for you, Aaron.” Peggy tells him as she steps back from their hug. “So happy.”

“And what about you?” Aaron asks with a nod at her left hand where a shiny ring rests on her finger. “When is the lucky day?”

“Next summer.” Peggy answers with a blush as she looks over at Lafayette, who is busy talking to Mulligan and Hamilton. “I hope you can make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

Then Madison and Jefferson are walking over to him, and Aaron notices the wedding rings on their fingers. He smiles at them, finding himself to be genuinely happy for them.

“It was a very small ceremony.” Madison says. “Very private, otherwise we would have invited you. It’s hard to get privacy these days, with Thomas being so prominent in politics.”

Aaron waves aside the explanation, telling them honestly that he probably wouldn’t have gone to their wedding, which makes them all laugh. Aaron knows that the internship paid off in a big way for Jefferson, but he also finds that it doesn’t bother him. He’s learning to be happy with the way things turned out.

“Well, well, well, Madison and Jefferson.” Hamilton is suddenly next to Aaron, looping an arm around his waist. “You almost make as good looking a couple as me and my husband.”

And oh, doesn’t that sound nice. Husband. Aaron smiles down at Hamilton, feeling like he’s on cloud nine.

“Ya’ll are disgustingly cute together.” Jefferson drawls, bringing his glass of wine to his lips. “But I do have one question for you; who the hell has _muffins_ at their wedding instead of a cake?”

Aaron and Hamilton both laugh at that, but instead of responding, they just press their mouths together in a soft kiss.

**9\. They adopt**

Two years after their married, they adopt a small baby boy that they name Philip. When they bring him home for the first time, and Hamilton is holding him in his arms, tears falling silently down his face, Aaron steps up behind Hamilton and wraps his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“I love you.” Aaron whispers, meaning the words for both Hamilton and the bundle in his arms, that lets out a soft gurgling noise. Hamilton twists slightly so he can press a kiss to Aaron’s mouth.

“I love you more.” He breathes out, smiling, and Aaron smiles back, letting one of his hands move up to gently pick up one of Philips tiny hands.

Two more years pass, and they adopt again, a little girl this time. Aaron is holding her in his arms, marveling at how small she is when Hamilton comes up and touches her head gently, his fingers trailing through the curly mop of hair that is already covering her head.

“She’s beautiful.”

“She’s perfect.” Aaron murmurs, a smile tugging at his lips.

“She kind of has your eyes.” Hamilton says, looking up at Aaron. “What are we gonna name her?”

“I…” Aaron pauses, unsure of how Hamilton is going to react to his suggestion. “I was thinking…Theodosia.”

Hamilton stares at him for a moment before smiling, the skin around his eyes crinkling.

“I think that’s the perfect name.” He puts an arm around Aaron, resting his head on his shoulder, as they both look down at their daughter, who looks back up at them, her eyes bright.

**10\. They are satisfied**

The years continue to go by, and Aaron finds that he has stopped counting the days, has stopped measuring his life by the events that happened in the past. All he cares about now is the present.

And presently, he is laying out Christmas presents at the bottom of the tree while Hamilton puts a plate of cookies out on the table. Once the last present is placed, Aaron walks quietly down the hallway, peering into the room that Philip and Theo share. They’re both fast asleep, and Aaron smiles before he shuts the door, going back out into the living room, where Hamilton is now curled up on the couch, a book in his lap.

Aaron sits down next to him, pressing a kiss the side of his neck, causing Hamilton to throw his book onto the floor, pulling Aaron up so their mouths meet. They remain that way for a while, kissing lazily until Aaron pulls away, leaning back onto the couch with a sigh.

“Can you believe that Philip starts second grade next year? And Theo will be going into kindergarten?”

“I don’t want to think about it.” Hamilton says with a dramatic sigh. “That means we’re getting old.“

“You are getting old.” Aaron says teasingly, which makes Hamilton poke him hard in the side.

“You wanna know something else that's crazy? We’ve known each other longer than we haven’t known each other, right? I met you when I was 18, and now we’re both almost 38. That’s twenty years we’ve known each other.”

Aaron lets those words sink in, his hands running through Hamilton’s hair as he thinks. Twenty years. That’s a long time. He looks back over at Hamilton, who has his eyes closed and is humming softly as Aaron continues to run his fingers through his hair. The lights from the Christmas tree cast a warm glow around the room, and Aaron can’t help but think how beautiful Hamilton looks.

“Are you happy, Alexander?” He asks softly, causing Hamilton to look up and over at him. He puts a hand up to Aaron’s face, his fingers trailing down his cheek.

“I’ve never been happier, Aaron.”

They fall asleep on the couch, curled around each other, and the last thought Aaron has before his eyes drift shut is that he’s never been happier either.

He can’t wait for the next 20 years.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE DID IT GUYS. THEY DID IT. THEY FINALLY FUCKING DID IT. THEY ARE HAPPY AND I AM CRYING AND I AM JUST SO PROUD OF ALL THEM GOD DAMMIT.
> 
> Did any of you guys catch the play on a certain gilmore girls scene in there? Huh? Did ya? ALSO I hope all my math is right in there, with the years and whatnot. I'm pretty sure it's right that they would be around 38 at the end of this. BUT WHO CARES ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT THEY ARE HAPPY DAMMIT AND SO AM I AND I HOPE YOU ARE TOO
> 
> I don't even know what to say besides THANK YOU to each and every one of you who has read this...I just...thank you! It means so much. I never thought this story would get so much love.
> 
> I definitely plan on writing other fics, most of the HamBurr ones cause damn they just destroy me. Please come talk to me over @ fanciful-follies on tumblr and don't hesitate to message me privately to ask for my main blog, which I'm much more active on. Also if you have any fic requests I would love to hear them, or even just talk to you guys about this one, cause I love this one so much wowowow. Thank you guys again, imma miss writing about these two dorks. (until my next fic, that is, keep your eyes peeled, i doubt I'll be able to resist writing another one for long)
> 
> TILL NEXT TIME GUYS

**Author's Note:**

> WOOO there it is, the end of the first chapter. I know not much happened, but oh is there more to come. Also more background on all the characters will come later I promise. I've put up the second chapter since this one was pretty short.


End file.
